Tag: mental-health

Wednesday Words…

Wiwohka16 Comments

If you hadn’t already noticed, my writing has been rather ping pong like, of late. The lack of nutrition, lack of proper medication, and lack of any urgency by my doctor, has begun taking a toll on my ability to concentrate fully… not to mention the mental and emotional toll.

The soonest the surgeon could see me is November 6th, due to his being on vacation. Apparently, when a doctor takes time off, the world has to stop getting sick til they get back in the office. I’m rather surprised that a fully functioning hospital only has one specialty GI surgeon on staff. Anyway, they were going to make me wait until December 18th until I began to sob uncontrollably and beg them to see me sooner. According to the surgeons scheduling nurse, my referring GI doctor has at no point, made mention in my chart notes of any urgency in things. I don’t think doctors want to doctor any longer.

At least they moved my appointment closer, but that means I still have to make it another 2 more weeks, just for the consultation. I’ll still have to wait for him to agree that it’s medically necessary, let alone schedule a surgery.

I’ve been surviving on a bowl of oatmeal, and a chicken/rice/vegi bowl thing I’ve concocted for optimal caloric and nutritional needs… I can’t get beyond about 650 calories per day. This has been my meal plan since the beginning of July.

That means no coffee, gluten, dairy, chocolate, and absolutely everything outside of a list of about 8 safe items to meet my needs daily. I am slowly starving to death, but at least it’s SLOWLY, which buys me time.

I am fully in God’s hands, so no worries. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, writing out my feelings on WordPress, is really my only outlet. I often share my journey with you, not for pity or pocket change, but to remind myself that I exist, and am called to continue forward in faith… even when my strength is gone. Thankfully, that is where God shines the brightest!

The reason for all this TMI is simply this,

For the next few weeks I’ll be posting articles solely from the archives. As I feel that my health situation has compromised my ability to write amidst this part of my journey, I’ll be relying on all the oldies but goodies, so you should enjoy it, I think.

I won’t be absent from you, nor will I stop reading and supporting you in all that you do. I simply need to get past this little dip in the road, if that makes any sense.

Let’s have some fun with these next few weeks and go wild with all the memories! I want to do a whole retro thingie, reposting some of the Do You Remember Mondays, Investigating Truths, Live Novel Fridays, Note To Self Saturdays, and even some Live Wire Sundays.

And, I give you my solemn oath that I shall bake fresh virtual cookies, even though the articles aren’t fresh. Stale cookies just won’t do…

(2023)Tuesday Thoughts n Things…

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Doesn’t Fall always give birth to nostalgia, or am I the only one who thinks this way? Every year, just as the weather begins cooling, I find myself digging through the archives, and pulling out some of my old articles to read. Though I realize this site has an archive page, but many readers don’t have hours of free time to go digging through all that stuff.

That’s why you’ll occasionally see them re-posted, because the more recent readers might not have read them, yet.

From now on, if you see (20__) on an article, those will all be called Tuesday Thoughts and Things, like this one. I will be pulling up some of my favorite goodies from the archives, going all the way back to when Journey With Me began, in 2016. Yes, you get to see all my typos, commas,,,,,,,,,,,, and poor sentence structure, but hey, I’m still learning. If nothing else, we can all see how my writing skills, and style, have changed over the years.

So let’s do this!

This came from October 24, 2023…

I was going to post a picture of my plant today, but found this while searching my photo files… I figure that the plant can wait a few days. Have you ever been in a place where you see something you yourself have done, written or said… but it seemed as if someone else did the writing or saying, though you know it was you?

I guess I write so much, I occasionally find myself surprised at things I myself wrote. It is not a disappointment, nor something to be proud of necessarily, but it makes me happy inside for some reason. Perhaps I am able to see my true reflection in the words written for others…

I think all too often in life, we do and say mostly what the world will accept of us, or what we perceive the world might accept from us.

I think I like the way I write better, when I don’t care what the world thinks, but more so what I think or even better yet, what God thinks… in my opinion.

Maybe reading old writings of my work, encourages me, because it reflects a spirit of healing, growth and faith, which had not been there for so much of my life. Our human propensity to overcome, rise above and walk on, always amazes me… that comes from God folks, not us, but the one whom we were designed after. We are all made in His image, and therefore by design, are fully capable of tapping into this part of our spirit.

It comes down to Freedom… freedom of choice! God has given us all we need to get this life done, we need only accept the tools given and get it done! Will it be easy? Is it ever? Life interruptus happens for everyone.

Choices, choices, choices… what we do with what we have is what makes us who we are… Period!

When I look back over the things I have written over time, I clearly have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of my choices, as well as the lasting scars of the choices made by my predecessors. I have also witnessed a resilience within myself, that has apparently always been there, but had been obscured by my attempts to just survive!

Perhaps I have simply arrived finally, at the cross roads of Too Damn Tired and Suck It Up Buttercup! Whatever it is, I like it! When someone came up with the phrase, “What don’t kill you makes you stronger”, I now have a full understanding of what they meant.

When I read that poem I wrote a ways back, it resonated with me, as if a stranger had written it for me to read, and not the other way around.

That folks, is growth! As I heal and grow in my walk with God, the words that begin flowing onto the page are actually quite beautiful, and I can say that without pride, as I think they fully come from God… maybe not for you, but rather, for me…

Everybody’s got a list, right?

Wiwohka9 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What could you try for the first time?
View all responses

Undoubtedly, most everyone has a mental list that they’ve probably carried with them since childhood, filled with possible adventures, achievements, hopes, and dreams. But, as most of us discover over time, that mental list morphs into three… would you, could you, or should you!

Take for instance, surfing… surfing, or any water sport, for that matter, could have been something worth trying, but not only has it now turned into a question of whether or not I should, but also aligns with the reality of would I even want to try it?

The answer, in this case would be that while I could have tried a number of open water sports, I wouldn’t have… are you crazy? There’s sharks swimming out in those waters, so I’ll stay on the boat, if you please! Not only that, but at this point in my journey, there’s no way that I should try it… not without breaking something!

I shall now try to write a new list of things that I could, would, and should try for the first time. It’s not nearly as easy as you might think. For example, there’s Karaoke, which is something I always thought I wanted to try. It is something that I can say I would try, and even go as far as to say that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t try it, but the trouble now is that I’m not sure I could! Perhaps what I should try for is the confidence needed to get up in front of people. Will I ever find the courage? Probably not, lol!

Before you start thinking that I’m just a coward, and am too scared to try new stuff, let me remind you of what I have tried…

Modeling, College degree, dog breeder, bird breeder, the entire field of equine husbandry, and horsemanship (dressage, vaulting, breeding, and showing), Mother, Bible Seminary, global travel (England and Ireland), camping, hiking, driving in a semi with my husband for 3 years, painting, pottery, ceramics, crocheting, sewing, becoming a blogger, publishing a book, and soon to be a Grandmother of 8 + my Godson, Peapod!

So, as you can see, I have always had a list, along with every other human being. Who knows how many more years I have left on this beautiful planet, but I don’t ever want my list to stop growing, not ever! I’m fairly certain that I’ve caught God writing on it, though He is rather sneaky about it… He absolutely loves to give me gifts and surprise me with things. I’m not gonna give that up, are you crazy? Don’t ever give up on your list, because that’s where God gives you purpose, my friends.

Don’t forget to try these new cookies for the first time…

M@*$&#%@%…

Wiwohka18 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?
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I was born angry, raised on the streets, and have plenty of scars to prove it. But, the most tell-tale sign of my origins… is my mouth!

It didn’t help that I spent a good five years riding in a Semi truck with my husband, soakin up the lingo from other truckers, while we sat waiting to load or unload.

They employed such colorful ways to express one’s immediate feelings, re-tell another truckers incredibly embellished stories, or build up their own tales of fiction. It was like taking a crash course at the Potty Mouth Institute!

I got so good at makin a man blush that it went to my head, and since there weren’t any kids around, I just started letting my own brand of foul words fly free. I didn’t really think I had a problem, but my own husband started giving me raised eyebrow looks. He actually started cutting back on his own bad language because of me, I think.

Then, about two years ago I just got sick of listening to my own vile utterances, so I decided to stop.

Honestly, I can say that it was one of, if not the most difficult goals I’ve ever set for myself. It ranks right up there with quitting a 40 year old smoking habit, though God carried me through that one. For this reason, I can’t technically say that the smoking was the most difficult goal.

Looking back now, I see a number of things that lost their charm, once God began reshaping and remolding my life to match His purposes. The more time spent in scripture, in prayer, and in fellowship with my heavenly Father, the less I struggled with my language. Over time, foul words began to bother me more. As I listened to other people use profanity, whether on television, in public, or on the gaming chat channels, I was convicted by my own discomfort at listening to others…. I sounded just the same when I swore!

I realize that words are just words, but for myself, I feel that it grieves my Holy Spirit. And, not just that… it could cause offense to another person! That was the part that sealed the deal, for me. There would be no more fence-walking on this one… foul words found the door, and I made sure to let the door hit them as they went out.

How bout them cookies…

Ok, so maybe the cookies are a bit large, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t taste good… well, maybe don’t eat the ones that landed on the road, as they’ve become soggy and gross.

From the Archives (2023) Answers From the Past…

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Daily writing prompt
Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.
View all responses

I found an old post from last spring that I thought rather fitting, if you twist the daily prompt’s meaning just a smidge…

This was one of my ‘Investigating Truths’ episodes, but it seemed fitting, somehow.

For as long as I can remember, I have made sense of myself and this world in two realms of thought.  One realm of thought is in the actual and physical sense.  What we see, do, talk about, eat and feel are things in the here and now. The second realm of thought is what I think of as my storybook, or cartoon version, if you will.  Let’s call this part the “Behind the Scenes of My Truths,” the adventure version. 

What follows is written in storybook version…….

I am wild from the top of my head all the way down to my toes!  It is all that I can seem to remember of myself.  My journeying, or running if I am being truthful, has always found me far out in the desert.  For as long as I can remember, there has been a path worn, from one hidden oasis to another, by my very own feet.  I have hidden them well, though, so most that wander by are unaware of my presence. 

As the years of my life rolled forward, I found that there was One who had been following my footprints, always leaving little packages of love for me.  On one of my journeys along the outskirts of the Cities of Souls, I came to realize that the One whom I had sensed, was in fact my True Father!  It was both joyful and difficult to become aware of Him. 

I stayed…

Before I knew it, time seemed to have sped forward in my journey, by a great many years!  I discovered that I had settled down right inside the walls … building relationships with others, and trying to live and do things the way all of the others thought was right. 

My Father showed me the gifts given to me, but instead of being at peace, I became fearful…

I believed that I was losing myself, and would simply become a nothing, moving along by habit!

So this wild child ran!!!

I fled into the desert with as much speed as possible, for my feet had become softened over the years spent within the walls built by man.  Many times I fell, stumbling over rocks and debris that had been left on my paths.  Had it really been that long?  I was not sure if the way had become obstructed or if I had simply forgotten my exact path.  Many seasons were spent wandering, clearing out my old and unused paths. 

Time rolled on…

Oh, I would come near the outskirts, just close enough to remember what I left behind.  The intensity of my pain and fear, along with the guilt over my failure, drove me away again and again…

My last act of running into the desert, or defiance as I see it, nearly cost me my very life, but that is for another time.  For now, I leave you with this thought…I am still that wild child inside, but my Father has been revealing to me the graceful Phoenix that He is rising up from the ashes of her truths…

You didn’t think I would forget your cookies, did you?

Thursday Thoughts…

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Thought #1 – What would the world become, if whenever one says or does something hurtful to another, they experienced the exact emotional pain that their victim felt?

Thought #2 – What’s a baby dreaming of when they smile, or even laugh out loud while sleeping?

Thought #3 – My oldest daughter was a sleep laugher, a sleep talker, and a sleep walker. Nothing scarier than waking up in the middle of the night, with a five year old child standing beside your bed, staring at you in the darkness… it’s creepy!

Thought #4 – I shall truly miss you, Bacon, but if you won’t go on a diet and become less salty… well, it’s not me, it’s you!

Thought #5 – I miss pizza!

Thought #6 – Maybe I should visit an actual tea shop in search of something other than peppermint. I’ve tried peach tea, which was gross tasting after the first or second sip. Many years ago, someone invited me to a full tea service lunch, and they served this tropical sort of coconut flavored tea that was divine! Maybe this flavor should be investigated further.

Thought #7 – I wonder if my granddaughter will have light or dark hair?

Thought #8 – It’s settled! I am truly loving my self-crafted pixie haircut!

Thought #9 – Good Grief! How is it that we can look so old on the outside, when we still feel young on the inside?

Thought #10 – I miss that kitty so much! Gidget was her name, if I recall, and she was the loveliest long-haired Calico I’d ever set eyes on!

Thought #11 – It’s funny how I can’t remember things like my favorite grade school teacher’s name, or much of my childhood years, but I can remember the names of every pet that entered my life… from the beginning. My mother’s poodle Buttons, my first cat, Leroy Brown, my first pony, Candy, and our old Mule, Jack. Then there was my dog Rags, an Old English sheep dog, and our twin white cats named Nip and Tuck. One had a black tip on his tail and the other a black tip on one of his ears, but otherwise they were identical.

Thought #12 – Wow! This is a rabbit hole that could consume the whole day, and I simply don’t have time. The list, so far, has only been in the first 8 years of my life.

Thought #13 – Maybe I should write a short story for each of my Furbies, one at a time, just to relive those joyful memories.

Thought #14 – I don’t think that money changes people… maybe it just brings out who they really are on the inside. I’m fairly good at being poor, but will I be as honorable of a person if given better finances?

Thought #15 – My thoughts lead me back to scripture…

“For I know the plans I have for you,“ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

From the Attic (2023)It was a Wild Kingdom…

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Photo by Marik Elikishvili on Pexels.com
Daily writing prompt
What TV shows did you watch as a kid?
View all responses

To this day, everytime I remember back on this show, I can remember the lyrics to the insurance add that ran during the commercials… Mutual of Omaha… people… you can count on when the goings tough…

I would spend every Sunday evening watching this show, as it played right before the Wonderful World of Disney. My parents would finish watching their line up of the Lawrence Welk show, and Hee Haw… finally relinquishing the entertainment box to the small humans. Back in the day, most families only had one television in the house.

Marlin Perkins was such a wildlife superhero to this little girl! I wanted to grow up to be a National Geographic journalist. I would spend most of my free time pretending I was out on that African safari, making friends with the baby Giraffes I saw onscreen…

Photo by Rutpratheep Nilpechr on Pexels.com

Or I pretended to find wild baby Cheetah cubs, carrying my poor cat around in a blanket in the middle of summer… til he got hot and escaped my clutches…

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Mostly, this show instilled a deep love for creatures within my spirit, so deep that it is running strong to this day…

In honor of Marlin and all of those involved in that show, I leave our morning snack. You may need to share with the wildlife…

Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com
Photo by Dmitry Limonov on Pexels.com

Photo by Magali Guimaru00e3es on Pexels.com

Just flick any dirt or hair off with your fingers… it’s ok, these guys are all clean… I think… probably.

If it’s a little too wild for you, I’ve left you some cookies, as well…

Photo by Matilda Iglesias on Pexels.com

Thursday Thoughts…

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Thought #1 – If we don’t actually use all of our brain, what does it do all day long?

Thought #2 – Whose idea was it to create the penny, anyway? All we ever do is lose them under seat cushions, or hide them in our car consoles with all the lint, hair, and sticky candy wrappers.

Thought #3 – I want to live in one of those Tiny Homes, with lots of little nooks and recessed windows for growing plants.

Thought #4 – I wonder what my soon-to-arrive grand daughter will look like?

Thought #5 – Wouldn’t things be different if all conflict resolution had to be done while everybody lays with their head on each others stomachs, like we did as kids? All it takes is one tiny giggle, and then the peace talks can begin!

Thought #6 – What if politicians had to do their whole campaign in Pig Latin?

Thought #7 – If the heart is simply an organ used for pumping blood, why does it feel physical pain from emotional hurt? Or, why does the heart flutter and skip all over the place, from just one kiss?

Thought #8 – If love is supposed to be free, why does it cost so much?

Thought #9 – If I laugh at my own jokes, do I still need an audience?

Thought #10 – Lack of gluten and lactose has to be the cause of most wars in one way or another, I think.

Thought #11 – I have to come up with 4 more thoughts, without being irritable.

Thought #12 – My oatmeal won’t make itself, will it? I didn’t think so.

Thought #13 – The pumpkin fields are bursting with color, right now. While they’ve a ways yet to go, their bright orange color can already be seen from the highway.

Thought #14 – I can’t believe that Creed is nearly done with his degree! Only one class left, I think.

Thought #15 – I’m so glad that God captures all of our tears, only to replace them with oceans of His love!

Tomorrow’s Friday! We’re almost there… hugs

Thoughts of Home (2024)…

Wiwohka9 Comments

As the old adage states, if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it! Since last year’s response to this question hasn’t changed, I’ve opted to pull it up from the archives. Have a blessed day!

Daily writing prompt
What brings you peace?
View all responses

While I often write of my desire to do good for those around me, I feel fairly confident that I’ve also mentioned how much I desire to go home. No, this isn’t a cry for help, so relax! I’m speaking of my heavenly home, that’s all. I haven’t felt apart of this world for so long, it’s become rather easy not to dream of things of this life… only that which is to come!

If I sat here all day, thinking on all the empty hours and solitude that I exist within, I guarantee you that there would be no peace available to partake in.

This world is vicious, selfish, petty, cruel, and vindictive! If I only focus on the backbiting, slanderous and nefarious villains loitering on every corner… again, I’d have no peace!

If I wasted all my time dwelling on every mistake, failure and sin that I’ve ever committed… also, no peace!

I’m simply being wholeheartedly honest, in regards to the prompt. I really really do want to go home! I’m tired! I exhausted myself with wasted efforts at being a friend, sister, mother and all around good person, and I was far too tired to have any amount of peace! Trust me… I’ve tried all that!

Now, I’m following God wherever He leads! I know my heavenly home will be there, ready to receive me when I’ve fulfilled whatever purpose I was born to do. No, I don’t really have a clear picture what that purpose is, but as I remain in the word and dwell constantly beneath the shadow of my Father… He is what brings me peace!

Just sayin…

Here, have a cookie…

Right now? Oatmeal…

Wiwohka14 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Describe one habit that brings you joy.
View all responses

Now, I’m certain that you were expecting wax poetic over my prayer life, studying the word of God, and/or the incredible love of Jesus Christ… but, I think I do that already. This morning, I opted for something different!

So, in all seriousness, when IBS decided to have a field day with me nearly two months ago… oatmeal has been my life’s blood!

After things were said and done, they kind of just sent me home with a sack of medications. Apparently, I would be on my own from that point, as they didn’t seem bothered by the results from my two procedures. That’s the beauty of IBS… it won’t kill me, but it will never go away.

I had to start at the bottom of my health pile, sifting through every single detail of my own body’s struggle with foods, stress, trauma, poverty, and circumstantial solitude. I shall have to walk this path alone, as far as doctors are concerned. I’ve come to peace with the 4 medications I’ll be taking from now on, as none of them effect the brain. My spirit and emotional health belong to God, and him alone.

This is where my joy of oatmeal arrives… it’s the single thing to eat each day that doesn’t hurt! Even with the removal of caffeine, gluten, and lactose products, I’m still far from home on the IBS Safari Tours!

I’ve adopted an intermittent fasting lifestyle, somewhat. Though the schedule allows for me to consume calories for up to an 8 hour stretch, my body only seems to be happy with eating between noon and 5 o’clock. Part of the issue comes from all the medications I use throughout the day to coat my stomach and intestines. I have to take them 4 times a day in order to eat, and there’s time restrictions for before and after each dose. 5 hours is easier to work with, truth be told.

Why is 5 hours easier, you ask? Because, my roommate IBS tends to lose all trust in my ability to feed myself when she gets upset… always has and always will! No matter how my mind copes with stress and trauma, IBS will always have her day in court, so to speak.

Thankfully, she readily accepts the oatmeal with a tablespoon of brown sugar and a bit of Oat Milk. Work with what you got… and I got oatmeal, baby!

Cookies?