My thoughts are somewhat muddled this morning. This afternoon is my first appointment with my new doctor, and I’m a bit nervous.
How many times have I gotten right to the very doorway of a solution to this health situation, only to have the door painfully slammed in my face? Too many, if I am to be fully honest, here.
Putting all that past disappointment behind us, it’s important that I go to this visit with hope, with grace, and with all the praying one can muster! This girl really wants to eat, you guys! Oatmeal is fine here and there, but every single day? For a year?
Without going into painful details, my body is definitely showing signs of malnutrition. This can’t go on for much longer, without some form of intervention.
So, here I sit, drinking my tea, and writing… well, trying to write!
I apologize if my writings always seem to be about me, in some round-a-bout way. When the only thing one do each day is to write, stare at the walls, and sing to themself… I guess that’s what happens. I don’t mean to do it, but unless I talk about my feelings, I’m afraid this is all just a bad dream, and I’ll simply disappear into nothing if I become too still, or quiet.
Am I the only one who ever feels this way?
It’s strange how I can be at peace in all the other areas of my life, but when illness overruns all the good stuff, it muddles my brain, if that makes any sense.
I’ve high hopes in this new physician, as she’s so far, fully restored certain medications that the insurance was fighting, completed my disability paperwork in record time, and enrolled me in several community services, including shuttle transportation to all my visits, and such. She instigated all of this, not me! She actually spent time looking through my records, I think.
Now, I am a faithful woman of God, here, and yet my nerves always get the better of me when it comes to my health. Oh ye, of little faith, right? I suppose the greater faith always grows from the hard things in life, not the easy ones.
Fortunately, my muddled brain, or my nervous spirit, really, have God always in my corner… always on my side, if you will. I have followed this path of His for far too many years of my life to stop now. I know that God takes me as I am… nervous nelly, and all!
If you’re at all wondering, my spirit is in a wonderful place, just now. I’m just muddled that’s all. I write so as to think it out, if you will.
My nerves may be telling me I’m prepping for mid-term finals or something, but in actuality, I’m sort of afraid to feel hopeful, to feel like this time there may be some light at the end of this tummy trouble tunnel!
Either way, I’m going!
Journey With Me! 