Tag: mental-health

Surrender…

Wiwohka6 Comments
Daily writing prompt
How do you handle fear and self-doubt?
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Much of my life has been spent running… running from hurts, fears, and enough self-doubt to sink a battleship, as they say. From the time I was a small child, anything that caused one or more of these emotions, meant it was time to run away.

I ran away from an abusive and neglectful home, ran away from every foster home they put me in, and tucked myself away from watchful eyes. Much of my youth was spent wandering the streets, in the hopes that I might find my own safe place.

Somehow, I managed to let my own fears and self-doubts destroy my first marriage, and the lives of my children. Ouch! Yeah, fear will do things like that.

For much of my 58 years on this earth, I allowed my own fears to dictate my journey. I refused to let go of all that haunted me, all that continued to cause incredible damage to my body, mind, and soul.

When Covid brought about a nationwide shutdown, the world around us imploded! When that occurred, the scales of balance in my fear department were simply shattered beyond recognition! The weight of it all seemed to crush my spirit, leaving nothing more than an emotional disaster area!

Not more than three years ago, I chose to quit running from painful things, as I’d been doing all my life. The running hadn’t done anything for me, aside from make things worse. God offered me the freedom of letting go, surrendering it all to His will, and trusting in something other than myself, for once. While I’d been a Christian since the age of 18, I never fully let go, and let God, if you will. I’d made a right disaster of my life, thus far, so I had nothing to lose.

Well, I did have some things to lose… like that ole fear and self-doubt that the prompt was asking about. It’s not a perfect walk, nor always an easy one, as I’ve shared with you on occasion. But, whether the journey is easy, hard, long, or even painful… it is without fear, and for the most part, without any nagging self-doubts. If any of those pop up, it’s not God that’s the problem, but my willingness to surrender.

So, when fear and self-doubt come knocking at your door, you don’t have to let them in. Be brave, be strong, and lay those fears down. They won’t change the outcome of a thing, unless you let them.

Cookies?

Plate with hen-shaped cookies decorated with colorful icing

Less is more…

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Daily writing prompt
What are the biggest benefits of minimalist living?
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There’s something interesting about that old adage. The three words, themselves, offer the full answer to the prompt, without needing much more information, don’t you think.

One can take a wordy explanation about how to enjoy much more of your life without amassing a garage full of material things… and simply say, less is more.

Don’t get me wrong, here. I, too, once had a garage full of toys, gadgets, and more. It wasn’t like those things just sat, collecting dust. We used them, therefore, we assumed they were necessary wants, not just want wants. It’s easy to justify having more than we actually need. And, it’s not always a bad thing. The reality sets in when the things we put our hopes in, fall away from our grasp.

There was a time when we had plenty, and then suddenly, it was gone… all of it!

How you survive and overcome great loss is what makes you who you are. It will define your character, for the better… or possibly not, depending on how much you valued all that was lost.

What I discovered during our time living in that old R.V., and into our homeless bit, was the art of finding solutions, the act of letting go, and the gift of gratitude!

We live quite modestly, now, compared to before. To some, it may seem impoverished, but quite probably it’s more comfortable than many others will ever experience. We don’t have much, but what we do have is cared for, and never taken for granted. And if we lose it, we replace it, or simply make do without it.

While I could easily come up with a list of things I could use, as anyone might do, I won’t. Why? Because living with minimal things has now become an actual way of life, at least in my mind. I can’t speak for my husband, of course.

The way I see it, having less means there’s more space in my head, my house, and my heart. There’s a sense of freedom in not being tethered to a large amount of materials that are all crying out to be used, repaired, and/or stored somewhere.

When we have to move, we move fast and light. When we exist in small and limited spaces, it’s comfortable and not overcrowded.

And, more importantly, my heart now seeks other treasures and beautiful things. You just might not see what I see. Our home may be empty of many material things, but it’s never truly empty. Instead, it’s full of love, laughter, light, and shared dreams. Dreams that are still yet to come true.

Plus, since there’s so much room in my kitchen, I’ve plenty of space for baking all these cookies…

I don’t have to wish…

Wiwohka3 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What super power do you wish you had and why?
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Happily, I can say that I already have a super power, so this prompt would be more aptly written as, “What super power are you glad you have and why?”

While I could play a game of riddles with you, in order to assist in your discovering what my answer might be, I won’t. To save time, I’ll make things easy for you.

My super power is Invisibility!

I can vanish from before your eyes, only to reappear at a later time, and place. Yes, it’s true! I’ve been doing it now for a number of years. Some might think that if one always fades away into the shadows, their life would simply be a lonely place of existence. But, surprise… it’s not lonely, at all. Well, not all the time, anyway.

When I get to feeling a bit on the lonely side I’ll surface for a bit, but only that.

When one reappears to those in their environment, that’s when the drama arrives. The gossip, the strife, and everyone climbing over one another, just to get ahead.

I know it may seem selfish of me, not to be visible, and all. But if I’m out of sight, then that means I’m also out of mind. As nobody ever came looking for me, while I was in my invisible form, it became apparent that I hadn’t really been missed very badly.

Oh, don’t feel badly on my behalf. Being invisible has it’s perks! You can go places, and do things without anyone taking notice. I can spend hours reading the bible, crafting, working on puzzles, watching documentaries, playing video games, and things of that nature. But, what I love the most about my times of invisibility, would be the hours of imaginative writing. It doesn’t even matter if none of you ever read it. I was there, and I wrote it all down as the adventure unfolded.

Perhaps one day, long after I’ve faded away, someone will find the things I wrote down. Maybe it will be something beautiful, or maybe not. I guess it depends on whose eyes were able to see the words written on the pages.

Before I ghost you again, you should probably grab some cookies…

Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.com

What if I can’t choose?

Wiwohka2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What’s a moment you wish you could freeze and live in forever?
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Personally, I think this prompt is too difficult. Perhaps if there were only a single moment in time that were noteworthy in my life, but there have been many. Far too many, in fact, for me to successfully pick the right moment that should be frozen forever.

Why, the birth of my children has already created a conundrum, as I’ve three daughters. How on earth am I supposed to choose between them? Time would be frozen, remember, so if I chose one over the other, I’d lose a life’s worth of memories for the other two that I didn’t pick.

What about my wedding day? What about that moment? Again, if I choose my wedding day, it would again erase my chance at memories being made with all three of my girls.

While I’d love to freeze the moment I finished reading one of my favorite novels, with the combination of all the emotions being experienced at that final page… there are waaaay too many books that accomplished such a moment!

First big successes, or even first adventures… or what about our most amazing vacation moment? The problem with freezing any of the moments we may or may not pick, is that it’s permanent. No going back, and no going forward. How very limiting, I think.

For this reason, I am unable to pick only a single moment to dwell in forever. The problem with having anything wonderful is, eventually, we want more. The new becomes old, the exciting becomes rather mundane, and boring. It sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.

While I won’t pick a moment, I will pick today. While I don’t know what’s to come, I’ll walk the path, none the less. No matter the joy, or the pain, I will make my way to tomorrow, and leave today behind.

I, just as you, are travelers. We were never meant to stand still. If we did, time would simply wave as it passed us by.

Enjoy a cookie…

Tomorrows may be even better, or perhaps not. It’s a chance you’ll have to take, my friends.

At dawn’s first light…

Wiwohka2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
When do you feel most productive?
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Early mornings have always been my time to be most productive, due to the quiet, most probably. After a good nights rest, the early morning hours become like a peaceful sanctuary. There are few interruptions to distract me from the days goals.

While I may rarely leave our apartment, my day is certainly not without it’s numerous interruptions. There are busy traffic sounds, just outside our windows. An entire five story building is being constructed right across the way, so there are those sounds drifting in, as soon as the work day begins. Never mind about phone calls, text messages, chores, and meal planning. The list is still a long one, even for a homebound writer.

Mentioning that I am a writer only goes to further explain my need for the early morning quiet. While some might find writing in a chaotic environment to be conducive to successful literary creation… I most certainly do not!

Quiet hours of early morning study, prayer, and a hot cup of peppermint tea, are what I consider my most productive hours. As much of my WordPress writing is done live, and without previous preparation, I need it quiet so that I can concentrate. Some days I hit it well, if I’ve slept enough and woke in my normal early fashion. Then there are the days where I didn’t sleep so good, or stayed up later than was normal on the previous night. All bets are off on those mornings.

Well, that was most assuredly more information than any inquiring mind really wanted to know, regarding my productive hours of the day. But, just in case my answer gets used for some study that gets published in the New England Medical Journals, I figured I should put forth some effort.

Just for extra credit, I baked some cookies, as well…

It’s been a good morning!

Hugs

Doctors afraid to doctor…

Wiwohka2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
When is the last time you took a risk? How did it work out?
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I should have known better, I really should have. Putting any trust and faith in man, without relying on God to sort out the details always ends badly.

I am learning to walk one day at a time, seeking God’s sustaining power over man’s. It’s been a hard learned lesson, though. I can come to the father readily, when it comes to studying scripture, prayer, and living a godly and obedient life. But when it comes to certain aspects of surviving this earth, my strength can sometimes waver.

I’ve been enduring several form of physical ailments over the last year, without any real successful resolution. I get many headshakes, frowns, and “I know it’s unfortunate” statements from much of the medical profession. The stream of physicians offering pills to cover symptoms, but no cure, has been staggering.

The word discouragement doesn’t begin to cover it!

Several weeks ago, I took the risk of seeing yet another specialist, in the hopes that they might simply move ahead with my hernia surgery. Once again, there were a lot of apologies for how I must feel, but only more referrals that never went through, anyway. I can’t even get the insurance company to pay for one of my much needed medications. They’ll prescribe drugs that you can’t afford, nor will they do anything to solve the issue. Just more band aids.

Its become rather obvious that I must rely on God, and God alone. I’ve already dropped off two of the medications previously prescribed, and am working towards discontinuing three more. No more drugs!

2 Corinthians 12:9 says,

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.””

One day at a time, is all that I need to make it home. I would offer the advice of “Physician, heal thy self” but I don’t think most of them can any more…

(2024) Nervous… Me?

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Daily writing prompt
What makes you nervous?
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There was a time when I could say that I was the poster child for Anxiety! My nervousness was my very own survival mechanism of choice!

Not much of my life went the way I’d wanted, leaving me traumatized and wounded for many, many years. All of the life interuptuses I’ve endured, some from my own making, have landed me with two nervous roommates that never leave… IBS and Fibromyalgia.

While you may be wondering why I’ve allowed them to stay, to me, they are more like helpless children, needing constant care and supervision. In good conscience, I could no sooner evict these two, than I could my own children. By loving and tending my roommates, or scars if you will, God allows me to manage my own nervous anxieties, with grace, compassion and understanding.

Assigning a specific culprit to hold responsibility for making us nervous, seems rather silly. As WordPress is not leading a support group or therapy session, by asking everyone what makes them nervous, the only thing this prompt will successfully do is make everyone nervous about answering what makes them nervous.

Did they even look up the definition of the word, before they thought to ask the question? I did!

According to Google, which the world seems to think knows everything, the definition of nervous is this:

easily agitated or alarmed; tending to be anxious; highly strung.

“a sensitive, nervous person”

It seems rather ludicrous to ask a nervous person what makes them nervous! It quickly became apparent to me that the idea of being nervous is a mannerism, or a trait that has long since been established. Once I read the definition, I began thinking about how hard it would be to just randomly come up with an easy answer, over a cup of coffee in the morning.

If it were that easy for all us nervous folk to discover what makes us nervous, there would be millions of spare dollars floating around, that no longer need to be paid to the professionals who spend years learning how to become a therapist!

Just sayin…

Here, have a cookie…

They were supposed to look like pins and needles, but as the AI art generator reflects, it was much easier said than done! The closest it could come to what I wanted, was cookies stabbed by a decorative paperclip… go figure!

Thursday Thoughts…

Wiwohka6 Comments

My thoughts are somewhat muddled this morning. This afternoon is my first appointment with my new doctor, and I’m a bit nervous.

How many times have I gotten right to the very doorway of a solution to this health situation, only to have the door painfully slammed in my face? Too many, if I am to be fully honest, here.

Putting all that past disappointment behind us, it’s important that I go to this visit with hope, with grace, and with all the praying one can muster! This girl really wants to eat, you guys! Oatmeal is fine here and there, but every single day? For a year?

Without going into painful details, my body is definitely showing signs of malnutrition. This can’t go on for much longer, without some form of intervention.

So, here I sit, drinking my tea, and writing… well, trying to write!

I apologize if my writings always seem to be about me, in some round-a-bout way. When the only thing one do each day is to write, stare at the walls, and sing to themself… I guess that’s what happens. I don’t mean to do it, but unless I talk about my feelings, I’m afraid this is all just a bad dream, and I’ll simply disappear into nothing if I become too still, or quiet.

Am I the only one who ever feels this way?

It’s strange how I can be at peace in all the other areas of my life, but when illness overruns all the good stuff, it muddles my brain, if that makes any sense.

I’ve high hopes in this new physician, as she’s so far, fully restored certain medications that the insurance was fighting, completed my disability paperwork in record time, and enrolled me in several community services, including shuttle transportation to all my visits, and such. She instigated all of this, not me! She actually spent time looking through my records, I think.

Now, I am a faithful woman of God, here, and yet my nerves always get the better of me when it comes to my health. Oh ye, of little faith, right? I suppose the greater faith always grows from the hard things in life, not the easy ones.

Fortunately, my muddled brain, or my nervous spirit, really, have God always in my corner… always on my side, if you will. I have followed this path of His for far too many years of my life to stop now. I know that God takes me as I am… nervous nelly, and all!

If you’re at all wondering, my spirit is in a wonderful place, just now. I’m just muddled that’s all. I write so as to think it out, if you will.

My nerves may be telling me I’m prepping for mid-term finals or something, but in actuality, I’m sort of afraid to feel hopeful, to feel like this time there may be some light at the end of this tummy trouble tunnel!

Either way, I’m going!

(2024) Dead Air…

Wiwohka19 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What was the best compliment you’ve received?
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Honesty is always the best policy, and I’d like to be as forthright in my answer as possible. I cannot actually come up with any compliments, from off the top of my head. I’ve not lived a life that taught me how to recognize this thing we call a compliment. I have not lived a life that offered anyone who cared, an opportunity to offer great words of affirmation toward much, if any, of my behavior or character… it’s actually been quite the opposite!

Oh, I’m sure that I’ve been offered positive comments here and there, but none have ever felt either sincere or useful enough to carry me to any great height… I’m just being completely honest!

Nothing my parents ever said, came with a behavior that backed up the words draining out of their mouths!

I had a great many men drip words of insincerity in my direction, with nothing more than selfish or nefarious purposes in their minds!

There was no one to push me into an academic or career direction, with words that might lead me to believe I was smart, in any form!

My entire life has been a fight. Pushing against adversity from every single direction I looked! I was discouraged from having children, but I did it anyway! I raised three daughters, served in the church til I bled, homeschooled my girls while simultaneously working side jobs housekeeping, and getting a college degree… while also cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and serving in a miserable marriage for 16 years. When I divorced, the only reverberating words offered by friends, family AND church was… “well, you left!”

For anyone who may have offered a compliment to my person, I thank you for your kindness. I apologize if I’ve not shown any gratitude for said compliments, but I stopped expecting or even looking for them when I was eleven!

I don’t wish for you to think me bitter, as I’ve moved away from that place of loneliness and sorrow. In honesty, I’ve only one compliment that would be worth anything and everything, but alas, I’m not home yet!

With whatever time I have left on this earth, I shall strive to live a life worthy of God’s approval, to the best of my ability . My heart yearns to hear the only words that will matter… Well Done My Good and Faithful Servant! Just sayin…

Cookie?

Confidence is as confidence does…

Wiwohka2 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Who is the most confident person you know?
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I’m going with Forest Gump on this one!

Just look at all the valuable lessons he’s taught, thus far. Why the title of today’s prompt response, in and of itself, was great wisdom.

Look how fast they roll off the tongue…

A confident person is like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get!

I might not be confident, Jenny, but I know what love is.

… from that point on, whenever I was going anywhere, I was confident!

… and I met the confident president… aaaagiiinnn!

Me and confidence, we go together like peas and carrots!

See what I mean? What a guy! Oh, wait! I just realized that the person has to be someone I know, and I never actually met the man.

This is hard because I only know about a half dozen people, up close enough to gage their confidence level.

I’m going with my husband, as the man keeps movin whether it rains or shines. No has never stopped him, but only rerouted his path! Yes, I know I’m being partial. But, as this prompt fully intends us to answer with partiality, I’ve full license to proceed!

My husband! My best friend! My partner in crime! My lover! The other half of myself!

Wait! If all that is to be true, then what did I just say? Don’t think I walked you into me being the confident one, because that would be entirely self-gratifying and I’m in no way calling myself the most confident person in the room.

Doggone it! I went and did it again. I AM the only one in the room!

Well, whatever you choose to believe, here, I simply meant that my husband is truly the most confident person I know. We’re in this car together… til the wheels fall off!

Cookies for your time?