Tag: mental-health

(June 2023) Investigating Truths…

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Looking Up!

Believe it or not, this flower is actually a good three feet above my head! I would not have even noticed it, had I not paused for a moment to rest my aching back. I am not sure that I want to go as far as to say that I am glad I injured my back. But I can certainly appreciate the lessons gained from my recovery process. One of those lessons is that I need to slow down!

I learned to slow down both physically, as well as mentally. In the physical realm, too much of a good thing (walking) is never healthy without taking the time to make sure you are capable of pacing yourself. I am learning to slow my walking down, and also to take days off for a refuel. Selecting regular days to rest is something I have to force myself to do. Mentally, I think it is also very necessary to do the same thing…

Take a day off!?!

While realizing that it can be difficult, it’s so very necessary that we take a mental day off, once in a while! You know, shut the brain door… close the shutters to our internal house windows.

I hope you weren’t’ expecting me to expound on the mental day off, as there are too many self-help resources that have already saturated the market on this subject. Actually, I am not even going to spout anything useful in the physical activity department. I just like to “walk” you into an insight I’ve gained, rather than just throw it at you like a water balloon.

Beauty and goodness are all around us! Each and every day, the sun rises to reveal these things. It carries on toward darkness, til it’s replaced by the rising of the moon. Over and over, again and again, this happens. We’re given so many opportunities to see and experience all that God’s created just for our pleasure and enjoyment.

My insight, if you have not already figured it out, is this: Slow down, and take the time to LOOK UP!

(2024) Not On My Life…

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Daily writing prompt
Is there an age or year of your life you would re-live?
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Not only do I not wish to do any re-living at this moment, but I wouldn’t wish any of my life on any other human being!

I hear so many folks talk of what they would do differently if they were to go back in time, but as much as I don’t want to go back… I also wouldn’t trade it for any amount of money!

The me that you see today is a priceless gem, cut from the hardest of stone. I am a blade made of iron, shaped through both fire and ice for tempering… I am a chosen child of God!

Has it been difficult, exhausting and painful, yes!

Have I had to walk through life as an outsider… an outcast? Yes! Most often, I am simply misunderstood by those that surround me.

Have I done any of this alone? Nope!

Whether good, bad or in between… all of it was foreseen by the one who knew of my very birth, before the foundations of the earth had ever come to be…

The path I now walk is a combination of many things, much of what I brought on myself along the way. By revisiting the old me, doing or saying a thing any different than I did the first time around, could possibly undo a lesson that was vitally necessary for my walk with God, at this moment in time. No thanks!

I love the me that I am now, so, as they say… There’s no going back, There’s no better time than the present, or even better yet,

“Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of Man cometh.” (Matt. 24:42–44.) May we heed this warning given by the Lord and get our houses in order and be prepared for the coming of the Lord.

I’ll not waste time looking back, but instead, I shall be ever watchful for His return. I think that is a far better idea, with far better rewards, than re-living any single moment of my earthly life.

Have a cookie…

(2024) Why?

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Daily writing prompt
What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?
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As I’m soon to be looking back at 55, I think my path is pretty firmly set in one direction… God’s!

We’ve recently answered a prompt, regarding taking a risk at something new, and another prompt asking if we were guaranteed not to fail, what would we attempt… so I’m not sure how many more times the prompt can try to beat a dead horse, as they say.

Still, I realize that not everyone has seen these questions before, so I shall do my due diligence at answering with something decent, for those that are new to the daily prompts.

So, in the words of Shakespeare, “once more unto the breach.” I got this…

While I have pursued multiple different careers throughout my younger years, I’m no longer interested in any of them. Add to that, the fact that I’m not considering any new directions at all, aside from the path I now follow… this one’s a deal breaker on any other pursuit I’ve ever chased after!

My career pursuits involve following only One CEO, One Leader… One! How boring and confining, you might be thinking. On the contrary, my friends. This career path has me fully engaged, at every moment, and in every action or thought. I walk with a magnificent Leader, who has me in the word, on my knees in prayer, feet on the ground out here in the trenches… and fully sustained, at all times!

My life is full of joy, adventure, action, suspense… and He has me constantly on the move… and with Him, at all times.

In all my years, never have I been hired by someone who knows me better than He does… and I’ve not been fired yet!

Before you start thinking that I’m lazy or something, maybe living the posh life, and too comfortable in my current position… you might consider my resume before being too quick to form an opinion on this matter:

0 to 13 years of age, severe childhood trauma

13 to 18 years of age, ^#$%^&^

18 to 34 years of age, pregnant 9 times with only 3 born to me, divorced, denied by the church, disowned by my family, and abandoned by those I knew as friends.

Lost and running in the wastelands for 16 more years… 16!

The rest of my career credentials, as well as my production timeline, will be within the archives of My Closet. I’ve already shared far more of my job description than anyone should have to wade through… and no, there won’t be a cover letter to accompany this Responsume…

But I did make cookies…

Honestly, I don’t know how these exec’s are going to get anything accomplished, with their mouths stuffed with cookies… sheesh guys, slow it down!

Wednesday Words…

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If you hadn’t already noticed, my writing has been rather ping pong like, of late. The lack of nutrition, lack of proper medication, and lack of any urgency by my doctor, has begun taking a toll on my ability to concentrate fully… not to mention the mental and emotional toll.

The soonest the surgeon could see me is November 6th, due to his being on vacation. Apparently, when a doctor takes time off, the world has to stop getting sick til they get back in the office. I’m rather surprised that a fully functioning hospital only has one specialty GI surgeon on staff. Anyway, they were going to make me wait until December 18th until I began to sob uncontrollably and beg them to see me sooner. According to the surgeons scheduling nurse, my referring GI doctor has at no point, made mention in my chart notes of any urgency in things. I don’t think doctors want to doctor any longer.

At least they moved my appointment closer, but that means I still have to make it another 2 more weeks, just for the consultation. I’ll still have to wait for him to agree that it’s medically necessary, let alone schedule a surgery.

I’ve been surviving on a bowl of oatmeal, and a chicken/rice/vegi bowl thing I’ve concocted for optimal caloric and nutritional needs… I can’t get beyond about 650 calories per day. This has been my meal plan since the beginning of July.

That means no coffee, gluten, dairy, chocolate, and absolutely everything outside of a list of about 8 safe items to meet my needs daily. I am slowly starving to death, but at least it’s SLOWLY, which buys me time.

I am fully in God’s hands, so no worries. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, writing out my feelings on WordPress, is really my only outlet. I often share my journey with you, not for pity or pocket change, but to remind myself that I exist, and am called to continue forward in faith… even when my strength is gone. Thankfully, that is where God shines the brightest!

The reason for all this TMI is simply this,

For the next few weeks I’ll be posting articles solely from the archives. As I feel that my health situation has compromised my ability to write amidst this part of my journey, I’ll be relying on all the oldies but goodies, so you should enjoy it, I think.

I won’t be absent from you, nor will I stop reading and supporting you in all that you do. I simply need to get past this little dip in the road, if that makes any sense.

Let’s have some fun with these next few weeks and go wild with all the memories! I want to do a whole retro thingie, reposting some of the Do You Remember Mondays, Investigating Truths, Live Novel Fridays, Note To Self Saturdays, and even some Live Wire Sundays.

And, I give you my solemn oath that I shall bake fresh virtual cookies, even though the articles aren’t fresh. Stale cookies just won’t do…

(2023)Tuesday Thoughts n Things…

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Doesn’t Fall always give birth to nostalgia, or am I the only one who thinks this way? Every year, just as the weather begins cooling, I find myself digging through the archives, and pulling out some of my old articles to read. Though I realize this site has an archive page, but many readers don’t have hours of free time to go digging through all that stuff.

That’s why you’ll occasionally see them re-posted, because the more recent readers might not have read them, yet.

From now on, if you see (20__) on an article, those will all be called Tuesday Thoughts and Things, like this one. I will be pulling up some of my favorite goodies from the archives, going all the way back to when Journey With Me began, in 2016. Yes, you get to see all my typos, commas,,,,,,,,,,,, and poor sentence structure, but hey, I’m still learning. If nothing else, we can all see how my writing skills, and style, have changed over the years.

So let’s do this!

This came from October 24, 2023…

I was going to post a picture of my plant today, but found this while searching my photo files… I figure that the plant can wait a few days. Have you ever been in a place where you see something you yourself have done, written or said… but it seemed as if someone else did the writing or saying, though you know it was you?

I guess I write so much, I occasionally find myself surprised at things I myself wrote. It is not a disappointment, nor something to be proud of necessarily, but it makes me happy inside for some reason. Perhaps I am able to see my true reflection in the words written for others…

I think all too often in life, we do and say mostly what the world will accept of us, or what we perceive the world might accept from us.

I think I like the way I write better, when I don’t care what the world thinks, but more so what I think or even better yet, what God thinks… in my opinion.

Maybe reading old writings of my work, encourages me, because it reflects a spirit of healing, growth and faith, which had not been there for so much of my life. Our human propensity to overcome, rise above and walk on, always amazes me… that comes from God folks, not us, but the one whom we were designed after. We are all made in His image, and therefore by design, are fully capable of tapping into this part of our spirit.

It comes down to Freedom… freedom of choice! God has given us all we need to get this life done, we need only accept the tools given and get it done! Will it be easy? Is it ever? Life interruptus happens for everyone.

Choices, choices, choices… what we do with what we have is what makes us who we are… Period!

When I look back over the things I have written over time, I clearly have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of my choices, as well as the lasting scars of the choices made by my predecessors. I have also witnessed a resilience within myself, that has apparently always been there, but had been obscured by my attempts to just survive!

Perhaps I have simply arrived finally, at the cross roads of Too Damn Tired and Suck It Up Buttercup! Whatever it is, I like it! When someone came up with the phrase, “What don’t kill you makes you stronger”, I now have a full understanding of what they meant.

When I read that poem I wrote a ways back, it resonated with me, as if a stranger had written it for me to read, and not the other way around.

That folks, is growth! As I heal and grow in my walk with God, the words that begin flowing onto the page are actually quite beautiful, and I can say that without pride, as I think they fully come from God… maybe not for you, but rather, for me…

Everybody’s got a list, right?

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Daily writing prompt
What could you try for the first time?
View all responses

Undoubtedly, most everyone has a mental list that they’ve probably carried with them since childhood, filled with possible adventures, achievements, hopes, and dreams. But, as most of us discover over time, that mental list morphs into three… would you, could you, or should you!

Take for instance, surfing… surfing, or any water sport, for that matter, could have been something worth trying, but not only has it now turned into a question of whether or not I should, but also aligns with the reality of would I even want to try it?

The answer, in this case would be that while I could have tried a number of open water sports, I wouldn’t have… are you crazy? There’s sharks swimming out in those waters, so I’ll stay on the boat, if you please! Not only that, but at this point in my journey, there’s no way that I should try it… not without breaking something!

I shall now try to write a new list of things that I could, would, and should try for the first time. It’s not nearly as easy as you might think. For example, there’s Karaoke, which is something I always thought I wanted to try. It is something that I can say I would try, and even go as far as to say that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t try it, but the trouble now is that I’m not sure I could! Perhaps what I should try for is the confidence needed to get up in front of people. Will I ever find the courage? Probably not, lol!

Before you start thinking that I’m just a coward, and am too scared to try new stuff, let me remind you of what I have tried…

Modeling, College degree, dog breeder, bird breeder, the entire field of equine husbandry, and horsemanship (dressage, vaulting, breeding, and showing), Mother, Bible Seminary, global travel (England and Ireland), camping, hiking, driving in a semi with my husband for 3 years, painting, pottery, ceramics, crocheting, sewing, becoming a blogger, publishing a book, and soon to be a Grandmother of 8 + my Godson, Peapod!

So, as you can see, I have always had a list, along with every other human being. Who knows how many more years I have left on this beautiful planet, but I don’t ever want my list to stop growing, not ever! I’m fairly certain that I’ve caught God writing on it, though He is rather sneaky about it… He absolutely loves to give me gifts and surprise me with things. I’m not gonna give that up, are you crazy? Don’t ever give up on your list, because that’s where God gives you purpose, my friends.

Don’t forget to try these new cookies for the first time…

M@*$&#%@%…

Wiwohka18 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What was the hardest personal goal you’ve set for yourself?
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I was born angry, raised on the streets, and have plenty of scars to prove it. But, the most tell-tale sign of my origins… is my mouth!

It didn’t help that I spent a good five years riding in a Semi truck with my husband, soakin up the lingo from other truckers, while we sat waiting to load or unload.

They employed such colorful ways to express one’s immediate feelings, re-tell another truckers incredibly embellished stories, or build up their own tales of fiction. It was like taking a crash course at the Potty Mouth Institute!

I got so good at makin a man blush that it went to my head, and since there weren’t any kids around, I just started letting my own brand of foul words fly free. I didn’t really think I had a problem, but my own husband started giving me raised eyebrow looks. He actually started cutting back on his own bad language because of me, I think.

Then, about two years ago I just got sick of listening to my own vile utterances, so I decided to stop.

Honestly, I can say that it was one of, if not the most difficult goals I’ve ever set for myself. It ranks right up there with quitting a 40 year old smoking habit, though God carried me through that one. For this reason, I can’t technically say that the smoking was the most difficult goal.

Looking back now, I see a number of things that lost their charm, once God began reshaping and remolding my life to match His purposes. The more time spent in scripture, in prayer, and in fellowship with my heavenly Father, the less I struggled with my language. Over time, foul words began to bother me more. As I listened to other people use profanity, whether on television, in public, or on the gaming chat channels, I was convicted by my own discomfort at listening to others…. I sounded just the same when I swore!

I realize that words are just words, but for myself, I feel that it grieves my Holy Spirit. And, not just that… it could cause offense to another person! That was the part that sealed the deal, for me. There would be no more fence-walking on this one… foul words found the door, and I made sure to let the door hit them as they went out.

How bout them cookies…

Ok, so maybe the cookies are a bit large, but that doesn’t mean that they won’t taste good… well, maybe don’t eat the ones that landed on the road, as they’ve become soggy and gross.

From the Archives (2023) Answers From the Past…

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Daily writing prompt
Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.
View all responses

I found an old post from last spring that I thought rather fitting, if you twist the daily prompt’s meaning just a smidge…

This was one of my ‘Investigating Truths’ episodes, but it seemed fitting, somehow.

For as long as I can remember, I have made sense of myself and this world in two realms of thought.  One realm of thought is in the actual and physical sense.  What we see, do, talk about, eat and feel are things in the here and now. The second realm of thought is what I think of as my storybook, or cartoon version, if you will.  Let’s call this part the “Behind the Scenes of My Truths,” the adventure version. 

What follows is written in storybook version…….

I am wild from the top of my head all the way down to my toes!  It is all that I can seem to remember of myself.  My journeying, or running if I am being truthful, has always found me far out in the desert.  For as long as I can remember, there has been a path worn, from one hidden oasis to another, by my very own feet.  I have hidden them well, though, so most that wander by are unaware of my presence. 

As the years of my life rolled forward, I found that there was One who had been following my footprints, always leaving little packages of love for me.  On one of my journeys along the outskirts of the Cities of Souls, I came to realize that the One whom I had sensed, was in fact my True Father!  It was both joyful and difficult to become aware of Him. 

I stayed…

Before I knew it, time seemed to have sped forward in my journey, by a great many years!  I discovered that I had settled down right inside the walls … building relationships with others, and trying to live and do things the way all of the others thought was right. 

My Father showed me the gifts given to me, but instead of being at peace, I became fearful…

I believed that I was losing myself, and would simply become a nothing, moving along by habit!

So this wild child ran!!!

I fled into the desert with as much speed as possible, for my feet had become softened over the years spent within the walls built by man.  Many times I fell, stumbling over rocks and debris that had been left on my paths.  Had it really been that long?  I was not sure if the way had become obstructed or if I had simply forgotten my exact path.  Many seasons were spent wandering, clearing out my old and unused paths. 

Time rolled on…

Oh, I would come near the outskirts, just close enough to remember what I left behind.  The intensity of my pain and fear, along with the guilt over my failure, drove me away again and again…

My last act of running into the desert, or defiance as I see it, nearly cost me my very life, but that is for another time.  For now, I leave you with this thought…I am still that wild child inside, but my Father has been revealing to me the graceful Phoenix that He is rising up from the ashes of her truths…

You didn’t think I would forget your cookies, did you?

Thursday Thoughts…

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Thought #1 – What would the world become, if whenever one says or does something hurtful to another, they experienced the exact emotional pain that their victim felt?

Thought #2 – What’s a baby dreaming of when they smile, or even laugh out loud while sleeping?

Thought #3 – My oldest daughter was a sleep laugher, a sleep talker, and a sleep walker. Nothing scarier than waking up in the middle of the night, with a five year old child standing beside your bed, staring at you in the darkness… it’s creepy!

Thought #4 – I shall truly miss you, Bacon, but if you won’t go on a diet and become less salty… well, it’s not me, it’s you!

Thought #5 – I miss pizza!

Thought #6 – Maybe I should visit an actual tea shop in search of something other than peppermint. I’ve tried peach tea, which was gross tasting after the first or second sip. Many years ago, someone invited me to a full tea service lunch, and they served this tropical sort of coconut flavored tea that was divine! Maybe this flavor should be investigated further.

Thought #7 – I wonder if my granddaughter will have light or dark hair?

Thought #8 – It’s settled! I am truly loving my self-crafted pixie haircut!

Thought #9 – Good Grief! How is it that we can look so old on the outside, when we still feel young on the inside?

Thought #10 – I miss that kitty so much! Gidget was her name, if I recall, and she was the loveliest long-haired Calico I’d ever set eyes on!

Thought #11 – It’s funny how I can’t remember things like my favorite grade school teacher’s name, or much of my childhood years, but I can remember the names of every pet that entered my life… from the beginning. My mother’s poodle Buttons, my first cat, Leroy Brown, my first pony, Candy, and our old Mule, Jack. Then there was my dog Rags, an Old English sheep dog, and our twin white cats named Nip and Tuck. One had a black tip on his tail and the other a black tip on one of his ears, but otherwise they were identical.

Thought #12 – Wow! This is a rabbit hole that could consume the whole day, and I simply don’t have time. The list, so far, has only been in the first 8 years of my life.

Thought #13 – Maybe I should write a short story for each of my Furbies, one at a time, just to relive those joyful memories.

Thought #14 – I don’t think that money changes people… maybe it just brings out who they really are on the inside. I’m fairly good at being poor, but will I be as honorable of a person if given better finances?

Thought #15 – My thoughts lead me back to scripture…

“For I know the plans I have for you,“ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

From the Attic (2023)It was a Wild Kingdom…

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Photo by Marik Elikishvili on Pexels.com
Daily writing prompt
What TV shows did you watch as a kid?
View all responses

To this day, everytime I remember back on this show, I can remember the lyrics to the insurance add that ran during the commercials… Mutual of Omaha… people… you can count on when the goings tough…

I would spend every Sunday evening watching this show, as it played right before the Wonderful World of Disney. My parents would finish watching their line up of the Lawrence Welk show, and Hee Haw… finally relinquishing the entertainment box to the small humans. Back in the day, most families only had one television in the house.

Marlin Perkins was such a wildlife superhero to this little girl! I wanted to grow up to be a National Geographic journalist. I would spend most of my free time pretending I was out on that African safari, making friends with the baby Giraffes I saw onscreen…

Photo by Rutpratheep Nilpechr on Pexels.com

Or I pretended to find wild baby Cheetah cubs, carrying my poor cat around in a blanket in the middle of summer… til he got hot and escaped my clutches…

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Mostly, this show instilled a deep love for creatures within my spirit, so deep that it is running strong to this day…

In honor of Marlin and all of those involved in that show, I leave our morning snack. You may need to share with the wildlife…

Photo by Anna Tarazevich on Pexels.com
Photo by Dmitry Limonov on Pexels.com

Photo by Magali Guimaru00e3es on Pexels.com

Just flick any dirt or hair off with your fingers… it’s ok, these guys are all clean… I think… probably.

If it’s a little too wild for you, I’ve left you some cookies, as well…

Photo by Matilda Iglesias on Pexels.com