Nobody says it better than Willy Wonka, in my humble opinion. If you don’t watch at least a smidge of this video, then there’s something wrong with you…
I’m just teasing!
Seriously though, anyone whose ever seen the movie will most likely remember this song.
If anyone were to ask me at this moment, “Wiwohka, where do you come up with all the silly stories, ditties and adventures that you write about?”, I’d say Willy Wonka, for certain!
Why? I’ll try to explain…
Much of my childhood felt like a Quintin Tarentino version of young Charlie, from the movie…
How, then, did I go from that small, frightened and angry little girl, to the me that you see upon these pages? You guessed it… Willy Wonka!
I think that I desperately needed a safe place to rest, both mentally and emotionally, so when I watched Willy Wonka for the first time, I was hooked! Within my imagination, I could still believe that there was good in the world, somewhere…
I began to build a space within my tiny frame, where I could do, be or feel any way I wanted… and no one could take that away from me. In a way, I believe that God used my childlike imagination to preserve my sanity, during the most traumatic of beginnings.
And, somehow, from within that child’s imaginative heart, came the writer you see before you, now.
This is the only way I can express what it’s like to be a kid at heart, at least my version of it…
As I am sure you have noticed, I have written several times recently about my attitude of late. I would like to share with you some things that I discovered during this time, all of which are things that I have never realized about myself. Let’s just say that even though it was a very painful lesson for me, I think maybe for the first time in my life, I am going to walk on from this mountain, and return to it no more…
I have really been struggling of late, really missing my animals, as I am a non-pet owner for the first time in my 54 years. Since I am the one always talking about letting go of the Whys, I thought you should know that I still sometimes get caught up in them. I can sometimes be very demanding with God, and overstep myself, pushing Him for insight that I think I deserve. It is times like this that God teaches me as only He can!
I gained this insight, sadly, with great cost to another’s feelings! I guess, in a way, I am sharing this with you so that by writing it down, I can reinforce the lesson gleaned from the damage done, and encourage myself to trust more fully in Gods Timing, not mine!
So, what does this have to do with missing my pets, you ask? Well, long story short, I discovered that for my entire life, the only way I have ever understood what love felt like, was to receive affection from my pets. Not people, just animals. Looking back on my whole life, I realize that somehow, I got all the way here, running off of nothing more than puppy love…not kidding…silly, but totally honest!
I have been struggling terribly of late, feeling so lonely and unloved. I finally see why…I do not have any understanding whatsoever of how to RECEIVE love from people. Animals have been my source of emotional strength since I was tiny, masking the real problem. Believe me, there have been many who have tried to give me love, I just do not know what to do with it, so I continually reject it. Love is given to me and I simply toss it aside, not knowing what it is or what to do with it!
How is this even possible? I am on a hunt to understand, not look for a why, but to understand where the damage is within me that clouds my judgement, in order for God to heal and restore what was broken. I finally see that my pets have been surrogates for me all of my life, and I acquired the habit of turning them into lifelines…
My mother with her dogGidgetSadieBearOllie and PennyMosesGhostHarley
So, the insight is this…There is hope for me yet! God allowed me to lose my crutches so that I might learn to hold His hand for strength, as I learn to accept love for the first time in my entire existence…I know, weird right?
If you are wondering, I think one day I will surely encounter another little furry soul, but maybe this time I can focus more on what I can give them instead of seeking only what I need from them. For now, I think it is time that I focus on some emotional renovations and damage recovery. I have a lot of catching up to do…
** I don’t know about anyone else, but I often write letters to God. This was from one of my old journals, I believe. Back when I first started writing on WP, there were a number of posts in which I shared pieces from my prayer journals. This one is a bit rough around the edges, but still worth reading in its original form.**
Prayer Journal Entry November 2016:
“…I will trust you Father. I choose to trust You.
I know that You are working for my good. I know that You love me. I know that all You ask is that I follow you, that I let You lead me, and to be obedient to You. If you called me home today, would I be excited or would I be ashamed of my attitude.
I have been asking You to change me and that is what you are doing. You are constant and unchanging but I am not. I need to be soft and moldable so that You can shape me into more of Your image…loving, peaceful, patient, kind, gracious, full of mercy, compassionate, gentle, and giving. You don’t sit in Your Holy Mountain basking in Your own glory and wealth, rather, You are constantly, and forever pursuing Your children, delighting in them, helping them, teaching them, protecting them and blessing them.
You are a mighty God, a jealous God who craves His children’s love and obedience. You do not want us, Your children, to place anything above You. I do not wish to love my life so much that I seek to satisfy my own desires more than I seek to please You. When I am called home, I will not be bringing a house or car or a bank account full of money. What I will be bringing with me is my heart and my mind. My memories come with me, the choices in my life come with me, both the memory of consequences and the memory of blessings and obedience.
I want my heart to be filled with joy and laughter and love, not resentment and self-pity or jealousy. It’s funny how a suitcase or even a U-Haul has only so much physical space available, but a human heart, small as it is, has the capacity for an endless supply of love and emotion and passion. I choose to pack my heart for the journey home to you…”
If you hadn’t already noticed, my writing has been rather ping pong like, of late. The lack of nutrition, lack of proper medication, and lack of any urgency by my doctor, has begun taking a toll on my ability to concentrate fully… not to mention the mental and emotional toll.
The soonest the surgeon could see me is November 6th, due to his being on vacation. Apparently, when a doctor takes time off, the world has to stop getting sick til they get back in the office. I’m rather surprised that a fully functioning hospital only has one specialty GI surgeon on staff. Anyway, they were going to make me wait until December 18th until I began to sob uncontrollably and beg them to see me sooner. According to the surgeons scheduling nurse, my referring GI doctor has at no point, made mention in my chart notes of any urgency in things. I don’t think doctors want to doctor any longer.
At least they moved my appointment closer, but that means I still have to make it another 2 more weeks, just for the consultation. I’ll still have to wait for him to agree that it’s medically necessary, let alone schedule a surgery.
I’ve been surviving on a bowl of oatmeal, and a chicken/rice/vegi bowl thing I’ve concocted for optimal caloric and nutritional needs… I can’t get beyond about 650 calories per day. This has been my meal plan since the beginning of July.
That means no coffee, gluten, dairy, chocolate, and absolutely everything outside of a list of about 8 safe items to meet my needs daily. I am slowly starving to death, but at least it’s SLOWLY, which buys me time.
I am fully in God’s hands, so no worries. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, writing out my feelings on WordPress, is really my only outlet. I often share my journey with you, not for pity or pocket change, but to remind myself that I exist, and am called to continue forward in faith… even when my strength is gone. Thankfully, that is where God shines the brightest!
The reason for all this TMI is simply this,
For the next few weeks I’ll be posting articles solely from the archives. As I feel that my health situation has compromised my ability to write amidst this part of my journey, I’ll be relying on all the oldies but goodies, so you should enjoy it, I think.
I won’t be absent from you, nor will I stop reading and supporting you in all that you do. I simply need to get past this little dip in the road, if that makes any sense.
Let’s have some fun with these next few weeks and go wild with all the memories! I want to do a whole retro thingie, reposting some of the Do You Remember Mondays, Investigating Truths, Live Novel Fridays, Note To Self Saturdays, and even some Live Wire Sundays.
And, I give you my solemn oath that I shall bake fresh virtual cookies, even though the articles aren’t fresh. Stale cookies just won’t do…
John the Baptist lived in the desert for most of his adult life, surviving on honey and locusts… but he was never alone!
God found a young King David, living and tending his father’s flocks, in solitude.
God met Moses from a burning bush, while in the wilderness.
God helped Noah build the ark, mostly in solitude, aside from when his sons aided in the work.
God gathered Jonah in the belly of a whale, to bring him about.
Jesus spent 40 days and nights in the desert, being tormented and tested by the Devil, himself… but we know that He was NEVER alone! He had an entire host of angels with Him, prepared to serve at all cost, upon the call of their Lord!
When one claims that God met them where they were, in the depth of their own journeys, this is the heart of who God is! We are never alone, even if we listen to the lies of the enemy, being deceived into believing that God does not care, does not see, or wish to give aid.
I have felt God’s hand on the back of my shirt, yanking me three feet backwards, only to see a car fly past and into the wall of the building beside me…
When I lay bleeding to death on a hospital gurney, He stood over me…
When my truck was careening toward the cliffside, during a late night snow storm in the mountains of Colorado, I felt the invisible hand of God grab my truck in one immediate grasp, ripping the steering wheel out of my hands, and turning the nose of my truck back toward the mountainside, allowing me to slowly coast all the way back to the mountain side of the road, and gently coming to a stop.
GOD is with us!
Christ is our firm foundation!
God is faithful!
He will never leave, nor forsake you… just look up!
He has done, is doing, and will do ALL that is within His purpose, plan, and design.
God found me in the desert. Let me show you…
This is from 2023, and it’s the second part of another story that you’ve probably read from my Investigating Truths series. What follows is my best explanation of how God found me:
Well, whatever drove me with such force towards my own end, I am no longer even sure of…but I fled blindly into the wastelands, none the less.
Do you remember those old tin can and yarn phones we played with as kids? No matter how far apart we were from each other, as long as we talked into the can, we could hear what the other was saying. It may be a strange way of explaining this connection God has with me, but from my beginning, there has always been an invisible string between He and I. You may scoff, but the only way to prove it is to tell you what I have seen!
In my blind flight, I wandered into the dead lands where the enemy dwelt! Everywhere I ran, they sought me hungrily! Time and again I was ravaged by the wickedness that pursued me ever so steadily, methodically drawing blood in small lethal quantities, eagerly gaining strength from the flesh that was being pulled from my frame. I found myself at my end, in a pile of bones that must have belonged to many previous victims.
All it took that night, was a simple tug on the yarn between those two tin cans…not sure if it broke or simply tugged, but it was enough!
This is how I believe He arrived before me…
As I felt my breath leaving my chest for the end, there came a soft vibration from within the pile of bones I lay on, up from the ground beneath. All I know is that it grew in intensity until my very blood vibrated with a resonance that I cannot mistake as the thunderous footfalls of my Father at an intense dead run through the desert! He was coming!
In my end, I did not have even the strength to open my eyes, but the sounds I heard were overwhelming…Lightening striking the ground and thunderous explosions emitting from the very hand of my Father, were all that I could hear. The screams of death were in my ears and the smell burning flesh was in my nostrils causing me to open my eyes in alarm, only to witness the Full Level of Gods anger being directed at my enemies. As the smoke cleared and the sounds died down, I simply let go of my spirit, unable to carry on any longer. As I felt the darkness consume me, there was something tugging at my mind, something pulling on that string attached to my spirit, I think.
There came a fragrance, sweeter than any flower I had ever smelled! Wafting gently through the dark, it steadily began soaking into my very fiber…I recognized it from somewhere deep within, as the very breath of God. Every single place of damage within my spirit became drenched in the warm healing power of His breath! From that place of complete exhausted surrender, my Father began tending my every wound. I cannot say how long He stayed there in the wasteland with me, slowly and steadily mending each place that had been damaged. When I gained strength to stand and walk again, He did not leave me, even then!
Together, my father and I walked hand in hand back toward the Cities of Souls, and I did not care because I knew He was with me and I need not fear all those souls any longer. Before I realized it, time had rolled forward and I suddenly found myself standing on a hillside on the outskirts of the city. When I turned in question to my Father, unsure of our path, He smiled gently and cupped my chin gently in His hands. He need not even say words out loud, as I could clearly read His thoughts from within my mind.
Stretching out His arm toward the city caused my eyes to follow where He pointed. Clearly, I could see a small path weaving all of the way through the city to the mountains of God on the other side. I could see, if I looked closely, small lights illuminating the path frequently. It was time for me to walk steadily down that path and through the Cities of Souls, making sure to follow His clearly marked path. If I held to the path, even when I felt lost or discouraged, the path would get me home, where my Almighty God was preparing a place for me.
If I needed Him, I need only reach out for Him, smelling the air for His fragrant breath, which kept those lights along the path glowing brightly. With a love like this, I am now compelled to walk forward into those Cities of Souls, no longer just a wild child, but alas, an imperfectly beautiful Woman of Grace!
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
First of all, I think that the prompt would have been far more entertaining if they’d asked about failures… just sayin! I could have had a glorious time picking out a hilarious mistake to write about, and who I thought was to blame, lol! Secondly, why should I write about one person, in particular?
If I could have it my way… oh, wait…I can! This is my website, so I get to do whatever I’d like, right?
Perhaps, I’ve become jaded over time, what with the daily struggle to survive, and all. Maybe, I’m just sick of always watching entitled furry fruit bags, strut around flaunting what they got, like it was the end all, be all!
The point is that I am feeling aggravated this morning, and WordPress, you’re NOT helping! I’m fairly confident in saying that these prompts being repeated year after year after year after year, tells me that WordPress has either successfully pushed my angry button, or successfully made me rethink why I bother answering the prompts, at all!
I’m successful sometimes, and a failure, at others… aren’t we all? Some might focus their attention on a musician, writer, actor, or other specific artist that accomplished great things, sure. But, what about the thousands of human hands and feet that make someone else so successful, like the workers in those wonderful car factories, or the farmers who work to feed them, the ones who build those houses for the successful people to live in. The list is endless.
Success is defined as what, I wonder? Let’s take a look…
suc·cess /səkˈses/
noun: success; plural noun: successes
1. the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.”there is a thin line between success and failure”
the attainment of fame, wealth, or social status.”her success owed more to hard work than luck”
a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains fame, wealth, etc.”overall the fair was a great success”
2. archaicthe good or bad outcome of an undertaking.”the good or ill success of their maritime enterprises”
You see, I believe that every human being has the potential for being successful in whatever they pursue. Now, there isn’t anything wrong with using someone else’s success as your personal motivator, but the danger in that is an insidious and wicked villain, called Comparison. This villain often employs his friends, Self-doubt, Self-pity, and the worst of the gang… Covet! He’s a bugger to get rid of, because once he gets into your space, he assumes that he can stay for as long as he likes!
Honestly, nobody’s ever given me a free ride, on anything! I had to work til my fingers bled, study til my brain went numb, bear the beautiful, yet bitter memories of all my past successes and failures, and have lived most of my recent life, like a rabid Badger, just to stay alive! And, not once, in all those years did I think, if this particular person could go from rags to riches, then so can I. I learned early on that nobody was going to come for me… I had to get up, dust myself off, and walk on.
You know how I often say that when I write out all my grumbles to you guys and gals, by the end, I find that the answers were there all the time… I was just too grumpy to see them. Well, we’ve arrived…
When I think of the word successful, I think of Jesus. He succeeded in absolutely every single thing He was sent to earth to do. Perfect creation, perfect life, perfect example, and perfect prophesy fulfilling death and resurrection. I am successfully alive today, because of a Perfect Savior… now that’s sayin something!
Cookies?
I’m fairly certain that the ground is covered in chocolate brownie dust, not dirt, so the cookies should be safe to eat.
So, Eustace heard us talking about wanting one of those Tiny Homes, and now he’s taken it upon himself to learn construction. He says he plans to build us one, all by himself, though I’m highly suspicious of where this is heading. I think the camel just wants a space of his own, to be honest. The camel really should have his own private space.
While my actual Tiny Home Pipe Dreams will have to wait a bit, I’m not going to tell the camel that. I want Eustace to be happy, don’t you? If building something is his dream, then so be it!
Besides, I’m actually curious to see if he really will build something usable. Then I can suggest he stay in it by himself, just for a while… you know, just to break things in for us.
Once he stays in it, he’ll never want to move out, I think. Well, at least I hope that’s what happens. If I’m wrong about all this, I might have to accept his gift. Oh Lord, don’t make me go camping again… if my Tiny Home has to have wheels, can it please come with a full kitchen and bathroom?
If you’re going to dream, Dream big, right?
In this particular case, I suggest we dream Tiny… Tiny Home, that is.
Undoubtedly, most everyone has a mental list that they’ve probably carried with them since childhood, filled with possible adventures, achievements, hopes, and dreams. But, as most of us discover over time, that mental list morphs into three… would you, could you, or should you!
Take for instance, surfing… surfing, or any water sport, for that matter, could have been something worth trying, but not only has it now turned into a question of whether or not I should, but also aligns with the reality of would I even want to try it?
The answer, in this case would be that while I could have tried a number of open water sports, I wouldn’t have… are you crazy? There’s sharks swimming out in those waters, so I’ll stay on the boat, if you please! Not only that, but at this point in my journey, there’s no way that I should try it… not without breaking something!
I shall now try to write a new list of things that I could, would, and should try for the first time. It’s not nearly as easy as you might think. For example, there’s Karaoke, which is something I always thought I wanted to try. It is something that I can say I would try, and even go as far as to say that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t try it, but the trouble now is that I’m not sure I could! Perhaps what I should try for is the confidence needed to get up in front of people. Will I ever find the courage? Probably not, lol!
Before you start thinking that I’m just a coward, and am too scared to try new stuff, let me remind you of what I have tried…
Modeling, College degree, dog breeder, bird breeder, the entire field of equine husbandry, and horsemanship (dressage, vaulting, breeding, and showing), Mother, Bible Seminary, global travel (England and Ireland), camping, hiking, driving in a semi with my husband for 3 years, painting, pottery, ceramics, crocheting, sewing, becoming a blogger, publishing a book, and soon to be a Grandmother of 8 + my Godson, Peapod!
So, as you can see, I have always had a list, along with every other human being. Who knows how many more years I have left on this beautiful planet, but I don’t ever want my list to stop growing, not ever! I’m fairly certain that I’ve caught God writing on it, though He is rather sneaky about it… He absolutely loves to give me gifts and surprise me with things. I’m not gonna give that up, are you crazy? Don’t ever give up on your list, because that’s where God gives you purpose, my friends.
Don’t forget to try these new cookies for the first time…
Journey With Me! 