As a girl of only eleven, I’d already discovered the item I was most fond of… my survival, or my physical life, if I’m to label it as an actual thing. No, it’s probably not what one might call an item, but sure felt like it.
Daily writing prompt
Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?
Sometimes, life has a way of getting reduced into nothing more than a thing… an item to be played with, bartered, or thrown out when it’s usefulness has been expended.
For some souls, it can take an entire lifetime to figure this out. They don’t feel the harsh bite of reality pop up, for a good long while. Who knows, maybe everyone begins to take notice of being less valuable to society, once the body begins to slow, and they lose the ability to carry on at the pace they once held.
Then there’s souls like mine. We discovered, early on, how little value we held, how we weren’t valuable enough protect, to care about… never worthy enough to be saved! This was my dark alleyway of existence, wandering through the night until I found a place to sleep… doing whatever I had to do to secure food, warmth, and sleep… never safety… just sleep! This life was not much but it was mine, and I valued it above everything else!
I’m 55 now and nearing the age when most are preparing for retirement and their golden years… not this runaway!
I strive to prepare and strengthen myself for something bigger, better and still yet to come.
It has taken some considerably long years to get my life to this moment, and I couldn’t have done it without God. And, I didn’t care for the item I was so attached to, nor cherish it, as I did when I was a child. None the less, I’m grateful to say that it’s still in tact, for the most part.
If you’ve any curiosity about what has become of the item I was so attached to as a youth, you need only read the letters I have written over the years, here on WordPress.
As this site is really all I have to show for explaining things, it will have to suffice as my best answer!
I sat for a good bit this morning, trying to find the words to enter back into the stream of literary traffic that is WordPress… and it’s been hard, to say the least.
If I could sum up the last several months in only a few words, it’d be something like, “alrighty then, wasn’t that a ride!”
I could tell you the details about my health journey, and perhaps in time I may, but now is not the time… maybe later.
On the upside, we’ve a new granddaughter that has to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever lain eyes upon…
From the tip of her tiny toes, all the way to her silky soft hair…
… our Sugarplum was the most wonderful of Christmas package one could ever imagine! While I would love to show you a cascade of new baby pictures, I wish to respect my daughter’s privacy, so for the most part I’ll be using the Avatar created for Maisie unless Mamma gives me approved pic’s for public viewing…
Please forgive any future crazy writing angles, as I’m still trying to right my health situation. When you are physically compromised, it bleeds over into your emotions, as well.
In a tiny nutshell, doctors have failed to offer anything other than more drugs, so we’ve been forced to step back from modern medicine and seek a different route. Basically, we’re DIYing it. I don’t know what’s to come, but God does, so I’m leaving it in His mighty hands.
While God watches over me, I’ve been tasked to continue my writing. I want to publish my works, and I want to be here, with you… my family.
So, with that being said, let’s just get back to it, the writing that is…
Let’s all celebrate and have a party… cause the Punctuation Fairy has returned!!!
After the grocery shopping debacle that morning, her good mood had soured and gained a downward run that she knew would not improve. Her shopping cart wheel had given out in just the right spot coming off of the curb in front of the store letting everything in it simply fly, full force, into a passing car in the parking lot.
After completely re-shopping, off of her crumpled receipt that had a piece of old chewing gum in it, she hurried home in an attempt to unload before her youngest child awoke from a very brief fake nap.
Driving home, the officer did not appreciate the narrative she reeled off as her excuse, giving her a speeding ticket anyway.
Once home, groceries unpacked and children playing, she tried to find solace in a piece of chocolate cake that she had reserved on top of the microwave the night before, only to discover that the cat had peed on the front of the microwave. And yes, she had already eaten the cake when she discovered this bit of information. It had been one of those days!
When she walked into the room to check on her children as they played, she was certain that she heard her 5-year-old say to her Barbie doll, “You #@*ch!”
In shocked horror, the stressed out young mother began to let loose with a scolding lecture regarding language. Looking up from the dollhouse in confusion, her daughter asked, “Mommy, if I can’t call this a bench, then what am I supposed to call it?”
Perspective!
I so want to go back to having the perspective and imagination of a child, without all the grown-up things that derail the good stuff.
That’s a perfect world, which this is not, but the beauty of the human soul is that it can learn, recover, forgive, and grow.
Not only do I not wish to do any re-living at this moment, but I wouldn’t wish any of my life on any other human being!
I hear so many folks talk of what they would do differently if they were to go back in time, but as much as I don’t want to go back… I also wouldn’t trade it for any amount of money!
The me that you see today is a priceless gem, cut from the hardest of stone. I am a blade made of iron, shaped through both fire and ice for tempering… I am a chosen child of God!
Has it been difficult, exhausting and painful, yes!
Have I had to walk through life as an outsider… an outcast? Yes! Most often, I am simply misunderstood by those that surround me.
Have I done any of this alone? Nope!
Whether good, bad or in between… all of it was foreseen by the one who knew of my very birth, before the foundations of the earth had ever come to be…
The path I now walk is a combination of many things, much of what I brought on myself along the way. By revisiting the old me, doing or saying a thing any different than I did the first time around, could possibly undo a lesson that was vitally necessary for my walk with God, at this moment in time. No thanks!
I love the me that I am now, so, as they say… There’s no going back, There’s no better time than the present, or even better yet,
“Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of Man cometh.” (Matt. 24:42–44.) May we heed this warning given by the Lord and get our houses in order and be prepared for the coming of the Lord.
I’ll not waste time looking back, but instead, I shall be ever watchful for His return. I think that is a far better idea, with far better rewards, than re-living any single moment of my earthly life.
I have been sitting here, staring at my own idle fingers on the keyboard, and watching the little clock down in the corner of screen. It is now almost 7:30 am, and I have been sitting here since just before 5, but I have been awake since 2. All my life, sleep and I have not been very good bedfellows. Whether it is a bad dream, or maybe just an overthinking mind, some times I feel like it is more frustrating to try to sleep, than to just get up!
I think that more times than not, getting up and writing out what’s going on, brings me peace. The sad part is, even after I write and feel better, I am still pooped. I might as well keep writing, because I cannot go back to bed until tonight, or I will mess up my whole sleep cycle.
So, what has kept sleep at bay for me? I’m glad you asked. Well, let’s see now, I think it started about 3 or 4 days ago. Have you ever had times where you just feel like you are invisible? Like there are so many souls moving around you, but eyes are vacant? I had come home from an activity that was packed with people, and I should have felt happy, but climbing in to bed that night, I honestly felt like not one of those people would ever remember my name or even my face.
No harm no foul…no one did anything wrong, I simply mean that I felt like it was just a bunch of souls all caught up in their own stresses and struggles that most were just too exhausted to really try to make any real or enriching connection.
Anyway, I just felt a bit deflated, as I rarely stray far from my home to interact with anyone, and once again, it was just an unfulfilling attempt at connecting with others. I’d been feeling that disappointed ever since going out, and just couldn’t seem to shake it off. Then something happened that brought my attention front and center! Sometimes, it’s the little things. This little thing happened to be a knock on our RV door, only the next evening.
When I opened the door there was this girl, just standing there looking at me with a look that I cannot explain. It was enough, though, to draw me completely out the door and down the steps to speak eye to eye with her. I am going to share some things with you, and you may make your own suppositions from there.
I cannot say how old she was, but my best guess was late teens, early 20’s but that’s the best I can do. When I first came out the door, she had a cigarette in her hand and asked if I had any more. I explained that I’d given it up a ways back. She immediately put hers out, gently picking up the cigarette butt and placing it in her pocket. I remember asking her if she was alright, but here is where things get fuzzy…
What I thought she said was, “You are just like me, you know what its like, right?”
The young woman’s voice was so small, I had to lean forward in order to hear her better.
She pointed to my husbands work truck and said that she stopped at our home because maybe we could give her work. My heart ached for the girl, as I had no easy answers or fixes. I gave her directions of where to find shelter and food, but I just felt like that was no consolation.
Then I just thought, I See You!
And, well, my dinner was sitting right inside the door. I begged her to stay there while I went and gathered what I could. I truly thought she would be gone when I got back, but she’d waited. I found her still rooted to the spot behind the truck where I’d left her… patiently waiting for my return.
Please don’t judge me, but all I had was a cheese sandwich and some sliced watermelon. I felt stupid. She looked up at me with such a grateful smile, it seemed as if I had given her a steak from the Outback, or something. She accepted the food, thanked me sweetly, and simply disappeared. I haven’t seen her since.
Looking back, I have pondered a few things…
First of all, at no point did she ever ask me for money. In these times, we all just expect it! They are going to beg for money. Usually, if you offer them anything other than cash, they’ll just take off. She did none of those things. Could she have been a drug user, an alcoholic, or maybe a prostitute, possibly? Does it matter? Should it matter? I don’t think so. I feel like God was telling me to just give and let Him worry about the rest. Why does my ability to share anything God gives me, hinge on whether I think it is deserved. Not sure that’s in the Good Book, anywhere!
Secondly, I have been stymied by her statement about me being just like her and knowing what it was like. I have gone back over it in my mind, and I am now not even sure she actually said it.
Did I hear her say it?
Did God say it in my mind?
She could not know of my cultural origins… I am not even sure what I am!
She couldn’t possibly know that I spent many years of my youth on the streets, just like her. How could she know what I’d sacrificed to stay alive. No one does fully, myself included, because survival instincts sometimes require us to block and/or forget that which was needed for the surviving.
For most it may seem trivial, but for me… I am left feeling like God brought someone directly to my door, because He knew I would answer. I am not tooting my own horn in all this, trust me. I’m telling you about it, only because it was a major shift from my own tendencies. The old me from my upbringing was quite rigid, stubborn, distrustful, and willful. It took a lot of confidence and faith in my spiritual growth, for God to send her my way.
Was she the reason I’d been called in from the wilderness by my Father?
God’s been the only one with the power to draw me in! Honestly, I would prefer staying away, out of self-preservation. I have a tendency to find more comfort and solace in the desert than I do around society. The difference in my life now is the willingness to go in any direction God calls me to.
Sometimes, we don’t even have to go anywhere in order to serve God’s purposes… He brings them to us!
As I am sure you have noticed, I have written several times recently about my attitude of late. I would like to share with you some things that I discovered during this time, all of which are things that I have never realized about myself. Let’s just say that even though it was a very painful lesson for me, I think maybe for the first time in my life, I am going to walk on from this mountain, and return to it no more…
I have really been struggling of late, really missing my animals, as I am a non-pet owner for the first time in my 54 years. Since I am the one always talking about letting go of the Whys, I thought you should know that I still sometimes get caught up in them. I can sometimes be very demanding with God, and overstep myself, pushing Him for insight that I think I deserve. It is times like this that God teaches me as only He can!
I gained this insight, sadly, with great cost to another’s feelings! I guess, in a way, I am sharing this with you so that by writing it down, I can reinforce the lesson gleaned from the damage done, and encourage myself to trust more fully in Gods Timing, not mine!
So, what does this have to do with missing my pets, you ask? Well, long story short, I discovered that for my entire life, the only way I have ever understood what love felt like, was to receive affection from my pets. Not people, just animals. Looking back on my whole life, I realize that somehow, I got all the way here, running off of nothing more than puppy love…not kidding…silly, but totally honest!
I have been struggling terribly of late, feeling so lonely and unloved. I finally see why…I do not have any understanding whatsoever of how to RECEIVE love from people. Animals have been my source of emotional strength since I was tiny, masking the real problem. Believe me, there have been many who have tried to give me love, I just do not know what to do with it, so I continually reject it. Love is given to me and I simply toss it aside, not knowing what it is or what to do with it!
How is this even possible? I am on a hunt to understand, not look for a why, but to understand where the damage is within me that clouds my judgement, in order for God to heal and restore what was broken. I finally see that my pets have been surrogates for me all of my life, and I acquired the habit of turning them into lifelines…
My mother with her dogGidgetSadieBearOllie and PennyMosesGhostHarley
So, the insight is this…There is hope for me yet! God allowed me to lose my crutches so that I might learn to hold His hand for strength, as I learn to accept love for the first time in my entire existence…I know, weird right?
If you are wondering, I think one day I will surely encounter another little furry soul, but maybe this time I can focus more on what I can give them instead of seeking only what I need from them. For now, I think it is time that I focus on some emotional renovations and damage recovery. I have a lot of catching up to do…
Sometimes, our kids say the darndest things. Yes, I know that phrase has been widely used, but I am still going to use it though. If we think about it, the blatant truth of all the things our kids say, would be a catastrophe if we grown ups said them out loud. I guess this memory is the closest example I can give to prove my point.
Out of the mouths of our tiny human replicas, come some of the most jarring, yet accurate truths! While it can sometimes be embarrassing and/or even upsetting, we cannot fault the little truth detectors. As they have no clue regarding protocol or appropriateness of word usage, they are innocent of any malice. Just unadulterated truths that we grown ups learned how to keep zipped up.
Our small protégé are also emulating many of our own beliefs and attitudes, whether we wish to admit this or not. Monkey see monkey do, and our kids often reflect our behavior. But they often reflect to a greater extent, when they blurt out things we have said in the past. We were unaware they were mentally recording us. Childhood also does not come with a full understanding of what, or why grown-ups say and do the things they do.
While talking with my brother-in-law the other day, I was reminded of a funny situation back when his girls were little ones. When my husband and I were first together, he took me to visit his brother and family. It was wonderful to spend time with them, and I instantly fell in love with their daughters. These two girls were so sweet, and very bright for their young age, so I was enthralled.
On one of the mornings of our stay, we all sat around the breakfast table visiting and talking about this and that. When my husband mentioned that I was a photographer, the girls got all excited and asked to see my pictures. I pulled out my laptop and loaded up a file of my recent pictures, taken along our journey across the states to visit them. Somehow, I had a picture in the file of a woman I had done some work with recently. The girls were watching me scroll through the file, and when the picture of the woman appeared, the oldest of the two girls made two consecutive statements, one right after the other… without even a moment’s hesitation.
The first comment could possibly be classed as a reaction verses a statement… she exclaimed, “Oh My!”… and right on the heels of that, she declared, “She’s Hideous”!
I am not sure what was funnier… watching the girls mom turn three shades of red, and immediately try to correct the child, or my brother-in-law almost choking on his food, while laughing hysterically. I wish to point out some very important things to note here. One thing to note here, is that the woman did indeed have a unique look about her, and another note was that the child looked at her parents with some confusion… the tiny truthteller had simply called it like she saw it. She was not being mean, but rather, trying to describe what she saw on the screen. It did not help that my husband was laughing just as hard as his brother, and I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face.
Those girls were probably so confused by the grown-ups, they had no idea what to even say sorry about, or if it was ok to laugh with us or not. At the time, I sucked it up and sided with their mom, as I understood the ramifications if the outburst was not squelched then and there. They could have ended up getting kicked out of daycare for being cheeky. On the other hand, they were not my responsibility in the morality and respect departments, that job belonged to the parents. I found it absolutely Haylarious!
I will end this memory with two observations. One of which, is the fact that the child new without a doubt, what hideous meant and she used it properly. When I was small, my older sister blurted out in the grocery store check out, “John, you are so illegitimate”! He was trying to read the cover of the magazine on the rack, and she thought to say illiterate. The second observation I have made all these years later, looking fondly upon those two girls all grown up. Not only did they turn out to be very bright and beautiful woman, both have their mothers sensibilities as well as their fathers sense of humor… guess which parent they heard the word Hideous from… I wonder.
What a silly question! Are we really so far gone as a society that we need to even ask or answer this question?
Doesn’t everyone pretty much hope for a neighbor that’s quiet, friendly, and unobtrusive? Maybe a few of us that run a bit on the wild side might dream of joining things like neighborhood barbecues, yard sales, and kid’s sports events. But, honestly, does anyone actually invite their insurance agents to their weekend lawn clean-ups?
I would truly love to meet those who have such a close relationship with their insurance provider, they’re frequently given things like free babysitting, house watching, and providing cups of sugar, when we’ve run out of what’s in the cupboards!
Personally, I’d be far more willing to let my neighbor into the back yard than I would an insurance agent. I stopped letting salesman enter my home years back when a carpet salesman threw coffee grounds on my living room carpet and then tried to vacuum them up with his fancy machine. Whose bright idea was that? The company had to pay for the spot to be professionally cleaned.
Years ago, when I was heavily pregnant with my second child, the pump went out, flooding our entire basement with that which we shall not ever mention… it was horrific! We had little money, and no idea what to do. Until our neighbor from across the street, along with several other neighbors, completely repaired, replaced, and re-sanitized the entire lower level of the house, while I simply sat dry-heaving in the front yard. If your insurance agent provides this kind of neighborly service, would you please send my their telephone number, cause our truck is about to throw in the towel!
Maybe it’d be easier to answer this prompt if we opted to use the word brother instead of neighbor, or, for that matter, insurance agent? Why? Because, when you consider what to expect from a family member, can’t your neighbor simply become an extension of that? Or better yet, switch this whole prompt to What Makes a Good Human Being. Let go of names, titles, and relationships… just focus on your fellow humans.
I believe that you should treat every other human being in this world with the respect, love, and kindness that you seek for yourself. Scripture says that we should treat others as we ourselves wish to be treated. I can certainly attest that I strive to never do to others, that which was done to me. Note that I said strive… I’m far from being flawless!
What I am, however, is forgiven, and redeemed; bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ! Therefore, I am called to love my neighbor, my brother, AND my enemies, as myself… Just sayin.
Undoubtedly, most everyone has a mental list that they’ve probably carried with them since childhood, filled with possible adventures, achievements, hopes, and dreams. But, as most of us discover over time, that mental list morphs into three… would you, could you, or should you!
Take for instance, surfing… surfing, or any water sport, for that matter, could have been something worth trying, but not only has it now turned into a question of whether or not I should, but also aligns with the reality of would I even want to try it?
The answer, in this case would be that while I could have tried a number of open water sports, I wouldn’t have… are you crazy? There’s sharks swimming out in those waters, so I’ll stay on the boat, if you please! Not only that, but at this point in my journey, there’s no way that I should try it… not without breaking something!
I shall now try to write a new list of things that I could, would, and should try for the first time. It’s not nearly as easy as you might think. For example, there’s Karaoke, which is something I always thought I wanted to try. It is something that I can say I would try, and even go as far as to say that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t try it, but the trouble now is that I’m not sure I could! Perhaps what I should try for is the confidence needed to get up in front of people. Will I ever find the courage? Probably not, lol!
Before you start thinking that I’m just a coward, and am too scared to try new stuff, let me remind you of what I have tried…
Modeling, College degree, dog breeder, bird breeder, the entire field of equine husbandry, and horsemanship (dressage, vaulting, breeding, and showing), Mother, Bible Seminary, global travel (England and Ireland), camping, hiking, driving in a semi with my husband for 3 years, painting, pottery, ceramics, crocheting, sewing, becoming a blogger, publishing a book, and soon to be a Grandmother of 8 + my Godson, Peapod!
So, as you can see, I have always had a list, along with every other human being. Who knows how many more years I have left on this beautiful planet, but I don’t ever want my list to stop growing, not ever! I’m fairly certain that I’ve caught God writing on it, though He is rather sneaky about it… He absolutely loves to give me gifts and surprise me with things. I’m not gonna give that up, are you crazy? Don’t ever give up on your list, because that’s where God gives you purpose, my friends.
Don’t forget to try these new cookies for the first time…
Eustace watched Game of Thrones, and now he walks around the house dressed like he’s about to go hunting, whispering “winter is coming”, in the most ominous way… and then quickly adds, “so eat your vegetables!”
He seems to think that it’s hilarious, and has chosen to perform this little ball of apparent comical genius for the company’s Fall Festival Talent Contest.
Ok, maybe it is sort of funny, but I’m not so sure it’ll win him any prizes.
Is this one of those times when you tell your friend their fantastic, because you don’t want to hurt their feelings? You know, like they do for all those contestants auditioning for all those talent shows on television? I don’t want to mention the actual shows, since I think that American Idol and America’s Got Talent have legal teams that block people from using their names for things like this.
Anyway, I don’t know what to do, here. Should I let him do it, or should I try to talk him out of it?
He is a cheeky camel, as you know, so perhaps he really doesn’t care what others think. Who knows? Maybe he’ll be a hit! I mean, he did take an unscheduled summer vacation, and they welcomed him back with open arms. For all we know, he might actually win the contest and become an overnight star!
If you want to know the truth of the matter, I think this whole venture has more to do with retaliation, than any trophy or applause! You see, I think Eustace got his feelings hurt when the company turned down his idea for adding a fresh vegetable cart in the break room. They stated that with the Holidays right around the corner, there wasn’t enough **((time))** to add another venue to the company’s upcoming employee events…
Camel’s are stubborn, you know. I don’t think this is over, do you?
Journey With Me! 