(2023) Do You Remember…

Truth Tellers…

Sometimes, our kids say the darndest things. Yes, I know that phrase has been widely used, but I am still going to use it though. If we think about it, the blatant truth of all the things our kids say, would be a catastrophe if we grown ups said them out loud. I guess this memory is the closest example I can give to prove my point.

Out of the mouths of our tiny human replicas, come some of the most jarring, yet accurate truths!  While it can sometimes be embarrassing and/or even upsetting, we cannot fault the little truth detectors.  As they have no clue regarding protocol or appropriateness of word usage, they are innocent of any malice.  Just unadulterated truths that we grown ups learned how to keep zipped up. 

Our small protégé are also emulating many of our own beliefs and attitudes, whether we wish to admit this or not.  Monkey see monkey do, and our kids often reflect our behavior.  But they often reflect to a greater extent, when they blurt out things we have said in the past.  We were unaware they were mentally recording us.  Childhood also does not come with a full understanding of what, or why grown-ups say and do the things they do.

While talking with my brother-in-law the other day, I was reminded of a funny situation back when his girls were little ones.  When my husband and I were first together, he took me to visit his brother and family.  It was wonderful to spend time with them, and I instantly fell in love with their daughters.  These two girls were so sweet, and very bright for their young age, so I was enthralled.

On one of the mornings of our stay, we all sat around the breakfast table visiting and talking about this and that.  When my husband mentioned that I was a photographer, the girls got all excited and asked to see my pictures.  I pulled out my laptop and loaded up a file of my recent pictures, taken along our journey across the states to visit them.  Somehow, I had a picture in the file of a woman I had done some work with recently.  The girls were watching me scroll through the file, and when the picture of the woman appeared, the oldest of the two girls made two consecutive statements, one right after the other… without even a moment’s hesitation.

The first comment could possibly be classed as a reaction verses a statement… she exclaimed, “Oh My!”… and right on the heels of that, she declared, “She’s Hideous”! 

I am not sure what was funnier… watching the girls mom turn three shades of red, and immediately try to correct the child, or my brother-in-law almost choking on his food, while laughing hysterically.  I wish to point out some very important things to note here.  One thing to note here, is that the woman did indeed have a unique look about her, and another note was that the child looked at her parents with some confusion… the tiny truthteller had simply called it like she saw it.  She was not being mean, but rather, trying to describe what she saw on the screen.  It did not help that my husband was laughing just as hard as his brother, and I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. 

Those girls were probably so confused by the grown-ups, they had no idea what to even say sorry about, or if it was ok to laugh with us or not.  At the time, I sucked it up and sided with their mom, as I understood the ramifications if the outburst was not squelched then and there. They could have ended up getting kicked out of daycare for being cheeky. On the other hand, they were not my responsibility in the morality and respect departments, that job belonged to the parents. I found it absolutely Haylarious!

I will end this memory with two observations. One of which, is the fact that the child new without a doubt, what hideous meant and she used it properly. When I was small, my older sister blurted out in the grocery store check out, “John, you are so illegitimate”! He was trying to read the cover of the magazine on the rack, and she thought to say illiterate. The second observation I have made all these years later, looking fondly upon those two girls all grown up. Not only did they turn out to be very bright and beautiful woman, both have their mothers sensibilities as well as their fathers sense of humor… guess which parent they heard the word Hideous from… I wonder.

(Oct. 2023) Note To Self…

Encountering Mountains

Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com

We have all been in that place during our lives, at one time or another, when where we want to be seems to be obscured by so many mountain size obstacles in our way… or even worse, our path or walkway is going in an entirely different direction than where we’d intended.

When I feel frustrated with repeat outcomes of situations (obstacles) I have struggled with numerous times in my journey, I like to remind myself to change my perspective… for a bit of “keep it real” sort of thinking. Sometimes I forget whose in control of things and find myself trying to move or stuff or shove things where they do not fit. For those times I might need it, I wanted to leave myself a note of encouragement in this regard, so I asked Google for some suggestions.

I stumbled upon an great saying, and by a doctor no less. His name is Dr. Wayne Dyer and he is a writer and motivational speaker. Maybe check him out if you get a chance.

Todays Note to Self #10 is one from an article Dyer published…

“If you challenge the way you look at obstacles, the obstacles you look at change”.

This says everything without me adding any more… so that is saying something.

There is a song I want to share with you, as it speaks to my heart when I face mountains in my life… maybe take a moment to have a listen. The God Who Moves the Mountains by Corey Voss

Music is so good for the soul…

(2017) Who Am I?

I know that we all, at some point, ask ourselves the question, “Who am I?”  The easy answer would come from looking at the past and adding up all that we have done to date, right?!

  I am sure that  if I were wealthy with a following of friends that adored me, I might feel quite accomplished… 

 I suppose it would be easier to justify mistakes and costly losses, reassuring myself that it has made me who I am so it was worth it.  

How much money would it take for me to be OK with that last comment?

 How many friends would it take for me to not feel regret over any hurts that I have caused due to my selfish mistakes in life?  I am not saying that I want to walk through my life in misery over my past failures, but they are there all the same, always floating in the shadows, seeking to pull me down into the depths of despair.  

Being a human with faults and imperfections embedded in my nature is quite daunting, and yet God sees me as a precious treasure…go figure.

 Rather than dropping a rock on my head, He lifts me up, and always seeks to reassure and encourage me with His grace and mercy.  It seems that my brokenness and failures are where God teaches me the most about who I am.  He does not seek me and love me because I am so good, but rather, because I recognize that I cannot do anything without Him.  

I am not expressing my feelings to teach some big lesson, nor am I judging anyone else who may have an easier life than mine; I’m simply sharing my heart in regards to my relationship with Christ.  

I am on a journey of self discovery and what I have found is that Who I am is Christ in me!

 I have accepted that I cannot do anything without Him.  I have spent nearly 50 years trying to do it on my own strength and have left a path of mistakes and regrets that I will carry to my grave. 

But the difference now is that I do not carry them alone, but with the strength, forgiveness and love of my Heavenly Father, who walks before me, behind me, and beside me…often carrying me.  

Who am I?

I am Redeemed, Reborn, Renewed, Forgiven, Cherished, and a Child of the Risen King!

(2024) Why?

Daily writing prompt
What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?

As I’m soon to be looking back at 55, I think my path is pretty firmly set in one direction… God’s!

We’ve recently answered a prompt, regarding taking a risk at something new, and another prompt asking if we were guaranteed not to fail, what would we attempt… so I’m not sure how many more times the prompt can try to beat a dead horse, as they say.

Still, I realize that not everyone has seen these questions before, so I shall do my due diligence at answering with something decent, for those that are new to the daily prompts.

So, in the words of Shakespeare, “once more unto the breach.” I got this…

While I have pursued multiple different careers throughout my younger years, I’m no longer interested in any of them. Add to that, the fact that I’m not considering any new directions at all, aside from the path I now follow… this one’s a deal breaker on any other pursuit I’ve ever chased after!

My career pursuits involve following only One CEO, One Leader… One! How boring and confining, you might be thinking. On the contrary, my friends. This career path has me fully engaged, at every moment, and in every action or thought. I walk with a magnificent Leader, who has me in the word, on my knees in prayer, feet on the ground out here in the trenches… and fully sustained, at all times!

My life is full of joy, adventure, action, suspense… and He has me constantly on the move… and with Him, at all times.

In all my years, never have I been hired by someone who knows me better than He does… and I’ve not been fired yet!

Before you start thinking that I’m lazy or something, maybe living the posh life, and too comfortable in my current position… you might consider my resume before being too quick to form an opinion on this matter:

0 to 13 years of age, severe childhood trauma

13 to 18 years of age, ^#$%^&^

18 to 34 years of age, pregnant 9 times with only 3 born to me, divorced, denied by the church, disowned by my family, and abandoned by those I knew as friends.

Lost and running in the wastelands for 16 more years… 16!

The rest of my career credentials, as well as my production timeline, will be within the archives of My Closet. I’ve already shared far more of my job description than anyone should have to wade through… and no, there won’t be a cover letter to accompany this Responsume…

But I did make cookies…

Honestly, I don’t know how these exec’s are going to get anything accomplished, with their mouths stuffed with cookies… sheesh guys, slow it down!

(2016) The Journey!

** I don’t know about anyone else, but I often write letters to God. This was from one of my old journals, I believe. Back when I first started writing on WP, there were a number of posts in which I shared pieces from my prayer journals. This one is a bit rough around the edges, but still worth reading in its original form.**

Prayer Journal Entry November 2016:

“…I will trust you Father.  I choose to trust You. 

I know that You are working for my good.  I know that You love me.  I know that all You ask is that I follow you, that I let You lead me, and to be obedient to You.  If you called me home today, would I be excited or would I be ashamed of my attitude.

I have been asking You to change me and that is what you are doing.  You are constant and unchanging but I am not.  I need to be soft and moldable so that You can shape me into more of Your image…loving, peaceful, patient, kind, gracious, full of mercy, compassionate, gentle, and giving.  You don’t sit in Your Holy Mountain basking in Your own glory and wealth, rather, You are constantly, and forever pursuing Your children, delighting in them, helping them, teaching them, protecting them and blessing them.

You are a mighty God, a jealous God who craves His children’s love and obedience.  You do not want us, Your children, to place anything above You.  I do not wish to love my life so much that  I seek to satisfy my own desires more than I seek to please You.  When I am called home, I will not be bringing a house or car or a bank account full of money.  What I will be bringing with me is my heart and my mind.  My memories come with me, the choices in my life come with me, both the memory of consequences and the memory of blessings and obedience.

I want my heart to be filled with joy and laughter and love, not resentment and self-pity or jealousy.  It’s funny how a suitcase or even a U-Haul has only so much physical space available, but a human heart, small as it is, has the capacity for an endless supply of love and emotion and passion.  I choose to pack my heart for the journey home to you…”

(2023) I’m a Cookie Monster at Heart…

Daily writing prompt
What food would you say is your specialty?

While I can make a pretty mean chili, salsa that can melt the paint off a house, homemade soup bowls to fill with dreams, and a good many other dishes I picked up along the way… baking is my passion!

Not just baking, but desserts mainly… and not just desserts… I LOVE COOKIIIIEEEESSSSS!

I am well versed in baking most types of cookies, but my most highly prized handheld delight would by my secret recipe of ………………..

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

These are not just anybody’s cookies, but my own twisted version. While I won’t tell you the exact recipe, I will say that it mostly has to do with HOW I bake them, more so than all my secret stuff I throw in before baking the dreamy mouthfuls.

Let me just say that I have perfected the art of perfect oven temperature, yummy ingredients, and a sore back from standing bent over in front of the oven, and watching for the perfect moment to pull em…

They come out golden brown and crispy on the surface, but when you break them open they are perfectly ooey gooey on the inside… A tall glass of milk is a must for these, as I forgot to mention that I make them about the size of an open hand, not a child’s hand, no no no, but a grown up people size hand…

They were Huge!

When my girls were small, we spent a great amount of time involved in church. Every spring the church would do bake sales to raise funds for our Children’s Ministries. I would make a triple batch of my cookies, wrap them individually in colored cellophane and ribbon, set up a spot on the church bake sale table, and watch the cookies disappear within less than a half hour. That’s a lot of cookies people, A LOT!

When I refused time and again to give up my recipe to some of the moms, I seriously worried for my safety a few times… lol… just kidding!

I did often jokingly say that my recipe was a Government Secret and if I told them the recipe, I would have to make them disappear… that always got some laughs.

So there you have it folks, hot off the press… we can bake cookies pretty good!

**The original cookies had mold all over them, so, as per my commitment to quality… These are fresh!

Wednesday Words…

If you hadn’t already noticed, my writing has been rather ping pong like, of late. The lack of nutrition, lack of proper medication, and lack of any urgency by my doctor, has begun taking a toll on my ability to concentrate fully… not to mention the mental and emotional toll.

The soonest the surgeon could see me is November 6th, due to his being on vacation. Apparently, when a doctor takes time off, the world has to stop getting sick til they get back in the office. I’m rather surprised that a fully functioning hospital only has one specialty GI surgeon on staff. Anyway, they were going to make me wait until December 18th until I began to sob uncontrollably and beg them to see me sooner. According to the surgeons scheduling nurse, my referring GI doctor has at no point, made mention in my chart notes of any urgency in things. I don’t think doctors want to doctor any longer.

At least they moved my appointment closer, but that means I still have to make it another 2 more weeks, just for the consultation. I’ll still have to wait for him to agree that it’s medically necessary, let alone schedule a surgery.

I’ve been surviving on a bowl of oatmeal, and a chicken/rice/vegi bowl thing I’ve concocted for optimal caloric and nutritional needs… I can’t get beyond about 650 calories per day. This has been my meal plan since the beginning of July.

That means no coffee, gluten, dairy, chocolate, and absolutely everything outside of a list of about 8 safe items to meet my needs daily. I am slowly starving to death, but at least it’s SLOWLY, which buys me time.

I am fully in God’s hands, so no worries. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, writing out my feelings on WordPress, is really my only outlet. I often share my journey with you, not for pity or pocket change, but to remind myself that I exist, and am called to continue forward in faith… even when my strength is gone. Thankfully, that is where God shines the brightest!

The reason for all this TMI is simply this,

For the next few weeks I’ll be posting articles solely from the archives. As I feel that my health situation has compromised my ability to write amidst this part of my journey, I’ll be relying on all the oldies but goodies, so you should enjoy it, I think.

I won’t be absent from you, nor will I stop reading and supporting you in all that you do. I simply need to get past this little dip in the road, if that makes any sense.

Let’s have some fun with these next few weeks and go wild with all the memories! I want to do a whole retro thingie, reposting some of the Do You Remember Mondays, Investigating Truths, Live Novel Fridays, Note To Self Saturdays, and even some Live Wire Sundays.

And, I give you my solemn oath that I shall bake fresh virtual cookies, even though the articles aren’t fresh. Stale cookies just won’t do…

It’s time to bake bread…

Today, I shall be tackling Gluten-free bread baking, both sweet and savory, I think.

I know for certain that I want cinnamon in there, somewhere.

This’ll be my first attempts at working with yeasted Gluten-free dough, so pray for me, lol!

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone… Hugs

Thursday Thoughts…

John the Baptist lived in the desert for most of his adult life, surviving on honey and locusts… but he was never alone!

God found a young King David, living and tending his father’s flocks, in solitude.

God met Moses from a burning bush, while in the wilderness.

God helped Noah build the ark, mostly in solitude, aside from when his sons aided in the work.

God gathered Jonah in the belly of a whale, to bring him about.

Jesus spent 40 days and nights in the desert, being tormented and tested by the Devil, himself… but we know that He was NEVER alone! He had an entire host of angels with Him, prepared to serve at all cost, upon the call of their Lord!

When one claims that God met them where they were, in the depth of their own journeys, this is the heart of who God is! We are never alone, even if we listen to the lies of the enemy, being deceived into believing that God does not care, does not see, or wish to give aid.

I have felt God’s hand on the back of my shirt, yanking me three feet backwards, only to see a car fly past and into the wall of the building beside me…

When I lay bleeding to death on a hospital gurney, He stood over me…

When my truck was careening toward the cliffside, during a late night snow storm in the mountains of Colorado, I felt the invisible hand of God grab my truck in one immediate grasp, ripping the steering wheel out of my hands, and turning the nose of my truck back toward the mountainside, allowing me to slowly coast all the way back to the mountain side of the road, and gently coming to a stop.

GOD is with us!

Christ is our firm foundation!

God is faithful!

He will never leave, nor forsake you… just look up!

He has done, is doing, and will do ALL that is within His purpose, plan, and design.

God found me in the desert. Let me show you…

This is from 2023, and it’s the second part of another story that you’ve probably read from my Investigating Truths series. What follows is my best explanation of how God found me:

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Where does one run to in the desert…

What pushed me to run so hard

Well, whatever drove me with such force towards my own end, I am no longer even sure of…but I fled blindly into the wastelands, none the less.

 Do you remember those old tin can and yarn phones we played with as kids?  No matter how far apart we were from each other, as long as we talked into the can, we could hear what the other was saying.  It may be a strange way of explaining this connection God has with me, but from my beginning, there has always been an invisible string between He and I.  You may scoff, but the only way to prove it is to tell you what I have seen! 

In my blind flight, I wandered into the dead lands where the enemy dwelt!  Everywhere I ran, they sought me hungrily!  Time and again I was ravaged by the wickedness that pursued me ever so steadily, methodically drawing blood in small lethal quantities, eagerly gaining strength from the flesh that was being pulled from my frame.  I found myself at my end, in a pile of bones that must have belonged to many previous victims. 

All it took that night, was a simple tug on the yarn between those two tin cans…not sure if it broke or simply tugged, but it was enough!

 This is how I believe He arrived before me…

As I felt my breath leaving my chest for the end, there came a soft vibration from within the pile of bones I lay on, up from the ground beneath.  All I know is that it grew in intensity until my very blood vibrated with a resonance that I cannot mistake as the thunderous footfalls of my Father at an intense dead run through the desert!  He was coming! 

In my end, I did not have even the strength to open my eyes, but the sounds I heard were overwhelming…Lightening striking the ground and thunderous explosions emitting from the very hand of my Father, were all that I could hear.  The screams of death were in my ears and the smell burning flesh was in my nostrils causing me to open my eyes in alarm, only to witness the Full Level of Gods anger being directed at my enemies.  As the smoke cleared and the sounds died down, I simply let go of my spirit, unable to carry on any longer.  As I felt the darkness consume me, there was something tugging at my mind, something pulling on that string attached to my spirit, I think.   

There came a fragrance, sweeter than any flower I had ever smelled! Wafting gently through the dark, it steadily began soaking into my very fiber…I recognized it from somewhere deep within, as the very breath of God.  Every single place of damage within my spirit became drenched in the warm healing power of His breath!  From that place of complete exhausted surrender, my Father began tending my every wound.  I cannot say how long He stayed there in the wasteland with me, slowly and steadily mending each place that had been damaged.  When I gained strength to stand and walk again, He did not leave me, even then!

 Together, my father and I walked hand in hand back toward the Cities of Souls, and I did not care because I knew He was with me and I need not fear all those souls any longer.  Before I realized it, time had rolled forward and I suddenly found myself standing on a hillside on the outskirts of the city.  When I turned in question to my Father, unsure of our path, He smiled gently and cupped my chin gently in His hands.  He need not even say words out loud, as I could clearly read His thoughts from within my mind. 

Stretching out His arm toward the city caused my eyes to follow where He pointed.  Clearly, I could see a small path weaving all of the way through the city to the mountains of God on the other side.  I could see, if I looked closely, small lights illuminating the path frequently.  It was time for me to walk steadily down that path and through the Cities of Souls, making sure to follow His clearly marked path.  If I held to the path, even when I felt lost or discouraged, the path would get me home, where my Almighty God was preparing a place for me. 

If I needed Him, I need only reach out for Him, smelling the air for His fragrant breath, which kept those lights along the path glowing brightly.  With a love like this, I am now compelled to walk forward into those Cities of Souls, no longer just a wild child, but alas, an imperfectly beautiful Woman of Grace!

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God; trust also in me.  In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.  I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

John 14:1-4