** I don’t know about anyone else, but I often write letters to God. This was from one of my old journals, I believe. Back when I first started writing on WP, there were a number of posts in which I shared pieces from my prayer journals. This one is a bit rough around the edges, but still worth reading in its original form.**
Prayer Journal Entry November 2016:
“…I will trust you Father. I choose to trust You.
I know that You are working for my good. I know that You love me. I know that all You ask is that I follow you, that I let You lead me, and to be obedient to You. If you called me home today, would I be excited or would I be ashamed of my attitude.
I have been asking You to change me and that is what you are doing. You are constant and unchanging but I am not. I need to be soft and moldable so that You can shape me into more of Your image…loving, peaceful, patient, kind, gracious, full of mercy, compassionate, gentle, and giving. You don’t sit in Your Holy Mountain basking in Your own glory and wealth, rather, You are constantly, and forever pursuing Your children, delighting in them, helping them, teaching them, protecting them and blessing them.
You are a mighty God, a jealous God who craves His children’s love and obedience. You do not want us, Your children, to place anything above You. I do not wish to love my life so much that I seek to satisfy my own desires more than I seek to please You. When I am called home, I will not be bringing a house or car or a bank account full of money. What I will be bringing with me is my heart and my mind. My memories come with me, the choices in my life come with me, both the memory of consequences and the memory of blessings and obedience.
I want my heart to be filled with joy and laughter and love, not resentment and self-pity or jealousy. It’s funny how a suitcase or even a U-Haul has only so much physical space available, but a human heart, small as it is, has the capacity for an endless supply of love and emotion and passion. I choose to pack my heart for the journey home to you…”
While I can make a pretty mean chili, salsa that can melt the paint off a house, homemade soup bowls to fill with dreams, and a good many other dishes I picked up along the way… baking is my passion!
Not just baking, but desserts mainly… and not just desserts… I LOVE COOKIIIIEEEESSSSS!
I am well versed in baking most types of cookies, but my most highly prized handheld delight would by my secret recipe of ………………..
Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies
These are not just anybody’s cookies, but my own twisted version. While I won’t tell you the exact recipe, I will say that it mostly has to do with HOW I bake them, more so than all my secret stuff I throw in before baking the dreamy mouthfuls.
Let me just say that I have perfected the art of perfect oven temperature, yummy ingredients, and a sore back from standing bent over in front of the oven, and watching for the perfect moment to pull em…
They come out golden brown and crispy on the surface, but when you break them open they are perfectly ooey gooey on the inside… A tall glass of milk is a must for these, as I forgot to mention that I make them about the size of an open hand, not a child’s hand, no no no, but a grown up people size hand…
They were Huge!
When my girls were small, we spent a great amount of time involved in church. Every spring the church would do bake sales to raise funds for our Children’s Ministries. I would make a triple batch of my cookies, wrap them individually in colored cellophane and ribbon, set up a spot on the church bake sale table, and watch the cookies disappear within less than a half hour. That’s a lot of cookies people, A LOT!
When I refused time and again to give up my recipe to some of the moms, I seriously worried for my safety a few times… lol… just kidding!
I did often jokingly say that my recipe was a Government Secret and if I told them the recipe, I would have to make them disappear… that always got some laughs.
So there you have it folks, hot off the press… we can bake cookies pretty good!
**The original cookies had mold all over them, so, as per my commitment to quality… These are fresh!
If you hadn’t already noticed, my writing has been rather ping pong like, of late. The lack of nutrition, lack of proper medication, and lack of any urgency by my doctor, has begun taking a toll on my ability to concentrate fully… not to mention the mental and emotional toll.
The soonest the surgeon could see me is November 6th, due to his being on vacation. Apparently, when a doctor takes time off, the world has to stop getting sick til they get back in the office. I’m rather surprised that a fully functioning hospital only has one specialty GI surgeon on staff. Anyway, they were going to make me wait until December 18th until I began to sob uncontrollably and beg them to see me sooner. According to the surgeons scheduling nurse, my referring GI doctor has at no point, made mention in my chart notes of any urgency in things. I don’t think doctors want to doctor any longer.
At least they moved my appointment closer, but that means I still have to make it another 2 more weeks, just for the consultation. I’ll still have to wait for him to agree that it’s medically necessary, let alone schedule a surgery.
I’ve been surviving on a bowl of oatmeal, and a chicken/rice/vegi bowl thing I’ve concocted for optimal caloric and nutritional needs… I can’t get beyond about 650 calories per day. This has been my meal plan since the beginning of July.
That means no coffee, gluten, dairy, chocolate, and absolutely everything outside of a list of about 8 safe items to meet my needs daily. I am slowly starving to death, but at least it’s SLOWLY, which buys me time.
I am fully in God’s hands, so no worries. Like I’ve mentioned in the past, writing out my feelings on WordPress, is really my only outlet. I often share my journey with you, not for pity or pocket change, but to remind myself that I exist, and am called to continue forward in faith… even when my strength is gone. Thankfully, that is where God shines the brightest!
The reason for all this TMI is simply this,
For the next few weeks I’ll be posting articles solely from the archives. As I feel that my health situation has compromised my ability to write amidst this part of my journey, I’ll be relying on all the oldies but goodies, so you should enjoy it, I think.
I won’t be absent from you, nor will I stop reading and supporting you in all that you do. I simply need to get past this little dip in the road, if that makes any sense.
Let’s have some fun with these next few weeks and go wild with all the memories! I want to do a whole retro thingie, reposting some of the Do You Remember Mondays, Investigating Truths, Live Novel Fridays, Note To Self Saturdays, and even some Live Wire Sundays.
And, I give you my solemn oath that I shall bake fresh virtual cookies, even though the articles aren’t fresh. Stale cookies just won’t do…
John the Baptist lived in the desert for most of his adult life, surviving on honey and locusts… but he was never alone!
God found a young King David, living and tending his father’s flocks, in solitude.
God met Moses from a burning bush, while in the wilderness.
God helped Noah build the ark, mostly in solitude, aside from when his sons aided in the work.
God gathered Jonah in the belly of a whale, to bring him about.
Jesus spent 40 days and nights in the desert, being tormented and tested by the Devil, himself… but we know that He was NEVER alone! He had an entire host of angels with Him, prepared to serve at all cost, upon the call of their Lord!
When one claims that God met them where they were, in the depth of their own journeys, this is the heart of who God is! We are never alone, even if we listen to the lies of the enemy, being deceived into believing that God does not care, does not see, or wish to give aid.
I have felt God’s hand on the back of my shirt, yanking me three feet backwards, only to see a car fly past and into the wall of the building beside me…
When I lay bleeding to death on a hospital gurney, He stood over me…
When my truck was careening toward the cliffside, during a late night snow storm in the mountains of Colorado, I felt the invisible hand of God grab my truck in one immediate grasp, ripping the steering wheel out of my hands, and turning the nose of my truck back toward the mountainside, allowing me to slowly coast all the way back to the mountain side of the road, and gently coming to a stop.
GOD is with us!
Christ is our firm foundation!
God is faithful!
He will never leave, nor forsake you… just look up!
He has done, is doing, and will do ALL that is within His purpose, plan, and design.
God found me in the desert. Let me show you…
This is from 2023, and it’s the second part of another story that you’ve probably read from my Investigating Truths series. What follows is my best explanation of how God found me:
Well, whatever drove me with such force towards my own end, I am no longer even sure of…but I fled blindly into the wastelands, none the less.
Do you remember those old tin can and yarn phones we played with as kids? No matter how far apart we were from each other, as long as we talked into the can, we could hear what the other was saying. It may be a strange way of explaining this connection God has with me, but from my beginning, there has always been an invisible string between He and I. You may scoff, but the only way to prove it is to tell you what I have seen!
In my blind flight, I wandered into the dead lands where the enemy dwelt! Everywhere I ran, they sought me hungrily! Time and again I was ravaged by the wickedness that pursued me ever so steadily, methodically drawing blood in small lethal quantities, eagerly gaining strength from the flesh that was being pulled from my frame. I found myself at my end, in a pile of bones that must have belonged to many previous victims.
All it took that night, was a simple tug on the yarn between those two tin cans…not sure if it broke or simply tugged, but it was enough!
This is how I believe He arrived before me…
As I felt my breath leaving my chest for the end, there came a soft vibration from within the pile of bones I lay on, up from the ground beneath. All I know is that it grew in intensity until my very blood vibrated with a resonance that I cannot mistake as the thunderous footfalls of my Father at an intense dead run through the desert! He was coming!
In my end, I did not have even the strength to open my eyes, but the sounds I heard were overwhelming…Lightening striking the ground and thunderous explosions emitting from the very hand of my Father, were all that I could hear. The screams of death were in my ears and the smell burning flesh was in my nostrils causing me to open my eyes in alarm, only to witness the Full Level of Gods anger being directed at my enemies. As the smoke cleared and the sounds died down, I simply let go of my spirit, unable to carry on any longer. As I felt the darkness consume me, there was something tugging at my mind, something pulling on that string attached to my spirit, I think.
There came a fragrance, sweeter than any flower I had ever smelled! Wafting gently through the dark, it steadily began soaking into my very fiber…I recognized it from somewhere deep within, as the very breath of God. Every single place of damage within my spirit became drenched in the warm healing power of His breath! From that place of complete exhausted surrender, my Father began tending my every wound. I cannot say how long He stayed there in the wasteland with me, slowly and steadily mending each place that had been damaged. When I gained strength to stand and walk again, He did not leave me, even then!
Together, my father and I walked hand in hand back toward the Cities of Souls, and I did not care because I knew He was with me and I need not fear all those souls any longer. Before I realized it, time had rolled forward and I suddenly found myself standing on a hillside on the outskirts of the city. When I turned in question to my Father, unsure of our path, He smiled gently and cupped my chin gently in His hands. He need not even say words out loud, as I could clearly read His thoughts from within my mind.
Stretching out His arm toward the city caused my eyes to follow where He pointed. Clearly, I could see a small path weaving all of the way through the city to the mountains of God on the other side. I could see, if I looked closely, small lights illuminating the path frequently. It was time for me to walk steadily down that path and through the Cities of Souls, making sure to follow His clearly marked path. If I held to the path, even when I felt lost or discouraged, the path would get me home, where my Almighty God was preparing a place for me.
If I needed Him, I need only reach out for Him, smelling the air for His fragrant breath, which kept those lights along the path glowing brightly. With a love like this, I am now compelled to walk forward into those Cities of Souls, no longer just a wild child, but alas, an imperfectly beautiful Woman of Grace!
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
First of all, I think that the prompt would have been far more entertaining if they’d asked about failures… just sayin! I could have had a glorious time picking out a hilarious mistake to write about, and who I thought was to blame, lol! Secondly, why should I write about one person, in particular?
If I could have it my way… oh, wait…I can! This is my website, so I get to do whatever I’d like, right?
Perhaps, I’ve become jaded over time, what with the daily struggle to survive, and all. Maybe, I’m just sick of always watching entitled furry fruit bags, strut around flaunting what they got, like it was the end all, be all!
The point is that I am feeling aggravated this morning, and WordPress, you’re NOT helping! I’m fairly confident in saying that these prompts being repeated year after year after year after year, tells me that WordPress has either successfully pushed my angry button, or successfully made me rethink why I bother answering the prompts, at all!
I’m successful sometimes, and a failure, at others… aren’t we all? Some might focus their attention on a musician, writer, actor, or other specific artist that accomplished great things, sure. But, what about the thousands of human hands and feet that make someone else so successful, like the workers in those wonderful car factories, or the farmers who work to feed them, the ones who build those houses for the successful people to live in. The list is endless.
Success is defined as what, I wonder? Let’s take a look…
suc·cess /səkˈses/
noun: success; plural noun: successes
1. the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.”there is a thin line between success and failure”
the attainment of fame, wealth, or social status.”her success owed more to hard work than luck”
a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains fame, wealth, etc.”overall the fair was a great success”
2. archaicthe good or bad outcome of an undertaking.”the good or ill success of their maritime enterprises”
You see, I believe that every human being has the potential for being successful in whatever they pursue. Now, there isn’t anything wrong with using someone else’s success as your personal motivator, but the danger in that is an insidious and wicked villain, called Comparison. This villain often employs his friends, Self-doubt, Self-pity, and the worst of the gang… Covet! He’s a bugger to get rid of, because once he gets into your space, he assumes that he can stay for as long as he likes!
Honestly, nobody’s ever given me a free ride, on anything! I had to work til my fingers bled, study til my brain went numb, bear the beautiful, yet bitter memories of all my past successes and failures, and have lived most of my recent life, like a rabid Badger, just to stay alive! And, not once, in all those years did I think, if this particular person could go from rags to riches, then so can I. I learned early on that nobody was going to come for me… I had to get up, dust myself off, and walk on.
You know how I often say that when I write out all my grumbles to you guys and gals, by the end, I find that the answers were there all the time… I was just too grumpy to see them. Well, we’ve arrived…
When I think of the word successful, I think of Jesus. He succeeded in absolutely every single thing He was sent to earth to do. Perfect creation, perfect life, perfect example, and perfect prophesy fulfilling death and resurrection. I am successfully alive today, because of a Perfect Savior… now that’s sayin something!
Cookies?
I’m fairly certain that the ground is covered in chocolate brownie dust, not dirt, so the cookies should be safe to eat.
What a silly question! Are we really so far gone as a society that we need to even ask or answer this question?
Doesn’t everyone pretty much hope for a neighbor that’s quiet, friendly, and unobtrusive? Maybe a few of us that run a bit on the wild side might dream of joining things like neighborhood barbecues, yard sales, and kid’s sports events. But, honestly, does anyone actually invite their insurance agents to their weekend lawn clean-ups?
I would truly love to meet those who have such a close relationship with their insurance provider, they’re frequently given things like free babysitting, house watching, and providing cups of sugar, when we’ve run out of what’s in the cupboards!
Personally, I’d be far more willing to let my neighbor into the back yard than I would an insurance agent. I stopped letting salesman enter my home years back when a carpet salesman threw coffee grounds on my living room carpet and then tried to vacuum them up with his fancy machine. Whose bright idea was that? The company had to pay for the spot to be professionally cleaned.
Years ago, when I was heavily pregnant with my second child, the pump went out, flooding our entire basement with that which we shall not ever mention… it was horrific! We had little money, and no idea what to do. Until our neighbor from across the street, along with several other neighbors, completely repaired, replaced, and re-sanitized the entire lower level of the house, while I simply sat dry-heaving in the front yard. If your insurance agent provides this kind of neighborly service, would you please send my their telephone number, cause our truck is about to throw in the towel!
Maybe it’d be easier to answer this prompt if we opted to use the word brother instead of neighbor, or, for that matter, insurance agent? Why? Because, when you consider what to expect from a family member, can’t your neighbor simply become an extension of that? Or better yet, switch this whole prompt to What Makes a Good Human Being. Let go of names, titles, and relationships… just focus on your fellow humans.
I believe that you should treat every other human being in this world with the respect, love, and kindness that you seek for yourself. Scripture says that we should treat others as we ourselves wish to be treated. I can certainly attest that I strive to never do to others, that which was done to me. Note that I said strive… I’m far from being flawless!
What I am, however, is forgiven, and redeemed; bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ! Therefore, I am called to love my neighbor, my brother, AND my enemies, as myself… Just sayin.
Doesn’t Fall always give birth to nostalgia, or am I the only one who thinks this way? Every year, just as the weather begins cooling, I find myself digging through the archives, and pulling out some of my old articles to read. Though I realize this site has an archive page, but many readers don’t have hours of free time to go digging through all that stuff.
That’s why you’ll occasionally see them re-posted, because the more recent readers might not have read them, yet.
From now on, if you see (20__) on an article, those will all be called Tuesday Thoughts and Things, like this one. I will be pulling up some of my favorite goodies from the archives, going all the way back to when Journey With Me began, in 2016. Yes, you get to see all my typos, commas,,,,,,,,,,,, and poor sentence structure, but hey, I’m still learning. If nothing else, we can all see how my writing skills, and style, have changed over the years.
So let’s do this!
This came from October 24, 2023…
I was going to post a picture of my plant today, but found this while searching my photo files… I figure that the plant can wait a few days. Have you ever been in a place where you see something you yourself have done, written or said… but it seemed as if someone else did the writing or saying, though you know it was you?
I guess I write so much, I occasionally find myself surprised at things I myself wrote. It is not a disappointment, nor something to be proud of necessarily, but it makes me happy inside for some reason. Perhaps I am able to see my true reflection in the words written for others…
I think all too often in life, we do and say mostly what the world will accept of us, or what we perceive the world might accept from us.
I think I like the way I write better, when I don’t care what the world thinks, but more so what I think or even better yet, what God thinks… in my opinion.
Maybe reading old writings of my work, encourages me, because it reflects a spirit of healing, growth and faith, which had not been there for so much of my life. Our human propensity to overcome, rise above and walk on, always amazes me… that comes from God folks, not us, but the one whom we were designed after. We are all made in His image, and therefore by design, are fully capable of tapping into this part of our spirit.
It comes down to Freedom… freedom of choice! God has given us all we need to get this life done, we need only accept the tools given and get it done! Will it be easy? Is it ever? Life interruptus happens for everyone.
Choices, choices, choices… what we do with what we have is what makes us who we are… Period!
When I look back over the things I have written over time, I clearly have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of my choices, as well as the lasting scars of the choices made by my predecessors. I have also witnessed a resilience within myself, that has apparently always been there, but had been obscured by my attempts to just survive!
Perhaps I have simply arrived finally, at the cross roads of Too Damn Tired and Suck It Up Buttercup! Whatever it is, I like it! When someone came up with the phrase, “What don’t kill you makes you stronger”, I now have a full understanding of what they meant.
When I read that poem I wrote a ways back, it resonated with me, as if a stranger had written it for me to read, and not the other way around.
That folks, is growth! As I heal and grow in my walk with God, the words that begin flowing onto the page are actually quite beautiful, and I can say that without pride, as I think they fully come from God… maybe not for you, but rather, for me…
Undoubtedly, most everyone has a mental list that they’ve probably carried with them since childhood, filled with possible adventures, achievements, hopes, and dreams. But, as most of us discover over time, that mental list morphs into three… would you, could you, or should you!
Take for instance, surfing… surfing, or any water sport, for that matter, could have been something worth trying, but not only has it now turned into a question of whether or not I should, but also aligns with the reality of would I even want to try it?
The answer, in this case would be that while I could have tried a number of open water sports, I wouldn’t have… are you crazy? There’s sharks swimming out in those waters, so I’ll stay on the boat, if you please! Not only that, but at this point in my journey, there’s no way that I should try it… not without breaking something!
I shall now try to write a new list of things that I could, would, and should try for the first time. It’s not nearly as easy as you might think. For example, there’s Karaoke, which is something I always thought I wanted to try. It is something that I can say I would try, and even go as far as to say that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t try it, but the trouble now is that I’m not sure I could! Perhaps what I should try for is the confidence needed to get up in front of people. Will I ever find the courage? Probably not, lol!
Before you start thinking that I’m just a coward, and am too scared to try new stuff, let me remind you of what I have tried…
Modeling, College degree, dog breeder, bird breeder, the entire field of equine husbandry, and horsemanship (dressage, vaulting, breeding, and showing), Mother, Bible Seminary, global travel (England and Ireland), camping, hiking, driving in a semi with my husband for 3 years, painting, pottery, ceramics, crocheting, sewing, becoming a blogger, publishing a book, and soon to be a Grandmother of 8 + my Godson, Peapod!
So, as you can see, I have always had a list, along with every other human being. Who knows how many more years I have left on this beautiful planet, but I don’t ever want my list to stop growing, not ever! I’m fairly certain that I’ve caught God writing on it, though He is rather sneaky about it… He absolutely loves to give me gifts and surprise me with things. I’m not gonna give that up, are you crazy? Don’t ever give up on your list, because that’s where God gives you purpose, my friends.
Don’t forget to try these new cookies for the first time…
While you might not believe me when I say this, I can sometimes actually hear God’s voice. I’m being fully serious, though it’s probably not His actual voice. Or, maybe it is, but nobody has ever commented on it.
When you think about it, why not? He’s spoken to many of us throughout the ages, so why would He stop? Sometimes I find myself asking Him why He doesn’t still perform those huge miracles that were used in the past. And, guess what? He answered me!
You see, God and I have our deepest conversations while I’m in the shower, weird, I know. But, it’s the most peaceful place I know of, where the sound of the water drowns out all background noises.
Just the other day, I heard God’s voice (more of a whisper), clearly speaking to me… or my heart, if that makes better sense. This was one of those sometimes I spoke about, in regards to where all the big miracles went. I’ll be honest, it was more like asking why He won’t perform those Enormous miracles for me, rather than others… judge my heart carefully, if you would. I’m only human, like the rest of mankind.
Anyway, in my feel-sorry-for-myself waterboarding session, I heard God whisper, “I perform miracles, big and small, every single day. While some need to see more of my hand upon their life, you do not! You know me, hear my voice, and fully accept my presence. You do not need to see big things to know that I am near.”
Now, I readily accepted God’s answer, but it doesn’t always make one feel all better, in one fell swoop. I believe that at times, God chooses to lay seeds beneath our feet that are meant to take root, grow up and envelope us in His love, like a beautiful garden. God knows our every need, down to the minutia of details… you know why? Because He dwells within us if we ask it! Faithfully walking each corridor of our hearts, planting eternal seeds of His righteousness. And, He knows exactly how to water that garden… and in my case, that’s in the shower.
Now, just to prove a point, if you will, about how God works in my life, He will normally speak to me, then start leaving seeds of confirmation. What I mean is, God likes to choose several different ways to do this for His daughter… that’s me!
Sometimes, God speaks to me through scripture, but other times, wisdom comes from music, or even writer’s like you. There have been countless times that I’ve received encouragement and blessings from the writings of other bloggers, here on WordPress. God uses you to bless my life, whether you realize it, or not!
So, I told you that God spoke to me in the shower the other day, right? Several days later, while reading an article by a fellow blogger, in regards to there being purpose in our pain, as believers. No, I’m not planning on calling out names, or leaving links… because this isn’t about a like, follow, and share! This is about the heart of God, and what it means for us, His children.
Somehow, the understanding that there is an eternal purpose for my own personal painful journey, brings me an incredible amount of comfort, and reassurance that God is with me, while in the heart of darkness. The words of the woman’s article clung to me for several days, til I realized that God was asking that I look up. I know that this sounds rather simple and unimportant, but when one is fighting a battle they cannot see, every tiny breadcrumb leading to the heart of the Father, is like tossing a floatation to one who is drowning! It’s lifesaving, in fact!
After the last 5 years, by all rights, I shouldn’t even be here. But, here I sit, writing out my ongoing journey. You know that mug I’ve posted pictures of, repeatedly? The one that says,
“Perhaps you were born for such a time as this. Esther 4:14
Maybe I WAS born for these days, you know?
Who am I to doubt God’s purpose, plan, and will for my life? Besides, when you truly believe that God is with you in each, and every moment of your life, that’s where the truth is. That’s where faith grows! It’s in those gardens that He tends for each of His earthly children, and that means you too, if you wish it.
I could go on and on about the many, many times that God has spoken to me through this journey, but for your sakes I will wrap this up. But, before I do, there is one last piece of confirmation from God, regarding my current situation, and it’s a doozey! This confirmation came just this morning, while reading scripture. You can scoff, shake your head in disbelief, or call me a liar and a fool, but my God spoke to me this morning, while reading in the Psalms, Chapter 109 to be exact!
I do not wish to speak of God’s word, out of context, so you should know that what I really got out of the reading was that God will be victorious, on my behalf. The reason I knew He desired that I rest on that specific scripture, was the glaring reference to my own personal health crisis. It was right there, in black and white! While I fully understood the context of King David crying out to God, due to running for his life… I’m not really being attacked by anyone. But, what if I am? What about Satan, the devil, or whatever you choose to call the prince of Darkness? Am I not surrounded by my enemy?
Take it however you choose, as I have no control over that, but just know that it is the truth that I shall carry like a banner, all the way to the gates of heaven! I hear God speak to me, that’s all. I simply thought that someone out there, somewhere in the darkness, needs to hold on to a simple, yet very powerful truth… God will speak to you, walk with you, carry you, and He will always hold you while in darkness! All you need to do is believe, and He will do the heavy lifting… scouts honor!
Journey With Me! 