Category: funny

(March 2023) Hey Bob

Wiwohka5 Comments

So, here is a funny story!  I love the outdoors and if I can help it, I am out there as much as possible.  I make an effort to take a walk nearly every day, and I have a route that I have used for some time now.  I do a good amount of thinking on these morning jaunts, as I call them.  Sometimes it can be very productive, but at other times, I let my mind just wander to relax.  On one of these such relaxing mornings, I hatched a plan, that in my mind, would be very funny to any that were involved.  I have a great many squirrels that I encounter on a regular basis, and I was going to recruit them for this idea.

I came up with a plan to simply begin saying hello, out loud, to every squirrel I encountered and give each a random name, as if I actually know them.  I thought that if I did this, eventually, the passersby that frequently saw me, would begin to think that maybe I knew the squirrels.  I could simply wait for the time when someone would stop me to ask how I knew all of the squirrels names, and I could then say, “Oh no, I have no idea, I just thought it would be funny”. I didn’t say that it WOULD be funny, I just imagined it would be funny.

The next morning, I headed out onto the trail, thoroughly tickled with myself, for what I thought would be an extremely funny idea.  Honestly, I giggled to myself all the way down the block as I began looking for my first unwitting participant (a squirrel, that is).  I got about a half hour into my trek, playing over and over in my head how it would play out, and then I spotted a squirrel.

I learned two things that morning.  Number one, I discovered that, apparently, a lot of squirrels share the name Bob.  Number two, Peanuts!  I should have brought peanuts.  My recommendation is that we not engage in conversation with wildlife, unless we bring some sort of food offering.  I think someone else may have been conditioning these guys way before I ever thought up my ridiculous idea!

Here is how it went down…I saw the squirrel, I approached confidently, thinking how funny this was gonna be, I called out, “Hey Bob”, and before I knew it I was being chased down the trail by three hungry squirrels.  I felt like it happened in slow motion…lol…I spoke, our eyes connected, they looked hungry, I had nothing but a coffee tumbler and a tissue, Coffee over Heathens I say!   I did not care how absolutely ridiculous I must have appeared to onlookers.  I actually think I may have laughed out loud at myself, but I did not care!  I walked a different route for two days after that to let them forget me hopefully.

I still see the same three squirrels on the trail regularly, and the accusation is still there on those furry little faces… Where Are OUR Peanuts!!!!

(2024) Why Do I Want To Say Where?

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Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite place to go in your city?
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For the life of me, I want to say that the prompt should be asking, Where is your favorite place to go in your city. Or better yet, if they want to ask what is your favorite place to go, wouldn’t it make more sense to ask What is the name of your favorite place to go in your city.

Do they want an address? They aren’t asking for a name, just your favorite place. Does it exclude places that can be found everywhere, i.e. McDonalds, Walmart, or The Rack?

Maybe this is one of those person, place, or things, kind of confusions… who knows? Or perhaps, I’m just too tired to care much about what the prompt was asking me about.

In the end, it won’t matter any way you look at it, as I am a country girl at heart, so I avoid the city like a visit to the proctologist!

Here, have a cookie for your trouble…

(2024) On My Head, Of Course…

Wiwohka3 Comments
Daily writing prompt
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
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While I’m not certain as to the significance of where I might find said hair, I would most assuredly want it placed upon my head before any other part of my body.

I suppose if I traveled across the sea, as my ship allows me to do whenever I wish it, I might find flowing hair such as Fabio,

Or better yet, silky and soft like Angelina Jolie,

or even full and glossy like Catherine Zeta Jones,

But, whichever hair I end up selecting, I most definitely want it on my head… ya, for sure there…

wait, what?

Oops… forgive my mistake… I thought it said “If you could have hair anywhere, where in the world would you want it?”

It was an honest mistake, I can assure you (I am so lying about that… I absolutely did it on purpose)!

Here, take a cookie for your trouble…

Preferably, the adulting part…

Wiwohka9 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What part of your routine do you always try to skip if you can?
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Sometimes, one must simply call it like it is, you know?

As per societies rules about routines and such, we all get up every morning, and obediently slip into our adulting patterns… day after day after day. Ewwwww!

Of course I’m going to try getting out of adulting, if at all possible… wouldn’t you?

So just remember, if you see me adulting… well, I’m possibly faking it!

Cookie?

Photo by Marta Dzedyshko on Pexels.com

(2023) Do You Remember…

Wiwohka2 Comments

Part 2 …

So, in case anyone was waiting for the rest of the haircut memory…here goes!

Remember my girlfriend saying that I could one day laugh at her? Well, if your wondering, I did have the occasion to take her up on the offer to enjoy a laugh, at her expense.  Probably about 3 or 4 years after the Horse Hair Tragedy of 95, I got an unforgettable call...

My girlfriend declared, “I am calling you first because I said I would, and you get the first chance to laugh before anyone else does.” 

Let me back up just a tad…

From the time of his birth, my girlfriend’s son began receiving Beanie Baby Bear memorabilia from his grandmother, as well as, other friends and family.  His baby room was covered wall to wall with adorable beanie bears, all perfectly encased, in those little plexiglass cases.  Everyone knows that for a collectible, its value is in its preservation… especially the tags attached to the item, from its beginnings.

Well, with the confusing logic that’s usually employed by children, my friend’s son took it upon himself to take the tags off of all his beanie bears.  He did this, not being concerned at all with the monetary importance of the tag being intact. 

After getting all of his bears off of the shelves and out of their cases, he proceeded to get out his preschool scissors and cut off not only all of the tags, but any ear or foot attached to said tag. 

I cannot remember exactly how many bears were maimed that day, but I do know it was a lot! 

To this day we laugh about this memory, along with many other crazy things our babies put us through

…and, we wouldn’t have it any other way…

(2023) Do You Remember…

Wiwohka9 Comments

***Part 1 ***

What was wrong with this picture? 

One morning, while standing in my kitchen and talking on the phone with my girlfriend, I just knew something wasn’t right! I kept glancing out the window suspiciously towards the sound of singing. 

There was my five-year-old, happily playing on her swing set in the back yard. 

Something wasn’t right with the scene I observed, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. 

          You see, it’s usually the absence of noise that signals childhood mischief, but I could see her clearly and she was simply swinging. Wait a minute… that’s it! 

I could see her but not clearly because of the distance between us.  I asked my girlfriend to hold on a second, momentarily placing the phone on the counter.  Leaning out the back door, I called for my daughter to come into the house.  Hopping off of the swing, she happily made her way toward the back door, where I stood waiting.

 As she drew near, my eyes became riveted to her forehead, where her bangs had once been.  My baby gave herself a reverse mohawk! I saw what looked like a small monk!  She had somehow sheared off all of the hair on her forehead! 

In mortified shock I grabbed the phone up and cried to my friend, “You have to come over and look at my baby girl’s hair”! 

Hanging up the phone, I attempted to calmly ask my child what happened… note that I said attempted.  She looked concerned at my anger and said, pointedly, “My hair was in my eyes, so I got out your sewing scissors and cut it off.“

  I was in tears by the time my girlfriend walked in and I turned to her for comfort in my hour of need.  All I got from her was a long round of hysterical laughter.  Point in fact, she laughed for a good bit, to my dismay.

“How can you laugh” I cried… “It’s not funny!”

As she tried to contain her laughter (not very well, I might add), my friend said, “I know this seems awful, but her hair will grow back.  Look, kids do things like this.  I’m sorry for laughing, but I can’t help it!  Its hilarious, really it is!  I’m sure you will look back on this and laugh, someday.  In fact, you can laugh at anything my kids do to me when it happens.  I will even call you first.”

After my girlfriend left, I had to hunt down all the evidence to be found.  Underneath my own bed, I retrieved my scissors… along with a massive pile of hair!  There was a lot more contributions of hair than I had anticipated, which was rather alarming!  My thoughts momentarily raced to my other children, but then quickly moved on to one or more of the family pets in the house. 

When I asked whose hair I’d found, she confidently took me to her toy pony, sittling in the corner of our family room.  The poor jumpy horse had received an army style crew cut, and was never the same after that, the poor thing.   

Of course, my girlfriend was right! I did look back and laugh. 

And if you are wondering, I did have the occasion to take her up on that offer.  Several years later, I did get my chance to laugh at her child’s silly antics. 

That, however, is another story…

(2024) On The Other Hand…

Wiwohka1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
What will your life be like in three years?
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While this prompt is actually a pretty decent one, and there are at least three or four hopes and dreams that bear mentioning, I’m unable to answer just now, for several reasons… one of which is my current low caffeine level.

The second reason isn’t what you might expect. I’ve somehow managed to injure my left hand, so its been hunt and peck typing since Saturday. This question about life in three years requires a far lengthier answer than my tired little phalanges can tackle!

And, the final reason for not offering any ideas is… right now, I just don’t know about anything, with any degree of confidence!

So, in trade for my usual witty comebacks, I thought this video was rather apropos, in a twisty, windy, and roundabout sort of way:

Luckily, my magic Easy Bake oven only requires that I push a simple button…

(2024) Come On, Overthinkers, Its Our Time To Shine!

Wiwohka1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
Invent a holiday! Explain how and why everyone should celebrate.
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This should be so easy for us to organize and promote, OA’s (Overthinkers Anonymous members… you know who you are)!

Seeings as how we’re frequently up at all hours of the night, I feel confident that we could really make a go of this, don’t you? Come on guys, how about just this once, we agree about a thing, without taking all night to do it, please?

I know I don’t ask for things often, but this could be our moment to stand… to stand up and celebrate all those over-tired, over-worked, underpaid, unrecognized and/or simply stressed out members of society!

Hoping to save time in the decision making process, I’ve come up with a pretty fair quality title, along with a helpful slogan;

Owl Day!

We don’t care WHOOO you are

We’re just glad you DOOOO your part!

I’ve taken the liberty of selecting a few posters to choose from, and might I suggest we select a day in early January?

This would give us plenty of time to argue about the photos, and also gets us safely past all the New Years Resolutions we’ve no intention of keeping.

Well, what say you?

Are you in?

Fine, will you say yes for some cookies?

I’ll wait….

(2024) Let Me Show You…

Wiwohka1 Comment
Daily writing prompt
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
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Nobody says it better than Willy Wonka, in my humble opinion. If you don’t watch at least a smidge of this video, then there’s something wrong with you…

I’m just teasing!

Seriously though, anyone whose ever seen the movie will most likely remember this song.

If anyone were to ask me at this moment, “Wiwohka, where do you come up with all the silly stories, ditties and adventures that you write about?”, I’d say Willy Wonka, for certain!

Why? I’ll try to explain…

Much of my childhood felt like a Quintin Tarentino version of young Charlie, from the movie…

How, then, did I go from that small, frightened and angry little girl, to the me that you see upon these pages? You guessed it… Willy Wonka!

I think that I desperately needed a safe place to rest, both mentally and emotionally, so when I watched Willy Wonka for the first time, I was hooked! Within my imagination, I could still believe that there was good in the world, somewhere…

I began to build a space within my tiny frame, where I could do, be or feel any way I wanted… and no one could take that away from me. In a way, I believe that God used my childlike imagination to preserve my sanity, during the most traumatic of beginnings.

And, somehow, from within that child’s imaginative heart, came the writer you see before you, now.

This is the only way I can express what it’s like to be a kid at heart, at least my version of it…

Always believe in the impossible… I do!

Don’t forget your cookie…