While I could regale you for hours with all the times I’ve performed over the years, would it be worth the mention if my only audiences were fictional ones?
Well, they weren’t all fictional, to be totally fair about things. My performance career began very early on, where I learned to hone my speech and drama skills on any and all of my baby dolls.
From there, I branched out over the years to include any living animal that was either willing to stay and listen or coralled long enough to endure my theatrical onslaught!
Eventually, my poor audience members would run when they saw me preparing for one of my performances, leaving me to talk to myself… which I readily did!
If you were to ask any one of my adult children, I’m sure they would attest to my ability to give such lengthy speeches that they wished they could escape, just as all my childhood audience victims had done!
So, there you have it, my friends!
As the title of this post reflects, as far as performing and/or speech giving… The world really is my oyster.
As I am sure you have noticed, I have written several times recently about my attitude of late. I would like to share with you some things that I discovered during this time, all of which are things that I have never realized about myself. Let’s just say that even though it was a very painful lesson for me, I think maybe for the first time in my life, I am going to walk on from this mountain, and return to it no more…
I have really been struggling of late, really missing my animals, as I am a non-pet owner for the first time in my 54 years. Since I am the one always talking about letting go of the Whys, I thought you should know that I still sometimes get caught up in them. I can sometimes be very demanding with God, and overstep myself, pushing Him for insight that I think I deserve. It is times like this that God teaches me as only He can!
I gained this insight, sadly, with great cost to another’s feelings! I guess, in a way, I am sharing this with you so that by writing it down, I can reinforce the lesson gleaned from the damage done, and encourage myself to trust more fully in Gods Timing, not mine!
So, what does this have to do with missing my pets, you ask? Well, long story short, I discovered that for my entire life, the only way I have ever understood what love felt like, was to receive affection from my pets. Not people, just animals. Looking back on my whole life, I realize that somehow, I got all the way here, running off of nothing more than puppy love…not kidding…silly, but totally honest!
I have been struggling terribly of late, feeling so lonely and unloved. I finally see why…I do not have any understanding whatsoever of how to RECEIVE love from people. Animals have been my source of emotional strength since I was tiny, masking the real problem. Believe me, there have been many who have tried to give me love, I just do not know what to do with it, so I continually reject it. Love is given to me and I simply toss it aside, not knowing what it is or what to do with it!
How is this even possible? I am on a hunt to understand, not look for a why, but to understand where the damage is within me that clouds my judgement, in order for God to heal and restore what was broken. I finally see that my pets have been surrogates for me all of my life, and I acquired the habit of turning them into lifelines…
My mother with her dogGidgetSadieBearOllie and PennyMosesGhostHarley
So, the insight is this…There is hope for me yet! God allowed me to lose my crutches so that I might learn to hold His hand for strength, as I learn to accept love for the first time in my entire existence…I know, weird right?
If you are wondering, I think one day I will surely encounter another little furry soul, but maybe this time I can focus more on what I can give them instead of seeking only what I need from them. For now, I think it is time that I focus on some emotional renovations and damage recovery. I have a lot of catching up to do…
Doesn’t Fall always give birth to nostalgia, or am I the only one who thinks this way? Every year, just as the weather begins cooling, I find myself digging through the archives, and pulling out some of my old articles to read. Though I realize this site has an archive page, but many readers don’t have hours of free time to go digging through all that stuff.
That’s why you’ll occasionally see them re-posted, because the more recent readers might not have read them, yet.
From now on, if you see (20__) on an article, those will all be called Tuesday Thoughts and Things, like this one. I will be pulling up some of my favorite goodies from the archives, going all the way back to when Journey With Me began, in 2016. Yes, you get to see all my typos, commas,,,,,,,,,,,, and poor sentence structure, but hey, I’m still learning. If nothing else, we can all see how my writing skills, and style, have changed over the years.
So let’s do this!
This came from October 24, 2023…
I was going to post a picture of my plant today, but found this while searching my photo files… I figure that the plant can wait a few days. Have you ever been in a place where you see something you yourself have done, written or said… but it seemed as if someone else did the writing or saying, though you know it was you?
I guess I write so much, I occasionally find myself surprised at things I myself wrote. It is not a disappointment, nor something to be proud of necessarily, but it makes me happy inside for some reason. Perhaps I am able to see my true reflection in the words written for others…
I think all too often in life, we do and say mostly what the world will accept of us, or what we perceive the world might accept from us.
I think I like the way I write better, when I don’t care what the world thinks, but more so what I think or even better yet, what God thinks… in my opinion.
Maybe reading old writings of my work, encourages me, because it reflects a spirit of healing, growth and faith, which had not been there for so much of my life. Our human propensity to overcome, rise above and walk on, always amazes me… that comes from God folks, not us, but the one whom we were designed after. We are all made in His image, and therefore by design, are fully capable of tapping into this part of our spirit.
It comes down to Freedom… freedom of choice! God has given us all we need to get this life done, we need only accept the tools given and get it done! Will it be easy? Is it ever? Life interruptus happens for everyone.
Choices, choices, choices… what we do with what we have is what makes us who we are… Period!
When I look back over the things I have written over time, I clearly have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of my choices, as well as the lasting scars of the choices made by my predecessors. I have also witnessed a resilience within myself, that has apparently always been there, but had been obscured by my attempts to just survive!
Perhaps I have simply arrived finally, at the cross roads of Too Damn Tired and Suck It Up Buttercup! Whatever it is, I like it! When someone came up with the phrase, “What don’t kill you makes you stronger”, I now have a full understanding of what they meant.
When I read that poem I wrote a ways back, it resonated with me, as if a stranger had written it for me to read, and not the other way around.
That folks, is growth! As I heal and grow in my walk with God, the words that begin flowing onto the page are actually quite beautiful, and I can say that without pride, as I think they fully come from God… maybe not for you, but rather, for me…
Undoubtedly, most everyone has a mental list that they’ve probably carried with them since childhood, filled with possible adventures, achievements, hopes, and dreams. But, as most of us discover over time, that mental list morphs into three… would you, could you, or should you!
Take for instance, surfing… surfing, or any water sport, for that matter, could have been something worth trying, but not only has it now turned into a question of whether or not I should, but also aligns with the reality of would I even want to try it?
The answer, in this case would be that while I could have tried a number of open water sports, I wouldn’t have… are you crazy? There’s sharks swimming out in those waters, so I’ll stay on the boat, if you please! Not only that, but at this point in my journey, there’s no way that I should try it… not without breaking something!
I shall now try to write a new list of things that I could, would, and should try for the first time. It’s not nearly as easy as you might think. For example, there’s Karaoke, which is something I always thought I wanted to try. It is something that I can say I would try, and even go as far as to say that there’s no reason why I shouldn’t try it, but the trouble now is that I’m not sure I could! Perhaps what I should try for is the confidence needed to get up in front of people. Will I ever find the courage? Probably not, lol!
Before you start thinking that I’m just a coward, and am too scared to try new stuff, let me remind you of what I have tried…
Modeling, College degree, dog breeder, bird breeder, the entire field of equine husbandry, and horsemanship (dressage, vaulting, breeding, and showing), Mother, Bible Seminary, global travel (England and Ireland), camping, hiking, driving in a semi with my husband for 3 years, painting, pottery, ceramics, crocheting, sewing, becoming a blogger, publishing a book, and soon to be a Grandmother of 8 + my Godson, Peapod!
So, as you can see, I have always had a list, along with every other human being. Who knows how many more years I have left on this beautiful planet, but I don’t ever want my list to stop growing, not ever! I’m fairly certain that I’ve caught God writing on it, though He is rather sneaky about it… He absolutely loves to give me gifts and surprise me with things. I’m not gonna give that up, are you crazy? Don’t ever give up on your list, because that’s where God gives you purpose, my friends.
Don’t forget to try these new cookies for the first time…
The woman behind the counter smiled gently at me, as she cleaned her ear piercing tools. My heart was in my throat, it seemed. Getting my ears pierced was the most grown up thing I had ever done by my own choice.
My Nana had bought me a pair of earrings in the shape of bright red apples, but this time the jewelry wasn’t clip on… they were the real thing in the eyes of a 6 year old. My mother told me that I could get my ears done if I chose on my own… no hand holding or cajoling would be forthcoming.
I lay in bed awake the entire night before we embarked on this grown up lady stuff I wanted to take part in. I was terrified, of what I am not sure… but if they could poke me with a vaccination needle whenever they felt like it, and trade me a stupid sucker for my time, then I must be grown up enough to take the needle for a pair of gloriously beautiful red apple earrings. My mind was made up on the matter, so I just lay there and waited for the sun to come up.
I was so terrified of backing down and not being able to wear my new gift… it was in truth, the only thing that kept me on that swinging stool, there in that Bon Marche Department Store. I tucked my feet behind the bar beneath the seat, grabbed the sides of the stool with both hands in a military vice grip and tried to find my happy place.
I apparently had nothing to worry about, because it was over before it had begun! That fast… bang bang… All Done! They were kind enough to do both ears at the same moment, probably in case I backed out half way through the deal. I was so happy and proud of myself that I burst into tears, making the grown ups think I was in pain or shock. Not so!
I WAS A LADY!
So now I will explain the hilarious fall out from my Grown Up Anxiety Filled Sleepless Night… the reality of how most adults handle stress.
As exhausted as I was from no sleep and worry, over my piercing adventure, I never had a moment to catch some zzzzzz’s until that night after we got home. I was so tired that I could barely touch my dinner, and vaguely remember my mom walking me down the hallway to my bedroom……..
…. The rain fell steadily in the darkness, only illuminated by the distant street lamps, flickering occasionally. I was sitting in the passenger seat of our station wagon, while my parents were in a Parent/Teacher Conference up the street. As I waited for them to return, I saw movement not too far down the block, barely visible through the sheets of rain falling across the hood of the car.
I heard her before I saw her… this scary Witch that looked suspiciously like the lady off of the Wizard of Oz, if I am being completely honest. I could hear her laughing wickedly as she slowly materialized out of the darkness. Yup! It had to be that horrible woman who took Toto away from Dorothy. Don’t judge… I have a bucket list of different childhood memories that are triggered by different movies I had in my tiny mind.
Anyway, as the witch steadily approached my car, I frantically checked all the door locks and glanced up at the entrance of the School, hoping I would see my parents walking down the steps toward our car. Nope! As Jack Sparrow says, I was “all by me onesies”!
I crawled down under the dash where I could be hidden from view for the most part, except my feet could still be seen from the passenger door. I heard her approach the car, walk all the way around it dragging her super long witchy fingernails across the metal doors… witches always have super long curvy red nails if you needed a visual.
Then the witch stopped directly in front of the passenger side door where I was crouched down on the floor. All I could see was the tip of her hat, but I could hear what she was doing… she was picking the lock on my door with those awful fingernails. I watched in horror as the little metal door lock popped!
The next thing I knew, I was strapped onto a torture table, in the parking lot underneath the Sprouse Ritz Department Store, and that witch began to tickle me with those long fingernails…
It was torture! I began to laugh and could not stop! I fought to get away, but was strapped down so there was no escape for me… no way out! Except to wake up, but I had been so tired from the night before that it was like crawling through thick Jello to do anything. Never fear though, laughter is here… I laughed so hard that I rolled myself out of the top of our bunkbed and landed with a thump on the floor below. That did the trick!
Isn’t it funny the way we handle stress… often bottling our fears, stuffing them down and hiding them away from judging eyes. I realize that I was just a child and that the dream was probably just a way to release the tension I had been holding for several days over a perceived painful event. There was no real danger or trauma involved in ear piercing, but to a child trying to be a grown up, it most assuredly seemed like there might.
My take away from the whole affair was this… I would for sure think long and hard the next time I wanted to be a grown up!
From then to now, I still often find myself thinking long and hard every time I have to do grown up stuff… I know I should be fine with getting tickled all night in a parking lot, but this girl would rather leave the Witch back at Sprouse Reitz…
As most of you already know, I’ve a new granddaughter arriving in late November. Can you believe that she’s almost here? As my mind, my heart, and my soul are wrapped all around this little bundle of blessings, I can’t help but want to include her in this part of my life, so that you might be a part of our journey.
With this in mind, I’ve been toying with differing ideas in regards to creating an Avatar just for my little Sugar Plum! As far as a real baby name, her mamma says they’re torn between Maize Anne, or Laney Grace, but they won’t make their pick until after she arrives. So, for now we stick with her nickname… that’s the Sugar Plum part.
Now, beings that I love making an Avatar that truly reflects the personality behind the image, I’ve been working toward some ideas that I think might be really adorable.
Ok, so my daughter and her husband are the equivalent of urban homesteaders. Within the humble space of a typical city dwelling family, they’ve a passel of chickens that lay the most wonderful eggs, and a glorious garden, overflowing with delicious fresh produce. My son-in-law loves to garden, as well as, raising chickens… and both of them work full-time! Honestly, I don’t know how they do it… but, I sure couldn’t be prouder!
Lets look at what we have to work with for our adorable Avatar? They’ve a boatload of pets, including four dogs, and two cats. The picture above is one of a baby with features of a kitten, but let me show you some of the other initial images Norbert (My AI) offered…
If I want to make a new creature with the features of animals and humans combined, Norbert throws a fit. Honestly, I think ai programs can easily mimic something already created, but when you ask it to come up with something new and unusual… they fall flat! Well, at least they do for this writer, because I don’t want the Norbert to lead my ideas. I am the content creator, the one who sees, imagines, and writes out what she sees. All I desire the image program to do, is to follow my descriptions. I don’t want someone else’s stock photo. I want an image of what I imagine… not Norbert!
Before I move further into the creation process, I must ask your opinions on several possible directions to follow, here.
The biggest decision to make before proceeding, is to either accept or reject the idea of using a human feature, at all! I don’t think I’ll be able to successfully add more than one animal feature to the image, without it greatly distorting the avatar’s features. Rather than an image with three differing species types, I end up with something warped and mutilated, with extra appendages and glaring flaws.
I did really enjoy the baby combo with kitten ears.
But, then again, I really like the tiny white kitten, even if it’s not photorealistic.
See my dilemma?
I have the same problems with most of my creature avatars. The program really tries to keep them all animated and plastic, unless I get lucky. There have been those images that really hit perfect on the first run, but most often not, when it comes to mixing image types. Hey, I never said I was an expert at this stuff. Personally, I just want to write… but, it is what it is!
Oh well, it’s not like I have to be in any hurry, right?!
Slow and steady wins the race, as they say, so I’ll just keep working at it, for now. If you would, could you simply leave an answer in the comment section, as to whether we should continue with the baby idea, or one of the others?
If you really want to go hog wild, you can help me create our virtual Sugar Plum. You can do that by giving additional creative ideas, and/or suggestions. Then we can really make something special!
Can you believe that we’re already halfway through September? Summer is rapidly dwindling, as the cooling winds of the fall season begin transforming the lush green foliage to all those differing shades of glorious reds, yellows and golds.
I think that it should be a law that the moment the fall arrives, everybody has to put their Christmas lights up! Well, think about it for a moment! There’s far less lighting in the fall and winter months, so it would make things far brighter.
I think Halloween and Thanksgiving can still do their own thing, but just work around the lights, that’s all.
I mean, come on. All the stores put all their holiday products on the shelves at least two months before the actual holiday, so I say we fight back!
From the moment the stores start piling up candy and pumpkins all over the place, we should all put up our Christmas lights as an act of defiant solidarity!
Maybe I want to celebrate Valentine’s Day in December on my birthday, I don’t know. That way I might get an actual gift. Honestly, I feel sorry for anyone who is born on or near a holiday. Everyone just figures they can do a twofer… no fun! I am praying my granddaughter is born on or near my daughter’s birthday in November, because her due date is the day after Thanksgiving.
Also, why can’t we just combine Mother’s day with Father’s day and just call it Parent’s Day. You know, I asked Google how many holidays there were. First of all, it has to break them down into categories. That should be our first clue that we humans have far too many holidays, memorials, tributes, Month long celebrations for nearly every nationality out there, and special events commemorating this or that! Seriously, we should really think about extending our 365 day cycles to like 600 or so, just to really have recovery time in between parties!
Remember watching Little House on the Prairie, when they would celebrate Christmas? They gave each other handmade gifts and items needed for survival, and they didn’t have cars to drive to and from their festivities… they had to risk life and limb to travel through the wilderness in six feet of snow, just to bring gifts!
I don’t know, in a world where time waits for no man, as they say, we sure do have a lot of time to waste on all these “pat yourself on the back” parties. Now, I’m not saying that everyone behaves this way, so don’t go there! I’m simply basing my findings on what I see, hear, and experience from where I’m sitting. You wouldn’t believe the immense pressure that is put on folks living in poverty. It was so humbling for me to attend my daughter’s baby shower on Saturday, with no gift to offer… nothing.
Of all the things I’ve ever done wrong in my life, the people I’ve hurt, and the pain I’ve caused others, namely my children, God tells me I did something right. You know how? In the character of my children. My youngest daughter, who turned 30 this year, pulled me aside, and produced a gift for me to give her sister. Maybe it was for my sake, or perhaps it was her sister she was thinking about, but I don’t suppose it really matters.
Why am I rambling on about all this silly nonsense about too many holidays and celebrations? First of all, everyone is already seeing the stores gear up for cavity night, so I know you are feeling the beginning birth pains from your wallets… and the parties haven’t even started, yet. And, secondly, because I am fairly confident in saying that many of you already purchased holiday items for this year, but at the close-out after holiday sales from last year. Don’t panic, nobody will call you out on it, most of all myself. I get it! A bargain is a bargain, am I right?!
I suppose that I wanted use this mid-September Monday Messages just to start prepping you for what’s inbound for these upcoming months, so nobody can say they DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH NOTICE to get me their virtual Christmas list, which seems to be very difficult. This will be our third Virtual Christmas, and I have plans! So suck it up, Buttercups, and get it together!
I mean it!
If you don’t, it may spoil the whole thing. I know I’ve probably said this in the past, but this time, I’m being fully serious! I have some major surprises, not to mention my third installment of Tilly and Santa’s adventures. Oh, and there’s so much more, but I can’t say a thing, yet. So, now do you see why it’s so important that I get your lists ahead of time. I need time to put everything together.
So, your jobs… virtual Christmas lists mailed before Thanksgiving, and, show up for the party on Christmas morning. Last years idea of a bag of puppies was exhausting! I had to hand deliver most of them, since there were too many absentee guests… holes in the corners of my couches, poo doo on the floor, and somebody peed on the Christmas tree, shorting out the lights!
So, if a puppy is on your list… you better show up this time, or it won’t be charcoal that Santa leaves in your stocking! Tilly has quite a bit of influence with ole Saint Nick, seriously. If I were you, I wouldn’t risk it!
This is how we should all be spending our Saturdays. Cats have perfected this behavior, leading me to try it out, myself… minus the belly rubs, that is!
Have a purrrrrrfect Saturday, all!
P.S. If you want to include the belly rubs in your Saturday routine, it’s all right. I won’t say anything, I promise!
Actually, this behavior also aids in relaxing your canine’s, as well…
Journey With Me! 