Through my eyes…

From the moment of our birth, the race to find and become who we believe the world sees suddenly starts with a bang! Groomed from birth on how to speak, what to wear, how to behave, how to please others, and on and on and on we go, sort of like a merry-go-round…

I’ve spent my entire life trying to appear as that which others expect and/or accept, as if I were on one of those merry-go-rounds. Spinning round and round over the years, gaining speed until I became frozen to the bars and unable to get off, followed by a great deal of motion sickness.

Well, finally the ride became so fast that it flung me off into the dirt, so to speak!

If you wondering what on earth an old merry-g0-round ride has to do with one’s image or self-perception (how you see yourself), it just seemed like a good analogy for how it feels to have a good self-image in a world that is so focused on visual bells and whistles… sorry, I often find myself coining phrases or adages to make a point.

What might that point be, you ask?

My point in all this merry-go-round stuff, is this… you’ll have a much more enjoyable ride in life if you learn how to straddle the bars and drag your feet, so you can control the speed of the merry-go-round, thereby strengthening your muscles and allowing you to get off the ride anytime you get dizzy. In reality, I’m saying that you shouldn’t let the world be in control of who you think you are supposed to be!

Me personally, I’ve opted for the carousel over a merry-go-round, in terms of how I see things in the world, and how I see myself…

Don’t let the age fool you,

One man’s junk is another man’s treasure!

Never see yourself as less than you want to be…

"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses."  2 Timothy 6: 12

Now you know how I see myself whenever I write adventurous tales, passionate poetry, and deep soul searching thoughts for you, my readers and friends. I might seem rather plain on the outside, but that’s my cover story, just like the mild mannered Clark Kent, from Superman. Now, I don’t want to go as far as to call myself a superhero… but in the stories I can be, right?!

Sometimes…

Daily writing prompt
Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

Sometimes…

Sometimes, it’s the way he looks at me and smiles.

Then there are times where he doesn’t even have to smile or anything… I can see it in his eyes.

Sometimes, it’s the way he laughs at the silly things I say.

But there are still those moments when things aren’t so funny… he won’t laugh or say anything at all, really. He just rests his shoulder against mine to let me know that he’s there.

Sometimes, it’s the little things he does… like bringing me that first cup of coffee in the morning, or surprising me with my favorite candy bar. It’s not even about receiving a gift, it’s about the planning or forethought, if you will. It makes me feel so loved that he was thinking about me, even when I wasn’t with him. You know, sometimes I’ll wake up from the sensation of him tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear… he’d been lying there watching me, as I slept. Isn’t that so adorable!

I could go on and on about all the sometimes that I have felt loved… and these examples are about my husband. I haven’t even gotten to God, yet! If I could share with you all the times that I have felt God’s love, it would fill a book… oh yeah, I already did that!

Let’s just leave it at this:

With enough examples gathered together, one might say that I always feel loved! But, since it was very hard to pick just one time to tell you about, I opted for a handful of my sometimes.

Don’t forget your cookie…

Matters of the Heart…

Episode 1

I wish to take you on a journey into the depths of the human heart, through the eyes of traveler…

Though the traveler will often be seen as myself, at any given time it could be anyone, really.  The reason for this is to allow freedom of perspective; pointing no fingers, nor assigning any blame.  I seek to be as transparent as possible, therefore, its quite appropriate to use myself as an example, so long as I do it in love and with good fruit in mind. 

Why, you ask yourselves, would she share such deep emotions, for all to see?  Well, I’ll tell you why… because, like it or not, YOU are my family… you’re it, guys and gals.  No, this isn’t sorry time, so lift your chins up!  This is my choice, my chosen path, as lovingly directed by my DAD!  You know, the big guy upstairs!

I will mostly be using my own journey, taking you with me on a walk, of sorts, through the last two years of God’s redemptive love ,and healing transformation.  In truth, He has had to rebuild me… from the ground up!  I’m free to openly and candidly share this recent part of my journey, as it doesn’t compromise any writings from my autobiography, which is still resting in the vault.  I will undoubtedly touch on the many faceted reason that it’s still in there, but for now let’s just say that God asked me to write it, but has yet to give it back to me… so there’s that, lol!

Anyway, back to this new series. If I see you as my family, then you deserve my love, my devotion, my efforts and my fellowship… yes, I said fellowship!  I need it from you, just as much as my words reach out to hug your hearts, when I click that Publish button.  Now don’t panic!  I’ll not ask a single thing more from you than you’re already doing, my sweet friends.  Why not, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you why. As I may have mentioned in the past, I feel this world on an empathetic plane of existence, you see.  Just by reading through your blogs, and conversing with you, this girl gets hit by waves of your emotions!  Some might think this a curse, but it kept me alive all those years ago, allowing me to sense danger quickly and fueled my fight or flight reflexes.  While there were a great many years of struggle to understand and navigate my own heart, this empathy has been shaped and molded by the very hand of God… just in the last two years, point in fact!

It has come down from my Father, directly, that it’s time to share what He has done for this broken, fallen, and ugly mess, and yes I said ugly… because that’s what I felt like on the inside for most of my existence, and what one feels like on the inside always finds its way into the light.  So, yes, when I began to really change two years ago, your hearts would break to view the actual shape I was in… it wasn’t pretty, I can assure you!  That being said, I want to show you the journey God has led me on, as He removed my bitter blinders, flushed out all of poison within my heart, and gave me new eyes…both literally, and figuratively!

So, ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be setting aside the cookie plate on these episodes, which will post each Thursday.  Grab a cup of coffee, pad your posteriors, and check your presuppositions at the door!  As we travel through the arteries that weave throughout the human heart, look only to see the life-giving waters that flow, mixed with the blood sacrificed to redeem it!  We’ll be diving deep, so bring a tissue or two, if you tend to cry like I do. 

Don’t worry… remember, I said this was all meant to bear good fruit, so only that which is edifying will be shared.  Besides, this has been an incredible journey and I wish to share it with you, so as to reflect Gods miraculous and Perfect Love!

See you next Thursday… hugs

Oh Honey… I Got a List!

Daily writing prompt
What could you try for the first time?

While I’m not an adrenaline junkie sort of adventurer, I’ve had list after list of ideas to be tried for the first time! It began when I was a tiny girl, forever dreaming of things I wanted to do when I grew up.

Remember my Easy Bake Oven? I wanted to be a baker from the moment I melted my first pile of cookie dough under a hot lightbulb.

I was forever trying to rescue injured or stray animals, so I then wanted to be an animal doctor/national geographic reporter/animal whisperer! Seriously! I used to dream about finding a baby chimpanzee on the side of the road, somehow miraculously raising and returning it to the jungles… that was one of my favorite daydreams. I knew I wanted to be a mommy from the first battery operated cry that erupted out of the new baby doll I was given. I ventured out to every single boring yard sale and/or thrift store trip my mother visited, looking for each and every baby item possible. My babies had it all, from the blankets and clothes to the bottles, pacifiers, strollers, diaper bags, fake food, etc. I think you get the picture… I’m what one calls a Lister!

I was writing lists from the time I learned to spell, keeping them safely hidden beneath my mattress, away from spying eyes.

Over the years I’ve trained horses, bred and raised everything from birds to dogs, traveled to distant countries, bore three children, traveled with my husband in a Semi across the whole of America, lived in an RV for four years, ran a full scale lady’s hair salon in the big city, ran my own nail salon for five years, walked in 5 different full marathons, and been a model… who knew?!

Why, just last year I decided to write a book, and am now preparing to begin my third, so that’s certainly a joyful win win… as far as trying something new goes.

If you’re thinking I’m bragging about things, let me remind you that my life is far from a Hollywood success story… and in none of my endeavors did I say that I was fantastic at any of them. I only want you to see what I mean when I say I am known as what is called a Lister… love lists, love trying new things, love writing everything down. While some might say that I have a problem… I just think I’m a big kid at heart!

Currently, I’m sitting with a list of three things that I want to try. I want to do theatre, sing at Karaoke, and try stand-up comedy… just once! Way out of my comfort zone, but a girls gotta dream…

Have a cookie…

Investigating Truths…

So, as I am getting a bit more organized, my Investigating Truths episodes will become my journaling storyboard, using all of you sweet people as my crash test smarties…my hope is that you will come along with me as I try my hand at sharing my truths with other souls in all different forms. I want to do this because in the same sense that people learn in different formats, they also receive grace, love, and mercy in just the same manor. My wish is to always stay a few steps outside of the “Normal” boxes that we can find ourselves stuck in. Think of Journey With Me as a cozy little lobby, with no door to close anyone out, filled with plush and colorful sofas to stay as long as one wishes, and right in the center is a table for any who stop by…

Apon this table I wish to have lovely bowls filled to overflowing with little gifts of joy, laughter, wisdom, truth, grace, and mercy pouring out over the edges…these vessels are never empty, as I have a supplier that delivers an unending supply…nothing ever expires!

It is my passion and purpose to ensure that you always feel welcome in this lobby, just remember, I am no more than an administrative assistant to a very Self Sufficient Site Manager! He supplies me with whatever I need, so if you are ever in need of some, please receive freely, as there is no charge here for love, acceptance, and extended stay guests…welcome!!!!!!!!!

I want to start us out now on a test run of a more poetic style

This style is being practiced with a copy of a letter I wrote to my first born. Dreams impact me in a way I cannot fully explain, so I try to write them down thinking that with time, I may come to decipher some secret code…lol. I am still not fully sure of what this meant but I hope you will enjoy the format I tried to follow, very loosely, by the way!

I Dreamt of You…

Down along a 2-lane road, driving slowly around each bend and curve, Lush green foliage covering the hillside, giving shade as we passed by

Ocean waves met the eyes, if one followed the hillside down, drawing the eyes onward, toward a delicate little town

Finding ourselves within a U-shaped cove, the endless clear glass blue came and went from beyond the shore

Cobblestone lined the streets, buildings of soft colors greeted our eyes, Beckoning one inside for toys and treats

Though no other cars appeared, a plane rested upon the shore, the bottom made of glass and with delicate silver handles upon the door

You, Babybear, are the only face I remember clearly,

flying low over the ocean waters, you were sitting on the glass bottom surrounded by soft light

Time seemed to stand still as whales began swimming to you, Up to the window they came, seeking your tiny hands

Your arms stretched out to reach, eagerness filled your eyes, you had the most beautiful smile, and I could feel your joy and excitement

  I couldn’t stop watching you, the happiness clearly on your face, and the look in your eyes, forever it was etched into my memory

Under water we flew and into a cavern of brilliant lights we appeared, vivid blues, reds, purples and every color imaginable, were here being cast about, reflecting off the stone

Suddenly, the cavern filled with a multitude of whales, along with their young ones, gracefully gliding by

Through the glass we touched them, trailing fingers along their skin, as if nothing were in between, and Glass no longer appeared

You began floating amidst them, gently carried on invisible currents, Baluga whales began appearing, Dolphins as well

Swimming freely with all of them, you breathed water as if it were air

I was the only one who spoke in this dream, saying Gentle we must be, for if this be a birthing place, mindful these mothers now seem, of this I was sure, for as you are my child, it would be that for me…

You may only be a small child, and though I don’t understand this dream, I will always believe that you are a very special little girl.

Love Mom.