Tag: love

Thursday Thoughts…

Wiwohka5 Comments

(2023) Looking Back…

I don’t often like to see into my own childhood memories, as they are precarious at best.  But for you, my friends, I have courageously looked through the curtains of the past that most often obscure my view.  I have learned that we must take the good with the bad, as far as memories go.  Haven’t we all had to make peace with our past, in order to walk forward towards a better future?

          This particular memory arose out of the oddest sort of recollection.  My husband brought home a watermelon the other day, and that sounds normal so far, as I am sure this behavior occurs within homes across the globe, nearly every day.  Things played out typically for us, just like most, until the moment my eyes came to rest on the label stuck to the side of the watermelon.  On the sticker were the words, “Grown in Hermiston Oregon”.  I do not often come across the name of my childhood home, and the last place I would have expected it to be, was on a piece of fruit. 

          For several moments, a cacophony of strange emotions floated briefly across my heart.  When I encounter these things, I usually set them aside to process on their own… I have learned not to rush into things willy nilly.  In this way, I dismissed the strange feelings and carried on with my day.  For several days I truly forgot about the sticker.

          Yesterday, as I was working on a story about two squirrels, a memory popped into my head, and the squirrels were momentarily replaced with the memory of a cat. 

I had forgotten about this cat for many years… until yesterday!  In the past I would have slammed the door on this part of my childhood immediately, as it has always brought an overwhelming fear.  I have learned in time, that I can view my past without fear or shame, but rather, with clarity and grace; both of which are great navigators, along the pathways of our hearts. 

          I do not generally slam these doors anymore, as I walk a better path now… a healing path.  While I will look at my memories, I have not ever written down a good one where my father was in the same story.  This morning was different for the first time.  In this memory will be the first written work I have ever done, where my dad is going to get his moment, but not like you’re thinking.  And another surprise I have for you is that you’re going to laugh and walk away very happy.  Let me show you…

          His name was Leroy!  We named him after that song, Bad Bad Leroy Brown!  From birth, this cat was crazy about me, and at the same time he was mean as they come… he stole my 7-year-old heart.  Another thing about this cat… he hated my dad! 

          This was not a passing fancy, a tiny dislike, or even a mild aversion to the man… Leroy was always planning the old man’s demise, I think.  This cat would destroy my dads’ things, and only his.  Leroy would intentionally pee on his clothes or in his boots, and every day from the moment my dad came home, the cat would stalk him and seek to bite him at every opportunity.  Guess where Leroy slept at night… hehe… with me!  At one time, my dad got so mad at the cat, he shot him!  Leroy disappeared into the woods… but he lived!  And he came home!  My dad was so mad, but a little scared too, I think.  He left the cat be, and pretended he didn’t care either way.

          One day Leroy did something that set my dad off, and he loaded the cat up and drove him across the county, dumping him at a friend’s barn.  We were devastated by the loss of our Leroy, and for some unknown reason, this was one of the few times my mom ever displayed her emotions.  She went off!!  By the time she got done yelling, my dad was sheepishly driving down the driveway with an empty cat box on the passenger seat.  My mom made him go all the way back down the road and retrieve our cat from that barn!  When that old station wagon pulled back into the yard, we all came running out of the house in excitement.  The first thing we saw as the car door swung open, was our cat Leroy climbing slowly and leisurely from my dad’s lap.  The next few moments are some of the most precious memories I hold of my dad with my cat…

          The man looked like he had been attacked by a weed wacker!  He was covered in cat scratches and bite marks, and Leroy peed and poo’ed all over his lap.  My dad barely got the cat inside the box he had brought along, and Leroy broke free as soon as the car ride home began. Our station wagon never smelled the same after this escapade, by the way.  That cat kicked my dad’s hind end for the full 20-minute ride from that barn.  This twelve-pound feline lived up to his name that day.  Let me tell you…

Loosely written from the Lyrics of the song,

He was my Bad Bad Leroy Brown

Maddest cat in the whole darn town

Badder than that ole shotgun

Meaner than that Junkyard hog (I would never insult a dog)!

 What I wouldn’t give to have been an observer in another car, or even walking on the side of the road, as that station wagon drove by.  There is for sure someone out there, who witnessed my small hero, scratching the life out of my dad all the way home!  It is very true what they say, that many times great heroes come in small packages!

That Cat Ruled!!!!

***No animals were harmed in the making of this episode, and each of the stunt cats were given their wages in delicious fishy treats, as well as, numerous bags of fresh catnip!***

I spared no expense!

From the Archives (2023) Answers From the Past…

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Daily writing prompt
Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.
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I found an old post from last spring that I thought rather fitting, if you twist the daily prompt’s meaning just a smidge…

This was one of my ‘Investigating Truths’ episodes, but it seemed fitting, somehow.

For as long as I can remember, I have made sense of myself and this world in two realms of thought.  One realm of thought is in the actual and physical sense.  What we see, do, talk about, eat and feel are things in the here and now. The second realm of thought is what I think of as my storybook, or cartoon version, if you will.  Let’s call this part the “Behind the Scenes of My Truths,” the adventure version. 

What follows is written in storybook version…….

I am wild from the top of my head all the way down to my toes!  It is all that I can seem to remember of myself.  My journeying, or running if I am being truthful, has always found me far out in the desert.  For as long as I can remember, there has been a path worn, from one hidden oasis to another, by my very own feet.  I have hidden them well, though, so most that wander by are unaware of my presence. 

As the years of my life rolled forward, I found that there was One who had been following my footprints, always leaving little packages of love for me.  On one of my journeys along the outskirts of the Cities of Souls, I came to realize that the One whom I had sensed, was in fact my True Father!  It was both joyful and difficult to become aware of Him. 

I stayed…

Before I knew it, time seemed to have sped forward in my journey, by a great many years!  I discovered that I had settled down right inside the walls … building relationships with others, and trying to live and do things the way all of the others thought was right. 

My Father showed me the gifts given to me, but instead of being at peace, I became fearful…

I believed that I was losing myself, and would simply become a nothing, moving along by habit!

So this wild child ran!!!

I fled into the desert with as much speed as possible, for my feet had become softened over the years spent within the walls built by man.  Many times I fell, stumbling over rocks and debris that had been left on my paths.  Had it really been that long?  I was not sure if the way had become obstructed or if I had simply forgotten my exact path.  Many seasons were spent wandering, clearing out my old and unused paths. 

Time rolled on…

Oh, I would come near the outskirts, just close enough to remember what I left behind.  The intensity of my pain and fear, along with the guilt over my failure, drove me away again and again…

My last act of running into the desert, or defiance as I see it, nearly cost me my very life, but that is for another time.  For now, I leave you with this thought…I am still that wild child inside, but my Father has been revealing to me the graceful Phoenix that He is rising up from the ashes of her truths…

You didn’t think I would forget your cookies, did you?

Thursday Thoughts…

Wiwohka19 Comments

Thought #1 – What would the world become, if whenever one says or does something hurtful to another, they experienced the exact emotional pain that their victim felt?

Thought #2 – What’s a baby dreaming of when they smile, or even laugh out loud while sleeping?

Thought #3 – My oldest daughter was a sleep laugher, a sleep talker, and a sleep walker. Nothing scarier than waking up in the middle of the night, with a five year old child standing beside your bed, staring at you in the darkness… it’s creepy!

Thought #4 – I shall truly miss you, Bacon, but if you won’t go on a diet and become less salty… well, it’s not me, it’s you!

Thought #5 – I miss pizza!

Thought #6 – Maybe I should visit an actual tea shop in search of something other than peppermint. I’ve tried peach tea, which was gross tasting after the first or second sip. Many years ago, someone invited me to a full tea service lunch, and they served this tropical sort of coconut flavored tea that was divine! Maybe this flavor should be investigated further.

Thought #7 – I wonder if my granddaughter will have light or dark hair?

Thought #8 – It’s settled! I am truly loving my self-crafted pixie haircut!

Thought #9 – Good Grief! How is it that we can look so old on the outside, when we still feel young on the inside?

Thought #10 – I miss that kitty so much! Gidget was her name, if I recall, and she was the loveliest long-haired Calico I’d ever set eyes on!

Thought #11 – It’s funny how I can’t remember things like my favorite grade school teacher’s name, or much of my childhood years, but I can remember the names of every pet that entered my life… from the beginning. My mother’s poodle Buttons, my first cat, Leroy Brown, my first pony, Candy, and our old Mule, Jack. Then there was my dog Rags, an Old English sheep dog, and our twin white cats named Nip and Tuck. One had a black tip on his tail and the other a black tip on one of his ears, but otherwise they were identical.

Thought #12 – Wow! This is a rabbit hole that could consume the whole day, and I simply don’t have time. The list, so far, has only been in the first 8 years of my life.

Thought #13 – Maybe I should write a short story for each of my Furbies, one at a time, just to relive those joyful memories.

Thought #14 – I don’t think that money changes people… maybe it just brings out who they really are on the inside. I’m fairly good at being poor, but will I be as honorable of a person if given better finances?

Thought #15 – My thoughts lead me back to scripture…

“For I know the plans I have for you,“ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Is this a set up?

Wiwohka5 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite time of day?
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My gut reaction is to answer “Daytime”, but it feels like I’m being played, here!

Like one of those pull my finger sort of jokes, or something. If I were to fall for such an obvious trick, it would be all over WordPress Daily news, which is right down the block from The Lobby.

I’d be too embarrassed to show my face out in the street, what with Oscar the Grouch’s garbage can perfectly placed right on the corner. You know, he can be very rude sometimes! On any given day, one might find him entertaining himself by reading the daily newspaper out loud, from his can. I know it doesn’t sound so rude, at first, but let me finish. Oscar doesn’t simply read the articles… no no. He shouts the words as loud as he can, and does so in the direction of whoever walks by his garbage can. See? Very rude, in my opinion.

While I do prefer the quiet of the morning, I’m not going to answer, on the grounds that it may incriminate me, somehow.

What I will do, however, is make a double batch of cookies for everyone, to make up for the ones I forgot the other day. Though you may not think it a big deal, I have a reputation to uphold. In the words of Captain Barbosa, “Don’t dare impugn me honor boy!”

May these cookies served to you, here, this morning, fulfill my duty to me ship, me WordPress family, and me crew!

Double fudge chocolate…

or,

Ok, so maybe these one’s are more like cupcakes. Fine! They’re actual cupcakes, so what? But I should still get credit, what with all the work I put into baking them for you. And, two is still two, right?!

Thoughts of Home (2024)…

Wiwohka9 Comments

As the old adage states, if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it! Since last year’s response to this question hasn’t changed, I’ve opted to pull it up from the archives. Have a blessed day!

Daily writing prompt
What brings you peace?
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While I often write of my desire to do good for those around me, I feel fairly confident that I’ve also mentioned how much I desire to go home. No, this isn’t a cry for help, so relax! I’m speaking of my heavenly home, that’s all. I haven’t felt apart of this world for so long, it’s become rather easy not to dream of things of this life… only that which is to come!

If I sat here all day, thinking on all the empty hours and solitude that I exist within, I guarantee you that there would be no peace available to partake in.

This world is vicious, selfish, petty, cruel, and vindictive! If I only focus on the backbiting, slanderous and nefarious villains loitering on every corner… again, I’d have no peace!

If I wasted all my time dwelling on every mistake, failure and sin that I’ve ever committed… also, no peace!

I’m simply being wholeheartedly honest, in regards to the prompt. I really really do want to go home! I’m tired! I exhausted myself with wasted efforts at being a friend, sister, mother and all around good person, and I was far too tired to have any amount of peace! Trust me… I’ve tried all that!

Now, I’m following God wherever He leads! I know my heavenly home will be there, ready to receive me when I’ve fulfilled whatever purpose I was born to do. No, I don’t really have a clear picture what that purpose is, but as I remain in the word and dwell constantly beneath the shadow of my Father… He is what brings me peace!

Just sayin…

Here, have a cookie…

Probably…

Wiwohka5 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Was today typical?
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Let’s see…

I woke up, got out of bed, and started heating water for my morning tea.

I took meds for my stomach, climbed into the shower, and proceeded to cry my eyes out in prayer for about 20 minutes.

Spent time in the word while drinking my peppermint tea, still crying.

After a time, the crying subsided, to be replaced with a comforting peace.

My daughter texted me last night to say that she’d be getting married in several weeks and that her father and his wife would be with them. She offered for us to go and get our nails done or something, just she and I.

I try not to think about how much it hurt when she asked me if I would babysit her dogs when she goes into labor.

I haven’t said anything to my kids about my hospital visit, nor my other procedures. None of them know that the suburban and all our things are gone. None of them know that the Edge was towed and then taken from us, as we had no money to pay for the tow. I’ve said nothing about our having not a dime to our name, nor the gas to even drive the one truck over to visit. None of them have come to see the apartment. I am relieved that they don’t, truth be told. We’ve still no clothes, no cleaning supplies, toiletries… basically, anything that food stamps won’t cover, we don’t buy.

I don’t say anything, because they prefer it that way! Everyone prefers it that way! Nobody really wants to watch the car wreck that I call my life, longer than they have to… everyone has life problems, I was told, so it’s not always about me!

It’s only 9:43 in the morning so there’s not much else to write about whether or not my day was typical… I got hours left!

But ya, it’ll probably be typical… it has been, thus far!

Cookie?

From 2023 (Game On…)

Wiwohka10 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What’s the story behind your nickname?
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As we all know, I don’t do well with short answers… in honesty, they are no fun!

My memory pulls me back to my childhood, to a time when my Nana was alive. Nana was the only one to ever call me Antonia, most likely in protest over my parents laziness when I was born a girl. They expected a boy when they chose Toni Rae, but got me instead, and just stuck with the same name. But alas, this memory is too far back, nor was that name technically a nickname, so I will move ahead in time…

My children were sleeping, as well as my ex husband, so what does an overworked and underpaid mom do for fun, I took it upon myself to have a couple glasses of wine. The house was quiet, and I had the office to myself, so off I went to the World Wide Web. Alcohol does funny things to a person…

There I was, at two in the morning, heavily under the influence… don’t judge… Alcohol gives confidence and courage, but not always wise choices, so consider us all lucky that this is the only thing I got up to in the middle of the night!

Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

So anyway, as I was perusing the internet, I came up with this hairbrained idea, to find a really cool game handle. I loved video games, especially the mmorpg ones, and everyone had awesome names for their in-game characters, or toons. I was in search of The One, if you will, game name wise…

Stumbling upon those name generating search engines, I began to look for a Native American word or name, that I could assign myself since nobody else ever wanted to do. Yes I think I am maybe Native American, and no, I did not make any valid name choice for this girl from the wilderness. Remember, wine was involved, so I make no valid claim to the name I settled on. I finally found a site that was pretty cool, in that it gave really decent explanations for the meaning and spelling/pronunciation. I came to this…

WIWOHKA – roaring, raging water…

In honesty, I cannot remember the rest of the definition, and highly doubt that it would do me any good now. For whatever the reason, the name stuck, and I have used it now for over 20 years…

Funny thing, my husband and I looked the name up once, and aside from the definition not being there anymore, we did discover a long lost Indian Tribe located somewhere near the great lakes, and they were called the Wiwohka Tribe… I can aspire!

Don’t pop my bubble by saying I am full of it… I know that I am, but where is the fun in having a really cool nickname, if there was not an amazing story behind it… I am proud of my name, even it only means that I talk a lot, and am such a cry baby that everybody gets wet when I am around! At least, maybe, you will remember me from either laughing or crying…

Here is your cookie…

P.S. Please share…

REEEEmix…

Wiwohka6 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Write about your first crush.
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There wasn’t any point in trying to re-answer this prompt, as my memory hasn’t changed, nor have any of the character’s in my story about that first crush. Instead, I went and pulled my original prompt answer up and set to work, touching up the edges… and adding cookies, of course!

Photo by Dellon Thomas on Pexels.com

Ok, so maybe this is more about the shoes than the boy, but still…

His Name was Louie and we went to school together, but I’m not certain how old we all were… maybe 5th or 6th grade?

He used to sit on the steps in front of our school during lunch break, every day. There was a group of boys who always congregated around him, fully inflating his ego, maybe. I would wander over to where they sat nearly every day, hoping he’d look my way. In my silly mind, I was sure that he liked me by the way he always smiled and laughed at what I thought was funny. In reality, it was probably him just being kind, as I think he must have been a nice kid.

One particular afternoon, I had worn my new Cherokee Wedge high heeled shoes just to look especially pretty. They were really just giant floor level erasers, I am certain of it!

Anyway, as soon as the class bell rang, I was up and off to freshen myself up in the girls lavatory. Feeling like a model, I began my promenade down the corridor toward the school’s courtyard. Out the doors and down the steps I sashayed, coming to stand near the group of boys that always crowded around Louie.

Now my friends had been teasing me earlier that week, regarding my view of how he must feel about me. They all said I was just making it up. I was intent on showing them all!

I started up my usual flirty convo, laying on the demure smiles and light giggles that were supposed to be what you did to get a man. What happened next must go into a play by play of sorts, or a back and forth screenshot for your brain…

*I teased him about something, and to this day, I have no idea what it was…

*He made the gesture as if to pursue me, maybe to tickle or pick me up in his arms to circle me around in the air for the world to see his true love for me, showing all those girls a thing or two… wait… ok, maybe that was my thoughts, but all he did was lean forward with a smile on his face… I know Right? God bless my imagination!

*I turned around, thinking him to be in pursuit, and proceeded to run across the entire front courtyard of our school, just like Julie Andrews did in the Sound of Music. The only differences were, for starters, I was wearing those ridiculous eraser shoes. And, the other key thing to remember is that he was NOT following me! I thought he was, but never looked back to confirm.

*When I got to the other end of the yard, I turned to realize what had actually been the scene…

No one following me… me running like a Robin Williams version of Julie Andrews… the majority of my classmates rolling on the grass laughing… and to my horror, ALL the boys on the steps hooting and hollering to join the choir!

We were all so young, and it might seem as a bad memory, but it one of the funniest things I remember doing, and you know what, I think that nice boy really did like me. I actually remember him laughing with the others but he didn’t look like he wanted to. Honestly, I think he felt bad for me…

Kids say and do some of the funniest things, and I am forever grateful for all of my youthful funnies, as I am sure that you are as well. I was and am a pretty funny person! Not because I am a great mixer of words and jokes, but because I can laugh at myself without being judgy, and I love to tell others about something I did that I thought was really silly or funny, and they get to laugh with me, not at me. There is a difference!

Hope this brought out some laughs. God Bless!

Don’t forget your cookie…

What’s a baby?

Wiwohka6 Comments

One of my favorite songs about babies has to be from Lady and the Tramp, when Lady first meets the new baby. Put an adorable dog together with a baby and a tender song and what do you get? I get all emotional and start crying!

So it seems that it is fitting and right that I start your Monday off with the sniffles… but in a good way, of course!

Guess what?

It’s a girl!

Well, she’s here but not ready to come out of hiding just yet. That’ll be on or near November 25th. It makes me smile whenever I think on that date since my daughter’s birthday is the 18th. Wouldn’t it be the funniest thing if she is born on my daughter’s actual birthday day?!

They’ve still not quite settled on her name, at the moment, and neither have I. NO, I don’t get to name her! But, what I do get to do that nobody else can is to give her a special Meemaw name, just like I’ve done for all my other grandbabies.

Let’s see, there’s my first grandson “Peanut”, then my little Peach, my pinecone, and Little Man. Following them is my Chipmunk and our little Firefly, too. That makes five in all, so far. I’m also a Godmother to a very special Peapod.

Why the namesakes? Simple terms of endearment left with each of them for their memories… and, let’s be honest here… my memories, too!

It’s funny that I started doing this all the way back when my girls were born. My girls would never forgive me if I stopped referring to them by their personal nicknames, no joke!

I guess it never occurred to me how important it was for them, til a few weeks ago. I was sitting with my oldest grandson and talking about when he was smaller. I thought to apologize to him for always calling him Peanut when he was little, as he always made a fuss at me for doing it.

When I said that I was sorry, my grandson stopped what he was playing on the computer, looked at me funny for a moment, and then said, “why are you sorry?” I told him that I thought it bothered him, but he just smiled and shook his head in disagreement.

Apparently, he would like me to continue calling him Peanut… I’ve been given the all clear!

Ever since that conversation I’ve not stopped thinking about the importance of those little things, those tiny details. Often we find ourselves getting so caught up in doing the big things, we lose sight of what’s possible in a tiny, tiny thing…

All big things begin small, right?!

So, now that you’ve been given way more information than you probably needed for this next part… it’s time we think on a very special name for our newest family member. Yes, I said we! Don’t you want to help me think up an adorable new nickname for my soon-to-arrive granddaughter? Give it some thought if you would and then let me know in the comments. If we all put our heads together I know we can come up with something really adorable.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday … hugs

Dreamin…

Wiwohka3 Comments

I think that dreams say a great deal about who we are… on the inside. Before you start preparing for some kind of mental health episode of some sort, I’ll leave that to the professionals, thank you very much! My thoughts and considerations will be looking at our character, our personality, or we can label as our true self, if you will. As I always tend to do, let me explain what I meant by my initial statement.

First off, I want to break dreaming into two categories here, one being a waking daydream, while the other is a sleeping dream. Waking daydreams are the ones in which we control the dream in its entirety. Obviously, the sleeping dreams are when we’re not awake, therefore we have no conscious control of what goes on in our dream, nor any control of the outcome… we just gotta ride it out, so to speak.

When I write these thoughts out, I’ve no intention of trying to figure others out, based on their dreams! I guess I’m writing out something that I’ve discovered about my own personality and tendencies, that’s all. Some say that they don’t really dream much, while others dream often and deeply… people like me.

Being a child from trauma, I sought fantasies and daydreams from a very early age, as a way of safety or escape, if you will. To this day, I can vividly remember things from those years, most especially the dreams and recurring nightmares that I experienced. Weird, right?!

Anyway, I had one of my re-run daydreams from when I was small, just the other day. As I was thinking on the memory of my dream, I noticed something sort of funny about myself, or, the way that I saw myself in the daydream. It made me want to look back through some of the other dreams, just to see if I did that in all of them. Guess what I discovered? I did, in fact, see myself in a particular way, when it was a sleeping dream and another way when it was a daydream… just two starring roles… two!

In every waking dream that I created, I cast myself as the assistant, the helper, the heroin through heavy lifting! I was either Charlie instead of Willie Wonka, or the Mad Hatter instead of Alice, or the child who helped Dr. Doolittle. Even to this day, I never see myself as the heroin or hero in anything… always, always, always, I dream myself behind the scenes. In my stories, it feels better to focus on my desires for the cast members in the tale. I think that’s why I prefer you to see me through Tilly, Eustace, or any of this site’s characters when I write. They seem to capture who I am, there within the pages of their stories.

The sleeping dreams are a far different representation of how I saw myself back then, and even now, today. That little girl only experienced the nightmare portion of the dreams, for many, many years. I was a frequent bed wetter, and struggled with severe anxiety. I had no one to talk to, no one to comfort or rescue me from my hell. I’m sure that this is why my waking dreams were so intense and real to me. I even learned how to wake myself out of my night terrors. I actually began to flip myself from my bed and onto the floor, so as to force myself awake. That child was always running, fighting and/or in pain during those dreams. Over the years, I changed in appearance as I grew into a woman, wife, and mother, but I still continued to be the victim… or the villain. Yes, I even saw myself become the villain, but what could I do? I had no control, there in the depths of my darkness.

Ok, no more of that part, as it’s not who I am now! Now? God holds my dreams in the palm of his hand, shielding and comforting me through anything I may experience during my sleep, which is now rarely more than a goofy recap of what I’d watched on television the night before. It’s funny, because the transformation within this wild child has been miraculous, to say the least!

Waking daydreams are now filled with a purpose, not my own, but of one who is so much greater!

Night dreaming is no longer a place of fear, but of peace, protection, and security!

I’ll not forget the child of my past, no no, as she is the one who survived!

I’ll not forget the lost wild one, for she is full of fiery spirit, and tenacity!

While I may not ever be a hero of anything special, Charlie did end up with the factory, so that children would hold onto their dreams!

That child who followed Dr. Doolittle… they carried on the doctor’s work to care for others, whether it was a Push-Me-Pull-Me or the captive sea lion… always the less fortunate!

What do I daydream about now? I dream that everywhere I go… I smell like cookie dough, pulling children’s imaginations along with me, just like the pied piper! For all the rest of you… I pray that I leave a trail of cookie crumbs in my wake… get it, wake… hehehe!