… like the frozen peaks of a mighty mountain range. Sadly, little can survive there.
What about finding church in nature?
Can all that quite beauty and solitude become a church, of sorts? Meditating in peace, while trying to safely navigate this lost and fallen world?
Can Church be found in a book, but not in a heart?
What about where 2 or more are gathered?
Do I fit into the Church, or is the Church supposed to reside within Me?
Google says that the Bible mentions the word Church about 120 different times.
Somebody on Google also says that there are estimated to be between eight and 16 million actual church buildings in the world.
Another person says that there are 37 million churches throughout the world.
Oh yeah, and I also read that there are more than 45,000 Christian denominations in the world. I think I found all this information in under 5 minutes on the great World Wide Web. What started out as my morning quiet time in the word, turned into 2 days of trail walks, another day pondering my own church experiences, and then finally, the above mentioned 5 minutes of “Google is your friend”!
Honestly, at this point, I was feeling like a deer caught in someone’s proverbial headlights! I know we all believe that google is our friend, but let me tell ya, not only is it your friend, but EVERYBODY’S friend! Electronic Overshare Overload is what I will consider reality! Jokes aside, the web can be a great resource, within reason. Too much of a good thing can be not so good for us. Well, at least that’s how that old saying goes, anyways.
I am realizing that I am not interested in what the WWW thinks, nor am I certain as to where I stand with my own beliefs, regarding this subject.
However, here is the awesome truth about faith… I do believe in WHO God is and what He says to me! If I am to believe that the Bible is 100% truth, it goes to show that I will find the honest answers to my questions within this very book, right? Within this one book are my answers, written down simply and clearly, assuming I am truly seeking the HONEST answer.
With this truth upon my heart, I am embarking on a journey of knowledge, that I may see with clarity a Godly understanding of Church, His purpose, and how I fit into the body of Christ (His Church).
You know I will not go all the way to some clarity, without returning with some really great stories for you all. Keep a weathered eye out for me, and I will see you on the (metaphorical) flip side…
Are you kidding?! I absolutely do NOT trust my own instincts, which have gotten this girl into more trouble…
I was sure I knew what I was doing, and where I was going.
When things didn’t feel like they were right or I realized the direction was wrong, instinct told me to bury the errors and just keep going, which only took me down another wrong path…
When God pointed out my predicaments, my instinct was to argue my case and continue trying to do things my way!
If I have learned one thing through all of it… it’s that I can ONLY do all things through Christ, who strengthens me! My instincts are not and will never be enough to navigate this thing we all call life.
Instincts get surrendered to God every single morning, for this recovering runaway. The new rule of thumb is to seek the council of God throughout the whole of my day. Scripture warns NOT to lean on our own understanding, and I’m learning to listen!
While selecting an image for this morning’s post, I had an epiphany, of sorts…
Sometimes, we get stuck in a miracle rut! You know, thinking of miracles as a singular earth shattering occurrence that all can be amazed at, in only an instant!
One might think that the miracle for this little girl, occurred over 40 years ago, upon a darkened highway, but you’d be wrong…
…she was!
God, in only his wisdom, is now revealing the true miracle of that lost child, within the woman you see before you…
She could be a stranger, or perhaps not… it might be you, a family member or friend… anyone really!
God’s held onto my stubborn heart down many long highways,
pursued this wanderer through the wastelands of her own making,
removing detours, repairing breakdowns and healing wounds I thought would be my undoing…
and He loves me, unconditionally!
Just believe!
His miracles will reveal themselves upon the horizon of each new morning, if we will do this one simple thing… believe!
Epiphany = Each and every human soul’s miracles have been in the journey this whole time!!!
Will fulfill his promise to us, in us, and for us…
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
I read somewhere that doubts were like little fears trying to come to life, or something like that. It makes sense if you think about it for a moment.
I guess when I have doubts about my writing ability, that can be seen as the same thing as fear of failure or rejection.
When I have doubts that we will ever get beyond one step above homelessness, isn’t that the same thing as fearing God will let me down… that He’s forgotten me, or simply left me here?
Some call it doubt, some call it fear, and most often, you’ll hear me call it a Rabbit Hole.
Whatever we choose to call it, we all face obstacles that can cause us to doubt ourselves, and our fear of failing to overcome sends us down all sorts of rabbit holes to try and wriggle out of things.
I think the bottom line is whether we have enough faith, or maybe enough courage, and/or enough inner fortitude to rise above the things we face.
I think it is a good idea to regularly remind myself to do some self-checks of who and what I am… to God, to others, but very importantly, to myself! If I don’t believe that I am valuable and worthy of love, how can I believe that God feels that way about this daughter of His? Does that make sense? If I don’t I am worthy enough to serve God, it makes it very difficult for me to step out in faith when He asks it of me, because I get too caught up in doubt.
So, for a healthy reminder to regularly sweep out my doubt closet, Note To Self #12 is from one of my favorite authors…
“We are what we believe we are”. C.S. Lewis
Just to make sure I have brought my point across about doubt and about believing in ourselves, I’ve included a song by Lauren Daigle called You Say. I hope to leave you with a reminder for those who need it…
Believe it or not, this flower is actually a good three feet above my head! I would not have even noticed it, had I not paused for a moment to rest my aching back. I am not sure that I want to go as far as to say that I am glad I injured my back. But I can certainly appreciate the lessons gained from my recovery process. One of those lessons is that I need to slow down!
I learned to slow down both physically, as well as mentally. In the physical realm, too much of a good thing (walking) is never healthy without taking the time to make sure you are capable of pacing yourself. I am learning to slow my walking down, and also to take days off for a refuel. Selecting regular days to rest is something I have to force myself to do. Mentally, I think it is also very necessary to do the same thing…
Take a day off!?!
While realizing that it can be difficult, it’s so very necessary that we take a mental day off, once in a while! You know, shut the brain door… close the shutters to our internal house windows.
I hope you weren’t’ expecting me to expound on the mental day off, as there are too many self-help resources that have already saturated the market on this subject. Actually, I am not even going to spout anything useful in the physical activity department. I just like to “walk” you into an insight I’ve gained, rather than just throw it at you like a water balloon.
Beauty and goodness are all around us! Each and every day, the sun rises to reveal these things. It carries on toward darkness, til it’s replaced by the rising of the moon. Over and over, again and again, this happens. We’re given so many opportunities to see and experience all that God’s created just for our pleasure and enjoyment.
My insight, if you have not already figured it out, is this: Slow down, and take the time to LOOK UP!
Not only do I not wish to do any re-living at this moment, but I wouldn’t wish any of my life on any other human being!
I hear so many folks talk of what they would do differently if they were to go back in time, but as much as I don’t want to go back… I also wouldn’t trade it for any amount of money!
The me that you see today is a priceless gem, cut from the hardest of stone. I am a blade made of iron, shaped through both fire and ice for tempering… I am a chosen child of God!
Has it been difficult, exhausting and painful, yes!
Have I had to walk through life as an outsider… an outcast? Yes! Most often, I am simply misunderstood by those that surround me.
Have I done any of this alone? Nope!
Whether good, bad or in between… all of it was foreseen by the one who knew of my very birth, before the foundations of the earth had ever come to be…
The path I now walk is a combination of many things, much of what I brought on myself along the way. By revisiting the old me, doing or saying a thing any different than I did the first time around, could possibly undo a lesson that was vitally necessary for my walk with God, at this moment in time. No thanks!
I love the me that I am now, so, as they say… There’s no going back, There’s no better time than the present, or even better yet,
“Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of Man cometh.” (Matt. 24:42–44.) May we heed this warning given by the Lord and get our houses in order and be prepared for the coming of the Lord.
I’ll not waste time looking back, but instead, I shall be ever watchful for His return. I think that is a far better idea, with far better rewards, than re-living any single moment of my earthly life.
You know how when trees bloom, you can barely see the branch from which all the blossoms grow? You become so captivated by the beauty and smell of the flowers, you hardly notice the actual branches.
I’ve decided that I want to be that branch!
You know why?
Branches need not worry about the tree from which they grow, nor whether the sun or rain nourishes the roots. They just trust the tree to feed them.
All of those beautiful blooms…they’re not there forever, but instead will live out their purpose and then float away on the wind.
But the branch, well, the branch just needs to make sure it stays connected to the tree. If the branch falls away, it’ll wither and die without the trees protection.
If the branch stays connected, and focuses only on becoming a better branch, then the next year it’ll be strong enough to produce even more of those beautiful blooms.
The branch doesn’t need to be seen for you to know that it’s still there, because it’s a part of the tree… it belongs to the tree. The world can simply enjoy seeing and smelling the beautiful blooms created from the tree, itself. The branch is meant to hold the flowers, not create them!
I have been sitting here, staring at my own idle fingers on the keyboard, and watching the little clock down in the corner of screen. It is now almost 7:30 am, and I have been sitting here since just before 5, but I have been awake since 2. All my life, sleep and I have not been very good bedfellows. Whether it is a bad dream, or maybe just an overthinking mind, some times I feel like it is more frustrating to try to sleep, than to just get up!
I think that more times than not, getting up and writing out what’s going on, brings me peace. The sad part is, even after I write and feel better, I am still pooped. I might as well keep writing, because I cannot go back to bed until tonight, or I will mess up my whole sleep cycle.
So, what has kept sleep at bay for me? I’m glad you asked. Well, let’s see now, I think it started about 3 or 4 days ago. Have you ever had times where you just feel like you are invisible? Like there are so many souls moving around you, but eyes are vacant? I had come home from an activity that was packed with people, and I should have felt happy, but climbing in to bed that night, I honestly felt like not one of those people would ever remember my name or even my face.
No harm no foul…no one did anything wrong, I simply mean that I felt like it was just a bunch of souls all caught up in their own stresses and struggles that most were just too exhausted to really try to make any real or enriching connection.
Anyway, I just felt a bit deflated, as I rarely stray far from my home to interact with anyone, and once again, it was just an unfulfilling attempt at connecting with others. I’d been feeling that disappointed ever since going out, and just couldn’t seem to shake it off. Then something happened that brought my attention front and center! Sometimes, it’s the little things. This little thing happened to be a knock on our RV door, only the next evening.
When I opened the door there was this girl, just standing there looking at me with a look that I cannot explain. It was enough, though, to draw me completely out the door and down the steps to speak eye to eye with her. I am going to share some things with you, and you may make your own suppositions from there.
I cannot say how old she was, but my best guess was late teens, early 20’s but that’s the best I can do. When I first came out the door, she had a cigarette in her hand and asked if I had any more. I explained that I’d given it up a ways back. She immediately put hers out, gently picking up the cigarette butt and placing it in her pocket. I remember asking her if she was alright, but here is where things get fuzzy…
What I thought she said was, “You are just like me, you know what its like, right?”
The young woman’s voice was so small, I had to lean forward in order to hear her better.
She pointed to my husbands work truck and said that she stopped at our home because maybe we could give her work. My heart ached for the girl, as I had no easy answers or fixes. I gave her directions of where to find shelter and food, but I just felt like that was no consolation.
Then I just thought, I See You!
And, well, my dinner was sitting right inside the door. I begged her to stay there while I went and gathered what I could. I truly thought she would be gone when I got back, but she’d waited. I found her still rooted to the spot behind the truck where I’d left her… patiently waiting for my return.
Please don’t judge me, but all I had was a cheese sandwich and some sliced watermelon. I felt stupid. She looked up at me with such a grateful smile, it seemed as if I had given her a steak from the Outback, or something. She accepted the food, thanked me sweetly, and simply disappeared. I haven’t seen her since.
Looking back, I have pondered a few things…
First of all, at no point did she ever ask me for money. In these times, we all just expect it! They are going to beg for money. Usually, if you offer them anything other than cash, they’ll just take off. She did none of those things. Could she have been a drug user, an alcoholic, or maybe a prostitute, possibly? Does it matter? Should it matter? I don’t think so. I feel like God was telling me to just give and let Him worry about the rest. Why does my ability to share anything God gives me, hinge on whether I think it is deserved. Not sure that’s in the Good Book, anywhere!
Secondly, I have been stymied by her statement about me being just like her and knowing what it was like. I have gone back over it in my mind, and I am now not even sure she actually said it.
Did I hear her say it?
Did God say it in my mind?
She could not know of my cultural origins… I am not even sure what I am!
She couldn’t possibly know that I spent many years of my youth on the streets, just like her. How could she know what I’d sacrificed to stay alive. No one does fully, myself included, because survival instincts sometimes require us to block and/or forget that which was needed for the surviving.
For most it may seem trivial, but for me… I am left feeling like God brought someone directly to my door, because He knew I would answer. I am not tooting my own horn in all this, trust me. I’m telling you about it, only because it was a major shift from my own tendencies. The old me from my upbringing was quite rigid, stubborn, distrustful, and willful. It took a lot of confidence and faith in my spiritual growth, for God to send her my way.
Was she the reason I’d been called in from the wilderness by my Father?
God’s been the only one with the power to draw me in! Honestly, I would prefer staying away, out of self-preservation. I have a tendency to find more comfort and solace in the desert than I do around society. The difference in my life now is the willingness to go in any direction God calls me to.
Sometimes, we don’t even have to go anywhere in order to serve God’s purposes… He brings them to us!
Journey With Me! 