I found an old post from last spring that I thought rather fitting, if you twist the daily prompt’s meaning just a smidge…
This was one of my ‘Investigating Truths’ episodes, but it seemed fitting, somehow.
For as long as I can remember, I have made sense of myself and this world in two realms of thought. One realm of thought is in the actual and physical sense. What we see, do, talk about, eat and feel are things in the here and now. The second realm of thought is what I think of as my storybook, or cartoon version, if you will. Let’s call this part the “Behind the Scenes of My Truths,” the adventure version.
What follows is written in storybook version…….
I am wild from the top of my head all the way down to my toes! It is all that I can seem to remember of myself. My journeying, or running if I am being truthful, has always found me far out in the desert. For as long as I can remember, there has been a path worn, from one hidden oasis to another, by my very own feet. I have hidden them well, though, so most that wander by are unaware of my presence.
As the years of my life rolled forward, I found that there was One who had been following my footprints, always leaving little packages of love for me. On one of my journeys along the outskirts of the Cities of Souls, I came to realize that the One whom I had sensed, was in fact my True Father! It was both joyful and difficult to become aware of Him.
I stayed…
Before I knew it, time seemed to have sped forward in my journey, by a great many years! I discovered that I had settled down right inside the walls … building relationships with others, and trying to live and do things the way all of the others thought was right.
My Father showed me the gifts given to me, but instead of being at peace, I became fearful…
I believed that I was losing myself, and would simply become a nothing, moving along by habit!
So this wild child ran!!!
I fled into the desert with as much speed as possible, for my feet had become softened over the years spent within the walls built by man. Many times I fell, stumbling over rocks and debris that had been left on my paths. Had it really been that long? I was not sure if the way had become obstructed or if I had simply forgotten my exact path. Many seasons were spent wandering, clearing out my old and unused paths.
Time rolled on…
Oh, I would come near the outskirts, just close enough to remember what I left behind. The intensity of my pain and fear, along with the guilt over my failure, drove me away again and again…
My last act of running into the desert, or defiance as I see it, nearly cost me my very life, but that is for another time. For now, I leave you with this thought…I am still that wild child inside, but my Father has been revealing to me the graceful Phoenix that He is rising up from the ashes of her truths…
You didn’t think I would forget your cookies, did you?
This prompt question made me think of that scene in “The Jungle Book” where the vultures keep asking the same question, over and over again… “So, what ya wanna do?”
I have had to explain my name, and/or nickname, so many times now that I’m pretty over it… sorry, not sorry!
Here, have a cookie…
At least I’m not trying to serve you the same cookie, over and over again… or am I?
As the old adage states, if it isn’t broken, don’t fix it! Since last year’s response to this question hasn’t changed, I’ve opted to pull it up from the archives. Have a blessed day!
While I often write of my desire to do good for those around me, I feel fairly confident that I’ve also mentioned how much I desire to go home. No, this isn’t a cry for help, so relax! I’m speaking of my heavenly home, that’s all. I haven’t felt apart of this world for so long, it’s become rather easy not to dream of things of this life… only that which is to come!
If I sat here all day, thinking on all the empty hours and solitude that I exist within, I guarantee you that there would be no peace available to partake in.
This world is vicious, selfish, petty, cruel, and vindictive! If I only focus on the backbiting, slanderous and nefarious villains loitering on every corner… again, I’d have no peace!
If I wasted all my time dwelling on every mistake, failure and sin that I’ve ever committed… also, no peace!
I’m simply being wholeheartedly honest, in regards to the prompt. I really really do want to go home! I’m tired! I exhausted myself with wasted efforts at being a friend, sister, mother and all around good person, and I was far too tired to have any amount of peace! Trust me… I’ve tried all that!
Now, I’m following God wherever He leads! I know my heavenly home will be there, ready to receive me when I’ve fulfilled whatever purpose I was born to do. No, I don’t really have a clear picture what that purpose is, but as I remain in the word and dwell constantly beneath the shadow of my Father… He is what brings me peace!
While the barnyard, nor myself for that matter, have anywhere to call home at the time being, there’s nothing that says I can’t start thinking and dreaming about something… anything, really!
For my mental sanity, it has become necessary that I focus on going somewhere that is much brighter than my present circumstances… it is very dark here (speaking metaphorically).
Have you ever found yourself experiencing what I can only describe as “pressure”… heavy, and somewhat immobilizing, at least for myself? Everyone feels pressure at one time or another in life, certainly! But there are those occasions when it surrounds you on all sides, and one finds it difficult to breathe.
You know how when something pushes against you, normally there would be a certain amount of absorbing the impact, before your body pushes back in an effort to re-stabilize itself? That sort of pressure would be much more recognizable and manageable, but it’s coming from all directions right now, so things look pretty bleak at first glance! You know how they say “can’t see the forest for the trees”? If I let myself dwell on it too much, that’s exactly how I start looking at things… and honestly, I ain’t got time for that garbage!
When things feel overly heavy, then it means I’m trying to do the carrying of that which I have no control over… what a waste of energy!
Perhaps, now you might start to understand why I’ve gone all Capt’n Jack Sparrow/Indiana Jones of late, what with all the passion I’ve thrown into retrieving all my website characters. It’s a safe place for me to pursue things of a heavenly purpose, leaving the earthly issues to my Creator, whom I have every confidence in to make a way. He always does, you know? I don’t say this because of the words of history written in scripture, though they are quite true… I say this because of my own 55 years of life experience. I believe what He tells me, and I will walk this faith to the very gates of Heaven, because I am assured that my name is written upon the pages of the book laid open before Him! I’m simply on my way Home… where my heart is!
For now however, I shall start working on designing and creating my own virtual home space… til God’s finished working on the real one!
From the moment of our birth, the race to find and become who we believe the world sees suddenly starts with a bang! Groomed from birth on how to speak, what to wear, how to behave, how to please others, and on and on and on we go, sort of like a merry-go-round…
I’ve spent my entire life trying to appear as that which others expect and/or accept, as if I were on one of those merry-go-rounds. Spinning round and round over the years, gaining speed until I became frozen to the bars and unable to get off, followed by a great deal of motion sickness.
Well, finally the ride became so fast that it flung me off into the dirt, so to speak!
If you wondering what on earth an old merry-g0-round ride has to do with one’s image or self-perception (how you see yourself), it just seemed like a good analogy for how it feels to have a good self-image in a world that is so focused on visual bells and whistles… sorry, I often find myself coining phrases or adages to make a point.
What might that point be, you ask?
My point in all this merry-go-round stuff, is this… you’ll have a much more enjoyable ride in life if you learn how to straddle the bars and drag your feet, so you can control the speed of the merry-go-round, thereby strengthening your muscles and allowing you to get off the ride anytime you get dizzy. In reality, I’m saying that you shouldn’t let the world be in control of who you think you are supposed to be!
Me personally, I’ve opted for the carousel over a merry-go-round, in terms of how I see things in the world, and how I see myself…
Don’t let the age fool you,
One man’s junk is another man’s treasure!
Never see yourself as less than you want to be…
"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 2 Timothy 6: 12
Now you know how I see myself whenever I write adventurous tales, passionate poetry, and deep soul searching thoughts for you, my readers and friends. I might seem rather plain on the outside, but that’s my cover story, just like the mild mannered Clark Kent, from Superman. Now, I don’t want to go as far as to call myself a superhero… but in the stories I can be, right?!
Journey With Me! 