Wow! The holidays simply flew past, didn’t they?

I’ll be honest in saying that I was a bit distracted, what with our newest grandbaby arriving. I’m gonna let Sugarplum take all the spotlight, because all I did was feel sorry for myself and play video games.

Oh, as far as the self-pity gaming… I’m over it, thank goodness!

While things have not changed for the better with my health, my reliance and obedience to God have not wavered!

I’ve no idea what, when, or if I’ll write anything of value this year, but I intend to be here with bells on, regardless!

There is a very fine, and precarious line between writing with passion or writing with emotion. Some can separate these two things while writing, quite effectively, I cannot. Don’t get me wrong, as I can definitely write this way… but it’s raw, painful, and often can be very damaging to others, not to mention my own mental state.

My health journey over the last 6 months has been exhausting, discouraging, and traumatic. I’ve been tossed from one specialist to another, none of which want my case. Primary doc sent me to the G.I. who went on vacation, so I waited three weeks. They ran tests and said it was simply due to my IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). The weight continued to drop, and I still couldn’t eat. I asked for another appointment which was scheduled for two months later. I went off on the nurse, to say the least, though no swear words or disrespect were used. I simply screamed out over the phone that I didn’t want to die, and I was begging for help. In exasperation, they scheduled me for the next test, which was the Esophogram. That’s where they made the SECOND diagnosis for the Hiatal Hernia.

Off to the surgeon I was sent, where he also went on vacation for an additional 3 weeks before my appointment. He said he wanted more tests, so again, I waited another month for the nuclear study. They then said that my stomach was not emptying like normal, and referred me back to the G.I. for more meds… the surgeon refused to operate!

I got a message immediately from my G.I., not for an appointment but to offer a new drug… surprise!

My answer… NO MORE DRUGS!

Since when did doctors refuse to doctor?

When was it acceptable to allow a commercial about a new drug to dictate whether I should ask a doctor for help or not?

What about the Hypocritic Oath? Or are they now teaching the Hypocritical Oath in colleges these days?

Not even hours after that email, email I said, email… I saw a commercial on television for the very medication the doctor had so quickly offered me over the phone.

I’m out!

It will be God that heals me or I shall be going home… either way brings me no fear, but rather, hope for my future.

Each day I pray that God covers me, allowing me to get the very most out of a bowl of oatmeal with raisins, and 3 oz. chicken and rice w/veggies for dinner. I am reminded of how the Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, eating Manna and quail… if they could do it, so too can I!

My God is far more Omnipotent and powerful than anything of man… I will stay on my feet as the chosen warrior of God until my last breath has gone!

I shall not fear!

I will walk boldly in the shadow of my God, who knows every part of my journey!

There may be days where I am silent, only offering inspirational music or scripture. Those are the days where He carries me.

There will be days of laughter, where God’s lessons are the ones that help me to lighten up, and let things be.

There may even be days where I cry out, in need of some encouragement and love from those I consider family… that’s you!

Whatever this year brings, we will face it together… I will share my ups, downs, and in-bewteens, and I expect the same from you! Just because one has struggles, doesn’t mean they’re incapable of giving love and understanding to others.

No matter where you are, what you are going through, or how badly you might be hurting, you are loved… you are valued… you are prayed for… and you are NEEDED, as you are!

How’s that for a Monday Message?