Today is this child’s Birthday, and for the first time in all my 56 years I awoke with a plan to celebrate it…. really spend the whole of the day in thankfulness for every single year of this journey!
I am loved!
I am whole!
I am forgiven!
God has given me such purpose!
I truly believe that I have a hope and a future, so I’m gonna celebrate it… all day!
I remember when my kids were young and I would escape for a breather… the whole time I was gone, all I could think about was if they were ok without me being there. I hoped they missed me but worried they would be sad. In the end, I felt better if I just went back home… silly, I know!
In a funny twisty way of thinking, I feel the same way about you! I felt like God was telling me to take today and do whatever I wished for my birthday, so I’d planned to take a break from WP and maybe read a book, or something.
From there, I thought that I would just pop in to check for messages… maybe post a few pics and call it good, right?!
Ever hear of that children’s book, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”, about one thing leading to another? Yah…. so here we are people, two hours into “Just” checking my mail!
When it get’s down to the heart of things… I like being here on WordPress, with you folks. I like your stories, your poetry, and your hearts… you draw me back to the lobby every morning and I end up hanging out in there all day. Why? Because, you visit at all different times of my day, being that many hail from countries around this beautiful globe!
Over this last year the lobby has become like a cozy coffee room, with visitors dropping by throughout the day. Many of you come from such a distance to share your views, your culture and your talents.
In an imaginative way, WordPress is like a village. There are streets lined with little cafe’s that overflow with romantic poets and gifted musicians. Other avenues are filled with book shops that offer some amazing literary artists. Down a few alleyways you might find those in need of encouragement, prayer and understanding. We even have our own business class! There’s newspapers that offer reviews of everything from movies and music, to authors and artists. Then there are the retailers, and magazine stands that offer comic books, craft ideas and food recipes.
Folks might share political views, opinions on the market, or their personal views about things ranging from birth to death… basically, a bit of everything!
That’s where Journey With Me fits in!
You’ll find the lobby nestled between several bookstore/coffee shops near the local park. Every community needs a bit of everything to keep the balance, right?! My hope is that the lobby can be of benefit to this community, no matter who you are or how you fit in to this village, as I’ve labeled it.
The front of the lobby holds an open doorway… there are no doors to open or close. Leave your attitude, your opinion, and any unhealthy motives at the doorway! The lobby does not produce judgement or push an agenda… it’s my heart, and my way of reflecting God’s love in the only way I can, at this time.
You just wait… my prayer is that perhaps one day I can do more, because deep in my heart, I believe that I was born for these days, for a bigger purpose. God is calling me for something more!
Warning!!! I am filled with the Holy Spirit and am highly contagious, so being in close proximity to the love of God might make you start doing strange things! In my defense, I am such a sucker for the whole grace, forgiveness and eternal love thing… I just cant help it!
With things being what they are currently, there’s been a great amount of obstacles, roadblocks, and dead ends to navigate! In all of it, I’ve felt a deeper sense of peace and assurance than ever before, oddly. There’s still no definite answers or directions, and things look rather impossible to overcome… but are they, really?
If God is who he says he is, if His word and promises are true, and if I am living and walking beneath His shadow… there should be no doubt, no fear, nor anxious thoughts, right? Ok, so yes, there will be moments when we feel some self-doubt, causing us to pause and assess things. A close friend wrote about this very subject the other day, so it’s been on my mind ever since. I agreed with him that some healthy self-doubt now and again is good for us. Sort of like safety checks!
It’s funny because, not more than a day or so later while I was reading in the book of Isaiah, I ran across a passage that caught hold of my heart.
“People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30: 19-21
When we pause from self-doubt, where do we see God in that moment? We are most often looking forward for signs, markers, and a big open doorway, right? God should be straight ahead of us and pulling us up with both arms, I thought! Why can’t we see Him waving a huge sign for us, leading us onward, and wooing us toward His path?
Here’s where the passage in Isaiah hit home for me… God isn’t in front of us, but behind us! He is the encourager, the Counselor; guiding and teaching us as we walk each day of our journey… that’s where He cultivates our faith! Sure, we will fail at times, but we are strengthened through the getting up and going onward parts.
Do not be fearful of falling, for He is there to catch us!
When your baby first walks, don’t you hover in front of and above them, until they get their balance? But, then you move out of the way, right? Where do you move? Most parent’s move to the side or behind, allowing their child to safely gain confidence and skill. So begins their journey of growth and development that will carry them along towards adulthood!
I think that’s how God teaches us, his children, how to spiritually walk as adult human beings.
Isn’t it funny how many of us have our favorite color of those chocolaty treats, even though technically, they probably all taste the same?
I’ve begun learning how different a thing can seem, depending on the one who is looking at it! Thoughts, emotions, and a myriad of other things surrounding a person, shapes the way they perceive what they encounter.
Take, for instance, Mary and Martha… the two sisters that the bible speaks about in the gospel of Luke. As scripture tells it,
38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” 41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I love both Mary and Martha, but in the light of how reading scripture is shaping my view of Jesus… I prefer to live like one M over the other.
Have you ever been in a situation that brings you to that moment of exasperation where you utter a very ill-thought-out “Lord, please give me patience” prayer? Has anyone else discovered that He will do exactly that, but never the way you expected, or were fully prepared to deal with, as I have? Yes? No? Or are you trying to blend in with the wall, hoping not to bring attention to yourself, until after the Patience word leaves the room? Trust me, I get it… and on a deeper level than some may think. If not before this last week, I’m a firm believer right this very moment! Looking back, I should not have been surprised in the least, when I made the commitment to begin this Matters of The Heart series. I distinctly remember praying, “God, help me to use these writings to learn more of who I am as your child, and that I might grow stronger in my faith.” The Crazy Train version of distractions that have been running me over ever since, can only be described as getting rear-ended, only to be the one who gets the citation! None of it makes any sense at all, seriously!
Let’s see, within less than two hours after posting my intentions about this series, last Thursday, things got interesting, to say the least. I’ve already shared about the phone call mix up, telling us we weren’t supposed to stay here anymore, and the constant housekeeping staff visits, where they kept walking into our room all day. No worries, things are stable on that front, as they’ve since gotten their paperwork corrected. From that scenario we went directly on to the next comedy of errors, which was managing to injure my left hand while sleeping, of all things. I still cannot fully use that hand, so the typing continues with just one and ¼ hands.
From there it got weirder still, with a man coming to the door on the next morning, saying he was looking for room 264, which was right there, beside him (he appeared homeless, under the influence of something, and carrying a plate of food from the dining room). Among at least three other incidents, the day came and went. The next morning seemed calm, and the day passed without much disturbance. But then, late that evening, we heard an enormous bang from the parking area just below our window! Looking out outside, we discovered numerous police vehicles surrounding a vehicle that was apparently occupied. Just as we are watching the scene unfold, in our underwear I might add, a hotel employee gives a short rap on our door and proceeds to walk right into our room! With nothing more than a brief, “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in this room”, he turned and disappeared down the steps.
Before you get too comfortable… it gets even better!
For what seemed like hours, it was pretty much a stand-off in the parking lot, with guns drawn, several more gas/flashbang thingies, before they called a tow truck in, hauled the car across the street, and removed whoever was in the vehicle (we didn’t witness that part). The car re-appeared in the parking lot a short time later, disappeared again, returned the following morning and then left again, not to return. Only later did we learn that several homeless people had been living in that car, and refused to leave. I will tell you that it wasn’t shocking to me, nor was it a surprise. Due to several very uncomfortable encounters on the walking trails nearby, God has warned me to stay within our motel room, until we leave this area. So, here is where I sit, snug as a bug in a rug, as they say.
In case you’re wondering if I’ve forgotten all about the writing that was intended for this series, I haven’t! I believe that it has everything to do with it, don’t you see? Everything that occurs in the world around us, will be observed, experienced and felt, based on what? How we think, what we believe, and how we feel about what we’re facing… and where do feelings come from? The heart, or more accurately, what the heart perceives, based on how it responds to the brain’s impulses… crazy, right?!
No, I’m not a doctor, scholar, scientist, philosopher or learned professor! But… I do have a heart, my own heart that beats all by its onesie’s, without any of those brilliant minds to assist. Not a single one of them created the blueprint for the heart that beats within this body, nor did they have the power to light the spark that set it into motion. I do believe in the good of science, and I’m so humbly grateful to all within our educational and medical professions. With that being said, I know who created them… I know who gave them their gifts, and then, instilled in them the ability to use those gifts! You will hopefully soon discover that there are just some places within the human heart, where neither science nor doctors can assist.
This is the road we’ll be traveling down… through the very pathways of our heart, which by design, were created to do one thing, seek out the very heart of God! He wants us to search our hearts, to see the evidence of his passing by, flowing through, and recognize that it is He, and Only He that can truly heal all the damage done by this world. While doing so, he also redeems is from that which we have done to ourselves. Hence, the necessity of using my own personal journey and experiences, so that you might see a glimpse of Him, in how I, myself, am still standing.
I am soon to see my 56th birthday, and can no longer keep an accurate count of how many instances death has crossed my path. In every situation, I’ve witnessed first hand, as God interceded on my behalf, saving me from destruction. I wish that I could say that I was never the villain, in any of it, but alas, I cannot. Can you believe that it was nearly two years ago that I finally opened my eyes from the bottom of the well I was lying in?
God has done such a transformative work in my life, that it could fill a book… oh wait, I did write one. Well, if you’re at all wondering, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we’re often called to do a thing for God, without specific details or even any evidence of an immediate result. It was good that I wrote the book, but what happens if the one who was in need of reading it, hasn’t come to the place where they are ready to read it? I choose to rely on God’s eternal faithfulness; I shall believe in the evidence of that which is not seen! Though I thought it was of such vital importance to write at the time, looking back down the pathways of my heart, I can see that I couldn’t have been further from the truth!
As you’re well aware, choosing to live separately from the world hasn’t been a bed of roses. I made a very personal commitment to God two years ago, walking away from a great deal of what the world offers. That means, choosing a path that I knew I would have to walk alone. Removing myself from things of this world and following God has not done any favors to the few relationships I still had. Especially right now, being a follower of Jesus Christ brings a big kick me sign to wear on the back of one’s shirt. Has it helped mend the bridges I burned with my children? Nope! If anything, they dislike me tenfold, at the moment. I continue to walk forward each day, upon the edge of a knife, as my hair falls out and my health plummets.
Honestly… I wouldn’t have things any other way, if it bears good fruit, which I believe it has, is, and will continue to do. I will dwell beneath the shadow of the Almighty… and as Paul said, “count it all joy.”
Until next time, may God surround you with his love… hugs
I wish to take you on a journey into the depths of the human heart, through the eyes of traveler…
Though the traveler will often be seen as myself, at any given time it could be anyone, really. The reason for this is to allow freedom of perspective; pointing no fingers, nor assigning any blame. I seek to be as transparent as possible, therefore, its quite appropriate to use myself as an example, so long as I do it in love and with good fruit in mind.
Why, you ask yourselves, would she share such deep emotions, for all to see? Well, I’ll tell you why… because, like it or not, YOU are my family… you’re it, guys and gals. No, this isn’t sorry time, so lift your chins up! This is my choice, my chosen path, as lovingly directed by my DAD! You know, the big guy upstairs!
I will mostly be using my own journey, taking you with me on a walk, of sorts, through the last two years of God’s redemptive love ,and healing transformation. In truth, He has had to rebuild me… from the ground up! I’m free to openly and candidly share this recent part of my journey, as it doesn’t compromise any writings from my autobiography, which is still resting in the vault. I will undoubtedly touch on the many faceted reason that it’s still in there, but for now let’s just say that God asked me to write it, but has yet to give it back to me… so there’s that, lol!
Anyway, back to this new series. If I see you as my family, then you deserve my love, my devotion, my efforts and my fellowship… yes, I said fellowship! I need it from you, just as much as my words reach out to hug your hearts, when I click that Publish button. Now don’t panic! I’ll not ask a single thing more from you than you’re already doing, my sweet friends. Why not, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you why. As I may have mentioned in the past, I feel this world on an empathetic plane of existence, you see. Just by reading through your blogs, and conversing with you, this girl gets hit by waves of your emotions! Some might think this a curse, but it kept me alive all those years ago, allowing me to sense danger quickly and fueled my fight or flight reflexes. While there were a great many years of struggle to understand and navigate my own heart, this empathy has been shaped and molded by the very hand of God… just in the last two years, point in fact!
It has come down from my Father, directly, that it’s time to share what He has done for this broken, fallen, and ugly mess, and yes I said ugly… because that’s what I felt like on the inside for most of my existence, and what one feels like on the inside always finds its way into the light. So, yes, when I began to really change two years ago, your hearts would break to view the actual shape I was in… it wasn’t pretty, I can assure you! That being said, I want to show you the journey God has led me on, as He removed my bitter blinders, flushed out all of poison within my heart, and gave me new eyes…both literally, and figuratively!
So, ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be setting aside the cookie plate on these episodes, which will post each Thursday. Grab a cup of coffee, pad your posteriors, and check your presuppositions at the door! As we travel through the arteries that weave throughout the human heart, look only to see the life-giving waters that flow, mixed with the blood sacrificed to redeem it! We’ll be diving deep, so bring a tissue or two, if you tend to cry like I do.
Don’t worry… remember, I said this was all meant to bear good fruit, so only that which is edifying will be shared. Besides, this has been an incredible journey and I wish to share it with you, so as to reflect Gods miraculous and Perfect Love!
In a world where black is white, up is down, and right is wrong, we may sometimes feel as if God isn’t paying attention… or is sitting idly by, while we suffer through things that He could easily rescue us from. Our human hurt, confusion, anger and/or grief overwhelm us, blotting out the SON!
For me, it is very easy to become discouraged about my circumstances, when I naively begin assuming that He isn’t paying attention. If I let myself, I can have a myriad of differing types of pity parties… all in an instant, if I hold to my own understanding and forget to look up!
Look up for what, you may be wondering? When I look up to see what God has done, is doing, and will faithfully continue to do for my good, and my future within His purpose!
It is so frustrating to observe how we humans have such a propensity to take our eyes off of God when things are going good, but when we experience anything beyond our understanding, rather than being angry at Satan and his minions for the wickedness they’ve caused upon this earth, in our hurt and confusion, we blame God!
Oh, we don’t blame Him for causing a thing… no no, we just like to blame Him for apparently doing nothing to help us!
For so many, it is far easier to make a list of what God wouldn’t, couldn’t or won’t do for us, his children… than to believe and trust in who we know He IS!
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
When I am struggling with a thing, regardless of what or how difficult it might be, I tell you this… I go to His word!
Writing down a list for you, reflecting my grief credentials and qualifications, might be great for playing the “I’ll show you my scars, if you show me yours” game, but not for expressing genuine empathy to others, who are hurting desperately, over a thing.
Another blogger wrote an article the other day about understanding why God seemingly steps back and allows bad things to happen to good people, refusing to intercede. That is an age old question… mainly because humanity has a habit of circling the wagon, as far as repeating a thing over and over, expecting a different outcome.
Things went sideways from the moment Satan tempted Eve, and in turn, Adam. We could go all the way back to asking why God allowed Cain to murder his brother, Abel? Or what about the flood, why didn’t God let anyone else on the boat… well, that was ultimately their sinful choice, if you want my two cents.
Or, how might things have gone with Abraham and his son, Isaac? How must the man have struggled with the why’s, as he walked his only son up that mountain to offer him as a sacrifice to God, on blind faith? Did God actually ever make him kill the child… of course not! It was all about the man’s faith!
Let us not forget Joseph in the well, Moses and the Israelites, or King David, all those years before he was actually sitting upon the throne. Oh, the questioning and doubts they must have wrestled with, deep into the shadows of the night! We don’t have all day, so I’ll leave you with one last example before you go:
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39
Just in case you were wondering, the Son of The Most High God felt our human emotions… though HE overcame all of it, for our sakes!
When I am in the depths of things beyond me, I hold to that!
We sinned
But He wouldn’t turn away…
We turned away
But He wouldn’t abandon us…
We denied Him
But He wouldn’t refuse us His only Son!
I ran, I fought, I raged, I sinned, I screamed for Him to just smite me… blot me out of His vision forever…
While I have no specific list of things off the top of my head that need attempting, I’m confident that if God asks it, it shall be done! If I am walking in faithful obedience to my heavenly Father, my Creator, and King… failure is not in the mix!
Things may not look like we sometimes think they should, and often we must step into a thing with far less ability than we have within us… but, God does not give us a task without providing His strength and skill to complete that which He has asked… so, I’m covered!
Just to put my bible where my mouth is:
Ephesians 3:20-21: God can do anything, working within us through his Spirit.
Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and he will make your paths straight.
Colossians 3:17: Do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father.
Jeremiah 29:11: The Lord has plans for you to prosper and give you hope and a future.
1 John 4: If we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
Other Bible verses about God include: Psalm 16:2, Psalm 34:8-10, Psalm 23:6, Psalm 65:11, and Psalm 107:8-9.
Have you ever noticed how, when you read a bible verse, within mere seconds you are already trying to conform the verse to a picture reflecting what you want to see? It’s easy to do since we are human, selfish by nature… good for survival and self-preservation, but not so good for the long run, if you know what I mean. Too much self is never a good thing!
Take my Note To Self #18…
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
In truth, when I was a young Christian I read this as a sign that said if I did all I was supposed to do, then I would be blessed with long life and wealth… cause that’s what I thought I wanted! I also have now come to the realization that I had an unrealistic expectation of the timeline for said $$$ to reveal itself!
I have discovered, as many of you also have, the above verse never said anything about what it means to “Delight yourself” nor did it say the timeline for said results of this delighting stuff! I think it is because over time, we have become conditioned to the old InstantGratificationitis! We want to see results… right fast and in a hurry, or else we surmise that we either failed or just did things wrong the first, second or third time through.
Through the years I have discovered a few things about God, the world, myself and the way of things. One thing about God… He loves to give gifts! I have discovered that every dream or desire I think I really want or need… He always does one better! The other thing about God is that He is much wiser than I shall ever be… things I thought I wanted ended up not being what I needed, or if they were, they were nowhere near being on the same timeline as His!
I think the part I should be focusing on is the delighting, rather than the desiring… at least that is what my spirit is saying.
I chose to put this verse into my list of notes, so that I am reminded each time I read to practice the delighting part first… only after this can I begin to even consider a desire. Each time I read the verse, it poses a question to me… what does the bible say delighting is?
According to Google,
“The Hebrew word for delight (anag) commands us to find enjoyment in God. The Lord wants us to incline our hearts toward Him –– to lean in to Christ where we will discover unspeakable joy.”
I have to admit that Google gave a pretty accurate and simple answer, but still not enough for us to head out with a list of things “to do” that will bring the results necessary. From one answer we head off with more questions… how do we find enjoyment, and what does it mean to incline our hearts toward Him?
God delighted himself when creating us in His image, so therefore, we should be able to feel delight when we are near Him, I think. As humans, do we not gain a great amount of delight and pleasure when we have gained the approval of our parents? God is the only parent I have, so for me it is easy… I just seek to make Him proud of me, in all I do and say.
Before you start guessing and things get complicated, I will just tell you what I do to make God proud. I believe in Him, I trust Him, and I surrender to His will for my life… One Day at a Time… on my knees and in His word! That’s it! Super Simple! No, I don’t spend hours a day doing this, some days maybe, but not everyday! Most days I read a little, work on a memory verse, and spend a few moments in thoughtful prayer… though I do talk to God repeatedly, at many different times of the day.
That’s one of the many beautiful things about God… at any moment we make room for Him, there He will faithfully be standing and ready to meet with us. When David was only a boy, tending his fathers flocks, he spent many a solitary hour walking with and talking with God. That young king to be, spent a great many hours delighting in the Lord, out in the middle of nowhere, with no music band or fancy choir to perform for God… it was just a boy who loved God so much that he always wrote, sang and danced before his heavenly Father. From the boy in the field, to the young man before a Giant, and on to the King he became… always the delight would surface.
All the way back to when this verse was put to paper, David was probably the originator of the acronym, KISS. Again, I am pleased with Google’s response,
Keep it simple, stupid (KISS) is a design principle which states that designs and/or systems should be as simple as possible. Wherever possible, complexity should be avoided in a system—as simplicity guarantees the greatest levels of user acceptance and interaction.
I shall take from both David and Google, not overthinking like I sometimes can, and just delight in God each day! He knows my needs and desires even before I do, so there’s no reason to try keeping a list, or try guessing God’s timeline or plan… He’s got this so I’m going to let Him handle all my presents!
Journey With Me! 