Today is this child’s Birthday, and for the first time in all my 56 years I awoke with a plan to celebrate it…. really spend the whole of the day in thankfulness for every single year of this journey!
I am loved!
I am whole!
I am forgiven!
God has given me such purpose!
I truly believe that I have a hope and a future, so I’m gonna celebrate it… all day!
I remember when my kids were young and I would escape for a breather… the whole time I was gone, all I could think about was if they were ok without me being there. I hoped they missed me but worried they would be sad. In the end, I felt better if I just went back home… silly, I know!
In a funny twisty way of thinking, I feel the same way about you! I felt like God was telling me to take today and do whatever I wished for my birthday, so I’d planned to take a break from WP and maybe read a book, or something.
From there, I thought that I would just pop in to check for messages… maybe post a few pics and call it good, right?!
Ever hear of that children’s book, “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”, about one thing leading to another? Yah…. so here we are people, two hours into “Just” checking my mail!
When it get’s down to the heart of things… I like being here on WordPress, with you folks. I like your stories, your poetry, and your hearts… you draw me back to the lobby every morning and I end up hanging out in there all day. Why? Because, you visit at all different times of my day, being that many hail from countries around this beautiful globe!
Over this last year the lobby has become like a cozy coffee room, with visitors dropping by throughout the day. Many of you come from such a distance to share your views, your culture and your talents.
In an imaginative way, WordPress is like a village. There are streets lined with little cafe’s that overflow with romantic poets and gifted musicians. Other avenues are filled with book shops that offer some amazing literary artists. Down a few alleyways you might find those in need of encouragement, prayer and understanding. We even have our own business class! There’s newspapers that offer reviews of everything from movies and music, to authors and artists. Then there are the retailers, and magazine stands that offer comic books, craft ideas and food recipes.
Folks might share political views, opinions on the market, or their personal views about things ranging from birth to death… basically, a bit of everything!
That’s where Journey With Me fits in!
You’ll find the lobby nestled between several bookstore/coffee shops near the local park. Every community needs a bit of everything to keep the balance, right?! My hope is that the lobby can be of benefit to this community, no matter who you are or how you fit in to this village, as I’ve labeled it.
The front of the lobby holds an open doorway… there are no doors to open or close. Leave your attitude, your opinion, and any unhealthy motives at the doorway! The lobby does not produce judgement or push an agenda… it’s my heart, and my way of reflecting God’s love in the only way I can, at this time.
You just wait… my prayer is that perhaps one day I can do more, because deep in my heart, I believe that I was born for these days, for a bigger purpose. God is calling me for something more!
Warning!!! I am filled with the Holy Spirit and am highly contagious, so being in close proximity to the love of God might make you start doing strange things! In my defense, I am such a sucker for the whole grace, forgiveness and eternal love thing… I just cant help it!
With things being what they are currently, there’s been a great amount of obstacles, roadblocks, and dead ends to navigate! In all of it, I’ve felt a deeper sense of peace and assurance than ever before, oddly. There’s still no definite answers or directions, and things look rather impossible to overcome… but are they, really?
If God is who he says he is, if His word and promises are true, and if I am living and walking beneath His shadow… there should be no doubt, no fear, nor anxious thoughts, right? Ok, so yes, there will be moments when we feel some self-doubt, causing us to pause and assess things. A close friend wrote about this very subject the other day, so it’s been on my mind ever since. I agreed with him that some healthy self-doubt now and again is good for us. Sort of like safety checks!
It’s funny because, not more than a day or so later while I was reading in the book of Isaiah, I ran across a passage that caught hold of my heart.
“People of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30: 19-21
When we pause from self-doubt, where do we see God in that moment? We are most often looking forward for signs, markers, and a big open doorway, right? God should be straight ahead of us and pulling us up with both arms, I thought! Why can’t we see Him waving a huge sign for us, leading us onward, and wooing us toward His path?
Here’s where the passage in Isaiah hit home for me… God isn’t in front of us, but behind us! He is the encourager, the Counselor; guiding and teaching us as we walk each day of our journey… that’s where He cultivates our faith! Sure, we will fail at times, but we are strengthened through the getting up and going onward parts.
Do not be fearful of falling, for He is there to catch us!
When your baby first walks, don’t you hover in front of and above them, until they get their balance? But, then you move out of the way, right? Where do you move? Most parent’s move to the side or behind, allowing their child to safely gain confidence and skill. So begins their journey of growth and development that will carry them along towards adulthood!
I think that’s how God teaches us, his children, how to spiritually walk as adult human beings.
Have you ever been in a situation that brings you to that moment of exasperation where you utter a very ill-thought-out “Lord, please give me patience” prayer? Has anyone else discovered that He will do exactly that, but never the way you expected, or were fully prepared to deal with, as I have? Yes? No? Or are you trying to blend in with the wall, hoping not to bring attention to yourself, until after the Patience word leaves the room? Trust me, I get it… and on a deeper level than some may think. If not before this last week, I’m a firm believer right this very moment! Looking back, I should not have been surprised in the least, when I made the commitment to begin this Matters of The Heart series. I distinctly remember praying, “God, help me to use these writings to learn more of who I am as your child, and that I might grow stronger in my faith.” The Crazy Train version of distractions that have been running me over ever since, can only be described as getting rear-ended, only to be the one who gets the citation! None of it makes any sense at all, seriously!
Let’s see, within less than two hours after posting my intentions about this series, last Thursday, things got interesting, to say the least. I’ve already shared about the phone call mix up, telling us we weren’t supposed to stay here anymore, and the constant housekeeping staff visits, where they kept walking into our room all day. No worries, things are stable on that front, as they’ve since gotten their paperwork corrected. From that scenario we went directly on to the next comedy of errors, which was managing to injure my left hand while sleeping, of all things. I still cannot fully use that hand, so the typing continues with just one and ¼ hands.
From there it got weirder still, with a man coming to the door on the next morning, saying he was looking for room 264, which was right there, beside him (he appeared homeless, under the influence of something, and carrying a plate of food from the dining room). Among at least three other incidents, the day came and went. The next morning seemed calm, and the day passed without much disturbance. But then, late that evening, we heard an enormous bang from the parking area just below our window! Looking out outside, we discovered numerous police vehicles surrounding a vehicle that was apparently occupied. Just as we are watching the scene unfold, in our underwear I might add, a hotel employee gives a short rap on our door and proceeds to walk right into our room! With nothing more than a brief, “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in this room”, he turned and disappeared down the steps.
Before you get too comfortable… it gets even better!
For what seemed like hours, it was pretty much a stand-off in the parking lot, with guns drawn, several more gas/flashbang thingies, before they called a tow truck in, hauled the car across the street, and removed whoever was in the vehicle (we didn’t witness that part). The car re-appeared in the parking lot a short time later, disappeared again, returned the following morning and then left again, not to return. Only later did we learn that several homeless people had been living in that car, and refused to leave. I will tell you that it wasn’t shocking to me, nor was it a surprise. Due to several very uncomfortable encounters on the walking trails nearby, God has warned me to stay within our motel room, until we leave this area. So, here is where I sit, snug as a bug in a rug, as they say.
In case you’re wondering if I’ve forgotten all about the writing that was intended for this series, I haven’t! I believe that it has everything to do with it, don’t you see? Everything that occurs in the world around us, will be observed, experienced and felt, based on what? How we think, what we believe, and how we feel about what we’re facing… and where do feelings come from? The heart, or more accurately, what the heart perceives, based on how it responds to the brain’s impulses… crazy, right?!
No, I’m not a doctor, scholar, scientist, philosopher or learned professor! But… I do have a heart, my own heart that beats all by its onesie’s, without any of those brilliant minds to assist. Not a single one of them created the blueprint for the heart that beats within this body, nor did they have the power to light the spark that set it into motion. I do believe in the good of science, and I’m so humbly grateful to all within our educational and medical professions. With that being said, I know who created them… I know who gave them their gifts, and then, instilled in them the ability to use those gifts! You will hopefully soon discover that there are just some places within the human heart, where neither science nor doctors can assist.
This is the road we’ll be traveling down… through the very pathways of our heart, which by design, were created to do one thing, seek out the very heart of God! He wants us to search our hearts, to see the evidence of his passing by, flowing through, and recognize that it is He, and Only He that can truly heal all the damage done by this world. While doing so, he also redeems is from that which we have done to ourselves. Hence, the necessity of using my own personal journey and experiences, so that you might see a glimpse of Him, in how I, myself, am still standing.
I am soon to see my 56th birthday, and can no longer keep an accurate count of how many instances death has crossed my path. In every situation, I’ve witnessed first hand, as God interceded on my behalf, saving me from destruction. I wish that I could say that I was never the villain, in any of it, but alas, I cannot. Can you believe that it was nearly two years ago that I finally opened my eyes from the bottom of the well I was lying in?
God has done such a transformative work in my life, that it could fill a book… oh wait, I did write one. Well, if you’re at all wondering, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we’re often called to do a thing for God, without specific details or even any evidence of an immediate result. It was good that I wrote the book, but what happens if the one who was in need of reading it, hasn’t come to the place where they are ready to read it? I choose to rely on God’s eternal faithfulness; I shall believe in the evidence of that which is not seen! Though I thought it was of such vital importance to write at the time, looking back down the pathways of my heart, I can see that I couldn’t have been further from the truth!
As you’re well aware, choosing to live separately from the world hasn’t been a bed of roses. I made a very personal commitment to God two years ago, walking away from a great deal of what the world offers. That means, choosing a path that I knew I would have to walk alone. Removing myself from things of this world and following God has not done any favors to the few relationships I still had. Especially right now, being a follower of Jesus Christ brings a big kick me sign to wear on the back of one’s shirt. Has it helped mend the bridges I burned with my children? Nope! If anything, they dislike me tenfold, at the moment. I continue to walk forward each day, upon the edge of a knife, as my hair falls out and my health plummets.
Honestly… I wouldn’t have things any other way, if it bears good fruit, which I believe it has, is, and will continue to do. I will dwell beneath the shadow of the Almighty… and as Paul said, “count it all joy.”
Until next time, may God surround you with his love… hugs
In a world where black is white, up is down, and right is wrong, we may sometimes feel as if God isn’t paying attention… or is sitting idly by, while we suffer through things that He could easily rescue us from. Our human hurt, confusion, anger and/or grief overwhelm us, blotting out the SON!
For me, it is very easy to become discouraged about my circumstances, when I naively begin assuming that He isn’t paying attention. If I let myself, I can have a myriad of differing types of pity parties… all in an instant, if I hold to my own understanding and forget to look up!
Look up for what, you may be wondering? When I look up to see what God has done, is doing, and will faithfully continue to do for my good, and my future within His purpose!
It is so frustrating to observe how we humans have such a propensity to take our eyes off of God when things are going good, but when we experience anything beyond our understanding, rather than being angry at Satan and his minions for the wickedness they’ve caused upon this earth, in our hurt and confusion, we blame God!
Oh, we don’t blame Him for causing a thing… no no, we just like to blame Him for apparently doing nothing to help us!
For so many, it is far easier to make a list of what God wouldn’t, couldn’t or won’t do for us, his children… than to believe and trust in who we know He IS!
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
When I am struggling with a thing, regardless of what or how difficult it might be, I tell you this… I go to His word!
Writing down a list for you, reflecting my grief credentials and qualifications, might be great for playing the “I’ll show you my scars, if you show me yours” game, but not for expressing genuine empathy to others, who are hurting desperately, over a thing.
Another blogger wrote an article the other day about understanding why God seemingly steps back and allows bad things to happen to good people, refusing to intercede. That is an age old question… mainly because humanity has a habit of circling the wagon, as far as repeating a thing over and over, expecting a different outcome.
Things went sideways from the moment Satan tempted Eve, and in turn, Adam. We could go all the way back to asking why God allowed Cain to murder his brother, Abel? Or what about the flood, why didn’t God let anyone else on the boat… well, that was ultimately their sinful choice, if you want my two cents.
Or, how might things have gone with Abraham and his son, Isaac? How must the man have struggled with the why’s, as he walked his only son up that mountain to offer him as a sacrifice to God, on blind faith? Did God actually ever make him kill the child… of course not! It was all about the man’s faith!
Let us not forget Joseph in the well, Moses and the Israelites, or King David, all those years before he was actually sitting upon the throne. Oh, the questioning and doubts they must have wrestled with, deep into the shadows of the night! We don’t have all day, so I’ll leave you with one last example before you go:
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:39
Just in case you were wondering, the Son of The Most High God felt our human emotions… though HE overcame all of it, for our sakes!
When I am in the depths of things beyond me, I hold to that!
We sinned
But He wouldn’t turn away…
We turned away
But He wouldn’t abandon us…
We denied Him
But He wouldn’t refuse us His only Son!
I ran, I fought, I raged, I sinned, I screamed for Him to just smite me… blot me out of His vision forever…
Journey With Me! 