“I’ve been everywhere, folks, I’ve been everywhere” should be stamped across my story somewhere, honestly!
If I could cross this beautiful nation any way that I wanted to… I’d go by boat!
Seriously, think about it for a second. Take all the lazy rivers, the rapids, as well as the big wide busy waterways across the country. Sure, you’d have to make use of taxi’s or buses to get from one to the other, as you made your way from one water source to another… but it would be worth it! Think of how many places you could see, visit, and experience along the way. What might be around the next bend in the river, you know?!
Sure, it would probably take half a year, a ton of money, planning and all that… but still.
Here’s a cookie for the road… or river… oh, bother, you know what I mean…
I may not be meant for friendship, I may not be meant for family, but when I pass by, I will leave my mark on you
For some it will be good, for some bad… but you WILL know that I have been there
If God is for me… I don’t care what you think of me
When I said that I would stand on my faith in God all the way to the end… I meant it! It’s easy to spout scripture from a pulpit, claim God’s miraculous power from your armchair, and wax poetic about a spirit filled life from a hot tub, but try doin it from the gates of hell… I dare you!
When you finally pass beyond the words shooting out of your mouth, the singing of heavenly hymns, and dancing for Jesus in front of the masses, you get to the plane of daily existence in the presence of the almighty God of ages… yeah, Him! You wait for your daily bread from meal to meal, you listen for his voice in the utter silence of abandonment. When you can look only to Him for each and every breath that you need to live, it is oddly peaceful.
Jesus sits with me through the endless hours of waiting, the closed doors and dead ends… its rather ugly right now, with no joyful or praiseworthy news to regale you with, or pretty cookies to hand out. These waters are pretty rough and roaring just now, so it has taken all I have to write anything at all. Boy, it’s harder than I thought it would be to write down my feelings without saying some rather nasty and lethal remarks about things… sheesh!
Yes, it’s really bad right now, and no, I’m not going to speak on it… at least not til we’re beyond this part of the journey. The actual fight for survival puts one in a compromised emotional state, bringing out responses that you never knew you were capable of… so it’s best not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, trust me! You know why? Not so much to be nice to the folks hurting you, but to act honorably before God… to please Him and Him alone!
I could disappear today without a trace, leaving you to wonder where I went for a day or so, but you’d move on soon, as I’m nothing more than an entry in an online journal that anyone can read…
… but to God, I am someone specific, like no other on this planet, someone very special and sought after… He foreknew of my birth, my life, my failures, my successes, my wrongs, my rights… I am perfect in my imperfection, beautiful in my brokenness, wanted, cherished, and never ever forgotten or rejected for being who I am…
I am Wiwohka, with a heart that rushes, rages, and powerfully flows toward the home that awaits me… this world is NOT my home, but I will walk through it with as much grace as I can muster… to put a smile on my heavenly father’s face… to make my Creator proud of the work that He has, and is doing in my life… that is enough!
This site is most likely going to go down, as things are financially at the end for this leg of my journey, but don’t lose hope because God is leading me somewhere so that’s not a bad thing. There are a number of books still to be written… even if God is the only one to ever read them.
I’ve not been posting, as it’s far better to remain silent than to speak words of pain, anger, and frustration… things circumstantial have a way of bringing rise to my serpent’s tongue, if you get my meaning.
It’s beyond my ability to understand how many times an agency can lie to your face.. anyways, this is the reason I cannot speak of things, just now. We’re exhausted, extremely stressed, both sicker than ever with some flue (yay), so it’s clear that my judgement is somewhat compromised.
After waiting 10 days on that application to process, they finally called to say that there was still paperwork missing… and that apartments no longer available… and we still need to wait for an inspection, which God only knows how long that could take. They keep saying one thing and then just blowing right past their own promises, only to then make us feel as if it’s our fault that they can’t seem to get things done.
How does one describe the feeling of being overlooked, minimized, forgotten, undervalued, passed over, left behind, discarded by society, as no more than a burden to the world? I can tell you that these are my feelings, but I am unable to even begin to describe it’s toll on the physical body. Fortunately for me, while my body declines… my spirit is on fire!
I see His hand in the darkness, holding onto us, binding us to each other and to Him, so that’s how I endure… Jesus chose me before the foundation of the earth, died to make a way for me, and sits ever faithfully beside me, here in this wasteland… I am still NOT alone!
God Bless and keep all of you, my friends. I love you dearly and hope you are well.
Maybe it’s just me, but those French Toast sticks from Burger King… amazing! Granted, I’ve been sicker than a dog for nearly a week now, mostly surviving on crackers, but still.
It was like eating these pillowy soft, yet crispy, sticks of yummy bread… sooooo good! If you’ve never tried them, you should.
In honor of this mornings breakfast, I bring you some special cookies…
If one were to ask me how I might describe my thoughts and emotions right now, I can only say that it’s very dark and strangely unfamiliar. We’ve been wandering from motel to motel with all that’s left of our life packed into the back of our car. Feeling like you’ve been completely forgotten and overlooked by those promising to provide a resource, quite honestly, feels gut wrenching!
We were given our voucher, but then informed that it still had to be ported back to another county before we could use it. Within a day of getting the voucher, our paperwork simply vanished into the system. By the grace of God, and my husbands quick thinking, we drove two cities away from where we started to find an apartment that already passed the required inspections, which takes up to 45 days, normally. Doing things this way avoids having to wait up to 3 weeks for the portal process.
All the papers are in, application filled out… and now we wait! It could be a day… or up to several weeks for the apartment to accept our application. Though this has been a nightmare, and I will most likely never speak of it in any detail, at no time have I felt abandoned by my God! Let’s just say that this part of our journey has called for all of my faith, fully in action! And, as it says in the bible, I shall count it all joy!
God chooses my path, and in scripture it tells us that He knows our going out and our lying down. It also says that he is familiar with all our ways. If God allows me to experience these things, then there’s learning that needs to be done, and that’s growth! Of this I’m certain…growth is good, even though it can sometimes be difficult or painful.
It’s true, you know, that saying about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. There’s only one thing I might add to that phrase, and it’s this:… it’s our choice as to whether that strength will be fueled by faith, hope, and love, or just anger, bitterness and hatred. Each path will leave you changed, but you do have a choice in which way to climb your mountains. Personally, I desire to grow stronger on the way up, through, or around these mountains. When God calls my name… I’m going to be on my feet!
When you blow a tire on your car, out on some dark stretch of highway, no amount of crying, raging at injustice, or wishing for a fairy godmother to appear, is going to fix that flat! You gotta get out and get to work… sometimes, it just is what it is…
Journey With Me! 