Have you ever wanted something so much that you can’t stop thinking about it? It consumes your thoughts, your dreams, and gives you a motivation that you didn’t know you had. You scrimp and save, make numerous sacrifices to afford the time, money, and anything else required to prepare for said thing. It might be anything from a vacation, a new car, or even a baby!
Unless you are very wealthy and/or were born with a big ENTITLED badge sewn on the left cheek your bum… there’s usually a vast distance from start to finish! I think sometimes we watch too much television, where they make it look like a walk in the park to become ALL THAT!
The last time I checked, there weren’t any badges on my bum nor do I carry a purse full of cash, so I’m looking across a vast canyon that’s deep and wide. In our particular situation, it’s somewhat like looking up from a very deep well. There’s a sensation of being slowly pulled upward, while sitting in a bucket that’s still half full of murky water.
Discovering such a great distance between that first rescue bucket and the really solid dry land needed has been a bit of a shock. Truly, it was ignorant of me to assume that we could get from homeless to successful overnight, just because we have keys to an apartment. When they hand you that so-called GOLDEN TICKET… you’re on your own!
When we were circling the drain, all I could think about was getting my books published and quickly leaving all the bad memories behind. Pipe dreams, I know, but it helped. Not only is it NOT so easy, but now that I’m here in this moment, I’m not even sure if it’s in God’s purpose… at least, not right now!
The program we are in does NOT allow for my husband or I to make any money while he is going to school. If any money is made, we stand to lose much or all of our housing money. No one tells you what to do for any actual dollars needed for things, outside of food stamps that only cover food. It makes me wonder how many people fail to ever recover, due to this little flaw in the system. We’ve actually found just about every flaw, crack, or hole in the system to fall into, which is why it took us nearly two years to get housing (the last six months was the homeless, homeless part.
In the end, I don’t care what president holds office… the system just needs to be fixed… for the people! That’s us, the feet on the ground, the workers, the farmers, the builders, the caregivers… the human souls that keep this country afloat with our hard work, our bloody and dirty hands, and our truly beautiful hearts!
This is the very reason that I rely on GOD alone, above any and all government! The only reason we are here, in this very apartment, had God stamped all over it! No government policy or case worker made that one person change their heart and allow us in… that was GOD!
With that being said, I still find myself wondering what now? Why did God put us here, and what is the next step? What if I step out in faith and start throwing manuscripts out there, only to find that I was the only one who believed in their value, you know? Yep! This loudmouthed frog, Chatty Cathy, Wiwohka Wonka, and redeemed woman of faith has doubt, just like everybody else. My journey toward eternity is just that… a journey! It’s how I intend to get there that will count. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to see God as our father. He faithfully carries us through our entire life, teaching and loving us through good, bad, right, wrong, darkness, and light.
It doesn’t matter if my steps go off track, if my faith is weak, or if I simply feel unsure about my next choice…
GOD IS WITH US!
GOD IS ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, FAITHFUL!
GOD WILL ALWAYS LIGHT THE WAY FOR US!
It’s not about whether our choices are the right ones, the wrong ones, or even the refusal to decide… it’s about looking up, getting up, and continuing forward in faith, hope and love!
If I’m to be fully honest about why any of this is even being written down and shared with others, it’s to remind myself!
Do you know how hard it is to work on my computer while at sea? I’m reliant on multiple back up batteries for power. Add to that, our internet connection is spotty at best when the weather is disagreeable. But, regardless of what the clouds are doing, I’m not one to give up on a task that I think should be done… like my tinkering.
Bailey suggested that we get high speed internet that’s wireless, so we only need be near land for our connection. We won’t even have to get off the ship! I knew she was a very smart puppy, but didn’t expect that the dog would think of a solution before I did. Don’t I feel silly.
Now that we’ve ironed out all the kinks, as they say, let’s get to work!
I thought it might be a good idea to design some better pictures of our ship, so as to reveal what a wonderful vessel we sail upon! I wouldn’t want you thinking that we were gallivanting across the sea in a cardboard raft, or something of that nature.
Obviously, she’s quite a big girl!
She would have to be enormous… that is, if she’s to carry all the babes, myself, and Brutus. I realize that the dragon can take any form or size that he wishes, but sometimes he just likes to relax in his natural state… like us wearing pajamas and slippers on a Saturday morning.
Speaking of enormous, the amount of food we go through on this boat is staggering. Due to the sheer number of mouths onboard, I made sure that our galley came fully stocked with all the sundries required for this journey…
Food isn’t the only thing truly necessary for a comfortable trip across the waters, no no! If you’ve ever had to deal with a little one that’s running on little or no sleep, which then means that you’re also running on no sleep… well, you can understand why I took such great efforts to ensure these babes get plenty of rest…
Before you start thinking that I stuffed all the babes in the same cabin, I want to assure you that I am most certainly not that silly! This is just Lilly’s room. As you can see, all the girls like to have slumber parties, tea parties, or just parties for the sake of having a party.
This is Dinky and Boomer’s cabin…
Tilly shares a cabin with mini me, along with both Bailey and Auzzie, as those two need constant supervision…
There’s a another cabin that was meant for the rest of the boys, but their never in it!
Eustace actually prefers to sleep on a pillow in the Captains Quarters for some strange reason, and Squagon has taken to sleeping in the crows nest full time. He says it’s to be on the lookout for any danger, but I think it has more to do with wanting to sleep in a tree. He is a squirrel, you know.
I didn’t make a cabin for Brutus because he generally sleeps wherever suits him at the time. Sometimes the dragon sleeps on deck, fully stretched out to his full size. On the more stormy nights he likes to sleep down below, to comfort the little ones.
Myself, well, it was important that it be comfortable an spacious…
You can’t imagine how often my bed is filled with sleepers from down the hall. Oh, and did you notice the nightstand there, next to my bed? That’s for Nugget!
Anyway, my battery is dying on this ole laptop, so I’ll wrap this up. I just thought you’d want to see what our ship looks like. Before I end this message, there’s one last thing that must be settled… our vessel has no name yet!
If you would do me this small favor, would you please offer up some possible names fitting of such a fine ship? It seems fitting that you be a part of the naming, since you’re the ones who give wind to her sails. Besides, if it’s left to everyone aboard the ship there’s no telling what name might be agreed upon.
I shall wait for your suggestions, but not for too long. We’re already far out to sea and I’ve heard that it’s quite dangerous to sail an unnamed vessel. I apologize for rushing things, but you understand the urgency, right?
Ok! Once again, we’re all loaded onto the ship and ready to set sail for distant shores. All that is, except for young Henry, the very mouse that we sailed all the way up the river to locate. Why? Well, young Henry has responsibilities to his aging parents that require him to remain at home. Before you start worrying that Tilly will be broken hearted, Brutus saved the day, once again. He’s given Tilly his word that whenever she wants to go and spend time with Henry and his family, Brutus will fly her home and stay til she’s ready to come back. See… problem solved!
Do you know that it’s taken all day to get ready for leaving port, just so that all the babes could pick out their best sailing outfits? I’m not joking! The worst of them was Eustace and Bailey, which I never expected. It’s all about the shoes, according to those two…
I advised Eustace that his choice of enormous backpack and fur lined flip flops would most assuredly cause him to loose his balance and end up over the side of the ship, so we compromised…
Much better!
Now Bailey was more about dressing like a lady, than wearing something that might give off the wrong impression at some port that we visit…
I warned her that she might be mistaken for a caravan belly dancer with these sandals.
As I am Baileys mamma, so to speak, it’s my job to protect her reputation. I like these shoes, because she looks well insulated…
She threatened to stay home, so we had to agree on something we both felt happy with…
There, she can show a little bit of toe… but no more than that and absolutely no ankle showing!
The rest of the babes chose their own outfits and I didn’t even have to say much, at all!
Since we’ve been aboard our ship, Squagon has taken to stretching his ears up into his horns. I know that he looks up to Brutus and all, but I don’t want him to grow up too fast, you know? When I asked him to tone it down a bit, he was quick to adjust them…
Awwwww…. now, there’s my sweet boy!
What is the deal with all the fancy ankle cuffs… sheesha!
Nugget’s favorite snack is honey, so you can see what the problem might be.
While I think the outfit is absolutely adorable… still not gonna work with sticky fingers.
I know it takes more work to keep the hat on, but that’s what ears are for, so it’ll do. Once we settled on the hat, it was easy to get Nugget to lose the sleeves.
Lilly didn’t want to wear anything at all, aside from the hat…
I didn’t want her to get sunburned, though..
Much better, little lady!
Oh, and Tilly?
She’s gonna be just fine… it’s as if she’s a different mouse, ya know?!
Check out Dinky and Boomer…
They chose each others hats.
Why no shoes? Well, Duh! Dragon’s don’t wear shoes, do they.
Anyway, now that everyone’s finally ready to go, let’s do this!
The first order of business is to determine our course. After that, we’re free to set sail. Where will we go first, you might be wondering? Well, without going into too much detail, what I can tell you is that we have a map. If we can successfully navigate to the correct location marked on the map, there is someone waiting… someone who was left behind, just like our young Henry.
This time, however, we shall be traveling for the sake of another… for my grandson, actually. You see, when his family had to move to a new home, they left someone behind. When we talked about his missing friend, the idea came to me that we should seek the little guy out, because it seemed like the right thing to do. No one should feel alone… no one!
His name is Peanut, and yes, he’s a troll. Please don’t judge the little guy to harshly for being a troll. He’s really sweet, honest!
I’ve actually met him, you know. I spied him one day, hiding in the ditch beside my grandson’s house. He’d been watching the children play in their yard, quietly wishing he might join them… I could see it in his adorable eyes. For a time, I actually passed notes back and forth between my grandson and the tiny troll. I believe that’s where their friendship started.
Anyway, I thought to go in search of the little guy, in hopes of inviting him to stay at the barn. We have tons of room now, what with the barn being renovated and expanded. This way, my grandchildren can come and visit him at the barn whenever they wish. Plus, the lonely little troll will have all the babes for company, as well. No more being alone.
A journey such as this seems fitting for our first voyage, wouldn’t you agree?
Tilly is something else! The young mouse is quite the adept navigator, so it seems. Well, at least she is when it comes to her heart!
I can’t say whether it was Tilly’s sharp memory, incredible sense of smell, or her natural way of seeing the forest that navigated us to proper spot, but she got us there! In the search for young Henry, I don’t know why I ever thought that a map would be needed, what with a love sick mouse onboard.
Love is a funny thing… and powerful, too!
So often, love enables us to do things we didn’t think were possible. In Tilly’s case, it was locating young Henry without any maps. Somehow, within hours of landing upon the banks of a familiar river, we found what had once been lost to us… or more specifically, what had been lost to our miss Tilly!
Climbing onto the tiny river boat we’d brought with us, we set to work paddling upstream, in search of clues. After only an hour of paddling, we managed to get ourselves stuck on a sandbar, right in the middle of the river.
There I was, hip deep in the river, trying to dislodge the boat from where it was stuck in the sand, when shouts broke out in the boat. Shouting, and jumping up and down, which rocked the boat so hard that it broke free from the sand. Luckily, I caught hold of the boat and gave it a good push toward the riverbank, where it once again became lodged in the sand. At least we were no longer in the middle of the river.
Amidst all the squeals of delight among my crew, I noticed a very emotional little mouse onboard. Tilly was crying her eyes out and waving at someone behind me, on the opposite river bank.
And just like that, there he was…
What are those odds?
Love really is a powerful thing, wouldn’t you agree?! When one experiences it, whether in the giving or the receiving, the world is so much brighter!
Once upon a time, long long ago, we navigated with pencil drawings of whomever had traveled on the road we were on. It’s all we had to go on for directions…
Thank goodness we don’t have to rely on the old way of getting information, right?! Advanced technology now allows us to navigate, via global satellite telemetry, on our handy dandy cell phones… or even our car’s onboard navigation system.
Consider our personal journeys in life like navigating a map, of sorts. We start at point A (birth) and are given a map of life with a bunch of confusing scribbles on it. It seems like we’re trying to follow a map we can hardly read, in the hope that our directions will get us to our destination, safely and successfully.
When you choose what you consider to be your destination, then you’re able to choose your directions. You can decide to attempt travel, only using those maps that time can destroy…
Or…
Download an Onboard Navigation System… that’s what I did, and I haven’t gotten lost since!
How do we get from an idea to an image, when it comes to capturing a new character’s character, so to speak? Call me crazy, off my rocker, or just obsessed with imaginary things, but not just any image will do… I need you to truly see what I see. So, strap on your imaginations, because it could be fun to watch how our young Henry has developed, thus far.
The first thing I did was to create a basic character, in order to help guide the AI generator…
Cute, but too close to being another type of creature, like a cat or squirrel. It may have been due to the image used to create the image you see above. After arguing with the AI for the better part of an hour, I was able to develop the image I used on Friday. While he began to display more of the mouse like features that I wanted, the mouse was far too young for miss Tilly’s handsome suitor. It was back to the generator for some more work…
While I did NOT like the ridiculously fat tail, nor did I appreciate the fact that the mouse looked like you could zip him up in his own mouse fur coat… but I began to see something surface in his expression that seemed, well, Henry like!
One of the wonderful things about the program that I use, is the ability to develop an individual image, whether by adding or removing something… or even alter an expression or body movement. Basically, I can pull the image apart and put it back together any way I want, within reason. I won’t waste the effort on an image, in this way, unless there’s something I really want to keep. This one went to the board!
Something in the eyes and the ears, I thought…
closer…
Nope, nope… eyes need to stay green!
I’m seeing his personality surface in his expression, but not liking the body.
You know what it is? Poor Henry is naked! I think the environment is wrong and our Henry needs to be wearing something. Hang on a sec…
Yes!!!
There, now wasn’t that fun?! I’m fully satisfied with our finished image, what do you think? I mean, not just any mouse will do for miss Tilly…
Since we have a boat, and we have the freedom of the seas to travel, the world is our oyster! Only one problem… not everyone is here, yet!
If you’re wondering who we’re missing, as all the babes are on board, let me explain. Remember last winter, just before the barnyard and babes disappeared? If you recall, our young miss Tilly met a boy in the forest, while she and Dinky were gathering pine bows. Well… he was sort of overlooked in all the chaos of tracking down all my lost ones. I feel awful about it, especially since it has caused Tilly such heartache! I found her below deck this morning, crying herself silly. She tried to settle herself when I approached, but the moment I sat down beside her, the mouse began to bawl again, and didn’t stop til she fell asleep in my arms. As she was drifting off to sleep, mingled in amongst the tearful snuffles, I could hear her whispering the name “Henry”… and it all came rushing back to me, in an instant! We’d forgotten all about young Henry and his family at the old Church down the road from our barn.
How could I have overlooked them? I felt awful! You guys, we have to search for them, before any adventuring can happen. There is absolutely no way that we can have any fun with a love sick mouse aboard…
I don’t know about you but that face makes my heart hurt, and Tilly deserves to be happy. So, stow all the supplies… weigh anchor… lift the sails…
We make for the river that leads inland, toward the place we’d found young Squagon, remember? Somewhere out there is a young mouse that we simply must find…
Where are you, young Henry? There is a mouse who loves you so…
I think that dreams say a great deal about who we are… on the inside. Before you start preparing for some kind of mental health episode of some sort, I’ll leave that to the professionals, thank you very much! My thoughts and considerations will be looking at our character, our personality, or we can label as our true self, if you will. As I always tend to do, let me explain what I meant by my initial statement.
First off, I want to break dreaming into two categories here, one being a waking daydream, while the other is a sleeping dream. Waking daydreams are the ones in which we control the dream in its entirety. Obviously, the sleeping dreams are when we’re not awake, therefore we have no conscious control of what goes on in our dream, nor any control of the outcome… we just gotta ride it out, so to speak.
When I write these thoughts out, I’ve no intention of trying to figure others out, based on their dreams! I guess I’m writing out something that I’ve discovered about my own personality and tendencies, that’s all. Some say that they don’t really dream much, while others dream often and deeply… people like me.
Being a child from trauma, I sought fantasies and daydreams from a very early age, as a way of safety or escape, if you will. To this day, I can vividly remember things from those years, most especially the dreams and recurring nightmares that I experienced. Weird, right?!
Anyway, I had one of my re-run daydreams from when I was small, just the other day. As I was thinking on the memory of my dream, I noticed something sort of funny about myself, or, the way that I saw myself in the daydream. It made me want to look back through some of the other dreams, just to see if I did that in all of them. Guess what I discovered? I did, in fact, see myself in a particular way, when it was a sleeping dream and another way when it was a daydream… just two starring roles… two!
In every waking dream that I created, I cast myself as the assistant, the helper, the heroin through heavy lifting! I was either Charlie instead of Willie Wonka, or the Mad Hatter instead of Alice, or the child who helped Dr. Doolittle. Even to this day, I never see myself as the heroin or hero in anything… always, always, always, I dream myself behind the scenes. In my stories, it feels better to focus on my desires for the cast members in the tale. I think that’s why I prefer you to see me through Tilly, Eustace, or any of this site’s characters when I write. They seem to capture who I am, there within the pages of their stories.
The sleeping dreams are a far different representation of how I saw myself back then, and even now, today. That little girl only experienced the nightmare portion of the dreams, for many, many years. I was a frequent bed wetter, and struggled with severe anxiety. I had no one to talk to, no one to comfort or rescue me from my hell. I’m sure that this is why my waking dreams were so intense and real to me. I even learned how to wake myself out of my night terrors. I actually began to flip myself from my bed and onto the floor, so as to force myself awake. That child was always running, fighting and/or in pain during those dreams. Over the years, I changed in appearance as I grew into a woman, wife, and mother, but I still continued to be the victim… or the villain. Yes, I even saw myself become the villain, but what could I do? I had no control, there in the depths of my darkness.
Ok, no more of that part, as it’s not who I am now! Now? God holds my dreams in the palm of his hand, shielding and comforting me through anything I may experience during my sleep, which is now rarely more than a goofy recap of what I’d watched on television the night before. It’s funny, because the transformation within this wild child has been miraculous, to say the least!
Waking daydreams are now filled with a purpose, not my own, but of one who is so much greater!
Night dreaming is no longer a place of fear, but of peace, protection, and security!
I’ll not forget the child of my past, no no, as she is the one who survived!
I’ll not forget the lost wild one, for she is full of fiery spirit, and tenacity!
While I may not ever be a hero of anything special, Charlie did end up with the factory, so that children would hold onto their dreams!
That child who followed Dr. Doolittle… they carried on the doctor’s work to care for others, whether it was a Push-Me-Pull-Me or the captive sea lion… always the less fortunate!
What do I daydream about now? I dream that everywhere I go… I smell like cookie dough, pulling children’s imaginations along with me, just like the pied piper! For all the rest of you… I pray that I leave a trail of cookie crumbs in my wake… get it, wake… hehehe!
Journey With Me! 