One that is far greater than myself goes before me, from the moment I rise in the morning until I rest my head on the pillow that night! Not only that, but God watches over me as I sleep through the night, guarding my dreams during my rest. Is my life one of comfort, and without worry, pain, and/or sorrow? Certainly not! In truth, my life is a rather gruesome representation of a bright and carefree existence. At least that’s what most see when they stumble upon me for the first time.
But, if you stay long enough to really see what’s really in my heart, really get to know me, there is so much life, hope, love and laughter blanketing all that surrounds me, each and every day! Why? Well, God brings light into any place that he dwells… and since He dwells above, below, in, and around me at all times, well, you get the picture.
Before you start wondering where the Matter’s of the Heart episodes went, they’re not gone… I’m not about to let you off the hook that easy!
Honestly, I think the time spent away from those writings has been for a divine purpose, really! I believe that in certain areas of our journey, God chooses to have us take some constructive detours, allowing us to learn things that are necessary for doing a thing well… I mean really well!
No! I don’t, in fact, believe that everything I write has to have some earth shattering prophetic word in it, though I strive to write things of His goodness in my life, in the hopes that it might help others. What I meant by the idea of doing a thing well, may have far more to do with my personal spiritual growth, than about whatever I may or may not write for others once I’m led to continue that series. Does that make sense?
Over the last few months, I’ve tried not to share too much about our situation, as it is far from secure, unfortunately. While we are no closer to receiving our vitally important voucher, needed for applying to any and all available locations, I know that God is aware of it all… there is absolutely nothing that worry will change about this fact. Faith, is believing in that which you cannot see! I have faith because I know what God can do… not the history part, as that is written in His word.
I’m talking about the fact that I breath air!
I still remember the darkness, the cold of night, and the loneliness of wandering alone all those years ago.
According the scriptures, God knew of this child before the foundations of the earth came to be, and she was chosen by the creator, himself! From the depths of the earth, he saw my unformed body… you really need to read Psalm 139. Then, I suppose that you can decide for yourselves about that history part.
Personally, I’m certain that God was in that hospital room on the day of my birth, awful as it was!
When you’re loved that deeply, there is no way to deny the power of love and restoration that comes only from the Almighty! Remembering all that particular history, has allowed me to fully trust in that which I cannot see, here today!
While I don’t have any actual proof to give you, aside from the fact that I survived the darkness, and am capable of having a heart of grace, forgiveness, and miraculous transformation, thus far.
My faith is far stronger than any fear of the unknown… I know who holds me within the palm of His hand!
Being that I’m in my mid 50’s, living in an old RV with only my laptop and a walking trail as my company, I no longer participate, watch, or actively pursue any sports venue… at all!
If you had asked me this question 30 years, I could have given you numerous examples of my involvement and love of differing sports, primarily, anything involving horsemanship!
Being born on a farm in Oregon, I was riding horses before I was even out of diapers… I’ve seen pictures!
Over the years I was an avid audience member of countless, horse shows, equestrian events and breeder venues. When I was only 18, I lived and worked for a woman who bred, raised, and trained purebred Appaloosas and Quarter Horses. Later, after I had attended Bible Seminary, I was recruited to work as the wrangler for a Christian girls horsemanship camp, in Battleground, WA. The children were taught general horsemanship and husbandry, along with learning how to ride dressage, as well as vaulting.
All my life I worked hard… and played hard! I’ve been bit, kicked, thrown, stomped and drug through the hills by my ankle. While I regret none of the life of adventure upon the back of a horse, it did come at a cost, later in life. I can no longer sit ON a horse, but I can most assuredly, still appreciate the magnificence and beauty of everything about these amazing creatures.
Even today, I can fully enjoy watching any Dressage competition, Hunter/Jumper event, Breeders Cup race, or any Disney movie ever made about a horse. Though many movies have been made about horses, my all time favorite is still the 1979 version of The Black Stallion with Kelly Reno, Terri Garr, and Micky Rooney!
I will end this prompt answer with a little trot down memory lane…
I shall be devoting all of this week to learning my new AI program. From watching the myriad of tutorials offered, as well as practicing the different techniques learned; my study cup overfloweth, if you get my meaning. Basically, I’m going to be very busy, but it sounded so boring to say it that way, leaving me no alternative than to use a catch phrase. I swear, sometimes I feel like a coin phrase PEZ Dispenser…
Just flip my head back, and out pops a candy shaped phrase. See what I mean?
At least I’m not boring, right…
Right?! Well, at least that’s my story, so I’m sticking to it!
In regards to the recovery of this site’s beloved characters, it’s been mixed results, thus far. I’ve experienced some good wins and some sorrowful losses, as I wrote about during Friday’s post. I don’t want everyone to be too sad or disappointed, but as of right now, I’m learning to accept that there will be some of our babe’s that won’t be recoverable… and those that I do find, will simply have to be a bit changed. It is what it is, and we’ll have to just love them the way we find them, no matter how different! Even if they look a bit different on the outside, the spirit of their hearts will still remain within their new images… that part never changed!
I know things will work out in the end, mostly. In truth, it has more to do with my expectations of my own abilities than it does with what you end up seeing at the end of it all. I’m far harder on myself than anybody else ever has to be… it’s always been that way. Wouldn’t it be a hoot if all this was a big lesson of learning how to let go, let God, and stop being so overly self-critical and unrelenting… He often does that, you know!
As you go about your week, maybe you can think on this, in regards to how you see yourself! Do you show yourself kindness within your own thoughts? I pray that you walk each day this week, remembering your worth, rather than your work…
The work will always be there whenever you have to punch that clock, so to speak, but you still have to take yourself home with you afterwards, when the work day is done.
Be kind to yourself! Show tenderness and grace toward the beautiful, wonderful, unique, bright, capable, and desirable you that you are!
From the moment of our birth, the race to find and become who we believe the world sees suddenly starts with a bang! Groomed from birth on how to speak, what to wear, how to behave, how to please others, and on and on and on we go, sort of like a merry-go-round…
I’ve spent my entire life trying to appear as that which others expect and/or accept, as if I were on one of those merry-go-rounds. Spinning round and round over the years, gaining speed until I became frozen to the bars and unable to get off, followed by a great deal of motion sickness.
Well, finally the ride became so fast that it flung me off into the dirt, so to speak!
If you wondering what on earth an old merry-g0-round ride has to do with one’s image or self-perception (how you see yourself), it just seemed like a good analogy for how it feels to have a good self-image in a world that is so focused on visual bells and whistles… sorry, I often find myself coining phrases or adages to make a point.
What might that point be, you ask?
My point in all this merry-go-round stuff, is this… you’ll have a much more enjoyable ride in life if you learn how to straddle the bars and drag your feet, so you can control the speed of the merry-go-round, thereby strengthening your muscles and allowing you to get off the ride anytime you get dizzy. In reality, I’m saying that you shouldn’t let the world be in control of who you think you are supposed to be!
Me personally, I’ve opted for the carousel over a merry-go-round, in terms of how I see things in the world, and how I see myself…
Don’t let the age fool you,
One man’s junk is another man’s treasure!
Never see yourself as less than you want to be…
"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 2 Timothy 6: 12
Now you know how I see myself whenever I write adventurous tales, passionate poetry, and deep soul searching thoughts for you, my readers and friends. I might seem rather plain on the outside, but that’s my cover story, just like the mild mannered Clark Kent, from Superman. Now, I don’t want to go as far as to call myself a superhero… but in the stories I can be, right?!
Please don’t panic, but when I got to the lobby yesterday there was no sign of either of the puppies! I spent hours wandering through the archive sections,
and also, both my office and the Father’s counseling chambers, but to no avail. The little fluff balls weren’t anywhere within the lobby, leaving me feeling rather disheartened.
However, in the midst of my disappointment came several unexpected things, one of which is somebody’s puppy that must have been left here from Christmas Morning. Poor darling!
She’s missing her collar so I’m not sure of her name, nor do I fully remember exactly who came that morning. Perhaps, someone wasn’t prepared for taking a puppy home with them, and were afraid I might be disappointed if they rejected my gift. I get it! No offense taken, my friends. Whoever left her behind, was good enough to leave her in the lobby, where she would be safe and can be re-homed. If anyone is looking for a new baby to add into their family, I think she’s a Corgi mix of some sort. She is very affectionate and sweet natured from what I can see. She hasn’t stopped giving me kisses since I found her, poor thing… she must have been so lonely, and probably a good bit frightened. Quite honestly, I’m shocked and rather embarrassed that I didn’t even know she’d been wandering around in the lobby all this time! Now that I think about it, the puppies did seem to be eating a great deal more puppy kibble than is normal for such little things.
Anyway, if you hadn’t noticed it yet, the other discovery I made while searching for the puppies was my purpose! Do you know why it’s felt so important that I locate each and every one of the creatures lost to me? Within each one of those that are not visible to me at the moment, there’s a bit of me… things that I see in each of them that help me make sense of myself.
Somewhere while I was searching through the lobby for the puppies, God showed me that even without physically seeing those that are missing, the real me was still there in the room with Him. The things I write, the creations I invent are merely that… things, as adorable as they are! I am definitely learning more and more each day about the depths of my own heart… and how far God is willing to go, on my behalf. Maybe taking you with me, as I go in search of recovering these parts of what was lost to me (metaphorically speaking), there will be lessons to learn about His nature, which flows through my veins…
I believe!
***Go back and look at the picture of the woman with the puppy, for a moment. Look closely at the woman’s facial features and you will see the real me, or the AI version Avatar creation. It looks as if it’s an actual picture of me laying on the floor of a library with a dog. I gave my AI several actual photographs of my mother, myself, and two of my three daughters. This is the first time that I truly realized how much I look like my mother, as well as my girls! While you might not notice them, I can see exactly where my features are blended with my mother’s, and it’s amazing! If I’m being fully honest with you, it made me a bit emotional when I first saw the image.***
By Google’s current definition, the word Wiwohka either means roaring water, a Native American tribe up near the Great Lakes, or my least favorite… a group of derelict misfits that banded together to make a settlement town of some sort, or other.
I liked it much better back in the day, when I first chose this nickname, if you will. When I originally found this name more than twenty years ago, it was on a Native American name generator site, and simply read as “Rushing, roaring, or raging water”. No idea where this new village of miscreants definition came from, nor do I find it very appealing. In answer to the prompt this morning, I’ll be sticking with my original definition, since it’s far less nefarious than the most recent description.
While the name written on my birth certificate carries absolutely nothing, as far as, meaning, significance, nor etymology… Wiwohka does! Though the word’s etymology doesn’t concern me, the significance and meaning are threaded throughout the tapestry of my existence!
Throughout my life, the name Wiwohka has been the truest explanation of who I am… who I’ve always been. My very birth came during a storm, of sorts. I spent much of my childhood in back alleys, strangers beds, and often times… out in the rain, drenched to the skin. Up from those dark and troubled waters arose a very angry, volatile, and fiercely independent young woman.
What’s rather interesting about the meaning of my name is that it’s definition has taken on a completely different meaning, though the words have not been altered. I originally chose it because it made me feel strong and self-reliant, and flowing by my own power. Looking back now, I realize how powerless I actually really was!
The truth about water is that it is, in fact, very powerful… but, how? Water, in and of itself, just sits there unless something moves it! Water gets it’s power from whatever source it originates from, as well as how its path has been directed. The strength, force and sometimes destructive power of water will be based on who or what is directing the water’s flow.
When I finally came to realize where the water within my spirit had originated, its like all the places within my heart and mind that had been mistaken in thinking that I controlled the flow of said water, simply washed away with the tide. Do you know how difficult and exhausting it is, always having to push a thing along with your own effort? Isn’t it always more pleasant to get a ride, instead of doing all the pushing by your own strength? I guess that somewhere along the journey I realized this, and I’m so glad that I did!
From here on out, or at least until our circumstances change, there won’t be any fresh new pictures in the content of my blogs! Microsoft finally put the free stuff into lockdown and needs a paid subscription, so yeah…
Honestly, I’m so frustrated! My whole spring theme will now go in the trash bin, since visuals were a big part of those future adventures. I have to rethink a great deal of things, so there’s that!
Oh well, I don’t call myself a writer for nothing! I’ll figure something out, but you’re gonna be eating some left-over cookies for a bit… sorry.
Unfortunately, this also means that there won’t be any more pics to help speed-read through my stuff, just in case folks were doing that. I’m not putting the fault with you, my friends. I think that I’ve been too reliant on visuals from the AI programs, becoming a lazy writer and letting the pictures lead you along.
I think, maybe it’s time to go back to the old way of things and clean my literary hands up, so to speak!
When in doubt, I first seek God for his purpose and direction, comparing my vision of things with His to ensure that they are in alignment. Once that’s been sorted, I’m then free to pursue ways of writing that will bring fulfillment to not only you, the reader, but also myself (the one doing the imagining).
Whatever I do choose to write for my blog entries, trust that they’ve been vetted by the big guy, Himself! My desire is to produce good fruit, so with that in mind, I’m sure there’ll be good things to land on these pages.
Bear with me, friends… when God is in the works, things always seem to work themselves out, ya know?!
Sometimes, it’s the way he looks at me and smiles.
Then there are times where he doesn’t even have to smile or anything… I can see it in his eyes.
Sometimes, it’s the way he laughs at the silly things I say.
But there are still those moments when things aren’t so funny… he won’t laugh or say anything at all, really. He just rests his shoulder against mine to let me know that he’s there.
Sometimes, it’s the little things he does… like bringing me that first cup of coffee in the morning, or surprising me with my favorite candy bar. It’s not even about receiving a gift, it’s about the planning or forethought, if you will. It makes me feel so loved that he was thinking about me, even when I wasn’t with him. You know, sometimes I’ll wake up from the sensation of him tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear… he’d been lying there watching me, as I slept. Isn’t that so adorable!
I could go on and on about all the sometimes that I have felt loved… and these examples are about my husband. I haven’t even gotten to God, yet! If I could share with you all the times that I have felt God’s love, it would fill a book… oh yeah, I already did that!
Let’s just leave it at this:
With enough examples gathered together, one might say that I always feel loved! But, since it was very hard to pick just one time to tell you about, I opted for a handful of my sometimes.
Journey With Me! 