This was my answer from two years ago, I think, but it still makes me laugh! I’ve not made any changes to it, so you’ll have to forgive that. Enjoy…
You pick out your pet… We help you find it… No more middle man!
Have you ever dreamt of your favorite pet, but either cannot afford the breeders fee or fear getting something you weren’t prepared to care for? Well not anymore! Here at UPPAA we aim to please any and all who employ our services.
Other agencies only offer the service of inviting you in to view and adopt a pet with all the cleaning, caring, treating and rehabilitating that someone else did for you… no no no… that is considered false advertising around our offices!
Instead of having you come to the nearest breeder or pet shelter, we here at UPPAA employ only the most qualified representatives to collect you, equip you and then, back you up, while you find the nearest stray animal in your area. Upon locating said adoptee, our representatives will then assess whether or not you desire to, or are capable of continuing on in said venture. From your response comes the next part of the package we offer. Here is where we will simply wait in the car, as you approach and retrieve the pet you have selected.
**Stipulations are in place here that you must adhere to, in order for the completion of our services. Not only must it be very clear that these pets do not belong to some one else, but the pet must actually need your assistance. We will not, under an circumstances, be a part of nor participate in the willful theft of the fluffy white puppy living in your neighbors back yard! (this had to be added to our contract for a specific reason)**
Once you’ve selected and retrieved your new pet, following our rules and regulations, we will then deliver you safely home to begin your new life together. There is no need to come back to the office, as you’ve already signed all of the paperwork that enlisted and guaranteed our services, as well as paying all agreed fees, so you’re all good to go!
All of our fees, being quite reasonable, come with a money back guarantee! If, after a full 15 days of care, cleaning, feeding and rehabilitating your chosen pet, you are dissatisfied… we will be happy to come pick you up, return you to the adoption site so that you can put the animal back where you found it. We will also return your fee, minus the fuel.
Our goal, here at UPPAA, is to ensure that you find just the right pet that you deserve, in the most real way possible, so that you truly appreciate who the animal is, where it came from, and what it might possibly be like from here on out! We are able to keep costs down here, by never having to hear why you didn’t know what you were getting into, or that this pet is nothing like what we advertised! We boast a perfect track record of no rehoming pets returned for the third time.
We have representatives standing by right now, waiting for your call at 1-888-PIC-APET. Our first 10 customers will get a complimentary catch pole.
**We are not responsible for lost or stolen common sense, nor are we obligated to provide first aid, physical assistance nor the picking up of poop… welcome to pet parenthood!**
Journey With Me! 