I am a work in progress, disclaimers out the wazoo, and few that I can truly call ones who love me for me. Don't know why and I am done trying to figure it out or care...I am flawed, loud, a force of nature, but underneath there is a soul...I hope you take the time to see her.
Once upon a time, long long ago, we navigated with pencil drawings of whomever had traveled on the road we were on. It’s all we had to go on for directions…
Thank goodness we don’t have to rely on the old way of getting information, right?! Advanced technology now allows us to navigate, via global satellite telemetry, on our handy dandy cell phones… or even our car’s onboard navigation system.
Consider our personal journeys in life like navigating a map, of sorts. We start at point A (birth) and are given a map of life with a bunch of confusing scribbles on it. It seems like we’re trying to follow a map we can hardly read, in the hope that our directions will get us to our destination, safely and successfully.
When you choose what you consider to be your destination, then you’re able to choose your directions. You can decide to attempt travel, only using those maps that time can destroy…
Or…
Download an Onboard Navigation System… that’s what I did, and I haven’t gotten lost since!
Spring is definitely in full swing, with summer already sneaking in, here and there. Every single one of my little plants are stretching their tiny leaves toward the windows. I might live in a tiny apartment, but the plants bring so much color and life to the place that it doesn’t feel so small. And, I feel good every time I look at them.
Eustace has also decided that he likes the whole gardening thing, though I have to make sure he doesn’t eat the ends off the leaves. Oh, and our cultivating camel asked me to give you a message. He suggests that if you don’t have a little green plant on your desk, you should really consider getting one!
How do we get from an idea to an image, when it comes to capturing a new character’s character, so to speak? Call me crazy, off my rocker, or just obsessed with imaginary things, but not just any image will do… I need you to truly see what I see. So, strap on your imaginations, because it could be fun to watch how our young Henry has developed, thus far.
The first thing I did was to create a basic character, in order to help guide the AI generator…
Cute, but too close to being another type of creature, like a cat or squirrel. It may have been due to the image used to create the image you see above. After arguing with the AI for the better part of an hour, I was able to develop the image I used on Friday. While he began to display more of the mouse like features that I wanted, the mouse was far too young for miss Tilly’s handsome suitor. It was back to the generator for some more work…
While I did NOT like the ridiculously fat tail, nor did I appreciate the fact that the mouse looked like you could zip him up in his own mouse fur coat… but I began to see something surface in his expression that seemed, well, Henry like!
One of the wonderful things about the program that I use, is the ability to develop an individual image, whether by adding or removing something… or even alter an expression or body movement. Basically, I can pull the image apart and put it back together any way I want, within reason. I won’t waste the effort on an image, in this way, unless there’s something I really want to keep. This one went to the board!
Something in the eyes and the ears, I thought…
closer…
Nope, nope… eyes need to stay green!
I’m seeing his personality surface in his expression, but not liking the body.
You know what it is? Poor Henry is naked! I think the environment is wrong and our Henry needs to be wearing something. Hang on a sec…
Yes!!!
There, now wasn’t that fun?! I’m fully satisfied with our finished image, what do you think? I mean, not just any mouse will do for miss Tilly…
I had to laugh when I saw this prompt, as it brought up a memory that had been lost to me… so thank you, WordPress!
I swear that I might have been born in the wild, because my earliest memories include riding bareback while still in diapers… ya, I have a mind like a steel trap!
Anyways, camping is something that came naturally to this girl, and so, I passed it on to my children. My daughters have been camping since before they were born, as I freely went camping during my pregnancies. When my girls began to grow, we began traveling with a group of about 4 or 5 other families during the summer months, camping and fishing throughout the great Northwest. From southern Oregon, across Idaho and into Montana, and even into British Columbia.
Needless to say, my family are avid campers, fishers, hikers and hunters! They weren’t always so experienced at this stuff, and it took a great deal of training and practice, especially in the bathroom department, if you know what I mean? I had three girls!
How does one raise a little girl to be a tough camper, and yet still be a little lady? Like I said, we traveled with a huge group of camping families, which meant cooking together, bathing in close proximity to others, and yes, using the restroom in groups, for security! With little ones running around, we grown ups thought it was easiest to make an appropriate code word, to signal our restroom intentions. If one needed to use the restroom, we simply said, “I have to go camping”, and anyone who needed to go, simply agreed to come along.
Now, this went on for nearly an entire summer before one of my girls finally asked, “Mamma, how come the grown-ups keep saying they’re camping and then disappear into the woods?” I explained that it was a polite way of saying that we needed to use the restroom, without saying it in front of others. She didn’t question me further, and seemed not to even understand what I’d said. About a week later, all the families gathered at our home to plan the next upcoming adventure.
There we all were, standing around my kitchen talking, when my daughter marches into the midst of the group and boldly announced, “Everyone, I need to go camping… that means I have to go poop!”
I nearly dropped the plate in my hands! The entire room went silent for a moment, and then erupted into laughter! All of the adults in the room knowing laughed themselves silly, while my daughter marched off to the bathroom. The rest of the day was filled with children running around the house, loudly claiming they needed to camp and then laughing about it!
As I sit staring at my screen, the desire to offer up a list of my usual Monday Messages is there, but beyond that? Well,I got nuthin.. nada!
Thankfully, the daily prompt kicked me in the bloomers, what with the whole productivity thing.
Fortunately, we’re settling into our apartment nicely, after such a long time in the wilderness, so to speak. One would thing that I’d have a list that’s longer than my arm of all the things I can, and probably should be doing now. I do… but it makes my stomach hurt when I begin reading it.
Perhaps it would have been better to keep a shorter list. Maybe I should have made a rolodex of things during our ordeal, so that my thoughts would be more organized now. I didn’t! Does anybody do that when they’re in the middle of lifechanging events? Unless one is naturally OCD, I highly doubt many would keep such lists.
Besides, once we get to the other side of something difficult, the list wouldn’t really help us as much as one would think. You’re far different than you were before it began, so the list isn’t for you anymore… it was for the person you used to be.
So, now what do I do? No list! No DIY how-to video is going help! Ya, ya, ya… I can easily slip back into the rhythm of a clean house, cooking, baking, and errands, no problem. But, beyond those things, I guess I feel sort of lost at sea, so to speak!
When I saw this mornings prompt it made me laugh. I laughed because the answer I’d been searching for has been staring me right in the face, all along. Just last night I prayed that God would give me a purpose!
It took so long to get here, I truly don’t have a clue what I should be doing now! Sure, I could write the second volume of my fiction series, but haven’t yet started. I aught to do more with all of my little Barnyard shorts, but as most of you are full grown adults, it’s not really meant for WordPress anymore. That would mean going to YouTube with all the babes, but I’d be doing it by myself… alone. I want to write, not produce… I’m a storyteller, not a publisher! Besides, at the end of the day, is it what God desires?
I’m not saying that God is disapproving of anything I write, but am I putting it before His purpose for my life? I can still write stories, as I’m confident that God blesses the work of my hands. My dilemma is that right now, I can’t tell what I should be doing, which is making me feel very nonproductive in every direction.
Don’t worry though, for God has me firmly placed within his hand! In the deepest part of my soul, I hear God remind me that faith calls each of us to walk forward in His calling, even if we don’t know all the details.
Also, I do believe that I’m well established in His purpose, whether I know it or not! Even when I feel lost, or adrift within His purpose… He promises me that I’m in it!
While I may currently be at the don’t have any details part of my journey, I walk in faith, believing that when God asks a thing of me… He always, always, always provides what is needed to be of service!
Til I know more of what God desires for my path, I’m gonna just wing it with the writing. If I write too much about all the babes, the barnyard, or high seas adventures, so be it!
Besides, when have I ever done anything plain or ordinary? That would be boring…
It seems that anytime a person feels purpose in what they’re doing, productivity should skyrocket!
When you feel that what you do makes some sort of difference, even if it’s small, you want to continue the pursuit.
Are you workin to pay the bills, or is your job going to take you somewhere better, somewhere worth going?
Whatever your purpose might be… pursue it with all your heart!
No matter how small a thing, good or bad, God sees it… it matters… you matter to Him!
Each and ever soul on this earth was born with a purpose… a very special and important one! Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say, and so is purpose!
Since we have a boat, and we have the freedom of the seas to travel, the world is our oyster! Only one problem… not everyone is here, yet!
If you’re wondering who we’re missing, as all the babes are on board, let me explain. Remember last winter, just before the barnyard and babes disappeared? If you recall, our young miss Tilly met a boy in the forest, while she and Dinky were gathering pine bows. Well… he was sort of overlooked in all the chaos of tracking down all my lost ones. I feel awful about it, especially since it has caused Tilly such heartache! I found her below deck this morning, crying herself silly. She tried to settle herself when I approached, but the moment I sat down beside her, the mouse began to bawl again, and didn’t stop til she fell asleep in my arms. As she was drifting off to sleep, mingled in amongst the tearful snuffles, I could hear her whispering the name “Henry”… and it all came rushing back to me, in an instant! We’d forgotten all about young Henry and his family at the old Church down the road from our barn.
How could I have overlooked them? I felt awful! You guys, we have to search for them, before any adventuring can happen. There is absolutely no way that we can have any fun with a love sick mouse aboard…
I don’t know about you but that face makes my heart hurt, and Tilly deserves to be happy. So, stow all the supplies… weigh anchor… lift the sails…
We make for the river that leads inland, toward the place we’d found young Squagon, remember? Somewhere out there is a young mouse that we simply must find…
Where are you, young Henry? There is a mouse who loves you so…
I think that dreams say a great deal about who we are… on the inside. Before you start preparing for some kind of mental health episode of some sort, I’ll leave that to the professionals, thank you very much! My thoughts and considerations will be looking at our character, our personality, or we can label as our true self, if you will. As I always tend to do, let me explain what I meant by my initial statement.
First off, I want to break dreaming into two categories here, one being a waking daydream, while the other is a sleeping dream. Waking daydreams are the ones in which we control the dream in its entirety. Obviously, the sleeping dreams are when we’re not awake, therefore we have no conscious control of what goes on in our dream, nor any control of the outcome… we just gotta ride it out, so to speak.
When I write these thoughts out, I’ve no intention of trying to figure others out, based on their dreams! I guess I’m writing out something that I’ve discovered about my own personality and tendencies, that’s all. Some say that they don’t really dream much, while others dream often and deeply… people like me.
Being a child from trauma, I sought fantasies and daydreams from a very early age, as a way of safety or escape, if you will. To this day, I can vividly remember things from those years, most especially the dreams and recurring nightmares that I experienced. Weird, right?!
Anyway, I had one of my re-run daydreams from when I was small, just the other day. As I was thinking on the memory of my dream, I noticed something sort of funny about myself, or, the way that I saw myself in the daydream. It made me want to look back through some of the other dreams, just to see if I did that in all of them. Guess what I discovered? I did, in fact, see myself in a particular way, when it was a sleeping dream and another way when it was a daydream… just two starring roles… two!
In every waking dream that I created, I cast myself as the assistant, the helper, the heroin through heavy lifting! I was either Charlie instead of Willie Wonka, or the Mad Hatter instead of Alice, or the child who helped Dr. Doolittle. Even to this day, I never see myself as the heroin or hero in anything… always, always, always, I dream myself behind the scenes. In my stories, it feels better to focus on my desires for the cast members in the tale. I think that’s why I prefer you to see me through Tilly, Eustace, or any of this site’s characters when I write. They seem to capture who I am, there within the pages of their stories.
The sleeping dreams are a far different representation of how I saw myself back then, and even now, today. That little girl only experienced the nightmare portion of the dreams, for many, many years. I was a frequent bed wetter, and struggled with severe anxiety. I had no one to talk to, no one to comfort or rescue me from my hell. I’m sure that this is why my waking dreams were so intense and real to me. I even learned how to wake myself out of my night terrors. I actually began to flip myself from my bed and onto the floor, so as to force myself awake. That child was always running, fighting and/or in pain during those dreams. Over the years, I changed in appearance as I grew into a woman, wife, and mother, but I still continued to be the victim… or the villain. Yes, I even saw myself become the villain, but what could I do? I had no control, there in the depths of my darkness.
Ok, no more of that part, as it’s not who I am now! Now? God holds my dreams in the palm of his hand, shielding and comforting me through anything I may experience during my sleep, which is now rarely more than a goofy recap of what I’d watched on television the night before. It’s funny, because the transformation within this wild child has been miraculous, to say the least!
Waking daydreams are now filled with a purpose, not my own, but of one who is so much greater!
Night dreaming is no longer a place of fear, but of peace, protection, and security!
I’ll not forget the child of my past, no no, as she is the one who survived!
I’ll not forget the lost wild one, for she is full of fiery spirit, and tenacity!
While I may not ever be a hero of anything special, Charlie did end up with the factory, so that children would hold onto their dreams!
That child who followed Dr. Doolittle… they carried on the doctor’s work to care for others, whether it was a Push-Me-Pull-Me or the captive sea lion… always the less fortunate!
What do I daydream about now? I dream that everywhere I go… I smell like cookie dough, pulling children’s imaginations along with me, just like the pied piper! For all the rest of you… I pray that I leave a trail of cookie crumbs in my wake… get it, wake… hehehe!
Well, it is springtime, and the waters are looking rather inviting, so why shouldn’t I let Eustace learn to water ski? Oh, I don’t know… maybe it wasn’t such a good idea, but the crazy camel insisted!
If you’re treading water like this camel, beings as it’s the middle of the work week, just don’t let go of the rope that’s pulling you towards Friday.
You’ll probably be all wrinkly and wet, smelling like a sweaty camel, but hey, now you’ll know how to ski…
Journey With Me! 