The most precious time in my journey, hands down, was having and raising my three daughters when they were babies!

Don’t get me wrong, I carry their older years in my heart as well, but the baby phase was the most difficult to leave behind.

The doctors said I would never conceive … and if I did, I would not be able to carry a baby to full term, due to my medical history. I had a great many difficulties in my young life, of which, now is not the time or place to go into in any great detail. I will simply say that babies were not supposed to be in my future!

I became pregnant 8 times, losing 5 in order to have the three that I did carry to full term. The sicker I was, the better, because I knew my body was holding on to the pregnancy. I relished every bit of morning sickness, every stretch mark, crazy cravings and chubby pounds I gained.

My first daughter didn’t want to exit the building, forcing the doctor to induce my labor 2 full weeks after my due date… she is my stubborn Drama Queen, to this day!

My second daughter and I both nearly died in childbirth, as my placenta ruptured prematurely, causing an emergency Caesarian section. She was born 2 weeks early and still weighed in at 8 lbs. 6 oz. when she arrived. She was a very fussy baby, being dubbed Kaitlungs… though, to this day, she’s the quietest and most reserved daughter of all three!

My third daughter was the easiest pregnancy, easiest delivery, and tiniest of the three… born 2 weeks early and weighing in at a solid 8 lbs. She literally shot out and landed in my doctors arms, being dubbed the surfing baby! She is most like me, of all my girls… just as strong minded, sassy and bright!

It was after her delivery that my doctor said, no more pregnancies … the risk was just too great for me to continue having babies. Thus, my season of bearing children had finally come to an end.

You may scoff, but I miss every detail of those years… every sleepless night, every tantrum, every band-aid handed out! I miss nursing my babies, changing their diapers, cuddling and rocking them gently, while they slept in my arms.

If I could, I would have bottled up and saved the smell of their breath, their skin… their hair!

If only I had made recordings of their laughter, cries, shouts, whispers and bickering… oh well, no more woulda coulda shoulda, in that regard!

I did make journals for each of them, with letters and stories of things they did and said, that I have saved all these years… I tried so hard to plan ahead, knowing that memories fade and things can so easily be forgotten over time.

Thank goodness I did that, because even if I had to say goodbye to that phase, I can easily go back through those books and memories, remembering and cherishing them over and over. Who knows, maybe one day my daughters will want those books to read with their children… maybe not. I’m still glad I dreamt of them, birthed them, raised them, and wrote things down for them… that way it’s not really goodbye to that phase, is it? My blood runs through their veins… they will always be my babies… and I will forever be their mother!

Here, I decided on pastries this morning…