I may not be meant for friendship, I may not be meant for family, but when I pass by, I will leave my mark on you

For some it will be good, for some bad… but you WILL know that I have been there

If God is for me… I don’t care what you think of me

When I said that I would stand on my faith in God all the way to the end… I meant it! It’s easy to spout scripture from a pulpit, claim God’s miraculous power from your armchair, and wax poetic about a spirit filled life from a hot tub, but try doin it from the gates of hell… I dare you!

When you finally pass beyond the words shooting out of your mouth, the singing of heavenly hymns, and dancing for Jesus in front of the masses, you get to the plane of daily existence in the presence of the almighty God of ages… yeah, Him! You wait for your daily bread from meal to meal, you listen for his voice in the utter silence of abandonment. When you can look only to Him for each and every breath that you need to live, it is oddly peaceful.

Jesus sits with me through the endless hours of waiting, the closed doors and dead ends… its rather ugly right now, with no joyful or praiseworthy news to regale you with, or pretty cookies to hand out. These waters are pretty rough and roaring just now, so it has taken all I have to write anything at all. Boy, it’s harder than I thought it would be to write down my feelings without saying some rather nasty and lethal remarks about things… sheesh!

Yes, it’s really bad right now, and no, I’m not going to speak on it… at least not til we’re beyond this part of the journey. The actual fight for survival puts one in a compromised emotional state, bringing out responses that you never knew you were capable of… so it’s best not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, trust me! You know why? Not so much to be nice to the folks hurting you, but to act honorably before God… to please Him and Him alone!

I could disappear today without a trace, leaving you to wonder where I went for a day or so, but you’d move on soon, as I’m nothing more than an entry in an online journal that anyone can read…

… but to God, I am someone specific, like no other on this planet, someone very special and sought after… He foreknew of my birth, my life, my failures, my successes, my wrongs, my rights… I am perfect in my imperfection, beautiful in my brokenness, wanted, cherished, and never ever forgotten or rejected for being who I am…

I am Wiwohka, with a heart that rushes, rages, and powerfully flows toward the home that awaits me… this world is NOT my home, but I will walk through it with as much grace as I can muster… to put a smile on my heavenly father’s face… to make my Creator proud of the work that He has, and is doing in my life… that is enough!

This site is most likely going to go down, as things are financially at the end for this leg of my journey, but don’t lose hope because God is leading me somewhere so that’s not a bad thing. There are a number of books still to be written… even if God is the only one to ever read them.