Episode 2

          Have you ever been in a situation that brings you to that moment of exasperation where you utter a very ill-thought-out “Lord, please give me patience” prayer?  Has anyone else discovered that He will do exactly that, but never the way you expected, or were fully prepared to deal with, as I have?  Yes? No? Or are you trying to blend in with the wall, hoping not to bring attention to yourself, until after the Patience word leaves the room?  Trust me, I get it… and on a deeper level than some may think.  If not before this last week, I’m a firm believer right this very moment!  Looking back, I should not have been surprised in the least, when I made the commitment to begin this Matters of The Heart series.  I distinctly remember praying, “God, help me to use these writings to learn more of who I am as your child, and that I might grow stronger in my faith.” The Crazy Train version of distractions that have been running me over ever since, can only be described as getting rear-ended, only to be the one who gets the citation!  None of it makes any sense at all, seriously!

Let’s see, within less than two hours after posting my intentions about this series, last Thursday, things got interesting, to say the least.  I’ve already shared about the phone call mix up, telling us we weren’t supposed to stay here anymore, and the constant housekeeping staff visits, where they kept walking into our room all day.  No worries, things are stable on that front, as they’ve since gotten their paperwork corrected.  From that scenario we went directly on to the next comedy of errors, which was managing to injure my left hand while sleeping, of all things.  I still cannot fully use that hand, so the typing continues with just one and ¼ hands. 

From there it got weirder still, with a man coming to the door on the next morning, saying he was looking for room 264, which was right there, beside him (he appeared homeless, under the influence of something, and carrying a plate of food from the dining room).  Among at least three other incidents, the day came and went. The next morning seemed calm, and the day passed without much disturbance. But then, late that evening, we heard an enormous bang from the parking area just below our window!  Looking out outside, we discovered numerous police vehicles surrounding a vehicle that was apparently occupied.  Just as we are watching the scene unfold, in our underwear I might add, a hotel employee gives a short rap on our door and proceeds to walk right into our room!  With nothing more than a brief, “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone was in this room”, he turned and disappeared down the steps.

Before you get too comfortable… it gets even better!

For what seemed like hours, it was pretty much a stand-off in the parking lot, with guns drawn, several more gas/flashbang thingies, before they called a tow truck in, hauled the car across the street, and removed whoever was in the vehicle (we didn’t witness that part).  The car re-appeared in the parking lot a short time later, disappeared again, returned the following morning and then left again, not to return.  Only later did we learn that several homeless people had been living in that car, and refused to leave.  I will tell you that it wasn’t shocking to me, nor was it a surprise.  Due to several very uncomfortable encounters on the walking trails nearby, God has warned me to stay within our motel room, until we leave this area.  So, here is where I sit, snug as a bug in a rug, as they say.

In case you’re wondering if I’ve forgotten all about the writing that was intended for this series, I haven’t!  I believe that it has everything to do with it, don’t you see?  Everything that occurs in the world around us, will be observed, experienced and felt, based on what?  How we think, what we believe, and how we feel about what we’re facing… and where do feelings come from?  The heart, or more accurately, what the heart perceives, based on how it responds to the brain’s impulses… crazy, right?! 

No, I’m not a doctor, scholar, scientist, philosopher or learned professor!  But… I do have a heart, my own heart that beats all by its onesie’s, without any of those brilliant minds to assist.  Not a single one of them created the blueprint for the heart that beats within this body, nor did they have the power to light the spark that set it into motion.  I do believe in the good of science, and I’m so humbly grateful to all within our educational and medical professions.  With that being said, I know who created them… I know who gave them their gifts, and then, instilled in them the ability to use those gifts!  You will hopefully soon discover that there are just some places within the human heart, where neither science nor doctors can assist.

This is the road we’ll be traveling down… through the very pathways of our heart, which by design, were created to do one thing, seek out the very heart of God!  He wants us to search our hearts, to see the evidence of his passing by, flowing through, and recognize that it is He, and Only He that can truly heal all the damage done by this world. While doing so, he also redeems is from that which we have done to ourselves.  Hence, the necessity of using my own personal journey and experiences, so that you might see a glimpse of Him, in how I, myself, am still standing.

I am soon to see my 56^th birthday, and can no longer keep an accurate count of how many instances death has crossed my path. In every situation, I’ve witnessed first hand, as God interceded on my behalf, saving me from destruction.  I wish that I could say that I was never the villain, in any of it, but alas, I cannot.  Can you believe that it was nearly two years ago that I finally opened my eyes from the bottom of the well I was lying in? 

God has done such a transformative work in my life, that it could fill a book… oh wait, I did write one.  Well, if you’re at all wondering, one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we’re often called to do a thing for God, without specific details or even any evidence of an immediate result.  It was good that I wrote the book, but what happens if the one who was in need of reading it, hasn’t come to the place where they are ready to read it?  I choose to rely on God’s eternal faithfulness; I shall believe in the evidence of that which is not seen! Though I thought it was of such vital importance to write at the time, looking back down the pathways of my heart, I can see that I couldn’t have been further from the truth! 

As you’re well aware, choosing to live separately from the world hasn’t been a bed of roses.  I made a very personal commitment to God two years ago, walking away from a great deal of what the world offers.  That means, choosing a path that I knew I would have to walk alone.  Removing myself from things of this world and following God has not done any favors to the few relationships I still had.  Especially right now, being a follower of Jesus Christ brings a big kick me sign to wear on the back of one’s shirt.  Has it helped mend the bridges I burned with my children?  Nope!  If anything, they dislike me tenfold, at the moment.  I continue to walk forward each day, upon the edge of a knife, as my hair falls out and my health plummets. 

Honestly… I wouldn’t have things any other way, if it bears good fruit, which I believe it has, is, and will continue to do.  I will dwell beneath the shadow of the Almighty… and as Paul said, “count it all joy.”

Until next time, may God surround you with his love… hugs