Ever have one of those days? You know, the ones where things just don’t look like they normally do. All it takes is for one small aspect of our daily routines to change or break from our norm, to make everything around us seem radically different.

When it is a good change, things around us can seem brighter and more full of life… our perspective is open and positive, allowing us to see more of the good in others and the world around us.

When the change in our routine is brought about by anything negative, we are often left feeling very isolated and the world seems empty of things like love, life and happiness.

We humans are such emotional creatures… so sensitive to even the most subtle of changes, whether it be caused by external circumstances or any internal ones. In the blink of an eye, our perspective can do a full 180… taking us from love and light, all the way to loneliness and an isolating darkness in a mere heartbeat…

One might think that being a Christian exempts us from feeling isolated, lonely, or depressed. On the contrary, I think that believers face a much harder road… you know the one I’m talking about… the narrow one…

As I have been under the weather this week, I have had a great deal of time to ponder these things. Whenever I’m sick enough to stay in bed, I absolutely hate it! I have rolling panic attacks that seek to drive me out of rest and back to full function. I am filled with guilt over letting others down, fears pop up over being forgotten if I’m unable to perform above and beyond… never let em see you sweat… show no weakness… soldier on…

I think this old behavior comes from a survival mode that I have carried since childhood. If you show any sign of weakness out on the streets, the vultures start circling, waiting for their opportunity to consume your remains. I fully understand the meaning of the adage old habits die hard.

As I was reading in the book of Romans this morning, Paul was speaking about this very nature… two natures to be exact, the old sinful nature of a person and the new nature born of Christ who now dwells in a believer. The more time I spend dwelling in the word, the clearer I am able to see things in myself, of my old nature, that need to be changed.

I think that recognizing where my perspective is being skewed, due to the way of things, is half my battle to spiritually managing my earthly emotions… or tending my own scars, if you will.

I suppose that one could probably label me with a handful of very real and difficult disorders, in fact, I could fairly accurately self diagnose myself with what I call Undiagnosed, Untreated, Chronic Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… that I’ve been walking around with for over 50 years. I have a lot to work on in the old nature department, if you know what I mean.

Maybe that’s a part of why I write so much… for me, this is my therapy, my anti-depressant anti-anxiety anti-panic attack treatment. And NO, I am not about to pay you for all your hard work of reading my self therapy sessions. Just because you get credit for being my frequent pick me ups, doesn’t mean that I will be giving out royalties for your services…

What I will offer you is this…

Continued hugs

Continued cookies

and continued stories that might speak to your heart, or bless your lives in some way.

What I’m trying to say is that, for my therapy, you guys are some of the best form of medicine God often prescribes for my emotional health. The best part is that my prescription is free, with beautiful side effects… and I get unlimited refills.