Note To Self…

Wiwohka

Living with chronic pain changes a person, sometimes creating behaviors or attitudes that compound the problems causing said pain. There also seems to be a stigma that goes along with being labeled chronic anything! I myself, live day to day with chronic pain, and have done so, for some years now. I also am unable to take any medications by mouth, so no nsaids or anti-inflammatory medications, whether prescribed or over the counter. I have to consider everything I do on a daily basis to control said pain and avoid needing anything for pain I’m unable to manage myself. I’m used to it… but I didn’t say I enjoyed it, nor do I care when others assume I can tough it out!

When I went to my last appointment with my Sports Medicine Doctor, he made a statement that really bothered me and I don’t think it even occurred to him that it was quite insensitive. He suggested that I go to an Acupuncture/Acupressure specialist, saying that it would hurt more at first, but I would feel better later. 

The reason it bothered me was because I highly doubt he understood the truth about the difference between Chronic pain and actual pain for this patient. While I can compartmentalize my chronic stuff, the real deal of pain threshold, for me, is tenuous at best. I really dislike when someone tries to tell me how something is going to feel, when they, themselves, have not experienced it! How does he know how it is going to feel for me, during and after the procedure? He has no idea about my childhood trauma with needles, nor does he understand the depth of nausea I experience anytime someone touches that spot on my back… I’m not even sure why it makes me feel that way. He goes home to his family at the end of his day, leaving my file on the computer at the office. 

The only reason that I shared how I felt about the experience, was to make a few points that will keep things real. Number one… I am blessed with a very good doctor that knows a great deal more about medical stuff than I do, and number two… I don’t know what his life is like, any more than he knows about mine! Will I do whatever tests and procedures he recommends? Within reason, and only after we have discussed the value and necessity of things. Will I enjoy it? Probably not! Did I take my children to get their vaccines, telling them that it will sting, but only for a moment and it was for their own good? Yup! Did my kids believe me? Absolutely Not! But it was still good for them, and necessary!

It is never easy to accept a thing from someone who doesn’t really know what we are experiencing, but it doesn’t make them wrong… not all the time. I have to remind myself that turn about is fair play, as they say. I’m no more capable of fully walking in someone else’s shoes, than they are of walking in mine… nor would I wish them to go through my pain. 

There is a scripture in the Bible where Jesus is talking about the hardships and tribulations that we have to endure, while we walk this earth, and how it will be so worth it! I can accept His words… and His peace… because if Jesus could do what he did for mankind, while I would fold like a deck of cards, I trust what He says! 

This is the part that I placed into Note To Self #20, as it reminds me of the One whose footprints I walk in… and knowing the depths of my pain, Jesus still says,

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

26 thoughts on “Note To Self…”

  1. I can’t take painkillers either — probs for different reasons than you. Only Tylenol every once in a while if it gets *too* bad — like to take the edge off a migraine. So, you have my sympathies.

    I feel you about the doctor and well-meaning advice as well as looking at it from different perspectives. Hugs.

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      2. sometimes I wonder if I would write as deeply as I do, if I were not always in the furnace of lifes ups and downs… perhaps that is where I get my passion… who knows

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      4. I think you write beautifully because of the pain, physical and emotional. Scripture talks about how pain and suffering makes us beautiful. I know my heart that people don’t understand. But I hear you and Willow and I do. I try sleeping, playing with my dogs, but to know that my brain generates pain because it’s stuck and it’s grinding down my organ function because it’s stuck sucks. I think what you wrote resonated with a bunch of us because I don’t think doctors have empathy anymore.

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      6. As I write this I know this is TMI but I am dealing with a triple organ prolapse in my pelvis plus two hernias. And it hurts everyday in addition to the pain my brain generates. But my surgery history is so unstable no one wants to take the risk of helping me. If you knew the things I do just to use the bathroom and how much I’m trying to just do this by myself because they don’t care. You didn’t overthink anything. Nothing at all.

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  2. I’m with you and sometimes I feel bad for them because they have so many patients and it is hard to reset the brain and prepare themselves for individualized discussions. I think they should focus more on that aspect in medical school. Medical professionals should think very hard before they discuss causes and treatments with patients, adjusting their communication approach as appropriate. I also get frustrated when they try to put themselves in my place.

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      2. same with divorce… people always assume they need to say something or make a life choice… just love the person and let them lean on you without needing any info… when you have done all else, just stand… hugs my friend

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      4. There you go again say something that’s got me completely struck with resonance. Nobody knows our relationships with our spouses. But I am a failure because my marriage didn’t work. And now I’m older and alone. My ex is hateful and my family believes I screwed it all up. I don’t have a clan to support me that’s not the kind of family I come from. But nobody knows another person’s marriage. I think the whole concept of judging others is out off hand.

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  3. Oh, Sweet One!I have been disabled and have had chronic pain since 1997. Only those of us who live it know it, but the others do try. I have been through every test imaginable, they still do them, and I still cry through them. I can’t stand it when someone tells me to “buck up” or “suck it up”! I do every minute of every day. I get it.I wanted to take the time to write it all out, but you know, you understand. I am moving, not supposed to do any of it, but I am. “Bucking up” and “Sucking it up”. The push and the aftermath we all (Chronic Painers) know too well. This is day 5 of the move, we still have many more days to go. We are going slow, but kids -adult ones- are not available to help. So, we go slow.

    I do acupuncture, but I don’t look. the needles don’t look like regular ones and then, I know as I look before it starts. I HATE NEEDLES, but this has given me some relief. I  currently am not near an office that can do this, the drive is over an hour each way, so, for now, it is a waste for me to go. I don’t do well on car/truck rides.

    Many gentle hugs are coming your way.

    God Bless You this day and every day, CJ Dunkle

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  4. “It is never easy to accept a thing from someone who doesn’t really know what we are experiencing, but it doesn’t make them wrong…”

    Yup. One more reason to remain curious.

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  5. I worked in the OR with a talented Urologist. Talented but insensitive to his patients’ pain, he just didn’t get it. Then, he contracted a very painful and long-lasting urological infection himself. After recovering, it was amazing how patient-centered his approach became.

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    1. I bet… I saw a movie once that mirrors what you are talking about. When the doctor recovered, he changed the whole way his staff was being trained in the care of their patients…

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  7. I had a similar experience with my doctor for chronic pain; he gave me a long to-do list and I went home crying – the last thing a sick person wants to do is more of anything… but when I calmed down and went through some of his holistic suggestions, I came around. I think most doctors mean well, they just don’t always speak in an empathetic way. Here’s hoping 2024 keeps improving.

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