Well, as they say, there is a first for everything, and folks, I think I might just have found one of my first.

I will take things one day at a time as they come, but as far as I see from my first appointment with this new specialist, I’m not crazy and there is for sure something going on. Beyond acknowledging there being a problem, there is not much we know, as of yet. But this doctor seems ready to tackle things, and has begun tests for some better answers. That is more than anyone has ever been willing to try yet. If he is up to the task, then I am too.

One of the things he may have discovered, oddly enough, is a growth up under my armpit. He believes it to be a Lipoma or fatty tumor resting on the area that gets blood and circulation to my arm… which I find hilarious.

I am sort of smallish, as I walk 6 miles on a trail most days… and they’re telling me that I have managed to somehow stash a pocket of fat somewhere? How absurd! You mean to tell me that I have been shoving tons of calories in this body to keep up with my walking and my own body was holding out on me? I could have used that fat on several occasions, thank you very much!

Anyway, I guess there are multiple things going on within this body, and it will take a bit of work to figure things out, but I am actually fine with this… at least someone believes me when I say that I am in pain… constantly… have been for as long as I can remember. I am unable to take any form of pain management any longer, as too many years of differing drugs did their damage.

Due to all the years of stuff and things, I am no longer able to take any medications via my stomach… she’s shot! Somewhere about two years ago, I had to sit down and have a serious heart to heart conversation with both my roommates… IBS and Fibro. We had to make the desperate and risky decision to cut out all modern medicine… cold turkey, though I would not suggest this for anyone, as I nearly died doing it this way.

In approximately six months time, I lost over 100 lbs, nearly all my hair fell out, and I slept nearly 16 hours a day, having lost any desire to get out of bed at all. It was nothing out of the usual for me to go weeks at a time without ever bothering to shower. I lay in bed watching rerun after rerun of Forensic Files of all things. Those days were dark indeed!

Looking back on that time seems like a bad dream of someone else’s horrible life, but it was only me on a desperate journey of survival. Through the Grace of God alone folks, did I make it here today.

With all the ugly of those days, slowly fading away into distant memories, I will once again seek medical help, diligently making efforts to have a bit of faith… maybe not in people yet, but in God’s ability to make a way where there once was none.

While I am still of a mind to trust no one in the human kindness department, I am aware that they are still out there, and I trust God so that’s a start, right?!