I am so confused…

Wiwohka
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Daily writing prompt
Are you holding a grudge? About?
View all responses

Since we have already established that WordPress uses the prompts to stalk us, I will not waste your time rehashing old info. And… since I am not falling for the banana in the tailpipe (from the line in Beverly Hills Cop), intimate answers will not be forthcoming.

There is merit in the question until the “About?” part. Unless you are the mediator in an arguement, a therapist, or someone directly involved in the incident, it is none of your business, in my opinion.

That being said, I did consider the first part of the question and I was left a bit confused. I will tell you why, and it is not because I do not understand the question. I went on a search of the definition to the word Grudge, and got stuck on the question of What is the difference between a grudge and unforgiveness? While I do not think I have either, I do have a great amount of emotions left over from my childhood, from my first marriage, and from the Shut Down.

I also struggled with the difference between grudge and distrust, or bitterness. All three are negative and damaging. Maybe I am way off the mark, but in my mind the idea of a grudge seems almost intentional… like making it a point to use this grudge thing like a weapon, causing intentional damage to the offender in even the smallest and seemingly benign ways.

While I do not have any real trust in our government, and with good reason, I realize that I am a very tiny grain of sand in a rather large pond. Slipping through the cracks is more likely the case, than the government intentionally making plans to ignore me way back then when I was that tiny girl. The souls that traumatized me in my past, no longer make me hold a grudge or cling to unforgiveness. However, there are solid steel boundaries around this vessel now… sometimes blocking the heart that lies within.

On a good day I feel full of Gods spirit and I am a fountain of Grace, Mercy, Compassion, Empathy, Joy, and Peace! I rest in the truth of my own forgiveness, which allows me to forgive and help anyone I encounter.

On my bad days I struggle with grief, anger, frustration and fear. I speak to no one, and bury myself in my bed under blankets and pillows all day. I am still that same child of God, I just live under His shadow now, and there are just those days that He has the strength to get me through the day… when I cannot do it on my own.

My confusion is that the definition of Grudge is almost ambiguous… like it can be used under too many other guises, fooling us into answering yes when we mean no, or visa versa.

I don’t know, maybe I am just confused because I just woke up and my brain fog has not cleared yet. I am being sincere in saying that this question is just a bit too deep, this early in the morning.

Here …

Have a cookie…

Photo by Leigh Patrick on Pexels.com

I tried to give you a selection to choose from…

17 thoughts on “I am so confused…”

  1. Great thoughts! A grudge, unforgiveness, bitterness, distrust… they’re all very similar. Especially the first three. But trust is a different animal, to me. It’s earned in droplets and lost in buckets. If someone burns me, I can choose to forgive them, let go of the bitterness, and release any desire to hold a grudge. And yet… that doesn’t mean it would be healthy for me to extend trust to them, if it has not been earned.

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  4. Generally one holds a grudge for a grievance done against one personally. Like an insult or personal wrong.

    It’s similar to unforgiveness, but one can “not forgive” something general too, like the rich being richer than them. But one wouldn’t hold a grudge against the rich. They’d simply resent them for being rich.

    Unless, of course, someone picks a particular rich person to resent for being rich and famous, then it becomes a grudge, because then it’s personal — to the grudge holder. Ha!

    Humans are weird.

    Thanks for the cookie!

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    1. I loved this response Willow… thank you for the info and just out of curiosity… which cookies are your favorite… mine personally are the scones… Starbucks makes the only pumpkin scone I like, during the holidays, but the rest of the year I go for an orange cranberry or blueberry

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      1. I’m a simple woman of simple pleasures. When I made cookies, I went for the classics — chocolate chip, peanut butter, peanut butter with chocolate chips… things like that. And, of course, brownies. 🙂 I like macaroons too, but can’t make them.

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  6. I get where you are coming from, they are all so intertwined. At the end of the day it all comes down to two things; God and healing, active healing, not “time heals all wounds” nonsense. It unfortunately requires an upheaval of things people aren’t always willing to delve into, in doing so it may unearth some underlying resentment that lays dormant. It isn’t for the faint of heart is a long winding road, & almost feels never ending, but with God the journey isn’t as hard. I pray the pain lessons in your life, both physical and emotional. ❤️

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