Category: Inspirational

Where is my stupid sucker?

And why is it so darn hard for me to go to the Doctors office?

Maybe it had to do with my childhood… or possibly the memory of very poor healthcare, from those touting their hypocritic … I mean Hippocratic oaths. Lets just say, they gave a less than convincing effort at caring for my health, than I think this earthly body deserved.

That being said, I do believe that there are good doctors out there… but boy is it hard to find one that listens and actually tries to help. I hope that you didn’t pick up on it, but I have been struggling for the last few days. I had to go get a check-up. My friend finally convinced me to apply for Medicaid and food stamps which I felt awful about. But it had to be done!

I have not been to a doctor since the shutdown, and it hasn’t been easy… but at the same time, I think it also saved my life!

You see, I have several health conditions that at one time, had me taking 6 medications. I felt like a numb Zombie most of the time, unable to find the energy to get beyond the medicating fog… eventually gaining a great amount of weight that landed me in a recliner for 12 to 14 hours a day. The saddest part of things was I still hurt constantly… and if I missed even one dose of my meds it put me in such a tail swing that I would crash and end up in the emergency room. During the shutdown was my last crash! From the anxiety, stress, and eventual homelessness I fell apart!

The long and short of it was, I dropped off the grid and nearly died. I lost over 100 lbs and not the good way… either starving or throwing up whatever I ate. Nearly all my hair fell out, and I am self-diagnosing but I think I am still working my way through PTSD. I could take a wild guess and say my condition started when I was born and just followed me all these years. Take your pick as to any number of the really crappy poker hands life dealt me, for this self diagnosis.

Anyway, I feel better now than I ever have, aside from a few things. Wisdom dictated that I seek professional assistance to check bloodwork, blood pressure, and those sort of things. I will admit that my right arm has not been working and my right eye has a cataract, and I need a doctors help. They are much better qualified in this regard.

Requesting assistance seems reasonable to me, until I am asked to trust a stranger for anything. Trauma has a memory you see…

Fear has been knocking on my door since I made the appointment, and my faith has been working overtime to answer before I get there. I rescheduled once, but it was justified. This time I meant to go through with it, using my husband as my personal cattle prod. Had he not been there when they handed me the health survey, I would have turned right back around and left… I’m just being honest.

The questions were redundant, ridiculous, and in my opinion, seeming only to wonder if I drank, smoke, or was sad… not kidding… three separate forms asking the same questions. Not once did anyone care if I was sad, when we were denied unemployment, or as the sheriff taped the 72 hour final notice on our front door. It is so hard to let go of old hurts! My spirit is calm and at peace, but my physical body fights me so much… reacting out of a childlike self-preservation survival mode. God walks with me one day at a time, and never rushes me into something I am not prepared for… that’s how He rolls!

Looking back on things, I can see God’s faithfulness… connecting me with probably one of the nicest group of professionals I have ever met. Remember that I am a Chatty Cathy/Loud Mouth Frog/Wolverine, to anyone not resting safely behind a computer screen. The entire staff handled me with attentiveness, kindness, professionalism and genuine compassion. God is Good!

They successfully drew my blood for testing, without me passing out on the floor. I told you about my childhood grange hall vaccination memories… that stuff messed me up!

Today, however, I did get a pretty pink band aid after they drew my blood. In the end it was a success I think! I will get referrals for my cataract and arm issues, hopefully skirting around any surgeries or drugs… here is hoping, but I will do what must be done to keep seeing and using my arm. I need em if I am to keep turning summersaults all over our virtual lobby!

Just a Bag

Cont’d 10

Look!  We made it to the doorway everyone.  Gather close so that we can make a plan, while keeping as quiet as possible.  I have no idea what will play out once the door opens, but whatever we do… it must be swift!  I am not even sure if we will be able to exit out of the mouth of the cave, or simply do a grab and go; heading back the way we came in from the tunnels.  I did see a split off back down the path about an hour and a half ago.

Listen carefully…

I believe we will need three groups to make this work.  Someone will need to hold the door open until we know if we have to backtrack, and if so, cover our escape down the path… we will be running fast if things go badly.  You will need to have weapons ready in order to block any pursuers following us, if possible.  Once we pass you, if it looks too costly to fight, do what you can to collapse the tunnel… I think this doorway is old and rotting, so you may be able to knock the supports out easily enough. 

I will need several able-bodied volunteers for the extraction, helping me to do the grabbing part, as I have no clue how much a baby dragon weighs… if it is, in fact, a dragonlet!  The third group must go before us into the lair; blocking any danger near the front of the cave, as we will need to focus on our pick up without any distractions.

If you are all in agreement, who would like to help me with the baby?  Crocket, I should have known you would help, though I am a bit surprised to see both Christine and Bubbles jump in right behind you.  I welcome all of your assistance, and your bravery gives me courage!  Wow James!  You were definitely meant to be our front runner by the sword you just pulled out of your bag.  I am feeling better just looking at your group of weapon wielding adventurers; eyes alight with a strange fiery strength.  Carver, thank you for organizing our retreat and holding the doorway clear for us… it could mean the difference between escape or capture. 

I have spent the last two days in these tunnels, thinking about this doorway. I have had a lot of time to ask myself why it was placed here, and why the dragon made it so small? I was reminded of the old passages read, about dragons being well known for magic! I have heard stories of a dragon’s ability to transform, sometimes into the form of a person. If the dragon wanted a hidden escapeway, this would fit the bill!  All he would have to do is transform into a smaller version of himself, or possibly a man; slipping out the back without being seen… it just took a while for me to remember.

  Being a servant to the Commander requires the reading of a great many things, so my memory filing system has to hold a ton of information; organizing and retrieving it on the fly. Sometimes that can take a while.  It might take a bit, but the information always surfaces at the right time, for the most part.

Anyway, now that we seem to all understand the logistics of things, and each is prepared to do their part… shall we begin?

Remember, on the count of three we open the door and go… James and his team first, followed by my retrieval team.  Carver, be ready to follow if we give the all clear… otherwise, hold here at the door and await our return.

One…

Two…

Three…

Ow! Watch it, he bites!  Quick Christine, throw this blanket over his head, while Bubbles is distracting him with her bubble wand.  Perfect!  I’ll hold my bag open for you Crocket, since he’s heavy looking and I don’t think I can get him on my own… I think you’ll move faster than I can.

Christine, can you go call up the rest of the team from the tunnel, now that James has given us the all clear from outside the cave entrance?  From the looks of this cave, something horrible happened here… bones strewn about the nest, and broken shells of at least two other dragonlets; both gone without a trace!  Whatever it was that tragically occurred here, it must have caused the dragons to leave the nest… abandoning this baby.

What a pitiful baby he is, this angry one!  Wounded, abandoned and so frightened… how can we blame the little thing.  No wonder he bites!  I would too if I were him, seeing the things he has seen.  He was witness to the tragedy that unfolded within these walls, watching whatever happened to his siblings. 

And I am baffled and saddened as to where his mother has gone, willing to abandon her baby.  These questions will have to wait for another time.  For now, we must make haste and get off this mountain.  There is no telling if or when someone will return to this cave, looking to remove any last bit of evidence of the evil that occurred here.  I personally have no desire to wait around and see if they do…

If you decide to debut your next vocal rendition of your favorite artist…

While walking out on your local trail…

Make certain that you are not within earshot of nearby hoomans…

Lest you wish to scare the daylights out of the poor soul you stumble into, coming in the opposite direction from the bend up ahead on the path.

***Bonus Video*** I found this on my Instagram from years ago and wanted to fully put a laugh in your heart today…

Your Welcome!!!

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Fall-time reruns…

Do You Remember 3/20

Funny memory,

            I think all parents can relate to having at least one experience, where the distressed cry of your child causes you to drop everything and come running! Once there, you discover your tiny human overreacting to something minor, as if it were a natural disaster. To them the world and its struggles seem so big and often scary; causing our wee ones distress that only a parent can make all better!

This is where I found myself one summer afternoon, when my middle daughter was about 18 months old. Afterwards, I did what any good parent would do… I made sure to write the memory down in great detail, so as to repeatedly remind my daughter of the incident, for the rest of her life.

To Babybug,

I could hear your angry screams coming from the bedroom.  I dropped everything and headed towards the crying. 

As I entered your room, I stopped short when I saw you.  There you were, with angry tears streaming down your face and arms outstretched toward me.

You were wedged butt first in the little chimney of your doll house. 

Chubby little baby butt cheeks peeked out of all of the windows.  I had to leave your sister with you while I ran next door to get our neighbor.  I fully intended to have him help me free you, but for what felt like five minutes, we both laughed uncontrollably.

After somewhat controlling his laughter, my neighbor had to literally split the dollhouse in half, so as not to pinch your little butt cheeks, while I pulled you up and out. 

I think you were more upset and offended at my laughing, than you were about being stuck, or that we destroyed your dollhouse. 

Love Mom

One of my favorite writers in the bible has to be David. It is said that he was a man after Gods own heart, and if you study his life I think you would gain some understanding as to why God felt this way. David’s life brings me so much encouragement, and not because he became a great king and accomplished great things.

David was just like you and I, just as good and wicked as we can be in the here and now. He fell from grace with God, and in a really really big way. But he loved and believed in God so much, that he got back up and sought to reconcile with his creator… owning his own failures! If God faithfully met this man on the battlefields of his own mistakes, then surely He will keep picking me up off the ground each time I take a wrong step on my own journey.

David’s poems and songs offer a great depth of understanding about Gods character. Every time I read Psalms it encourages and strengthens my heart. When you listen to the words of Psalm 139, may the truth of how well God knows and loves YOU, be an encouragement for your Sunday.

Oh, and I almost forgot our breakfast …

There are times in our lives where things look so dark, so bleak, and we are faced with looking at what we have to show for our lives; our successes and our failures! Maybe life blesses one with financial freedom, while another seemingly experiences nothing but poverty! Which one is the better for it, which one worse?

One having money may still feel empty, searching for more things to fill the void. Another may be fulfilled and completely happy with little money and few possessions. I do not feel that I am brave enough to judge either one, as the better of the two.

Perspective can have a lasting impact on how we look at the circumstances we live in, and/or are faced with on a daily basis. I personally, do not have many possessions anymore, at least nothing I want to take with me when I am gone. For the most part, I exist in this manner and do very well. Less is sometimes more, as the saying goes.

That does not mean it is always easy, point in fact, there are days where it actually gets under my skin… the struggle, the frustration.

This is where my Note to Self #3 comes in handy…

“Where your treasures are stored, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21

I am reminded of what awaits me, when I arrive home… you remember… the meadow where I tend my Father’s majestic horses? I think on all the rejoicing, all the singing. I like to imagine watching God being pulled along the streets of gold, carried by magnificent Steeds pulling His chariot!

Everything we have here will fade, decay and become worthless in time, while He prepares a place for us’ that will exist for eternity! I think that is a pretty long time, according to human understanding…