Category: healing

There are gonna be those days..

We all have them, you know, those days when we lose our temper, saying or doing somethings that is less than what we are proud of, less than what we want to be remembered by.

Rather than make you squirm, I am more than willing to display my own dysfunctional antics, if it brings encouragement to somebody else along the highway of life lessons.

Todays Note to Self #11 is a well known phrase we should all have heard many times already…

If you are gonna Talk the Talk,

Be prepared to Walk the Walk!

I have no idea where I originally heard this from, and have no intention of figuring it out, as it doesn’t really matter. I get to say that because it is my dirty laundry I am airing, so I do it the way I want.

As the daughter of the Most High King, I have a duty and an obligation to uphold His standards of things, but sometimes things happen that bring out our not so Godly human nature. For me, it doesn’t happen that often, but when it does… oh baby! This was the reason I made sure to include a Note to Self on the subject. It’s going to happen for everyone, at some point, so let’s just put it on the table to work with, instead of sweeping it under the living room carpet. Trust me, eventually you will start tripping over the rug if all your human nature is stored underneath.

I will now briefly share an example of a not so fine walk to compare to the talk that comes out of my mouth… why, because I am human and I think you should understand why I put this note to self in here… Balance…

My lack of vision has been something you may have read about recently, but for me this has been ongoing for a good bit now. I was unaware of how stressful this has been on my body, mind and spirit, until the other day. While out with my husband running errands, we ended up in a Safeway parking lot with him looking up directions and me having a full on panic attack. It was awful, and I actually found myself screaming profanities at an unsuspecting construction worker blocking our path out of the parking lot. Not kidding… I full on went Truckers Wife on him and it was not pretty.

After all was said and done, I felt like the biggest Jesus Faker out there… what if I were to run into this young man and his family in the grocery line, or a doctors office or something? I had three servings of humble pie for dinner that night, with a late night dessert of humiliating guilt that gave me a gut ache til morning.

Here is the funny thing about that situation and the entire Note to Self list… Life will be filled with those situations, and I put the #11 Note together long before last week. I knew I would need the reminder, and not in the way you might think. When I read this particular note, it does not leave me feeling guilty over things, but rather, free to get up, dust myself off, and help myself to the All You Can Eat Buffet of Gods Eternal Grace for this daughter of His!

I am so grateful that Jesus did the actual perfect Walk and Talk, so I just need to keep following His walk and I will be just fine…

“I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

Jack Handey

Your turn…

Who’s up for some Poetry?

I was going to post a picture of my plant today, but found this while searching my photo files… I figure that the plant can wait a few days. Have you ever been in a place where you see something you yourself have done, written or said… but it seemed as if someone else did the writing or saying, though you know it was you?

I guess I write so much, I occasionally find myself surprised at things I myself wrote. It is not a disappointment, nor something to be proud of necessarily, but it makes me happy inside for some reason. Perhaps I am able to see my true reflection in the words written for others…

I think all too often in life, we do and say mostly what the world will accept of us, or what we perceive the world might accept from us.

I think I like the way I write better, when I don’t care what the world thinks, but more so what I think or even better yet, what God thinks… in my opinion.

Maybe reading old writings of my work, encourages me, because it reflects a spirit of healing, growth and faith, which had not been there for so much of my life. Our human propensity to overcome, rise above and walk on, always amazes me… that comes from God folks, not us, but the one whom we were designed after. We are all made in His image, and therefore by design, are fully capable of tapping into this part of our spirit.

It comes down to Freedom… freedom of choice! God has given us all we need to get this life done, we need only accept the tools given and get it done! Will it be easy? Is it ever? Life interruptus happens for everyone.

Choices, choices, choices… what we do with what we have is what makes us who we are… Period!

When I look back over the things I have written over time, I clearly have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of my choices, as well as the lasting scars of the choices made by my predecessors. I have also witnessed a resilience within myself, that has apparently always been there, but had been obscured by my attempts to just survive!

Perhaps I have simply arrived finally, at the cross roads of Too Damn Tired and Suck It Up Buttercup! Whatever it is, I like it! When someone came up with the phrase, “What don’t kill you makes you stronger”, I now have a full understanding of what they meant.

When I read that poem I wrote a ways back, it resonated with me, as if a stranger had written it for me to read, and not the other way around.

That folks, is growth! As I heal and grow in my walk with God, the words that begin flowing onto the page are actually quite beautiful, and I can say that without pride, as I think they fully come from God… maybe not for you, but rather, for me…

So, here we are, well into yet another Monday… and it’s raining in fall time fashion, as usual. I LOVE IT!

I am a Beanie loving, sweater wearing, fluffy slipper donning creature that comes fully online, the colder and wetter it is outside… time for soups, old movies and dreams of what wonders the coming holidays will bring. It’s awesome! This year is bringing some added Joys with our Virtual Season of Holiday Celebrations. Each week brings us a little closer to my favorite month of the year, December! Not only is it Christmas, but it’s my birthday month as well!

The first time I experienced Christmas, or my birthday for that matter, was when I was 15 and in the first foster home that actually had a desire to help children in need. Until that time, I had either been on the street, in an abusive foster home, or in a Juvenile Detention Center. No one thought about me for the holidays, not to mention remember the day I was born.

That first year of loving celebration I experienced, sparked a love and passion for the Holiday Season that has never faded for that lonely girl. Even now, after most of my life has passed by and loved ones are mostly all gone, I still love this time of year.

This year is the first time I will be actively celebrating the season, though only in Virtual form. This will be, however, the most fun I have possibly ever had… why? Because it will be free… the sky is the limit, as we not only don’t have to actually pay money, but whatever we do stays here in the lobby… so no having to find storage for the boat I might buy you, see what I mean?

For now, we are in the season of Pumpkin Spice Lattes, red and golden leaves everywhere, and soon to be seen… tiny little adorable characters seeking goodies at our door. Kids love the collecting and eating of said goodies, while parents relish selling it off to their family dentist. Ah….. fun times!

Anyways, as far as this week goes, things are moving along reasonably well. I uploaded the next entry of My Truths in the Lobby, for anyone interested.

Aside from the usual jokes, pics, songs and such… Live Novel Friday continues, featuring BRUTUS so stay tuned.

Thursday I see the Sports Medicine Specialist about my arm, so I am praying that God oversees the process, and I will go forward in faith… I need both my eyes and my hands if I am to write, so for these reasons I understand the necessity of good medical care… not pills… just good medical care!

Though I am still unable to see out of one eye, the surgeries have been scheduled so there is no going back… just let things unfold as they may. I know you might think me strange, but I sort of look at the surgeries as a Birthday present to myself… all six appointments begin shortly before my B day and continue through the third week of December… so by Christmas I will be able to see clearly for the first time in over a year and a half. I think it is going to look spectacular out, and I will most assuredly be enlisting my hubby for as many drive thru Christmas light displays as possible.

For now, however, we will satisfy our holiday desires with some food… that always works! After Live Wire this Sunday, be sure to stick around for a Fall Festival Celebration I am planning for us all… no spoilers, its my treat… no tricks!