Category: healing

This is the strangest experience EVER… but in a good way!

I had no idea how bad things were until my eyeball came back online. It is slow and fuzzy but I am able to read what is on my screen with my new eye. To most it might not seem a big deal, but I have worn contacts with a monovision prescription for over 10 years. What this means is that my left eye used a script to read up close, while my right eye wore the script for distance. The last two days after surgery has been an argument of the eyeballs! My brain shouts, should I read with this eye or that eye?

This morning, for the first time, I can read up close with my right eye… only for several minutes of course, and then it starts to get tired and fuzzes out, but that’s a start. Baby steps!

I know I was planning to do a current post for the Note To Self Saturday and Live Wire Sunday, but I am going to excercise some patience for my peepers and just wing it for the next week. I get car sick when I try to focus too much or move to rapidly. Light sensitivity is also an adjustment. I really didn’t realize how little light was getting in through that eye, until somebody turned the lights back on.

So for now I shall do the one eyed crazy chicken lady stare and allow my eyes to come back on line comfortably. Oh and guess what? I’m still pretty! For a bit there I forgot…

Here, have a cookie…

The Journey 12/07/2016…

Good morning my friends… this is coming live from the one eyed chicken… I’m Alive!

All has gone incredibly well so far, though I type this with only one eye. Doc says to let the eye rest a bit so I will end this on a high note … Soooo high that I can barely SEE you from up here!

Hugs and God Bless my favorite peeps…

Anxieties You Say?

Surgery Day… Yay!?

It is 9:08 a.m. and I am enjoying the quiet this morning without my coffee. It’s alright… I shall enjoy it immensely this afternoon some time. This is the fun part of surgery… the wake up but don’t eat or drink anything til after surgery. The only down side is the fact that my surgery check in time doesn’t come til 12:20. The truth is that I don’t normally eat during the early part of the day… but the no on coffee is not the greatest.

I will count myself lucky, however, as we spent all of yesterday without power, heat, or Internet so there went all my fun plans for distracting myself from dwelling on surgery concerns. It all came back on late last night, so I got a shower at least. It could have been worse, by far, but it was mostly just very boring.

I literally sat in the dark, in a chair, staring out the front door, for over 4 hours straight. I learned how quickly we humans go from happy and comfortable, to miserable and willing to shank someone! I’m just kidding, but seriously, I did have one of those try to remember as far back as you can experiences. The one thing I had that worked without power was my battery operated Bluetooth Headphones and a full charge on my cell phone that has all my offline music.

I listened to song after song that fully took me on journeys to all our past ups and downs… the times we thought for sure that we were done, all the times God faithfully showed up, and all the growing and learning that has been taking place. All in all it was a good day!

After my surgeries, it would make me very happy if everyone would start saying, “Lieutenant Toni, you got new eyes” ok?

I’m a little nervous, so there’s the joking that helps calm my spirit. Since you are my family, you have to laugh even if it’s not funny!

Attitude? Me? 4/20/23…

One of Those Days… 4/18/23

While you might think it is silly for me to give you a play by play of several procedures that are done everyday, never fear because I’ve no intention of being boring!

Something I discovered about anxiety … it takes no prisoners! What I want and think about the things I am experiencing, have no impact on how anxiety will respond to certain situations. I am a lifer… an anxiety recipient that received said package without even a bow on top of the box. Sure it has many labels NOW, but not back then it didn’t!

Another thing about anxiety is, it loves routine, it loves its safe places, and as it happens, my little wolverine in a box loves to be pacified! If I provide it with a toy, in essence, it will come along with me happily, as I tackle things that it doesn’t like… I have a list!

I don’t like being physically touched!

Now I know you may be thinking that a silly thing, or maybe even wondering how on earth a simple touch can cause such a bad reaction? When you figure it out, let me know so I can let anxiety get the update. While I can choose to be touched physically when I am in my safe place, or by those whom I know and trust… all bets are off when it comes to anything outside my safe zone!

In order to function and live a healthy daily life, while bearing the over-the-top self preservation behaviors, I figured out a secret… wanna know?

Laughter!

My chatty side comes on board and I begin to make light of as many things about my circumstances as possible, in hopes of bringing a friendly smile to others faces… you know, the ones I want to run from if they plan on poking this scared girl who is hiding inside a woman’s body.

While I know that my health is important and needs caring for… I don’t like it one bit!

Sooooooooo…. long story short, I will coach myself through my upcoming procedures with really bad jokes, a great amount of whining for attention, and ROUTINE! That is where you’ll be vitally important to my success! Just the act of returning daily to my writing platform and my favorite community will help my anxiety feel like cooperating.

You might see a funny picture, or my version of a twisted joke that I found funny. As this is all done off the cuff for the next several weeks, I have no guarantees of anything valuable inspiring my typing fingers… and some days only one available eye. If nothing else, I will leave some cookies.

Here, have one…

Over the next 15 days I will be posting Audio recordings of some older writings, as well as a daily update on my journey to restoring these eyes of mine.

I will be leaving pre-recorded Note to Self and Live Wire segments to stay current for you guys, as well as, posting two new Audio posts in the Lobby for those following My Truths.

While I will still continue to work on Brutus, I won’t be working on the Live Novel Behind the Scenes episodes, until I am up and running again.

Don’t forget to get me a wish list for your Virtual Christmas Gift ideas… the last thing you want, is for me to try coming up with things, while I am not in my normal state of mind.

God Bless you guys and gals… I’ll SEE you on the flip side…