If I were to list all of the experiences in life that helped me grow, it would fill a book… oh wait, it actually has filled a book. Whether it is ever able to become a published work is in the Master’s hands, but that is neither here nor there.
I am in my mid 50s and I’m not done living yet, so this question is unanswerable, for me at least! God’s not done with me yet, so I don’t want to cheat Him out of the growth still in store for this vessel.
As it seems to be the habit of WordPress to reuse the same prompt rolodex, perhaps my answer will be different come this time next year. We shall see…
No offense, but, it’s Saturday and my panther Brodie and I have a fortress to build in a monster filled Jungle… lions, tigers and monsters, oh my!
Is it just me, or has this weeks line up of Daily Prompts left us wondering about our value to the world? These prompts probably left many to question if we really did like our jobs, or whether we wished to be someone other than who we currently are. WordPress wrapped up this theme by going as far as to ask us our thoughts about our fate ////// destiny.
I, for one, found myself trying to justify the qualities of what makes me a good person… what have I ever done, of value, that might make me worth something to society. I’m not saying that the prompt questions did this intentionally, but this is how it left me feeling, none the less.
I had to smile to myself this morning, as I picked up the stack of Note To Self cards and came to rest holding the note meant for today…
Note To Self #27
“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” William James
As I am currently practicing the KISS Challenge (Keep it Simple Stupid) that I talked about earlier in the week, the words of Mr. James seemed to fit perfectly into my rolodex of honest encouragements and reminders to myself… as is… with no more explanation necessary! Wouldn’t you agree?
What a question it is to ask one if they believe in fate or destiny?! We are ever trying to prove, validate, convince ourselves and each other of such things as fate and destiny, in order to sleep comfortably at night.
Globally, this question can be asked, without anyone balking or becoming defensive about their beliefs. If you want to clear a room, just replace the last two words in the prompt question with GOD!
In my humble opinion, the words are interchangeable. Try an experiment for yourselves. Go back through your answer to the prompt and replace fate/destiny words with God and then reread it to yourself to see what it becomes.
I do believe in God, fully, and I am fated and destined to reach heaven at the end of this life. While I cannot say about anything else for certainty, on this I will place my belief, He created all, sent His only son Jesus to live with us and die for us, and…
“O Lord, you have searched me, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, to lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your spirit, where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Psalm 139:1-18
Call it fate or destiny, if you will… I say I believe in GOD!
As many of you may have noticed, my writing has been more poetic and whimsical of late. I think my brain is tired. When my literary mind can’t travel deeply, it falls back on lighter, more dreamy thoughts and feelings.
Over the last year of writing, I have amassed a great number of words, deep thoughts, reflections and funny anecdotes… all of which, I felt very led to write. Now What?
Do I leave them where they were created, or do I go farther with the messages God has so lovingly interlaced within the lines?
For over a year now, the main message I’ve received from my Father has been to Just write! So that is what I’ve done, steadily!
Of late, I’ve been sensing Him leading me toward finishing nearly half a dozen projects… like my squirrel saga, which only needs one more episode and a conclusion to be completed. I also have two of my Barnyard books written, as well as a third in the works. My novel Brutus, which is my passion, needs patience and time, so I don’t want to rush that story… but I am nearly 2/3rds of the way done. Then there’s Just A Bag, which is sort of like the back story of both Brutus and Nia. All in all, when I looked at my insights page on WordPress, it reflected that I wrote nearly 100,000 words last year alone! What to do… what to do?
I keep hearing that old joke that ended with “Margaret, please oh please… buy a lottery ticket!” If I don’t finish any of the things I’ve been working on, how on earth can I offer it to anyone with confidence?
I’m not saying that God gave me a list and a sure fired plan for success… rather, I believe He wants me to get organized, cleaned up around the edges, and presentable. Beyond that, no answers have been forthcoming, but as I’m acclimated to the way God tends to lead me forward, clean up I shall do!
God has been teaching me about things like timing, patience, and consistent inner peace… none of which were a part of most of my life! The thing about time, is that it will not wait for us! The thing about patience, is that it truly is a virtue that must be practiced and perfected over time… see what I did there… hehe! I thought that patience was going to be the more difficult thing for me to learn, but it wasn’t! Having consistent Inner Peace was actually the tough thing for me to tackle, due to the entirety of my life being anything but calm or peaceful.
I’ve decided to learn to practice childlike faith, in regards to everything I written. I fully believe that the things I’ve written before my Heavenly Father, belong in someone’s hand, heart, mind and/or spirit. If God chooses to use even one of my earthly words, then He WILL see it done! Therefore, I need not fear rejection or failure in whatever will come. I believe that each one of those children’s books belong somewhere, so I have them packaged and ready for God’s timing, as He prepares the way. The same goes for whatever I write… if it be worthy, He will see it through for the good of all who read it.
Some of you may scoff at my naivety… it’s alright! I choose to believe! From there, whatever comes will come… I serve a pretty big God and He’s never failed me yet!
It’s hard to believe that these two little plants are thriving, while growing up in an inhospitable environment… but thriving is exactly what these girls are doing!
The plant on the left is apparently called a Snake plant, so I dubbed her Medusa! When the plant on the right came to live with us, I affectionately named her Sis, after one of my granddaughters… the tenacious one!
Somehow, in all this chaos of living conditions… these two have shown amazing resilience and growth! If they can do it… so can I!
I suppose that I too have grown, stretched, changed… pushed through the darkness that sought to block my path. If you would have suggested I handle my current Life Interruptus, perhaps even just a year ago… I would have laughed in your face!
In truth, God has brought me through a great deal of difficulties that only He could. The master Gardener has been strengthening me, training me, mending me, and pruning me just like a plant. All of the tending has produced a change… I think it’s called Growth!
Has it been a party? Hardly! Has it felt painful? Most assuredly! Am I the better for it? Absolutely!
What I encounter, experience, endure, and overcome only strengthens me to walk forward in the most profound Grace and Mercy I’ve ever known!
What made the difference, you might ask? God’s Presence! In every moment, whether painful or joyful… He is there, right in the heart of it with me, beside me, carrying me and guiding my lantern as I step out into the darkness. I was born for this purpose, hand chosen by The King of Heaven!
Who better to hold the hand of the lost and afraid, than one who was lost and afraid… and angry… and traumatized… and scarred? Who better to show love and acceptance to the hated and rejected, than one who lives as the shunned, the outcast, the unwanted…. the wanderer in the desert?
For many years, I was unable to understand why there was never anyone who stayed in my life for very long, leaving way before they had to build a deep and meaningful relationship with me, but it is starting to make sense.
I am, and have always been… Much! Think about it! I am loud, energetic, passionate, animated, overly emotional, an overthinker, an over worrier, a chatty Cathy, and very demanding. I am a fight or flight girl, with high expectations of myself and others to be better, smarter, or simply more… like, um… just like a what?! A Raging River, that’s what! Wiwohka… Duh!!!
Well, guess what… everyone needs water! I’m just the wild water, that’s all! This vessel will push open gates, flood the banks, rip out dead undergrowth, slam through barriers… just for that one tiny seed out there! Somewhere in the desert, there are those needing a portion of the life-giving water that pours freely from the vessels cracks, that were sustained along her journey!
If I am much, well then, let my much be put to use for a purpose greater than I am! If I am like water then I should be free, unlimited, and meant for anyone in need.
Just like my little plants that are growing, so too am I … we strive to purify the air everyone breathes, as we develop and mature… even if it isn’t seen, or rewarded. My sweet girls and I just keep on living, growing, and doing the work we were born to do.
Don’t get me wrong, I carry their older years in my heart as well, but the baby phase was the most difficult to leave behind.
The doctors said I would never conceive … and if I did, I would not be able to carry a baby to full term, due to my medical history. I had a great many difficulties in my young life, of which, now is not the time or place to go into in any great detail. I will simply say that babies were not supposed to be in my future!
I became pregnant 8 times, losing 5 in order to have the three that I did carry to full term. The sicker I was, the better, because I knew my body was holding on to the pregnancy. I relished every bit of morning sickness, every stretch mark, crazy cravings and chubby pounds I gained.
My first daughter didn’t want to exit the building, forcing the doctor to induce my labor 2 full weeks after my due date… she is my stubborn Drama Queen, to this day!
My second daughter and I both nearly died in childbirth, as my placenta ruptured prematurely, causing an emergency Caesarian section. She was born 2 weeks early and still weighed in at 8 lbs. 6 oz. when she arrived. She was a very fussy baby, being dubbed Kaitlungs… though, to this day, she’s the quietest and most reserved daughter of all three!
My third daughter was the easiest pregnancy, easiest delivery, and tiniest of the three… born 2 weeks early and weighing in at a solid 8 lbs. She literally shot out and landed in my doctors arms, being dubbed the surfing baby! She is most like me, of all my girls… just as strong minded, sassy and bright!
It was after her delivery that my doctor said, no more pregnancies … the risk was just too great for me to continue having babies. Thus, my season of bearing children had finally come to an end.
You may scoff, but I miss every detail of those years… every sleepless night, every tantrum, every band-aid handed out! I miss nursing my babies, changing their diapers, cuddling and rocking them gently, while they slept in my arms.
If I could, I would have bottled up and saved the smell of their breath, their skin… their hair!
If only I had made recordings of their laughter, cries, shouts, whispers and bickering… oh well, no more woulda coulda shoulda, in that regard!
I did make journals for each of them, with letters and stories of things they did and said, that I have saved all these years… I tried so hard to plan ahead, knowing that memories fade and things can so easily be forgotten over time.
Thank goodness I did that, because even if I had to say goodbye to that phase, I can easily go back through those books and memories, remembering and cherishing them over and over. Who knows, maybe one day my daughters will want those books to read with their children… maybe not. I’m still glad I dreamt of them, birthed them, raised them, and wrote things down for them… that way it’s not really goodbye to that phase, is it? My blood runs through their veins… they will always be my babies… and I will forever be their mother!
You’re never going to guess what I encountered this morning, as I entered the Barnyard to work on my writing? Water rushed past me, on both sides, as I opened the door. Tilly literally floated by me inside a bucket half filled with water! Her tiny craft simply rode the waves along, all the way out into the courtyard, where it tipped over with a splash, ejecting a giggling mouse passenger out onto the grass.
I turned back around to look inside the barn once more, only to see Squagon in the middle of the room atop another water-filled bucket. There was water pouring at a steady pace, from a hose that had been strategically placed in the rafters near the back of the barn. The tiny creature seemed like he’d just finished an energy drink, from the fierce half-crazed look in his eyes, along with twitching ears and vibrating whiskers! His bucket had been so full of water that even after I’d opened the door and allowed most of lake to escape, Squagon still sat perched upon his waterlogged craft!
Not far behind the nut job was Dinky, bobbing up and down gently in her little bucket… she seemed quite pleased with the state of things… no shame in her game, as they say! The only reason she and her bucket remained in the room, was because of Squagon’s giant bucket of water, blocking her exit.
Looking through the open window at the back of the room, I spied Boomer standing with a leaf blower in his hands. Apparently, he’d been assisting with a bit of wind effect to propel the tiny crafts around the barn pool.
This is a barn full of differing creatures, each have their own style of eating, playing, sleeping, growing and yes… bathing. Somehow, in their tiny little heads, filling the barn with water, riding boat buckets around in circles with a leaf blower for wind and waves, was a collectively agreeable way to both play and get clean… all in one… to save ME time in our morning routine!
While this activity seems like it should be a major catastrophe, it’s only water and it will dry up… now that I’ve turned the water off. They ARE all clean, and their barn DOES look and smell better.
All in all, I think it could have been much worse… and I have to give them all top marks for being creative!
I don’t desire to actually look like Mary Poppins, nor am I dreaming of being a Nanny to any child in particular.
To be the woman who could travel by umbrella, I could go anywhere… but that’s not it!
To be able to pop in and out of paintings, allowing me to travel through space and time to visit places I would otherwise never visit… nope, not that either!
For just one day, I would absolutely love to be Mary Poppins, in order to use her magical bag! You know, that carpet bag that could pull out any sort of useful or magical item I might need at the moment. The things I could do with that bag, even if it were only for the time stipulated by the daily prompt.
Just within walking distance of my RV, there are so many things I could use that bag for… like feeding the homeless I see walking around, or going door to door looking for things to hand people, hoping to lighten their burdens and brighten their day. The bag could house money, food, clothes, toys, tools, and/or vitamins and medicines they might not be able to locate.
But it’s more than just using the bag for things… no no… it is the freedom to give, that the bag offers! You see, Mary Poppins took the bag with her everywhere she went. Whatever was inside the bag needed to be taken to where it belonged. Mary Poppins never sent things in her bag through the mail… she always did the foot work herself… or the umbrella travel… or the horse racing… or the tea time on the ceiling… see?
I don’t need Mary Poppins magical loving heart, as I’ve got a real one that offers its own sort of magic… I just need the bag for the day.
Journey With Me! 