I was going to post a picture of my plant today, but found this while searching my photo files… I figure that the plant can wait a few days. Have you ever been in a place where you see something you yourself have done, written or said… but it seemed as if someone else did the writing or saying, though you know it was you?
I guess I write so much, I occasionally find myself surprised at things I myself wrote. It is not a disappointment, nor something to be proud of necessarily, but it makes me happy inside for some reason. Perhaps I am able to see my true reflection in the words written for others…
I think all too often in life, we do and say mostly what the world will accept of us, or what we perceive the world might accept from us.
I think I like the way I write better, when I don’t care what the world thinks, but more so what I think or even better yet, what God thinks… in my opinion.
Maybe reading old writings of my work, encourages me, because it reflects a spirit of healing, growth and faith, which had not been there for so much of my life. Our human propensity to overcome, rise above and walk on, always amazes me… that comes from God folks, not us, but the one whom we were designed after. We are all made in His image, and therefore by design, are fully capable of tapping into this part of our spirit.
It comes down to Freedom… freedom of choice! God has given us all we need to get this life done, we need only accept the tools given and get it done! Will it be easy? Is it ever? Life interruptus happens for everyone.
Choices, choices, choices… what we do with what we have is what makes us who we are… Period!
When I look back over the things I have written over time, I clearly have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly of my choices, as well as the lasting scars of the choices made by my predecessors. I have also witnessed a resilience within myself, that has apparently always been there, but had been obscured by my attempts to just survive!
Perhaps I have simply arrived finally, at the cross roads of Too Damn Tired and Suck It Up Buttercup! Whatever it is, I like it! When someone came up with the phrase, “What don’t kill you makes you stronger”, I now have a full understanding of what they meant.
When I read that poem I wrote a ways back, it resonated with me, as if a stranger had written it for me to read, and not the other way around.
That folks, is growth! As I heal and grow in my walk with God, the words that begin flowing onto the page are actually quite beautiful, and I can say that without pride, as I think they fully come from God… maybe not for you, but rather, for me…
That’s right my friends… you heard it first here! My biggest risk yet to take is this… I want to drive this RV all over the states, visiting communities, churches, and hospitals giving live readings of my stories to children with all differing needs. Whether they bear physical, mental, or spiritual scars… it doesn’t matter to this soul. I wish to spin my tales in a way that brings healing and restoration where there is need.
I wish for you to see that I have not said anywhere here about not being able to take this risk… YET!
I believe that if I stay within the shadow of my God, seeking Him first… He will bless anything I touch! And… that means my dreams of things may come to fruition by default. See, it’s a win win for my plans and Risks!
Who knows… you might be on the freeway one day and see an RV drive by with big letters saying JOURNEY WITH ME on the sides. If you look carefully, you may just see an adorable Flurby on this girls lap, that my daydreams already named Gabriel.
What I do know is that my Father has plans for me, and it won’t matter if I am telling children stories in some distant city, or simply babysitting my daughters puppy here at home… it’s the living that He intends for me to do well, however it plays out!
So, here we are, well into yet another Monday… and it’s raining in fall time fashion, as usual. I LOVE IT!
I am a Beanie loving, sweater wearing, fluffy slipper donning creature that comes fully online, the colder and wetter it is outside… time for soups, old movies and dreams of what wonders the coming holidays will bring. It’s awesome! This year is bringing some added Joys with our Virtual Season of Holiday Celebrations. Each week brings us a little closer to my favorite month of the year, December! Not only is it Christmas, but it’s my birthday month as well!
The first time I experienced Christmas, or my birthday for that matter, was when I was 15 and in the first foster home that actually had a desire to help children in need. Until that time, I had either been on the street, in an abusive foster home, or in a Juvenile Detention Center. No one thought about me for the holidays, not to mention remember the day I was born.
That first year of loving celebration I experienced, sparked a love and passion for the Holiday Season that has never faded for that lonely girl. Even now, after most of my life has passed by and loved ones are mostly all gone, I still love this time of year.
This year is the first time I will be actively celebrating the season, though only in Virtual form. This will be, however, the most fun I have possibly ever had… why? Because it will be free… the sky is the limit, as we not only don’t have to actually pay money, but whatever we do stays here in the lobby… so no having to find storage for the boat I might buy you, see what I mean?
For now, we are in the season of Pumpkin Spice Lattes, red and golden leaves everywhere, and soon to be seen… tiny little adorable characters seeking goodies at our door. Kids love the collecting and eating of said goodies, while parents relish selling it off to their family dentist. Ah….. fun times!
Anyways, as far as this week goes, things are moving along reasonably well. I uploaded the next entry of My Truths in the Lobby, for anyone interested.
Aside from the usual jokes, pics, songs and such… Live Novel Friday continues, featuring BRUTUS so stay tuned.
Thursday I see the Sports Medicine Specialist about my arm, so I am praying that God oversees the process, and I will go forward in faith… I need both my eyes and my hands if I am to write, so for these reasons I understand the necessity of good medical care… not pills… just good medical care!
Though I am still unable to see out of one eye, the surgeries have been scheduled so there is no going back… just let things unfold as they may. I know you might think me strange, but I sort of look at the surgeries as a Birthday present to myself… all six appointments begin shortly before my B day and continue through the third week of December… so by Christmas I will be able to see clearly for the first time in over a year and a half. I think it is going to look spectacular out, and I will most assuredly be enlisting my hubby for as many drive thru Christmas light displays as possible.
For now, however, we will satisfy our holiday desires with some food… that always works! After Live Wire this Sunday, be sure to stick around for a Fall Festival Celebration I am planning for us all… no spoilers, its my treat… no tricks!
Looking back at the place from which I began, I want to answer honestly and without any comedic fashion this morning. This isn’t a question to just toss a witty retort at, in my humble opinion. I believe that every human heart desires to leave something good behind, something they feel proud to have contributed to those that follow. Even if we know that we may never be an Elon Musk or an Einstein, we still want better for our future generations and have many life experiences that bear remembering, for wisdoms sake.
Personally, I’ve had enough life experiences that don’t bear remembering, for wisdoms sake. It was ugly, dark, and sad… fostering a life that had to play the game with a crooked rule book! Even after all the fallout of my beginnings, after all the train wreck mistakes I made… trying to bring some form of usefulness and purpose out of my history, still holds value within my heart and mind.
My hope and prayer is that whomever looks at my life, or reads about it, takes away one small and important truth of me… I always get back up! God has given me the strength to carry on, to wipe off life’s dirt and debri… some of which I picked up and rubbed in my own face.
There may not be much worth writing about in the annals of History, regarding the valiant deeds of Wiwohka, but it will say that she refused to quit… she just would NOT stop getting back up!
My belief in the One who created me has given wings to a spirit once pinned to the ground by fear, doubt, self loathing, anger and shame. No longer does it matter who did what to whom and why… for me, what matters is the getting back up…
If you must know, I am deep in the heart of things… my book Brutus! I am currently working on finding that one perfect picture that will capture the dragon at all his different stages of growth. I am currently using a free ai generating site but once I publish, I will have to commission the artwork, I think. I tried to learn to sketch to see if I could do my own designs… in honesty, it was awful!!!
But, as some wise person or other said, Rome was not built in a day, so I carry on searching.
The problem I am seeing as an issue… none of the pictures generated will match each other! If I choose one that I love, there is no way it lines up with any of the others generated. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we, as writers, could bring our literary characters to live for just a moment, so that we could grab some quick shots with our handy dandy smart phones?
I not only need to settle on his base colors, we have the eyes to consider as well as his expressions. Things only get rougher as he grows up… here, I’ll show you…
You see what I mean… the baby went from Jim Henson’s vision to Steven Spielberg and Michael Creighton’s newest people eater, in a heartbeat!
Oh well, it will all work out in the wash as they say. Have you noticed that I seem to always be throwing out one liners of other people? Is that normal as we get old? I was only wondering…
It was very important to me, upon entering into the book of Exodus, to leave behind my memories of stories and movies that might detract from actual scripture. I read only as far as the third chapter before I realized that there are some major parts of Moses story that need clarifying.
Thankfully, Jacob or otherwise known as Israel, drew things out pretty clearly when he blessed his sons shortly before his death. From there, I was good til right before Moses birth. Pharoah’s household dynamics floored this old farm girl, as I sit here writing about it today. Life in the royal house left much to be desired.
One last insight from Jacobs life, before we delve into Pharaohs dirty laundry… is a snippet of passage I had overlooked previously, regarding the burial of both his wives. I was left pondering the subtle mention of how Rachael got buried on the side of the road, while Jacob made Joseph promise to carry his bones to where Leah had been buried. Something within him changed from that first meeting of Rachael at the well. After all those years of working to win the hand of the woman of his dreams, at the end of it all… Israel chose to be buried with Leah. Hmmm… food for thought!
Now to the juicy bits of somebody else’s messed up family dynamics… the good ole Pharaoh of Egypt and his ridiculous way of handling things both in his family, as well as his kingdom… it plays out in true soap opera form, as far as I can see so far.
One of the first things I picked up on from the beginning of my reading, was Pharaohs attitude. He struck me as someone who grew up entitled, never having to study or remember the important things that occurred to make his world what it was. It says in Exodus 1:8 that, “Then a new king, to whom Joseph meant nothing, came to power in Egypt.” Right off the bat we learn that Pharaoh was aware of who Joseph was… he just didn’t really care!
He did care, however, about his pocketbook! If he was afraid of the Israelites, as he told his people he was, why did he then instruct everyone to enslave them into forced labor. I don’t think Pharaoh was afraid for his physical safety, as much as he feared loosing Power. It still kind of baffles me how a people so numerous as the Israelites, were somehow so easily led into shackles of bondage. Something tells me that it was more like the process of boiling a frog… don’t drop em in boiling hot water or they jump out, but instead put them in cold water and slowly turn the heat up. The frog is too comfortable and complacent, to notice the subtle changes leading to its own doom.
However we look at the situation, bondage is where the people ended up. If we go back and reread the blessings Jacob gave to his boys right before his death, it is rather sobering to watch things play out pretty much note for note from Jacobs lips. I’ve no idea exactly how many years rolled out between the time of Josephs death and the predicament his offspring found themselves in, but they were in the middle of it, none the less.
This is where we find ourselves, turning the mental channel to a station featuring a full color episode of The Pyramids… featuring the Pharaoh himself, the two Hebrew midwives, his Daughter along with her Maidservants, and finally his strange looking grandson Moses, that just magically appeared in the royal house one day. Though I make light of some dysfunctional family dynamics, I wish for you to see also how God makes a way where He chooses… regardless of the plans of Man!
Pharaoh thought he had it figured out about the Israelite problem once they had the yoke of bondage firmly in place, even having two full storehouse cities built on the backs of the people. It was not long before he realized the growing number of slaves, even while under such horrible conditions and treatment. So, what does he do? He passes the buck! Thinking that the midwives would obey and take care of the issue by killing all the boys, he carries on his way. Here is the rub! While Pharaoh was willing to challenge the God of Abraham… those two midwives were not!
Pharaoh showed his ignorance, in my opinion, when he bought the story from the midwives, about Israelite woman being more vigorous than the Egyptians, and simply popping the babes out before the midwives could arrive. Now Pharaoh showed his true colors, by ordering his entire kingdom to drown all the boys. This is the place I found myself calling the king some colorful words of my own… out loud!
You would think that this was it for the people of God… that they would begin dying out. The Israelites simply continued to multiply even more rapidly than before. It was at this part of the story that I began seeing a list of, pardon the expression, absolutely ignorant, and downright ridiculous behavior within The Pyramids family members and entire household staff. I will save the dirty laundry for next weeks Live Wire, but I will leave you with something to ponder… Pharaoh made it easy for God to make a way. Instead of living a heartless and self centered life, had he paid closer attention to what was right in his own home, he might have noticed Moses early on…
I found an awesome song by Brandon Lake called Pharaoh, and it speaks to my heart of the power of God to fulfill His own promises… Not even Pharaoh could stand in the way…
Thank you to everyone who volunteered some soup ideas for this weeks Potluck Sunday! Grab a fresh bread bowl and dip in to the many soup flavors of the day. Don’t forget to sprinkle those crispy croutons across the top or maybe a bit of shredded cheese… whatever you wish! Afterwards, be sure and enjoy some fall flavors of after dinner goodies…
We have all been in that place during our lives, at one time or another, when where we want to be seems to be obscured by so many mountain size obstacles in our way… or even worse, our path or walkway is going in an entirely different direction than where we’d intended.
When I feel frustrated with repeat outcomes of situations (obstacles) I have struggled with numerous times in my journey, I like to remind myself to change my perspective… for a bit of “keep it real” sort of thinking. Sometimes I forget whose in control of things and find myself trying to move or stuff or shove things where they do not fit. For those times I might need it, I wanted to leave myself a note of encouragement in this regard, so I asked Google for some suggestions.
I stumbled upon an great saying, and by a doctor no less. His name is Dr. Wayne Dyer and he is a writer and motivational speaker. Maybe check him out if you get a chance.
Todays Note to Self #10 is one from an article Dyer published…
“If you challenge the way you look at obstacles, the obstacles you look at change”.
This says everything without me adding any more… so that is saying something.
There is a song I want to share with you, as it speaks to my heart when I face mountains in my life… maybe take a moment to have a listen. The God Who Moves the Mountains by Corey Voss
What you see is pretty much what you get with me, whichever way you look. As I have basically written out every memory I can recall for everyone here to read, as well as documenting all my self tattling and disclosures. My archives are open, so it’s all there still.
Daily writing prompt
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
Unless you have just been surprised by the knowledge that I’m an over sharer, I honestly cannot think of anything in particular that I have not already disclosed to pretty much the whole literary world. Outside of WordPress, there’s only a handful of people I come into contact with, most of which don’t visit my blog. I have decided to exclude them from this prompt, as they selected to opt out of reading.
I have written in depth of my Overthinkers Anonymous Club that meets in the wee dark hours of the mornings, when I am overly anxious about something.
You have also heard mention of my roommates IBS and Fibromyalgia, as well as more knowledge about my day to day health than you probably wanted to know.
As you can see, we could spend hours recounting all the things I’ve already shared here, so I would rather try to focus on something new for you… anything really.
Oh… I got something… I was once a Certified Diver! Back when I was much younger, I took a whole course on Scuba Diving, gaining certification with open diving right here in the great Puget Sound. There is an underwater dive park near Kirkland, WA., where my test was administered. When I was swimming through a sunken ship, I saw an octopus, which was pretty impressive.
A short time later, there was an opportunity to go diving off the coast of California, down by La Jolla Shores. There are underwater Sand Dollar beds there, where all you see are floating sand dollars underneath the waves, as far as the eye can see… all standing at attention vertically on their sides.
That beach was also where I had my deepest dive; descending a whopping 86 feet, which was deep enough for things to become black and white. I also had opportunity to dive while in Hawaii, even snorkeling with turtles and other sea life in those waters. Unforgettable!
I lost the desire to dive after I ran into a friend one afternoon, immediately noticing her two black eyes and blood red eyeballs… I mean blood red!
She had gone on a dive with her husband earlier that week, and while on the dive she found herself unable to clear her mask of air pressure from that depth. Rather than alerting her husband of the predicament, she opted to just finish the dive and overlook the discomfort. Upon surfacing, her eyes swelled horribly and all the blood vessels burst, causing her eyes to turn red. That little discomfort turned into hours in a hyperbaric chamber, a few nights stay at the hospital and the two black eyes she was now sporting.
That was all it took for me to lose my nerve, when it came to swimming under the sea… at least in real life anyway.
There we have it ladies and gents, a little something new about me that you didn’t know before now. I know it’s not much, but look on the bright side… when I started this post, I said Nada, but ended up proving myself wrong.
I must apologize for accidentally publishing my chapters of Brutus in the wrong order this morning… I know this is not the Actual confession, but I’ll get to that in a moment, so don’t get your panties in a bunch.
As my Live Novel Fridays are supposed to be only one Chapter at a time on the draft board, I must briefly confess that I had an extra chapter sitting in the lobby, so to speak. I got so excited that I wrote ahead, thinking I could keep things straight on the draft board… bad idea, as we can clearly see today. This little oopsie opened up a huge can of worms in my procrastination department. Truth be told, it’s all that prompts fault!
My true reason for writing this note to you, is to call myself on the carpet… draw a line in the sand, so to speak, regarding a task that I have been trying to tortoise along, when it shouts for Wiwohka to arise, carrying it through to completion! When Live Novel Friday was first created, its framework had enabled the completion of a very painful story to unfold, SLOWLY… disclosing self truths can be difficult and must take time in the telling.
While the old framework worked well for that book, Brutus requires much much more. As I was walking this morning, it dawned on me that I had posted the wrong chapter… causing my brain to scramble for a way to fix things. I quickly realized several things, one of which was the fact that it was out there… no going back! Damage control stepped in next, seeking to make it look like I meant to do that! Finally, I came to realize that I have somehow managed to shove that Raging Roaring Water of my spirit down the throat of an unsuspecting turtle!
When Brutus was born within my mind, I thought I had an idea of what I was doing with his story. Brutus and all the ones within his world began to take on a life of their own. I have been using the old tortoise writing style out of trepedation… hiding behind only one chapter a week, and trying to stuff the rest of what is exploding in my mind into a file to finish later.
It ends here!
As I stand here on this beach, preparing to leave the shores of expectations, I am terrified of the unknown and yet compelled to sail there… to gather up all I discover out there and bring it alive for you, as it unfolds to this storyteller!
If you spot my tiny craft out on the water, and I am not to be found… do not fear, for I am simply beneath you, down in the depths within some long forgotten Library of old, gathering clues to where my journey will lead me next…
I believe so much in Brutus that I am going to set sail on this story, and while I cannot say how much I will write from week to week, I am pulling out all of my literary stops, and I am leaving that old anchor of doubt, fear and procrastination right here on the beach. Brutus and Jarl both deserve so much and though I don’t even know all of their story yet, I will just write it as it comes… all of it… for I will walk by faith that it’s all in there waiting to spring forth.
I am a disclaimer, and self tattler by nature, but I think you may have figured that out by now. I did that tattling part, and now I will do the disclaimer part. Please do not think that I am expecting you to drop everything and hang on my every word, because I’m not! Read it when you wish, if you wish… no biggie. I chose to just write this all out here, instead of pulling the novel and putting in some easy reading stuff. I care about you all as if you were family, and I want to share my journey, and Brutus’ journey, with those I care about.
You guys and gals are so valuable to me on this venture, as I know that you will hold my feet to the fire and not let me out of finishing this task in which I can no longer procrastinate over…
It is Time! I push off of these familiar shores, sailing for Narsyth… to bring to life a dragon with the heart of a man…
I’m going to straight up answer this prompt, as it is an appropriate question and … there are no WHY’S in it.
My answer is, a bit of both!
If I am taking a lazy day after a stint of heavy writing, or something like that, it is an absolutely sublime feeling to sleep in until I Want to get out of bed… notice I said want and not need. Alarm clocks are tools of the devil, placed in our rooms to torment us with horrible songs… sending us frantically feeling around on the mattress to find the offending minstrel, and drown him!
Now, it’s a whole different story when I am trying to take a lazy day, when I know there are things I need to be doing, but am procrastinating for one reason or another. No matter how hard I try, the feeling of responsibility follows me through the day, constantly sending my brain these little PSSSTTTT reminders of the tasks I have been strategically avoiding.
The prompt question used the word unproductive as the negative side of a lazy day, and I think it is a really great word to use… in comparison to the Procrastinating word! Feeling unproductive is far less distressing to my brain, than admitting to the P word. I have always been one to take the bull by the horns as they say, diving headlong into tasks I feel are important. I often derive a sort of pleasure from successfully completing tasks that stretch me out of my comfort zone.
The toggle switch between rested and unproductive can sometimes be a loose one, giving us a day filled with rest mostly, but here and there are a moment or two of mental reminders that try to rob us of our rest. Maybe this is just me, who knows?
What I have come to understand about the thing that steals my rest on those lazy days… it’s fear! I know I said procrastination before, but I am going a little deeper to the cause of this mental state. My personal procrastination usually stems from a fear… a fear of failure, rejection, judgement from others, and a host of other insecurities that can try to assert themselves as a way to excuse the fear of Doing!
I find that the one day at a time thing works pretty well for this ole girl. I have adopted the attitude of the tortoise so to speak. There is a finish line and I aim to get there, in due time…
Til then I am going to take my lazy days and I will shout in the face of Unproductive, “La La La La… I’m not listening… La La La La!”
Journey With Me! 