Category: babies

I’ll be honest in saying that I didn’t want to write today! Not only that, but I didn’t want to read my bible either! This week started out with a wrestling match between my roommates IBS and Fibro, who have been at it all week, fighting about everything from meals to the weather.

Don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I wish they would both just shut up!

It doesn’t help that these two are the only ones, aside from God, who regularly visit… always following me around, trying to be a part of my world.

Did I get up and read my bible, even though I didn’t feel like it… yes! Did I choose to write this morning, even though I had no desire to put myself out there… yes!

Why?

Why does a physician get up and go to work every day, often sacrificing time with family and friends?

Why do firefighters, military forces, caregivers, pastors, and countless volunteers continually hit the ground running, though many never receive any recognition or gratitude that might equal their committed efforts?

Why do mothers and fathers get up everyday, caring and working for the welfare of their children, regardless of whether their offspring show any appreciation?

Purpose!

Why not things like passion, excitement, fulfillment or even rewards?

It’s not bad to have these things fuel us, as we endeavor to make our way in the world. The thing one must remember about any motive that is feeling based, is that feelings can change. Human beings are emotional creatures, often allowing our feelings to mandate our actions.

If one wishes to live a purpose driven life, rather than an emotionally driven one, the key is to stay the course set before you… whether you feel like it, or not!

It is so hard sometimes, to set feelings aside and do what is called to be done… for the sake of ones purpose. However, anyone who is led by a purpose will agree that staying the course is worth the effort.

I have been called, according to His purpose, for the good of those whom He loves… that’s you! I would like to say that I chose this purpose, but in truth, my Creator chose me first! I believe that God called me to write! I write for Him, for you… for His purpose! I cannot even say exactly what His purpose fully is, in regards to this journey of mine.

What I will say is this, I am committed to stay the course and write for you, and to you, each and every day. Sometimes it can be silly, sometimes serious and/or emotionally driven… but you get the realness of who I am.

I made a commitment to God that I would stand in my literary Lobby each and every day, whether I felt like it or not, if only one life might be impacted, for a good purpose. I also believe that God fuels this vessel to do His good work, equipping me with everything I need to serve Him.

It is written throughout the bible, as well as, sung about in many songs that we are to cling to the word, follow in obedience, and praise and worship Him both from the mountain tops and the valleys. When things are going really good, it becomes so easy for me to become busy with many things, other than studying Gods word, which is actually the thing that renews my mind and spirit. It’s interesting that the times I struggle to stay in the word are either the highest peaks… or the muddiest of creeks, if you get my meaning. In the valleys, when it feels as if we have finally completed our last lap around the drain that we’re being sucked down, survival tactics attempt to shut off everything aside from food, water and sleep.

You know that I always fall back on my trusty Tortoise and Hare analogy, and this is definitely an appropriate moment for me to consider its wisdom.

I will stay the course, faithfully getting up each day to study, pray and write within my Lobby… this is the purpose I’ve been given. Whether you read the things I share, or not, is not a part of the agreement I made with my heavenly Father when this site began. I am writing to please my God, to serve His eternal purpose.

I choose to live a life set apart, for service to the King… my choice… my commitment… His purpose!

Feelings are fleeting! Life comes with both blessings and hardships, no matter who you are… so find your purpose, leave the past in the past, always look up and walk forward into what may come, even if you don’t feel like it! Feelings are important, but don’t let them block your purpose!

Don’t drink dirty water!

While that first note was, in fact, good advice, it isn’t one of my actual notes to self. In retrospect, maybe it should have been included, because dirty water is exactly what I’ve been drinking ever since our pipes shattered.

Can you believe that it has been over a month now, since we had that freeze. Though we have cold water coming through, in one of the sinks, I don’t think the pipes that it comes through, are sealed and clean.

It occurred to me the other day, as I was drinking my peppermint tea I made with tap water, that maybe microwaving it wasn’t sanitary enough for it to be drinkable.

You know how I was sick earlier this week? This is the third week in a row that I have not felt well. I think I may have been contaminating my system with dirty drinking water. I’m not saying that we are drinking poison water, but my IBS has been a constant now for nearly 15 years, so drinking unfiltered tap water is enough to knock me to my knees.

Dirty water making its way onto the list of hardships we are facing, seems hardly noteworthy, but it does tend to make one suffer a bit. Stepping back and looking at the overall ugliness of things, a busted water system actually registers at the back of the line.

Note To Self #26 comes in more handy than you think… and I sometimes have to read it several times a month, when pressures rise.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” 1 Peter 5:10

As I sat in my study this morning

Wondering what sort of writing to do,

Dinky popped her head in the doorway

Fully covered in some sort of goo…

I looked over her shoulder to the yard just beyond

Seeing all my baby creatures running for the pond,

Squagon found the pie I’d left on the stoop,

He jumped in its middle, handing everyone a scoop…

No sooner had they eaten their ill gotten gains,

They looked at each other and saw the stains,

Dinky thought to find me and see what could be done,

But Squagon promised that the pond would be more fun…

After all of the bathing and splashing was done,

I sat down with all the babies to dry off in the sun,

I know you may think I should have tucked the pie away,

But if my barnyard babies hadn’t made a crazy mess,

I might not have had anything to write for you today!

Ever have one of those days? You know, the ones where things just don’t look like they normally do. All it takes is for one small aspect of our daily routines to change or break from our norm, to make everything around us seem radically different.

When it is a good change, things around us can seem brighter and more full of life… our perspective is open and positive, allowing us to see more of the good in others and the world around us.

When the change in our routine is brought about by anything negative, we are often left feeling very isolated and the world seems empty of things like love, life and happiness.

We humans are such emotional creatures… so sensitive to even the most subtle of changes, whether it be caused by external circumstances or any internal ones. In the blink of an eye, our perspective can do a full 180… taking us from love and light, all the way to loneliness and an isolating darkness in a mere heartbeat…

One might think that being a Christian exempts us from feeling isolated, lonely, or depressed. On the contrary, I think that believers face a much harder road… you know the one I’m talking about… the narrow one…

As I have been under the weather this week, I have had a great deal of time to ponder these things. Whenever I’m sick enough to stay in bed, I absolutely hate it! I have rolling panic attacks that seek to drive me out of rest and back to full function. I am filled with guilt over letting others down, fears pop up over being forgotten if I’m unable to perform above and beyond… never let em see you sweat… show no weakness… soldier on…

I think this old behavior comes from a survival mode that I have carried since childhood. If you show any sign of weakness out on the streets, the vultures start circling, waiting for their opportunity to consume your remains. I fully understand the meaning of the adage old habits die hard.

As I was reading in the book of Romans this morning, Paul was speaking about this very nature… two natures to be exact, the old sinful nature of a person and the new nature born of Christ who now dwells in a believer. The more time I spend dwelling in the word, the clearer I am able to see things in myself, of my old nature, that need to be changed.

I think that recognizing where my perspective is being skewed, due to the way of things, is half my battle to spiritually managing my earthly emotions… or tending my own scars, if you will.

I suppose that one could probably label me with a handful of very real and difficult disorders, in fact, I could fairly accurately self diagnose myself with what I call Undiagnosed, Untreated, Chronic Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… that I’ve been walking around with for over 50 years. I have a lot to work on in the old nature department, if you know what I mean.

Maybe that’s a part of why I write so much… for me, this is my therapy, my anti-depressant anti-anxiety anti-panic attack treatment. And NO, I am not about to pay you for all your hard work of reading my self therapy sessions. Just because you get credit for being my frequent pick me ups, doesn’t mean that I will be giving out royalties for your services…

What I will offer you is this…

Continued hugs

Continued cookies

and continued stories that might speak to your heart, or bless your lives in some way.

What I’m trying to say is that, for my therapy, you guys are some of the best form of medicine God often prescribes for my emotional health. The best part is that my prescription is free, with beautiful side effects… and I get unlimited refills.

Chocolate hearts for Romantic starts,

Pretty cards written by wordy Bards,

Love declared by tenderness shared,

Kisses traded by passion unfaded…

… good grief, this sounds like a load of hooey! 

I tried to come up with some sort of a romantic poem for today, but it just sounded more like what a teenager would come up with, while dreaming of her biggest crush from school. Gross!

Let’s try this again…

Don’t get me wrong, I think Valentine is a lovely holiday for young lovers, and all the kids at grammar school who trade bright cards and candies marked with “Kiss Me”. Beyond that, it has just become the candy markets BOOM Time!

I do recall years ago, when my husband and I first married, how all of our first holidays together were such a big deal. Our first Valentines Day together, he filled our bedroom full of crushed rose petals and gifted me an enormous box of my favorite caramels. I still remember how fragrant the air was, just as I entered the room… it was sublime!

While it was amazing and unforgettable, it had set the bar for the future, of what could outdo the first WOW experience of a lovers day surprise! Where does the poor guy go from here? 

By the following year we were driving long haul in a Tractor Trailer, being limited to shopping in places that could park an 18 wheeler. 

The look of the overpriced and wilted flowers offered in the gas station, as well as the inflated cost of the crushed boxes of chocolates sitting on the shelf near the showers, stifled any acts of romance. 

We spent nearly 7 years of our marriage, traveling and surviving this way, forcing things of love and romance into the storage bins.

Love finds a way…

Somewhere in all that mess of life, my husband always found a way to remind me of his love… sometimes just buying me simple thing, or taking me out for a surprise dinner, occasionally even renting us a hotel room with room service. He may have stopped buying me fancy cards, but for years he has left random post it notes around the house voicing his love for this woman. I find them in spots like the medicine cabinet, the refrigerator, or my sock drawer. 

This morning I decided to give my husband a card… not just any card… no no, that would be boring. There has been this Valentines Day card in my bags for some years now, and neither of us can remember where it came from, or who purchased it for whom. It has remained in its original cellophane wrapper, with no writings in it, whatsoever! We both laughed hysterically, when I handed it to him, because it has been kind of a running joke between us… since neither knows who bought the card. When he jokingly demanded that I should at least write something in it, I pretended to be offended, as I explained to him that I was saving it for him to use next year. I gently placed the silly card back into its wrapper and once again, stored it away for safe keeping until next year. The words in the card still hold true, so why not use it again?

My husband tries to give me gifts, tenderness, and words of love throughout the year, so by the time we get back around to February 14th, I’m not craving chocolate, nor am I expecting a gift or special dinner venue… not that those are bad things at all… I’m just full up! Valentines Day now represents sort of an annual confirmation of the love we share with each other throughout the year. 

Don’t worry… I am sure that I will make myself sick off the chocolate that goes on sale tomorrow or anytime after…

I imagine it to be this way for many couples who have been together for many seasons, weathering many storms, building lives together, raising children … we learned to celebrate in the moments afforded to us, cultivating the garden of love we share. 

Valentines Day is a wonderful holiday that fosters love and romance…

May we remember to carry the sweetness of the chocolate, the heavenly aroma of those flowers, and the deep attentiveness that comes with preparing our lovers gifts, throughout the coming year…

Happy Valentines Day everyone!