Have you ever noticed that when things are going well in our lives, we tend to not sweat the small stuff? What is it about all that small stuff that grows so exponentially, whenever we are going through difficulties? When we look at a thing, while feeling content, confident, and loved… that thing seems so benign and trivial, we don’t seem to see it as anything other than a distraction, so we overlook it. When difficulty arises for us, that thing grows in size, threatening to be the lynchpin that might cause the collapse of our entire house of cards.
It is so difficult to step back in a situation, viewing it for what it is without allowing our fears and emotions send us climbing over a mountain that may not have actually been blocking our path, as we thought it was. Things can get even trickier, for us to navigate a difficulty, when those around us add to, or feed our insecurities with negative or judgmental words or actions. Usually, when a bad thing happens to someone, those around them fall into three categories… you’ve got your fixers, your shamers, and your runners!
The Fixer – They will either try to lecture you on their finer methods of resolution, which you must not be able to do on your own, or only offer assistance in the way they perceive your needs to be.
The Shamer – The only thing they seem to offer with any consistency, is to point out how you somehow asked for it, in their learned opinion. They are very good at looking at your situation from a distance, freely and comfortably becoming your judge and jury from their armchairs… they won’t actually try to leave their place of piety!
The Runner – Feeling unsure of what to do, they just turn away and run the other way. There is so much fear of offense, hurt, or rejection mixed with the pain of watching another suffer, it is simply better to pretend you didn’t know… they point out that you should have said something to them! They usually come with a complimentary facial expression resembling that of a deer caught in your cars headlights!
These three types have one thing in common… Money! I will explain.
The Fixer, who likes to step in and teach you how to fix your mess the way they see as appropriate, have the bad habit of only offering monetary help if you do it their way. The money part comes in when they see no better way to help you, but most often the money part has strings.
The Shamer likes to remind you that the reason they won’t help you with money or anything else is due to it being your own fault that you found yourself where you are, and money would only be seen as approval for your mistakes. They feel confident that helping you would only be enabling you, instead of letting you see your own errors by what can only be seen as consequence, or come-upins!
The Runner thinks that as long as they pretend that they didn’t know you were hurting, then giving of themselves monetarily, or in any other form is simply not on the table… they get a free pass.
Remember, I said usually there are three types. I told you about the most common types… but there is a fourth!
I call these people Vessels!
These are ones that hold a place deep in their souls that allows them to be available for others, always holding open a space that offers love. The world makes us think that this means a human ATM. That is unfortunate, both for the vessel and the one whom they are reaching to help.
God can do anything He wants for His people, so the almighty $$$ is the least of what we think He means when He asks us to help our brothers and sisters. How do you think the Fixers, Shamers, and runners came about? Money! The Fixer uses money for their own glory, the Shamer uses the shame as an excuse not to help, and the Runner hides behind feigned ignorance to keep their purse strings safe!
What if we took the money out of the equation? What if a fixer could only offer their hands of service? What if a Shamer was not allowed to open their mouths at all, simply showing up to help? What if the Runner were forced to exist in the middle of a persons pain, with no purse in hand to hide behind, just empty hands… the kind that have a chance to hold, sooth, and share the load… you know, carry your brothers burdens?
How many of us, right this second, could walk to any part of our home to find something that could be given or used for someone in need? Do we all have so little energy, money, or time, that we are incapable of walking a meal to a sick neighbor, or giving one of our extra coats or blankets to someone homeless on the road, or maybe just sitting with another as they experience tragedy, illness, or grief? Even I, in my little RV, can find a way to reach out to one in need… sometimes I am that vessel, while at other times I can be any one of the other three. How else do you think I can share about my observations of humanity?! Not only am I a representative of the body of Christ… I’m also a member!
I have been reading through the book of Numbers, while simultaneously reading through the book of Romans for the last several weeks, and at times, it seems like Paul is giving a narrative of what the Israelites were experiencing back in their time. It’s actually been really insightful for me, as I can see the church from it’s baby years all the way to a time when it was in full swing, after the death and resurrection of Christ. I found a clearer picture forming of all four of the different types of people I mentioned above.
God spent all that time with the Israelites, instilling wisdom and values needed to build a family, a village… brothers and sisters learning to love others over themselves. Love your brother, help your brother, do not cause harm to your brother…. Love one another, serve one another, carry each others burdens! All the way ahead, in Romans, it seems that the same thing was still at work, the same lessons to be remembered and instilled, even after Jesus came, died, and rose again!
To this day, we are still circling the same mountains as the Israelites, even though we know the way home. How many today avoid reading the bible because it may reveal that they should stop trying to fix others, instead of showing them grace? How many push scripture aside because it might show them of their own flaws, that look quite similar to those of the people they wish to judge? How many run from the words of the bible, hoping that their ignorance, or disbelief of the laws of God, will earn them a heavenly sympathy vote for walking through His gates?
Earlier this week I wrote a response to the daily prompt about the KISS principle, because it’s been on my mind a great deal, as I have been studying the word. I find that this method of thinking is pretty smart, healthy and beneficial to gaining wisdom. Since I am an overthinker, with a tendency to blow things out of proportion, as my life is a constant maelstrom, I have to be diligent about keeping a balanced (KISS) type of attitude.
How bout we all try keeping a little more of the Keep It Simple Stupid principles with one another, freely reaching out for another, offering love when you don’t know what else to do, don’t bother trying to be a repairman… just be the wrench! Quite trying to justify whether another deserves love and forgiveness, just see them how God sees them… encourage instead of condemn the hurting! If you don’t understand, or it hurts to much to look upon someone in need because you feel helpless to assist them, instead of running away… how bout you bend a knee, lean in and just hold em up!
If you have it, give it, if you feel it, show it, if you see it, pray about it and then stand! Stop letting fear, judgement and pride interfere with how God may want to use you to help your brother….
NEWSFLASH!!!!! LOVE COSTS NOTHING AND IT IS UNLIMITTED! It’s love that should always come first, because if it does then the fixing, judging and desire to run away all disappear!
Where do you think the Rainbow comes from? God made a loving promise to us, His children, that He would not destroy the earth by floods again. In every way that God has ever handled us, his creations, it has been done in love… and He has been rather successful in this manner, don’t you think? If the one who made us wishes to fill us with His perfect love, I think we could do well to practice being better vessels.
I’m not preaching at you, as I am standing side by side with you in this truth. There are many times I will share my opinion on a thing, following it up with a cookie to soften the edges, but as this is something I believe and feel led to share, what you do with these words is between you and God, not me, so if you need a cookie … ask HIM!
Journey With Me! 