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Investigating Truths…

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Episode 6   

Life 101

Have you ever tried to bake something you were so looking forward to, but by the end of the process, it turned out to be a train wreck?  Perhaps you made a small miscalculation, starting the downward spiral? In an attempt to correct the error, you went too far trying to fix things, enabling you to make a bigger mess of things?

 In the beginning of my baking days, instead of starting fresh, I would simply continue trying to salvage my bake, stubbornly refusing to give up on the desired end result.  This always ended in the same fashion.  I would either serve something tasting of death, or it would be so burnt and hard that it was unedible.

 In time, and after learning things the hard way, I decided to take a class that taught me how to read instructions properly. I also began giving myself permission to say “Throw it out and start again”.   Today, I am pretty decent in the kitchen, because I took time to learn and practice the skills needed for a successful bake. 

If only life were so easy to study, master, and get a 4.0 grade point average in, I would enroll as a full-time student!  The tools are definitely available, but with only limited instructions for use, as well as a very large warning label.  The cost of said educational textbooks is beyond affordable for most, and the instructors that are attempting to teach these classes, do not even have the answer key!  They are guessing just like the rest of us!

**I pray that you are following me in a hypothetical capacity.  I am in no way speaking of our actual educational system.  Sometimes it is simply easier for me to give you, my reader, a visual of my idea or perspective, if you will. **

As I have recently begun Investigating Truths about myself, something came to my attention.  In looking back over my life and my walk with God, I have become aware that I really dislike praying for myself!  Oh, I love praying!  I am in prayer with God constantly, as he is my closest ally.  But, as I look back through my journals, that I have written in all my life, I noticed a glaring imbalance in my prayers.  When I pray for others, whether they be friend or foe, it is with passion and an all-in capacity of faith!  On the contrary, in my prayers for self, it looks quite pitiful.  My prayers for myself read as if I were a teacher at the end of a very long day, whose students required every ounce of her energy, having to say something positive to yet another parent.  I had simply been throwing out feeble, half exhausted prayers that I really didn’t expect God to fulfill anyway.    

In case this is the first thing you have ever seen of my work, I often like to remind my readers that even though I am a mature Christian, and have been since I was 18, I still struggle with simple things at times.  The reason I do this is to invite you to relate with me on this journey of GROWTH!  I want to walk beside you as I share, not as a teacher, but as a fellow student in life.  I am in my 50’s and I am nowhere near done growing and learning. 

I suppose the reason I am outing myself in front of you, is a way for me to look at myself truthfully, yet lovingly enough for healthy growth.  I have a tendency to be less than forgiving with numero uno. 

As I am on a journey for truthful growth, I am choosing to learn how to look at myself more graciously (throw out the batter, and start over), instead of continuing to overcompensate (making small miscalculations, going too far trying to fix things, and making a bigger mess than before).

I am charging myself to see the lovely child that God sees, and pray with a heart that loves myself as He does; prayerfully seeking the gifts He so lovingly offers me each and every day! 

**Note to Self – Out with the batter, and in with the Truth! 

What makes a Home anyway?

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I’m Just sitting here in my chair looking around the room at everything that IS our home.  We live in a small RV, my husband and I. He and I share a living space roughly the size of most peoples living rooms.  The bedroom is at the back, and the front has the entry/living/kitchen/computer/bathroom sections…in that order…altogether…with two thin bi-fold doors enclosing the bathroom. 

Comparative to a house, that has walls and doors separating each section, our RV is just all in one, on a smaller scale.  I myself, have lived in big houses, small apartments, trailer homes, campers, tents, behind dumpsters, and on the furniture or floor of many other’s homes.

 My husband and I spent several years in our Semi, driving through all but 3 states, I think.  I guess that is why I feel pretty lucky to live in this old RV.  She is a rough old girl, but like me, she is fiercely loyal, keeping us warm and dry. 

There are times, as I am sure you’ve guessed, that I have been rather ungrateful in my attitude.  Downright feel sorry for myself kind of stuff.  Then I am reminded of the ones I have seen, of late, that sleep out in the elements…all the time!  For me, personally, I realize that if I were not here in this way of living, maybe I would be unable to see those that are in need…need of food, need of clothing, or shelter…and need of prayer!  

I don’t have much that I can give or do for people, but I can pray!  I can live a life with a grateful heart!  A heart with compassion and empathy for anyone that crosses my path.  My path, or Journey, if you will, is right here in this old RV.  Our home, I have decided, is wherever we need to rest our heads.

I have this old quilt that was gifted to me, and I have just fallen in love with everything about it.  It had a small hole in it, down near the bottom, but I patched it with a puppy decal.  I have decided that I am going to start sewing decals on the old girl, for those moments that have significant meaning for me.

 The more moments in my life that get recorded on this old quilt, the more beautiful my home is going to become.  I promise to post a picture every time I add a decal on her so you get to see what she becomes, or if she goes on any adventures…

Do You Remember…

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We all have that one friend that is our “Get in Trouble Partner”, you know, the friend that will jump right in with you no matter what, yeah!  That one!

Well, I have one of the best and I am not sure which one of us is worse, lol, her or me!?!  Maybe that’s why we are so well suited for each other, and we have certainly been in some fun spots.  Anyways, you are going to be glad for our funny antics, as I have a truly hilarious story to share about just how much trouble we can get into on any given occasion…

I think it must have been not too long after we both graduated from college about 8 or 9 years ago, I want to say.   The two of us decided to go on a girl’s weekend, just to relax with no responsibilities.  We chose a resort way out in the woods, that had natural hot springs, beautiful private cabins, and all of the amenities that we dreamt about back home.  I should have seen the warning signs when we first arrived, that it would be one of those weekends!

First things first!  My Chica, as I love to call her, is none other than Danielle Steele!  Not the actual author, mind you, but a very talented and beautiful Danielle Steele, none the less!  Maybe, if your lucky, one day I will tell you about how I also am associated with The Tom Seleck! 

So, here we are on a Friday night, walking in to the lobby of the resort, ready to check in and quietly slip away to our river side cabin.  As we walked toward the registration, we noticed a small crowd of employees milling about back behind the desk, looking at us very strangely.  By the time we stepped up to sign in, Danielle was already realizing what was going on, and started laughing.  It never occurred to me about the name confusion.  As soon as we all finished laughing and the crowd broke up, we gathered our keys and found our cabin for the stay.  Out came all of our adult beverages and grown-up snacks, and we got right to the fun part, girly jammies and everything.  **Note to self!  When you are in your underwear, and you decide to let loose for a girl’s night, put your cabin key in your pocket!

Apparently, these cabins come with automatic locking doors.  Who Knew?  After trotting, in our jammies, to the office that was all the way across the resort, we retrieved another key from the front desk.  If they didn’t remember us from check-in, they most certainly would remember us now!  I could say that this was memorable enough for you, and end my funny tale right here!  That would be boring…

Saturday dawned beautifully for us and we spent the whole day getting massages, sitting in the natural hot springs, and partaking in our beverages and treats from the night before.  Dinnertime finally arrived, and we had been so excited for this because it was an amazing restaurant with absolutely fantastic ratings!  Looking like a million bucks, we arrived for our reservations and were given a lovely table, already set with a light wine on ice.  With our dinner order placed, we opened our bottle of wine, while waiting on the arrival of our appetizer.  I took one sip of the wine, and I suddenly knew something was not right.  Before you blame the food or drink served, I will redirect you to the fact that I had been in the sun all day, had a massage, consumed adult goodies earlier, and did not drink enough water.  Some grown up I turned out to be, lol, rookie mistake!

I tried to make it to the restroom in order to splash water on my face, but only made it as far as the hallway leading that way.  I saw the doorway, looked down the hall to the young man running towards me, and went down like a sack of potatoes!  Meanwhile, my partner in crime was sitting at the table listening to the racket in the hallway just outside of her view, and she knew it was me!  She walks around the corner just in time to see me lift my head and throw up all over the attendants’ shoes!  As I did this, I farted at the same time, causing my girlfriend to start laughing hysterically! 

She saw that I was not dead, and headed toward the bathroom, still laughing her hind end off!  The attendant looked up at her, horrified, and said, “Lady, this is your friend!  How can you go to the bathroom right now?”

In only the way my Chica would say it, she paused in the doorway and replied, “If you don’t let me go to the bathroom right now, mister, there is gonna be two messes for you to clean up!”  The look on the young man’s face was priceless! 

Oh, I was fine!  And my Chica knew that by the way that I was laughing my butt off right there along with her, because I knew how funny this memory would be for both of us, for years to come!  I sometimes wonder if we are a part of the resorts training videos for new employees.  Wouldn’t that be a hoot!  There is no one like you my sweet friend! Till the wheels fall off, Chica!!!

Live Wire…

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I have been sporting some sort of back injury for going on two weeks now, and I am just starting to feel better, but cannot go for my normal walks yet. Since I am unable to give you a fresh Live Wire photo, I thought I would take you for a mini virtual vacation to Hawaii for fun! It has been a number of years since I was actually there, but that is why I took pics! It was and is a visually stunning place to behold, so please enjoy the pictoral mini adventure.

**Don’t forget to grab your towel, flip flops, fru fru drink, and sunscreen** (wink, wink)…

Investigating Truths…

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Warrior!…

Warrior?…

 Which is it, Lady?

There are days I feel so powerful, so confident and assured that I got this!  Then there are the other days…the ones where I don’t “Got This!”  I have days in which I can write with such purpose, intent, and directed passion, that I think God is really working in me.  Then on the other days, it feels as if nothing is coming out right and I struggle with how others may perceive my writing as perhaps, very chaotic, fragmented, and pointless. 

I have days where I feel better than I think I did in my 20’s, and yes, on the other days, my IBS, Fibromyalgia, and bone and arthritis pain leave me bedridden for days, which leaves both of my frenemies plenty of time to gather everyone for my Over thinkers Anonymous group, freeing me up to practice my gift of feelsorryformyselfery.  I laugh at myself for thinking that just because I walk with God, I am anywhere near being sufficient enough to always see and walk with Gods Perspective. 

He reminds me that He is God, and I am not!  I am human…with a soul, a heart, and a physical body.  While my soul is fully camped within the shadow of my Almighty father, my earthly physical body resides in the real world, and my emotions are right in the middle of it all.  Growing older really is not for the faint hearted.  All of the years of my spiritual journey, my body has followed, taking a lot of abuse along the way of my learning and growing. 

Its like there is this place deep within me that is a fountain of Gods love for me, keeping my soul nourished and refreshed.  My emotions love this place, and come here often to load up with all the gifts, taking them with excitement to my physical side to share. 

Sometimes, though, my spiritual side forgets to equip my emotional side with the tenderness with which to share said nourishment.  I become irritated at my physical self for the lack of commitment to grow and get stronger with the rest of me. 

I am discovering that while I have been growing stronger in mind and spirit, I have been a bit rough on my physical body.  I should really be honest in saying that I am very hard on myself physically.  I get up and push myself every day, becoming impatient with myself, and God, at my body not keeping up with my spirit.  I realize that I have been allowing God to heal and strengthen my soul and repair emotional issues, but I have been unrelenting in what I expect from myself physically.  You know what I think God says to me about this?  “Grace, child”. 

What does this mean, you might be wondering, well, what about “Cut yourself some slack”.  Here is a really good one… “learn to love yourself the way I love you”.  I have always laughed at the idea of self-care.  It makes me automatically think of spa visits, beer gardens, and all those pics of what someone ate at some gps location on our smart phones.

I do not even own a vacuum cleaner, let alone have a bathtub for the spa experience, lol.  For me the self-care has been nutrition for my frenemy IBS, exercise and vitamins for my frenemy Fibro, and trying to exist through all of the spinal and arthritis pain, as I have moved away from modern medicines.  In order to manage these things without a doctor’s care requires a lot of self-discipline. 

And this is how I arrived at one of the “other days” today.    I got going really good with all of my checks and balances in place, and then I got a bit lax, as I sometimes do.  Long story short, between the temp change, dehydration from sweating, and not paying attention to what I ate, I have landed myself in what I refer to as a partial shutdown.  This is not the first time and probably won’t be the last time I am forced into self-care time.  This time, however, I decided to learn how to not be so unforgiving of my body, but instead, try to lovingly bring myself back online without dragging my husband through another hospital adventure.  Instead of allowing panic to overtake me, when my numbers are all off like this, I have opted to forgive myself for not paying enough attention, and put on my HR hat, in order to practice some serious conflict resolution with my frenemies.

Funny thing, though, out of all of what I wrote down here, I think maybe God simply wanted to tell me that I try way to hard, a lot, and all He actually asks of me is simply to Believe in Him, and walk forward.  If I rest in His shadow, it is not I that needs to move obstacles in our path, but my Father.  He is a big God! 

Hey Pfhlurtt…

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I made a new friend the other day, and his name is Pfhlurtt! How do I know what his name is, you might ask? Well, I made kissy noises and he came right up and introduced himself. If I told you that his full name is actually Reginald Nutflinger Pfhlurtt, you would never believe me, so we will call him Pfhlurtt for short!

I met him the other day while walking on a different route than my normal “Bob the Squirrel” trail. I do not think that the two squirrels knew of one another, mainly because there are a lot of Bobs out there, and also, I had never actually gotten Bobs’ last name!

The funny thing about this encounter was that Pfhlurtt knew who I was, before I ever even offered him that peanut. When he did not seem to know my friend Bob, I was quite perplexed as to how I was in Pfhlurtts’ list of contacts. As he ate the peanut I gave him, the funny little creature told me how he came to be so familiar with me.

Apparently, shortly after we moved into this area late last fall, I had passed through the middle of the Pfhlurtt clans terratory. The whole community had been out on one of their last foraging events of the year, grabbing the last morsels available. When the family saw me coming they assumed that I had some contributions for them, as passersby usually did. The whole clan got excited and ran to greet me, but I bolted before they could make proper introductions. I guess they always felt badly about that!

Pfhlurtts’ story brought the memory back to me with renewed freshness, and we both sat there giggling about what I saw verses what he saw. When I mentioned the Alfred Hitchcock movie that the incident reminded me of, Pfhlurtt cracked up, because his family spends movie nights on the fenceline outside of an elderly couples home, and they were avid black and white movie fans. Pfhlurtt had actually seen the movie that I was talking about!

Well, anyway, a new friendship began for myself and Pfhlurrt! I am now fully aware of where my little squirrel community resides, and have made a date to swing by with a spring care package. The whole Pfhlurrt clan plans on being there so this time I am bringing a whole bag instead of the three little nuts I keep in my pocket for these chance encounters.

Do You Remember…

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I’ve heard people say that some of the naughty things their children did were so cute, and that they couldn’t stay mad.  I personally do not ever remember my parents laughing at the bad things I did, although, I think I heard a bit of insane laughter during a spanking, but I don’t have any proof.  I have to admit that, on several occasions, I did actually find myself laughing at my children.  What follows is one such occasion that surfaced one day and I wrote it down, because, as you can see, I enjoy retelling stories…

When my kids were small, I ran a little business to help earn an income for our family, and I often found myself juggling clients and children.  I had my office in the back of the house and would leave the door open so that I could keep an ear on the children.  I would usually try to do clients when two of my three little ones were down for naps. This would allow me to listen for only one child, while working, instead of three.  During one of my appointments, I was definitely off my game!  This allowed my middle child the opportunity to sneak out of bed, unnoticed.

My little Babybug got up from her nap early and was toddling around the house quite happily.  She was only about two and a half at the time.  Earlier that morning, I had made a pan of brownies and left them on the stove top to cool.  Everything seemed to be going very well in my office, considering I was oblivious to the jailbreak in full swing.  It was not long, however, that it became apparent to me that something was not right.  I could not put my finger on it, though, seeing as how it was so peacefully quiet.  The only sound I heard was the soft chatter on the television in the living room.  FYI, my oldest child, who was about five at the time, was currently sitting on the couch watching cartoons, oblivious to everything around her! 

As I voiced my concern to my client, we both simultaneously guessed that a toddler was afoot.  We got up and headed down the hallway toward the front of the house, calling out for the little fugitive.  No answer!  As I hurried around the corner into the kitchen, I was stunned to find my toddler sitting on the stove, in nothing but a t-shirt and a diaper!

My toddler had climbed up her own high-chair, crossed the entire counter, and came to rest on top of the stove.  There she proceeded to eat the entire center out of the brownie pan!  I gasped, in shock, at the depth of treachery occurring before my very eyes!  At the sound of my gasp, the little brownie bandit turned to look directly at me, held out a gooey, chocolaty little hand saying, “Some, Mommie? Some?? If you have not guessed yet, I laughed an aweful lot with my children. They were very funny, alot, most every day, and that is why I wrote it all down. It keeps me laughing, even today…