Category: Inspirational

Episode 4

Well, if God said it, then I knew it to be true…I had His word that I knew the way home, so I set my heart for the journey ahead, and stepped out in faith…I best get right to it!  Thankfully, before God had even brought me to the hill overlooking the first City of Souls, all of my old and damaged garments had been replaced.  I was not wearing just anything, though, because these garments had been handcrafted by my Father, with materials that He pulled from His very own armor!  I did not wear just any armor; it was the armor of God! 

          Around my waist was a belt of the strongest fiber that had been lovingly pulled from the hem of His robes.  In my mind I believed it to be a belt of Truth, buckled firmly so as to never again fall away!  Covering my chest from front to back was a piece of the strongest metal pulled from His own chest piece and loving shaped for me with such care!  Once placed, I was aware of His promise that it would not ever fall away!  My feet had been covered with the most solid set of shoes, carefully lined with the softest fur I had ever felt.

 The eternal peace that came from the tip of those shoes, flowed all the way to the top of my head, which by the way was covered by a helmet whose navigation had been forever set for my eyes to follow home.  I had also been given a shield and sword, the shield always to protect from the lies of the enemy, and the sword had His words of truth written within its glint.  I must only seek Him and the armor made by my Father would bring me safely home…

Now, prepared for the journey that lay ahead, I set out and began my descent slowly and peacefully down into the city below.  I traveled rather easily, even carrying the armor I had been equipped with, as it was as light as a feather drifting lazily on the breeze. My Father promised me that my burden would be light from here on out if I only let Him bear it with me.  I also discovered, the first morning of my journey, that my armor did not look at all like I thought it would. 

Instead of looking like a warrior from the battlefield, as I had anticipated, I looked like no one…like everyone…old and yet young…invisible unless you looked closely.  I had been clothed in what looked like a very non-de script grey robe that covered me from the top of my head all the way to the ground.  The tips of my shoes hardly peeked out from underneath, so that only the tips were visible.  All that was in my right hand was a well-worn staff, and instead of my shield on my left arm, one only saw an old faded leather satchel.  I truly felt relief in this discovery, as I planned to wander this path as directed by my Father, only wanting attention toward myself as He desired.  I could move fast and light if needed.  I would rise before dawn each morning so that I could place my eyes on the next lantern ahead before daylight washed it out for the day.  I made sure not to rest each night until I saw the lanterns brighten, just to ensure I was still on His path. 

To any passersby, I looked like no more than a quiet traveler making my way along.  I did not carry anything aside from my satchel, which contained every note and tender mercy my Father had packed for me.  When I was hungry or tired, I traded stories for meals and a place to rest my head for the night.  Apparently, an additional gift that my Father left with me, to provide my needs along the journey, was an innate ability to weave stories and tales of adventures, welcomed by the innkeepers and guests. 

I discovered a new purpose that had been placed within my heart for the journey home, so perhaps if you keep an eye out for them, my stories might find you…just look for a traveling storyteller and perhaps you might see me for I am sure that I am not the only son or daughter of the Almighty King…remember, He will leave the lanterns lit for you…I promise!

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

Ephesians 6:14-17

Perspective!!!!!!!!

Stop rejecting love from others just because you don’t feel lovable!

Receiving love is just as much of a choice as giving it!

Episode 3

 Where does one run to in the desert…what pushed me to run so hard, or what drove me with such force towards my own end, I am no longer even sure of…but I fled blindly into the wastelands.

 Do you remember those old tin can and yarn phones we played with as kids?  No matter how far apart we were from each other, as long as we talked into the can, we could hear what the other was saying.  It may be a strange way of explaining this connection God has with me, but from my beginning, there has always been an invisible string between He and I.  You may scoff, but the only way to prove it is to tell you what I have seen! 

In my blind flight, I wandered into the dead lands where the enemy dwelt!  Everywhere I ran, they sought me hungrily!  Time and again I was ravaged by the wickedness that pursued me ever so steadily, methodically drawing blood in small lethal quantities, eagerly gaining strength from the flesh that was being pulled from my frame.  I found myself at my end, in a pile of bones that must have belonged to many previous victims. 

All it took that night, was a simple tug on the yarn between those two tin cans…not sure if it broke or simply tugged, but it was enough!

 This is how I believe He arrived before me…

As I felt my breath leaving my chest for the end, there came a soft vibration from within the pile of bones I lay on, up from the ground beneath.  All I know is that it grew in intensity until my very blood vibrated with a resonance that I cannot mistake as the thunderous footfalls of my Father at an intense dead run through the desert!  He was coming! 

In my end, I did not have even the strength to open my eyes, but the sounds I heard were overwhelming…Lightening striking the ground and thunderous explosions emitting from the very hand of my Father, were all that I could hear.  The screams of death were in my ears and the smell burning flesh was in my nostrils causing me to open my eyes in alarm, only to witness the Full Level of Gods anger being directed at my enemies.  As the smoke cleared and the sounds died down, I simply let go of my spirit, unable to carry on any longer.  As I felt the darkness consume me, there was something tugging at my mind, something pulling on that string attached to my spirit, I think.   

There came a fragrance, sweeter than any flower I had ever smelled! Wafting gently through the dark, it steadily began soaking into my very fiber…I recognized it from somewhere deep within, as the very breath of God.  Every single place of damage within my spirit became drenched in the warm healing power of His breath!  From that place of complete exhausted surrender, my Father began tending my every wound.  I cannot say how long He stayed there in the wasteland with me, slowly and steadily mending each place that had been damaged.  When I gained strength to stand and walk again, He did not leave me, even then!

 Together, my father and I walked hand in hand back toward the Cities of Souls, and I did not care because I knew He was with me and I need not fear all those souls any longer.  Before I realized it, time had rolled forward and I suddenly found myself standing on a hillside on the outskirts of the city.  When I turned in question to my Father, unsure of our path, He smiled gently and cupped my chin gently in His hands.  He need not even say words out loud, as I could clearly read His thoughts from within my mind. 

Stretching out His arm toward the city caused my eyes to follow where He pointed.  Clearly, I could see a small path weaving all of the way through the city to the mountains of God on the other side.  I could see, if I looked closely, small lights illuminating the path frequently.  It was time for me to walk steadily down that path and through the Cities of Souls, making sure to follow His clearly marked path.  If I held to the path, even when I felt lost or discouraged, the path would get me home, where my Almighty God was preparing a place for me. 

If I needed Him, I need only reach out for Him, smelling the air for His fragrant breath, which kept those lights along the path glowing brightly.  With a love like this, I am now compelled to walk forward into those Cities of Souls, no longer just a wild child, but alas, an imperfectly beautiful Woman of Grace!

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God; trust also in me.  In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.  I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

John 14:1-4

As I am sure you have noticed, I have written several times recently about my attitude of late.  I would like to share with you some things that I discovered during this time, all of which are things that I have never realized about myself.  Let’s just say that even though it was a very painful lesson for me, I think maybe for the first time in my life, I am going to walk on from this mountain, and return to it no more…

I have really been struggling of late, really missing my animals, as I am a non-pet owner for the first time in my 54 years.  Since I am the one always talking about letting go of the Whys, I thought you should know that I still sometimes get caught up in them.  I can sometimes be very demanding with God, and overstep myself, pushing Him for insight that I think I deserve.  It is times like this that God teaches me as only He can!

I gained this insight, sadly, with great cost to another’s feelings!  I guess, in a way, I am sharing this with you so that by writing it down, I can reinforce the lesson gleaned from the damage done, and encourage myself to trust more fully in Gods Timing, not mine!

So, what does this have to do with missing my pets, you ask?  Well, long story short, I discovered that for my entire life, the only way I have ever understood what love felt like, was to receive affection from my pets.  Not people, just animals.  Looking back on my whole life, I realize that somehow, I got all the way here, running off of nothing more than puppy love…not kidding…silly, but totally honest!

I have been struggling terribly of late, feeling so lonely and unloved.  I finally see why…I do not have any understanding whatsoever of how to RECEIVE love from people.  Animals have been my source of emotional strength since I was tiny, masking the real problem.  Believe me, there have been many who have tried to give me love, I just do not know what to do with it, so I continually reject it. Love is given to me and I simply toss it aside, not knowing what it is or what to do with it!

How is this even possible?  I am on a hunt to understand, not look for a why, but to understand where the damage is within me that clouds my judgement, in order for God to heal and restore what was broken.  I finally see that my pets have been surrogates for me all of my life, and I acquired the habit of turning them into lifelines…

So, the insight is this…There is hope for me yet!  God allowed me to lose my crutches so that I might learn to hold His hand for strength, as I learn to accept love for the first time in my entire existence…I know, weird right? 

If you are wondering, I think one day I will surely encounter another little furry soul, but maybe this time I can focus more on what I can give them instead of seeking only what I need from them.  For now, I think it is time that I focus on some emotional renovations and damage recovery.  I have a lot of catching up to do…