I’m Just sitting here in my chair looking around the room at everything that IS our home. We live in a small RV, my husband and I. He and I share a living space roughly the size of most peoples living rooms. The bedroom is at the back, and the front has the entry/living/kitchen/computer/bathroom sections…in that order…altogether…with two thin bi-fold doors enclosing the bathroom.
Comparative to a house, that has walls and doors separating each section, our RV is just all in one, on a smaller scale. I myself, have lived in big houses, small apartments, trailer homes, campers, tents, behind dumpsters, and on the furniture or floor of many other’s homes.
My husband and I spent several years in our Semi, driving through all but 3 states, I think. I guess that is why I feel pretty lucky to live in this old RV. She is a rough old girl, but like me, she is fiercely loyal, keeping us warm and dry.
There are times, as I am sure you’ve guessed, that I have been rather ungrateful in my attitude. Downright feel sorry for myself kind of stuff. Then I am reminded of the ones I have seen, of late, that sleep out in the elements…all the time! For me, personally, I realize that if I were not here in this way of living, maybe I would be unable to see those that are in need…need of food, need of clothing, or shelter…and need of prayer!
I don’t have much that I can give or do for people, but I can pray! I can live a life with a grateful heart! A heart with compassion and empathy for anyone that crosses my path. My path, or Journey, if you will, is right here in this old RV. Our home, I have decided, is wherever we need to rest our heads.
I have this old quilt that was gifted to me, and I have just fallen in love with everything about it. It had a small hole in it, down near the bottom, but I patched it with a puppy decal. I have decided that I am going to start sewing decals on the old girl, for those moments that have significant meaning for me.
The more moments in my life that get recorded on this old quilt, the more beautiful my home is going to become. I promise to post a picture every time I add a decal on her so you get to see what she becomes, or if she goes on any adventures…
We all have that one friend that is our “Get in Trouble Partner”, you know, the friend that will jump right in with you no matter what, yeah! That one!
Well, I have one of the best and I am not sure which one of us is worse, lol, her or me!?! Maybe that’s why we are so well suited for each other, and we have certainly been in some fun spots. Anyways, you are going to be glad for our funny antics, as I have a truly hilarious story to share about just how much trouble we can get into on any given occasion…
I think it must have been not too long after we both graduated from college about 8 or 9 years ago, I want to say. The two of us decided to go on a girl’s weekend, just to relax with no responsibilities. We chose a resort way out in the woods, that had natural hot springs, beautiful private cabins, and all of the amenities that we dreamt about back home. I should have seen the warning signs when we first arrived, that it would be one of those weekends!
First things first! My Chica, as I love to call her, is none other than Danielle Steele! Not the actual author, mind you, but a very talented and beautiful Danielle Steele, none the less! Maybe, if your lucky, one day I will tell you about how I also am associated with The Tom Seleck!
So, here we are on a Friday night, walking in to the lobby of the resort, ready to check in and quietly slip away to our river side cabin. As we walked toward the registration, we noticed a small crowd of employees milling about back behind the desk, looking at us very strangely. By the time we stepped up to sign in, Danielle was already realizing what was going on, and started laughing. It never occurred to me about the name confusion. As soon as we all finished laughing and the crowd broke up, we gathered our keys and found our cabin for the stay. Out came all of our adult beverages and grown-up snacks, and we got right to the fun part, girly jammies and everything. **Note to self! When you are in your underwear, and you decide to let loose for a girl’s night, put your cabin key in your pocket!
Apparently, these cabins come with automatic locking doors. Who Knew? After trotting, in our jammies, to the office that was all the way across the resort, we retrieved another key from the front desk. If they didn’t remember us from check-in, they most certainly would remember us now! I could say that this was memorable enough for you, and end my funny tale right here! That would be boring…
Saturday dawned beautifully for us and we spent the whole day getting massages, sitting in the natural hot springs, and partaking in our beverages and treats from the night before. Dinnertime finally arrived, and we had been so excited for this because it was an amazing restaurant with absolutely fantastic ratings! Looking like a million bucks, we arrived for our reservations and were given a lovely table, already set with a light wine on ice. With our dinner order placed, we opened our bottle of wine, while waiting on the arrival of our appetizer. I took one sip of the wine, and I suddenly knew something was not right. Before you blame the food or drink served, I will redirect you to the fact that I had been in the sun all day, had a massage, consumed adult goodies earlier, and did not drink enough water. Some grown up I turned out to be, lol, rookie mistake!
I tried to make it to the restroom in order to splash water on my face, but only made it as far as the hallway leading that way. I saw the doorway, looked down the hall to the young man running towards me, and went down like a sack of potatoes! Meanwhile, my partner in crime was sitting at the table listening to the racket in the hallway just outside of her view, and she knew it was me! She walks around the corner just in time to see me lift my head and throw up all over the attendants’ shoes! As I did this, I farted at the same time, causing my girlfriend to start laughing hysterically!
She saw that I was not dead, and headed toward the bathroom, still laughing her hind end off! The attendant looked up at her, horrified, and said, “Lady, this is your friend! How can you go to the bathroom right now?”
In only the way my Chica would say it, she paused in the doorway and replied, “If you don’t let me go to the bathroom right now, mister, there is gonna be two messes for you to clean up!” The look on the young man’s face was priceless!
Oh, I was fine! And my Chica knew that by the way that I was laughing my butt off right there along with her, because I knew how funny this memory would be for both of us, for years to come! I sometimes wonder if we are a part of the resorts training videos for new employees. Wouldn’t that be a hoot! There is no one like you my sweet friend! Till the wheels fall off, Chica!!!
It was so hot, you could actually see it! From the shade, at like 9 in the morning, and it was so bright out that my camera still looked hazey! You have no idea how difficult it was to take a walk in this kind of heat. In order for me to remain in the shade while walking, I had to ninja crawl through half a dozen back yards and slink down random alleys just to get where I was sitting…Worth It!!!
There are days I feel so powerful, so confident and assured that I got this! Then there are the other days…the ones where I don’t “Got This!” I have days in which I can write with such purpose, intent, and directed passion, that I think God is really working in me. Then on the other days, it feels as if nothing is coming out right and I struggle with how others may perceive my writing as perhaps, very chaotic, fragmented, and pointless.
I have days where I feel better than I think I did in my 20’s, and yes, on the other days, my IBS, Fibromyalgia, and bone and arthritis pain leave me bedridden for days, which leaves both of my frenemies plenty of time to gather everyone for my Over thinkers Anonymous group, freeing me up to practice my gift of feelsorryformyselfery. I laugh at myself for thinking that just because I walk with God, I am anywhere near being sufficient enough to always see and walk with Gods Perspective.
He reminds me that He is God, and I am not! I am human…with a soul, a heart, and a physical body. While my soul is fully camped within the shadow of my Almighty father, my earthly physical body resides in the real world, and my emotions are right in the middle of it all. Growing older really is not for the faint hearted. All of the years of my spiritual journey, my body has followed, taking a lot of abuse along the way of my learning and growing.
Its like there is this place deep within me that is a fountain of Gods love for me, keeping my soul nourished and refreshed. My emotions love this place, and come here often to load up with all the gifts, taking them with excitement to my physical side to share.
Sometimes, though, my spiritual side forgets to equip my emotional side with the tenderness with which to share said nourishment. I become irritated at my physical self for the lack of commitment to grow and get stronger with the rest of me.
I am discovering that while I have been growing stronger in mind and spirit, I have been a bit rough on my physical body. I should really be honest in saying that I am very hard on myself physically. I get up and push myself every day, becoming impatient with myself, and God, at my body not keeping up with my spirit. I realize that I have been allowing God to heal and strengthen my soul and repair emotional issues, but I have been unrelenting in what I expect from myself physically. You know what I think God says to me about this? “Grace, child”.
What does this mean, you might be wondering, well, what about “Cut yourself some slack”. Here is a really good one… “learn to love yourself the way I love you”. I have always laughed at the idea of self-care. It makes me automatically think of spa visits, beer gardens, and all those pics of what someone ate at some gps location on our smart phones.
I do not even own a vacuum cleaner, let alone have a bathtub for the spa experience, lol. For me the self-care has been nutrition for my frenemy IBS, exercise and vitamins for my frenemy Fibro, and trying to exist through all of the spinal and arthritis pain, as I have moved away from modern medicines. In order to manage these things without a doctor’s care requires a lot of self-discipline.
And this is how I arrived at one of the “other days” today. I got going really good with all of my checks and balances in place, and then I got a bit lax, as I sometimes do. Long story short, between the temp change, dehydration from sweating, and not paying attention to what I ate, I have landed myself in what I refer to as a partial shutdown. This is not the first time and probably won’t be the last time I am forced into self-care time. This time, however, I decided to learn how to not be so unforgiving of my body, but instead, try to lovingly bring myself back online without dragging my husband through another hospital adventure. Instead of allowing panic to overtake me, when my numbers are all off like this, I have opted to forgive myself for not paying enough attention, and put on my HR hat, in order to practice some serious conflict resolution with my frenemies.
Funny thing, though, out of all of what I wrote down here, I think maybe God simply wanted to tell me that I try way to hard, a lot, and all He actually asks of me is simply to Believe in Him, and walk forward. If I rest in His shadow, it is not I that needs to move obstacles in our path, but my Father. He is a big God!
Just the other day, from out of nowhere, came a happy memory of one of my favorite toys from childhood, my Hippity Hop! I was born on a farm and aside from my horse, my favorite toys were ones I could ride on. I have many memories of bouncing around the yard and pasture on that thing, and boy it must have been made of magic rubber because it never sprung a leak, that I can remember.
When I thought on it a bit, I realized that for the life of me, I cannot remember whatever happened to my favorite toy. As I pondered this, more memories of toys that brought me joy came to mind. Some of them came to tragic ends, as some toys do, when we are too hard on them or just don’t take care to protect them. Others, however, I quite honestly cannot remember what became of them.
It occurs to me that people are kind of like toys, in the sense that we sometimes, for whatever the reason, lose track of people that we once loved and held dear. Sometimes I feel like the child, and at other times I have felt like the toy! Instead of this thought leading me, or you for that matter, into the negative, I want to share an insight with you.
I have a soft spot in my heart for those little old fellows that own huge pieces of land simply teeming with old things…some rusted beyond repair, while others may yet be restored and reused. The point is that they simply refused to let go of anything that might one day be saved. They never stops loving and dreaming about bringing the beauty back to those old things. It doesn’t really matter if the old man ever gets them restored. I am just encouraged by him always hoping and dreaming.
I am so glad that God will never get tired of me! He will never forget that I am there, or nudge me aside with His boot. God never stops believing in me, no matter how damaged or dinged up I become. The Masters hands are always mending, rebuilding, and restoring me to how He sees me…His own!!!!!
So, as I am getting a bit more organized, my Investigating Truths episodes will become my journaling storyboard, using all of you sweet people as my crash test smarties…my hope is that you will come along with me as I try my hand at sharing my truths with other souls in all different forms. I want to do this because in the same sense that people learn in different formats, they also receive grace, love, and mercy in just the same manor. My wish is to always stay a few steps outside of the “Normal” boxes that we can find ourselves stuck in. Think of Journey With Me as a cozy little lobby, with no door to close anyone out, filled with plush and colorful sofas to stay as long as one wishes, and right in the center is a table for any who stop by…
Apon this table I wish to have lovely bowls filled to overflowing with little gifts of joy, laughter, wisdom, truth, grace, and mercy pouring out over the edges…these vessels are never empty, as I have a supplier that delivers an unending supply…nothing ever expires!
It is my passion and purpose to ensure that you always feel welcome in this lobby, just remember, I am no more than an administrative assistant to a very Self Sufficient Site Manager! He supplies me with whatever I need, so if you are ever in need of some, please receive freely, as there is no charge here for love, acceptance, and extended stay guests…welcome!!!!!!!!!
I want to start us out now on a test run of a more poetic style…
This style is being practiced with a copy of a letter I wrote to my first born. Dreams impact me in a way I cannot fully explain, so I try to write them down thinking that with time, I may come to decipher some secret code…lol. I am still not fully sure of what this meant but I hope you will enjoy the format I tried to follow, very loosely, by the way!
I Dreamt of You…
Down along a 2-lane road, driving slowly around each bend and curve, Lush green foliage covering the hillside, giving shade as we passed by
Ocean waves met the eyes, if one followed the hillside down, drawing the eyes onward, toward a delicate little town
Finding ourselves within a U-shaped cove, the endless clear glass blue came and went from beyond the shore
Cobblestone lined the streets, buildings of soft colors greeted our eyes, Beckoning one inside for toys and treats
Though no other cars appeared, a plane rested upon the shore, the bottom made of glass and with delicate silver handles upon the door
You, Babybear, are the only face I remember clearly,
flying low over the ocean waters, you were sitting on the glass bottom surrounded by soft light
Time seemed to stand still as whales began swimming to you, Up to the window they came, seeking your tiny hands
Your arms stretched out to reach, eagerness filled your eyes, you had the most beautiful smile, and I could feel your joy and excitement
I couldn’t stop watching you, the happiness clearly on your face, and the look in your eyes, forever it was etched into my memory
Under water we flew and into a cavern of brilliant lights we appeared, vivid blues, reds, purples and every color imaginable, were here being cast about, reflecting off the stone
Suddenly, the cavern filled with a multitude of whales, along with their young ones, gracefully gliding by
Through the glass we touched them, trailing fingers along their skin, as if nothing were in between, and Glass no longer appeared
You began floating amidst them, gently carried on invisible currents, Baluga whales began appearing, Dolphins as well
Swimming freely with all of them, you breathed water as if it were air
I was the only one who spoke in this dream, saying Gentle we must be, for if this be a birthing place, mindful these mothers now seem, of this I was sure, for as you are my child, it would be that for me…
You may only be a small child, and though I don’t understand this dream, I will always believe that you are a very special little girl.
Though it is not exactly a Job for a day, I can relate to others in history, specifically the bible, and what work they did. No need to panic! I didn’t say that I could be them for a day, I simply mean that I can relate to them in a way. It’s funny…when I think of relating to the prophets and disciples and servants in the bible, I feel akin to an interesting handful…
Jonah, my man, you and I know about running away…
David, we loved really hard and we fell on our faces really hard too…
Peter, oh Peter, how I never thought that I could deny my God, and then I did…
Job, my brother, how even the strong taste of ash in our mouths could not surpass a grateful heart…
John the Baptist…my kindred spirit perhaps, well, I get why you spoke so intensely to any who were before you. I too struggle to house so much emotion, so much love for God, and so much passion to share with any who would listen…
Maybe I simply relate to John the Baptist’s wild side; the getting in trouble when I talk too much part, or perhaps simply his intensity! Again, it may not be a job I want for the day, and I do not say that I am anything like those souls by comparison, I am just saying that I can relate to them, that’s all!
The sun was out and the church parking lot was rapidly emptying as people headed off to enjoy the day. A small group of us stood in a circle chatting about who knows what, having sent all of our children off to the cars to wait for us to leave.
I remember standing there thinking something was off and I don’t even know why, but I am glad I paused and did a visual check of our suburban. At first, it seemed ok, but as I looked closer I could see my oldest in the front passengers seat with her fingers in her ears saying something. I could not hear obviously, as I was way to far away for that, but my eyes followed from her toward the back where the other two were.
I could not see my middle child and my youngest was face and hand planted to the back window of the suburban, yelling something at us. I dropped whatever was in my arms, hit that gravel at a full sprint, and probably covered the breadth of the parking lot in what seemed like only an instant.
When I yanked the back door open, there sat our middle child on the floor of the suburban, fully the color of a blueberry, and not breathing. In one swift motion, I literally grabbed her by the front of her dress, jerked her full force out the door and smacked her back as hard as I could! Just as I did it, a blue hard candy shot out of her mouth and ricocheted across the parking lot to disappear into the grass.
As I held my child and consoled her, my oldest child was still in the front seat singing to herself with her fingers in her ears and my youngest was TELLING ME OFF!! Oh yes! She gave me an adult version of a lecture for a good five minutes. I was no longer allowed to give them hard candy unattended, and apparently, it was considered very rude that they had to wait in the car. Point taken little lady!
Journey With Me! 