I am loud and proud… and you can easily compare me to a combination of a Chatty Kathy Doll and a Loud Mouth Frog!
Meaning, I do not need a microphone at Karaoke, and I can work a room like a professional politician if I must. But, if I could wish for anything, I would want to be a teddy bear… a big squishy one, that you have to win at the fair.
I would be so cute, you would not care that I never stop talking…
You can just put me in your entryway, so that every time someone comes to visit you, they only have to poke me and I will start talking about random things… see, it’s a win win…
I don’t even care about dinosaurs much, but the prompt instantly sent my brain to Triceratops.
When I was a child, I read a book called The Enormous Egg, and subsequently wasted a dozen of my mothers eggs, attempting to hatch baby dinosaurs. In vain, I nested those silly eggs… hoping to become the Mother of Dragons, I guess. All I ended up with was an awful mess in the garage, and extra dishes for 2 weeks as a punishment for taking the eggs.
From there it was downhill… a failed swimming monkey kit, broken ant colony kit, those dumb soap on a rope that had a toy dino in the middle, and on and on and on… NO TRICERETOPS! What a rip off!!
Well, I for one, will not let you read my stuff and not leave you with a reward for your efforts…
Though I may be small and seemingly unimportant, by comparison, wasn’t this big ole world created for me to experience?
I think that we all have to stay tiny, so we always see how much has been given to us, and how much much can be done with it, if only we stay the course.
If I am tiny, then I know that He is big… I mean ginormous! I see all that He made, all that has been done for little ole me. For some crazy reason, the God of ages, maker of the worlds, creator of all life chose to favor me…
He walks with me, when I am alone
He makes a way, when I am lost
He gives light, when I cannot see
He sought me out, and set me apart…
I totally get it, why Paul talked about feeling compelled to share in Christs sufferings, to be a testimony perhaps. I guess that is why I share so much of my heart with others… my heart is not my own, and it is not so tiny, at all.
If I think about it, my heart is much bigger than my feeling tiny, so I guess this is how it is supposed to be, yes that’s me…
Tiny Big Heart… maybe I should try to get my name changed, Nah…
As I am ready to go home… I simply have no where on the globe that I desire to fly to, in part because I’ve done my fair share of traveling, and I’m tired. Rather than bum you out, by telling you the many other reasons I choose to stay home, I will only say that I feel comfortable right where I am.
Besides, I am going off to slay goblins and orcs, and I can do that from my chair. Funny thing is, I feel more confident in my little half-elf’s sense of adventure, than my own, when it comes to traveling.
And that ladies and gents is why I said, To the Trees… My toon lives in the forest of a great wood, and just to be clear here, I have no intention of giving you my address… its hidden, silly, I am an elf… Duh…
As we all know, I don’t do well with short answers… in honesty, they are no fun!
My memory pulls me back to my childhood, to a time when my Nana was alive. Nana was the only one to ever call me Antonia, most likely in protest over my parents laziness when I was born a girl. They expected a boy when they chose Toni Rae, but got me instead, and just stuck with the same name. But alas, this memory is too far back, nor was that name technically a nickname, so I will move ahead in time…
My children were sleeping, as well as my ex husband, so what does an overworked and underpaid mom do for fun, I took it upon myself to have a couple glasses of wine. The house was quiet, and I had the office to myself, so off I went to the World Wide Web. Alcohol does funny things to a person…
There I was, at two in the morning, heavily under the influence… don’t judge… Alcohol gives confidence and courage, but not always wise choices, so consider us all lucky that this is the only thing I got up to in the middle of the night!
So anyway, as I was perusing the internet, I came up with this hairbrained idea, to find a really cool game handle. I loved video games, especially the mmorpg ones, and everyone had awesome names for their in-game characters, or toons. I was in search of The One, if you will, game name wise…
Stumbling upon those name generating search engines, I began to look for a Native American word or name, that I could assign myself since nobody else ever wanted to do. Yes I think I am maybe Native American, and no, I did not make any valid name choice for this girl from the wilderness. Remember, wine was involved, so I make no valid claim to the name I settled on. I finally found a site that was pretty cool, in that it gave really decent explanations for the meaning and spelling/pronunciation. I came to this…
WIWOHKA – roaring, raging water…
In honesty, I cannot remember the rest of the definition, and highly doubt that it would do me any good now. For whatever the reason, the name stuck, and I have used it now for over 20 years…
Funny thing, my husband and I looked the name up once, and aside from the definition not being there anymore, we did discover a long lost Indian Tribe located somewhere near the great lakes, and they were called the Wiwohka Tribe… I can aspire!
Don’t pop my bubble by saying I am full of it… I know that I am, but where is the fun in having a really cool nickname, if there was not an amazing story behind it… I am proud of my name, even it only means that I talk a lot, and am such a cry baby that everybody gets wet when I am around! At least, maybe, you will remember me from either laughing or crying…
I was going back through some of the things I first wrote when beginning this blog back in 2016… It is such a strange feeling when you read something you yourself have written, and recognize some but not all of it. So much has changed in and around my life since that time…
Thought I would share and see what your take is…
2016
“Bless the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits: who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with loving kindness and tender mercies.” Psalms 103:2-4
It is so easy to feel sorry for myself and look at how crappy and miserable my situation is. Thinking on all the things I do not have fills my heart and mind with a desire to just quit trying, quit praying, and wait for the next punch in the face that life seems to keep offering.
After sitting a good while in my puddle of self-pity and loathing, I hear a soft whisper… just a whisper, and it causes me to look up and see what’s interrupting my childish fit…
I look back down at myself to get back to my wallowing, and I hear it again…a gentle breeze floats across my face, cool and fragrant. How can I feel sorry for myself with these constant interruptions…
It’s not my fault that my life is so miserable, I deserve so much better, how come everyone else has so much more than I do…”My Child”…there it is again, that whisper…
“Am I not enough for you”?
There it is, that one thing that makes sense to me…
When my time on earth is over, am I gonna pack up all my things to drag them up to heaven with me? I realize that all the things I thought were so important will simply fall to dust when I am called home. What will remain are the choices I made with what was given to me. I was given six beautiful children, and to date 3 grandbabies with a fourth almost here, and a loving husband and his family. I realize that when I am so busy looking at myself and what I don’t have, I am missing all of the good things right in front of me. God is right there before me, holding out His hand to lift me up and carry me through troubled waters.
He loves me, comforts me, laughs with me, and cries with me. When I look to the Father, who pursues me always, I remember His truths, and His promises to me, His child, and I can see clearly all of the times He has worked mightily in my life. Now I can answer back to Him…yes Lord, You are enough for me…
I am fairly certain that I can use Farm Fresh both for my health maintenance, and my well-being. I am a country girl, born and bred, so I started my life in a garden… my mothers garden, to be exact. Though I have few good memories of my parents, I do fondly remember her love for gardening and canning. Long hours were spent in orchards and fields in the nearby valley, gathering flats of seasonal produce, sold by the pound.
I can actually remember pulling up raw onions and carrots from the ground, while I was still toddling around in diapers. I fondly recall a time where I was standing by the kitchen sink, ladling out cream from a giant glass jar, delicately replacing the foil cover and rubber band that held it in place. I know, it is a strange memory to be bringing me good vibes, but well, there it is…
It’s funny how we start out in life, with a set of basic habits that set the path for our future, and we find out years later, we are back in the car again. Never fear though… As the guy says to the kid in Jurassic Park, at least we are not in the tree anymore!
What I mean is, I was born and raised on a farm, eating raw fresh and frozen, for the most part… I also spent my days out riding horses and bikes, camping, hunting, hiking, fishing, and the like… nature if you will. Years later, I am back in relatively the same place.
Obviously, time changes and moves forward, pushing us out into the world. That is where things can go way off keel for most of society… overworked, underpaid, grocery stores filled with ridiculously high prices for basic needs, and cheap prices for preserved garbage… You can do the math on what we choose to do with a dollar, when we know there may not be another one forthcoming. For most of us, we simply choose to eat the crappy stuff, cause it is cheap, and let’s admit it… it is easier to microwave a burrito, than to get the pan and ingredients out, and prepare it from scratch.
I am hoping that you are beginning to see, not only the nutritional changes occurring over time, but also the mental well-being part. I am in my 50’s with at least 2 major health conditions, and it was not until my world fell apart and I had to cold turkey my own prescription detox program, and learn how to do survival Old School.
All I can say, is that I went back to the farm… no, not a crazy farm… ha ha… very funny. I know you were thinking it, I just thought I would call it out!
What I mean is, I literally went back to doing what I did as a child. Raw, Fresh, Frozen… for the most part. I also walk nearly every day, either in my favorite local park, or along the nearby river. While I do believe in science and medicine, for me, it has not worked. Point in fact, all the medications I was given left me completely incapable of taking pills without great side effects. That means ALL pills, even things like supplements and Ibuprofen.
Never fear, however, because I take gummies for all my vitamin and supplement needs. I love the fact that I can eat candy at 6 am in the morning, and there is nothing you can do about it, HA!
So, I am not sure if you want to call this a strategy, or simply self-preservation… I leave it to you. And, in honor of todays prompt, I will select a healthy treat from the country, enjoy…
Welcome, fellow adventurers, I cannot express enough how pleased I am at seeing each and every one of your eager faces… though I do note a bit of apprehension in some of your expressions, as to what lies ahead. So, at the gentle encouragement of the One sending us forth, I will briefly share with you the underlying truth of our journey. Gather around the fire and enjoy the refreshments left there for you, while I share what was given to me…
Underneath the adventure we are about to embark on, the quest will be a biblical journey of discovering who we are in Christ, and the truth of this adventure is to let go of our fear of the unknown. Peace! Peace that passeth all understanding! The journey is not about the destination, but rather about all those seeking to rally around, accept and protect the Gift!
Have we not all, at one time or another, been runners…running away from that which we know is truly good, simple and right…but are so afraid to step out and accept a gift. What if it really isn’t free after all? What if it might be taken away. Perhaps we will want to put the gift back, fearing painful rejection or judgement, or possibly abandonment. In the spirit of love, I am going to make this so-called adventurous journey with you, using my own truths without fear nor worry, for I have been in the shoes of many and am choosing to discover the truth of actually, really truly, accepting the gift of peace, having survived thus far…
I want you to remember a very important truth and that is me… I am no different from those who join me… I have not figured it all out… I find myself just now emerging into a beautiful place of peace, in a world that may not ever find it! I am discovering, perhaps as you are, that I have been looking in all the wrong places. When I heard His call for aid, I rose in FAITH and will now venture forth on this quest, if you will, and for all we know, this is all about teaching Me not you, but we will see…
While I waited for all of you to arrive, I sat for a time in the darkness, considering the unknowns of the journey ahead of us all… quite honestly, I have been here waiting for several days with no word, as to which path to take once we reach the forest ahead. I finally discovered, if I simply wait for the correct timing, clarity always wins out.
I was sitting here by the fire, planning to tell you all that I had no clue yet what to do, when I had kind of a waking dream, don’t judge… I have been sitting here all night, so it is very likely that I dozed off and actually dreamt this, so there is that…
We were walking along that path over there, the one you arrived on just now. Anyways, we headed off down that path and were heading towards the forest, just beyond that distant meadow. As we drew near to a junction in the path, we noticed that one way led off to the right and down the hill to a coastal village (the very place we are destined); the second path headed in the opposite direction and into the mountains.
In the dream, I asked you all to follow me to the mountain path… I explained to you the importance of the journey and that we would, indeed, see the village in the end, but there was still much to be done. I am happy to report that in the dream, everyone wholeheartedly followed along, and we disappeared into the forest. As we walked down the path, I could hear the gentle murmurs from within the group, as everyone began getting to know one another.
Suddenly, the path came to an abrupt end, before a great oak tree. The path seemed to split in multiple directions, each leading to a different part of the woods ahead. Resting underneath the tree lies an old broken down wagon missing a wheel. At the back of the cart is an enormous crate, balancing precariously near the edge. I also remember seeing a note resting upon the crate, illuminated by a nearby Lamppost! I believe we are meant to find that wagon and read the note… other than that, I do not remember anything else.
So, if everyone feels up to the task, please join me as we begin…
Journey With Me! 