Episode 6   

Life 101

Have you ever tried to bake something you were so looking forward to, but by the end of the process, it turned out to be a train wreck?  Perhaps you made a small miscalculation, starting the downward spiral? In an attempt to correct the error, you went too far trying to fix things, enabling you to make a bigger mess of things?

 In the beginning of my baking days, instead of starting fresh, I would simply continue trying to salvage my bake, stubbornly refusing to give up on the desired end result.  This always ended in the same fashion.  I would either serve something tasting of death, or it would be so burnt and hard that it was unedible.

 In time, and after learning things the hard way, I decided to take a class that taught me how to read instructions properly. I also began giving myself permission to say “Throw it out and start again”.   Today, I am pretty decent in the kitchen, because I took time to learn and practice the skills needed for a successful bake. 

If only life were so easy to study, master, and get a 4.0 grade point average in, I would enroll as a full-time student!  The tools are definitely available, but with only limited instructions for use, as well as a very large warning label.  The cost of said educational textbooks is beyond affordable for most, and the instructors that are attempting to teach these classes, do not even have the answer key!  They are guessing just like the rest of us!

**I pray that you are following me in a hypothetical capacity.  I am in no way speaking of our actual educational system.  Sometimes it is simply easier for me to give you, my reader, a visual of my idea or perspective, if you will. **

As I have recently begun Investigating Truths about myself, something came to my attention.  In looking back over my life and my walk with God, I have become aware that I really dislike praying for myself!  Oh, I love praying!  I am in prayer with God constantly, as he is my closest ally.  But, as I look back through my journals, that I have written in all my life, I noticed a glaring imbalance in my prayers.  When I pray for others, whether they be friend or foe, it is with passion and an all-in capacity of faith!  On the contrary, in my prayers for self, it looks quite pitiful.  My prayers for myself read as if I were a teacher at the end of a very long day, whose students required every ounce of her energy, having to say something positive to yet another parent.  I had simply been throwing out feeble, half exhausted prayers that I really didn’t expect God to fulfill anyway.    

In case this is the first thing you have ever seen of my work, I often like to remind my readers that even though I am a mature Christian, and have been since I was 18, I still struggle with simple things at times.  The reason I do this is to invite you to relate with me on this journey of GROWTH!  I want to walk beside you as I share, not as a teacher, but as a fellow student in life.  I am in my 50’s and I am nowhere near done growing and learning. 

I suppose the reason I am outing myself in front of you, is a way for me to look at myself truthfully, yet lovingly enough for healthy growth.  I have a tendency to be less than forgiving with numero uno. 

As I am on a journey for truthful growth, I am choosing to learn how to look at myself more graciously (throw out the batter, and start over), instead of continuing to overcompensate (making small miscalculations, going too far trying to fix things, and making a bigger mess than before).

I am charging myself to see the lovely child that God sees, and pray with a heart that loves myself as He does; prayerfully seeking the gifts He so lovingly offers me each and every day! 

**Note to Self – Out with the batter, and in with the Truth!